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KATANA: Chapter 2



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Gender: Male
Points: 908
Reviews: 4
Sat Nov 12, 2011 10:47 pm
specsbroodking says...



It had been two months since Shawn had been captured and forced into submission by the ruthless organization he now knew as KATANA. Now he sat meditating on past events. Memories swirled around in his head. Katherine’s supposed death, his capture, his reunion with Katherine. But the thing he most thought of was escape. Escape from the compound, escape from KATANA, and escape from anything that tied him to it. The only thing keeping him there was, of course, Katherine. About three weeks ago, he had tried to escape with Katherine, but she had gotten captured and he was told that if he refused to comeback, she would be killed. He relented, and she lived, if only for another day.
He was interrupted by Katherine, who was bringing him lunch. “Shawn, I brought you a sandwich.” she said. He gratefully accepted it. “What, nothing?” she said. “Your wife takes time out of her day to fix you a sandwich, and you don’t even give her a thank you?”
“Sorry, dear. I’m just thinking.” he said.
“You aren’t planning to escape again are you? I can’t take my life constantly being put in jeopardy.”
“No, nothing like that. Just thinking on the past is all.” he said. “Good. I need to go do some laundry.” She leaned down to give him a kiss and walked off.
Shawn tried to resume meditating, but found he was restless. He got up to go in search of his wife. When he got to their room, however, she wasn’t anywhere to be seen. “Katherine?” There was no answer. Suddenly, he heard her laughter down the hall. He walked out, trying to pinpoint the source of the sound. Then he heard her talking. He found it came from a brown door, emblazoned with the number “417”. He walked up to the door, but was about to walk away when he heard Ani, the woman he first talked to when he got to the compound say “Status report.”
“He still thinks I’m cute and innocent. He apologizes about everything, and even tries to hide that he isn’t trying to escape again. He has no idea what I’m up to.”
“Good. Keep me informed.” Shawn heard footsteps coming towards the door and quickly hid behind where the door would open. Luckily, the women walked the other way. Shawn let the door close. As he did so, his face twisted into a look of rage. He trusted Katherine, gave up his life for her, and this is what she did? He decided not to tell Katherine what he knew. He had to escape, and it had to be tonight.
Later that night, he was still awake, waiting for Katherine to fall asleep. Then, when she did, he crept out of bed and grabbed a black duffel bag from the closet and opened the door. He silently walked into the hallway. Out of the bag, he grabbed a smoker he had swiped from the beekeeper’s house earlier that day. He opened it, and let the smoke pour out. He then set the canister on the ground and out of his bag pulled a gas mask and ski goggles and put them on. He checked on the progress of his plan. The smoke was still pouring out. What he could see now was the lasers. If he crossed one of those, turrets would come done from the ceiling and pump him full of lead. He carefully twisted and turned his way through them.
Now, on to the main lobby. The only thing that stood between Shawn and freedom now was those guards. The guards were highly trained and would shoot him on sight. When he crossed into the main lobby, he quickly ran into a dark corner. He then pulled a rope with a hook on the end from the bag. He threw it around an awning, checked that it was tight, and shimmied up. The guards, their attention turned toward the front door, didn’t see him. He leapt to the ground, careful not to make any noise, and started walking out into the sand.
The next morning, Katherine woke up and was surprised not to see Shawn. She quickly ran down the hallway and breathlessly said “Shawn is gone!”
Ani looked at her and calmly said “Prepare the KATANAbots.”
Last edited by specsbroodking on Sat Dec 17, 2011 2:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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240 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 42906
Reviews: 240
Sun Nov 13, 2011 6:56 pm
Kaedee says...



Hey specs!

I like the story idea so far. It's promising, and interesting. You seem to have a solid plot developed too, which is great. But, the main problem in this, is that it's all a bit too rushed.

What is Katana, exactly? We still know pretty much nothing about it, other than it being some "evil" organization in Japan that is "out to kill everybody". What is Shawn's life like in Katana? He wants to escape, but why? What, exactly, is so bad about it? From what you've written, he doesn't have any really good reason to hate it, other than them forcing to be part of it. What is his part in Katana? I have questions, which is good, but right now I have too many. :D

The readers need more details. You need to explain more about what's going on in the story in order for me to get into it. But, don't tell, show. For example:

specsbroodking wrote:It had been two months since Shawn had been captured and forced into submission by the ruthless organization he now knew as KATANA. Now he sat meditating on past events. Memories swirled around in his head. Katherine’s supposed death, his capture, his reunion with Katherine. But the thing he most thought of was escape. Escape from the compound, escape from KATANA, and escape from anything that tied him to it. The only thing keeping him there was, of course, Katherine. About three weeks ago, he had tried to escape with Katherine, but she had gotten captured and he was told that if he refused to comeback, she would be killed. He relented, and she lived, if only for another day.
Information overload! This is boring to read. Why don't you show us all of this (action), instead of summing everything up? I'd like to know more about Katherine, too. What does she look like? What are her personality traits?

Yeah, I know that you probably can't answer all of my questions in one or two chapters. I don't want you to generally rush telling us all this information, either. You should spread some of it out overtime.

Well, I hope I helped. I'm still looking forward to reading more. Keep up the good work-

Kaedee

P.S. If you have any questions or anything, just leave me a message on my wall!
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Gender: Male
Points: 908
Reviews: 4
Mon Nov 14, 2011 12:30 am
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specsbroodking says...



First of all, I want to thank everyone who has bothered to even look at my story. Unfortunately, I may not be posting any more chapters here for a while. Yeah, yeah, I know, you can get points by reviewing, but I honestly don't have time. If you want to read more, you can find all the way up to Chapter 25 here: www.specsbroodking.deviantart.com

If you find the time, read the rest of it and tell me what you think. Thanks!

specsbroodking
  








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