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Young Writers Society


Heroes and Demons (Chapter 1)



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Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:10 pm
Gg127 says...



Derek Munson had always been especially unique. He was, as some people called him, a hero. This is not surprising because not many other fourteen-year-old boys have won special awards for services to the town, or are featured on the front page of the town newspaper, The Lincoln Mariner, nearly three times a month. Just this summer when there was that terrible fire in old Ms. Wilson’s kitchen, Derek ran to the rescue and put the fire out before the whole house could burn down. He got there even before the fire department did. And also, on Halloween night when a group of delinquent teenagers threw rocks and eggs at the Murphy’s new sports car, he caught them in the act and called the Murphy’s before any real damage was done. And another time, when the Gregory’s went on vacation, a burglar came and attempted to rob their house. Derek was there before the police, shackling the man to a chair with some rope before he could lay a finger on the Gregory’s possessions.
He was often asked by interviewers and reporters how he did it, how he knew that there was trouble. He answered the same thing every time—the truth:
“I don’t know how it happens,” he would say with a modest shrug, “It just sort of comes to me. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, or how I’m doing it.” This, as you can imagine, irritated many desperate reporters. Some began to follow him around like a Paparazzi and Derek found himself, more often than not, dodging cameras and newscasters and newspaper journalists. Many people began calling him a meddlesome cheat, toying around with other people’s business without them knowing. Others thought of him as a neglected boy with an uncanny need for attention. But still, there were the kinder types of people who thought of him as a nice boy with a good heart. After all, he certainly was not trying to cause anybody grief. He was not breaking any laws. On the contrary, he was helping the little town of Lincoln become a better place.
Lincoln, Colorado was a small community off of exit twenty-seven on route fifty-four. It was the kind of place where nothing remotely shocking or significant ever occurs. If you drive straight off of exit twenty-seven, then take a left, you will come to the fork in the road. If you choose to go left at the fork, you will find the Sunny Spot Motel on your right, then a McDonalds farther down the road on your left, then a small strip mall at the end. If you go straight at the fork then you would find yourself heading towards a ski resort. And if you go right and drive three miles or so, you will see the small faded sign: Welcome to Lincoln--Population 700.
Derek was just eight when he discovered his unusual talents. He could run much faster than any of the other kids in his gym classes. It was his second grade gym teacher, Mr. Dycas, who was the first to recognize his athletic talents. He even admitted to Derek that he had never seen a boy of his age run that fast. And, he added, smoothing back his gelled gray hair, he had been teaching physical education for over thirty years. In school, Derek was not the brightest of students. He got along fine; however, he found it difficult to sit still. His first grade teacher, Mrs. Hurley, made that quite clear to Derek and his parents. At first, Mr. and Mrs. Munson thought that their son had ADD, but after further research, they realized that he did not show any other signs of it. Even Derek’s doctors did not find it suitable to diagnose him with anything. So, it was assumed that he was merely an energetic boy who could not stop from doing what he loved: running.
Derek ran all the time; after school, before school, at recess. His parents, after hearing about his unusual gift, enrolled him in track and field the in fall he started the third grade. He was ecstatic, the happiest he had been in his life. So happy that he insisted on practicing his sprints outside in his yard the night before the first practice. His mother stood on the back porch, beaming down at him, eyes smiling, her dark hair pulled into a neat bun.
“Watch this, Mom!” Derek yelled happily.
“I’m coming!” his mom shouted back, walking outside from the kitchen after finishing the dishes. “Okay,” she said leaning against the rail intently, “Now I’m watching.” But, once he made it half way across the yard, the smile was wiped off her face instantly, and the happiness drained from her eyes. She had always known her boy was different. He had found his gift early in life. He was an outstanding runner. But this—no, this wasn’t a gift. This almost wasn’t—she hated to say it—human. How can someone run so fast that you can’t even see his legs move? It just did not seem possible.
“How was that, Mom?” Derek asked a second later, looking very impressed with himself.
“That was…that was great, honey…really!” But, even Derek could tell that something was wrong. He could always tell how people were feeling. He watched, confused, as his mom turned slowly and walked back inside.
Later that night, Derek searched in his room frantically for his new, crimson “Lincoln Track and Field” uniform. He was about to go across the hall and ask his mother where it was…until he heard whispering coming from their room. This was not uncommon and he knew they were whispering about him. But, all the same, he decided to stop and listen.
“How can you be sure, Rowina?” he heard his father’s deep voice say. “He’s just incredibly talented.” Derek was flattered that his father would think of him that way. Coming from him, that was a huge complement.
“Chris, I know what I saw and I was scared. It was inhuman. I don’t even think the fastest runner in the world could have run that fast. It was like… a flash. I could barely see him.”
“Seriously, Rowina? Don’t even start,” they were not whispering anymore. “How do you know what professional runners look like when they sprint? And besides—”
“I may not know the first thing about professional running, Chris. But any fool could have seen it and said the same thing.”
“But his P.E. teacher…Dycas, is it? How come he’s never seen anything weird like that? He just thinks that our boy has talent. He would have told us if he thought something strange was going on.” Mrs. Munson sighed, but Mr. Munson kept talking, “You were imagining this, honey, it was dark outside.”
“I don’t think he should run tomorrow.”
“What? Rowina, c’mon!”
“You know what, Chris? See for yourself. Tomorrow morning, ask him to run for you. He’d love that. He needs to know you care about his interests, anyway. I mean you never spend time with him—”
“That is beside the point!” his father interrupted angrily. His mother sighed again. A long, frustrated sigh.
“Then see for yourself. I don’t know what this is but I know that it isn’t normal.”
  





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33 Reviews



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Points: 1262
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Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:24 pm
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Gg127 says...



This is a great start to a novel. I really liked it. However, it was slow to start, so you might want to have a more intriguing first paragraph.
  





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Sun Nov 06, 2011 5:43 pm
Audrey718 says...



Hooked. As simple as that one word: hooked. This is a wonderful start. There weren't any really noticable grammarical errors, and it was so interesting and wonderful to read! I will be waiting for Chapter 2! You have such a talent for writing!
Great Job!
Audrey
Noble Strength
  





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33 Reviews



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Points: 1262
Reviews: 33
Sun Nov 06, 2011 6:17 pm
Gg127 says...



Thank you! Im working on the chapter 2 now. It should be up by next week. Still not sure about the plot and where it's gonna go from here, but im working on it
  





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Mon Nov 07, 2011 1:54 am
SlyNightOwl says...



<3333 I LOVE your characters! They have personality, and react differently, and their words don't seem forced. It flows. Their words are natural and I could picture every conversation. I'm curious to know what happens next so I look forward to your next weeks post. Like the first reviewer, I didn't find any grammatical errors, just try not to use the word And and But too many times as a sentence beginner — I tend to do that a lot and it's a pain to go back and edit them out and finding news ways to reword everything. Anyway, really interesting(:
Rah, rah, ree, kick em' in the knee. Rah, rah, rass, em' in the... OTHER KNEE!
  





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Mon Nov 07, 2011 4:46 pm
JayGarrett12 says...



Wow its amazing. The characters and the storyline are like those of a real novel. Any pointers for a novice like me? R u n the process of writing the 2nd chapter i cant wait 2 read wat happens next.
  





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Tue Nov 08, 2011 2:30 am
Amarina says...



It's really interesting and the idea is really good but i have to agree that the very beginning needs something to really capture your reader's attention and get them interested in reading the rest. Otherwise, it's a really good start to a story. :)
  





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Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:37 pm
ArahAkachi1 says...



Really interesting, I agree with the others, relook at the beginning
Writing your name can lead to writing sentences. And then the next thing you'll be doing is writing paragraphs, and then books. And then you'll be in as much trouble as I am!
  





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Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:51 pm
AlfonsoFernandez says...



It is awesome. I liked the first paragraph, then it didn't really catch me the next few paragraphs, and then it hooked me again. Although I think you made a mistake when you wrote "complement".I think you mean to say "compliment"? Other than that, it was really good and I'd like to see what happens next. =D
"True glory consists in doing what deserves to be written; in writing what deserves to be read."
- Pliny the Elder

[insert inspiring quote]
  





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Thu Nov 24, 2011 6:03 pm
Benrobertringrose says...



Hello,

I have to say everyone likes this sort of character, deep down we all wish we were a bit more like him! For me personally I see a lot of potential in this story. A good solid start, well done! I look forward to reading more.

Ben
  








If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
— Henry David Thoreau, "Walden"