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Young Writers Society


The Escape of Adam Seth



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Gender: Male
Points: 1152
Reviews: 5
Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:42 pm
IsaacBarlow says...



"Get him! Get him!" Commanded Carlisle. The young man fled with agility, turning corners faster than the soldiers could hope. He was a fast runner, but there was no possible way he could outrun Carlisle's steed. The hooves of his grey horse clapped against the cobblestone. With his sword drawn, Carlisle led the charge to claim the life of this despicable criminal. *****



Adam ran into the forest, hoping for a terrain in which he may contain himself. Arrows whizzed by his ears and the soldiers were mere yards behind him. "That's it! We've got him now!" Cried that insufferable Captain. Adam could just see that smug look on his face. Determined to prevent his own capture, Adam ran even harder. But what had that Captain meant? How did they have him? The question had hardly crossed Adam's mind before the answer appeared in front of him.
A twenty-foot deep gorge appeared before him, a thunderous river crashing angrily at the bottom. Adam studied the distance for a moment, could he jump it? He'd have to try, because time was out, the men and their dogs were at his heels. He took two steps back, and mustered all the courage he had.
Finally, picturing the look on the captain's face when he escaped, Adam ran and leapt across the gorge. He didn't make it. Grabbing a hand full of grass, Adam hung over the river. The soldiers stopped at the edge of the gorge and the captain dismounted. The roar of twenty men’s laughter echoed through the forest. Each soldier pointed and taunted Adam, dangling over his death, with only a handful of grass to keep him from plunging into the water. "Well boys, I'd say this nobody ought to be an easy shot." Said the Captain. The soldiers roared with laughter again. Adam studied everything around him, hoping for a way out of his situation...
The Captain snapped his fingers and a tall gangly man presented him with a short bow and a quiver of arrows. The Captain prepared an arrow and aimed carefully. Thinking quickly, Adam looked down at the river. 'A little water never hurt anyone...' he thought, and he let go. He didn't fall. His sleeve caught on a root protruding from the wall of the gorge and cut his escape short. This earned him another round of laughter from the smug soldiers. "Nice try..." Said the Captain, "But nobody escapes Captain Norman Carlisle!"
"Didn't you say I was nobody?" Adam returned. Carlisle could hardly raise his brow at the comment before Adam pulled off his maneuver. With the greatest speed, Adam drew his long black-bladed knife and cut the root on which his sleeve was snagged. Adrenaline rushed through his veins as he plunged downward and collided with the icy water. *****


Carlisle's screams poured through the forest outside the small village, a choir of bows sang as they released their arrows, and dozens of clicks were emitted as the arrows impaled the wall of the gorge. "Damn you!" Carlisle screamed in anger. The young man sped down the river with the current, his body flailing like a ragdoll. Before long, he was out of sight. Garth, a tall pale man that served as Carlisle's second-in-command stepped forward and saluted his captain, but Carlisle paid him no attention. 'What a simpleton...' Carlisle thought. 'If the jagged rocks don't kill him, the current will!'
"What are your orders sir?" Asked Garth. Carlisle just stared after the idiotic young man who had dared make a fool of him. His black hair was damp with sweat, which was beginning to make him cold in the aging evening air. "It's going to be cold tonight..." Thought Carlisle aloud. Garth glanced down at the river. "Yes sir, I suppose it is." He agreed. Carlisle's lip curled in a victorious smile. "Comb the shore of the river. You'll find his frozen body down their somewhere."

To Be Continued...
Last edited by IsaacBarlow on Tue Nov 29, 2011 5:32 pm, edited 4 times in total.
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 1140
Reviews: 6
Wed Nov 02, 2011 3:46 am
camronmarshall says...



hmm, not bad. Not bad at all. It wasn't good either. In fact, it's to early to tell because this is so short.
  





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197 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1355
Reviews: 197
Wed Nov 02, 2011 12:43 pm
olivia1987uk says...



I get the feeling that this hasn't been proof read. Silly spelling mistakes and whatever make it really difficult to give a blow by blow review as I feel I'd be patronising you and it'd be a waste of time as you could do it yourself. You mention that its an upoming novel. Is this all you have written of it? Do you have a set plot line? It didn't feel like it. I almost felt awkward reading it, constantly looking for a reason to keep reading...
Olivia
xxx
If you wake up in the morning and all you can think of is writing, then you're a writer...
  





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6 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1036
Reviews: 6
Sat Nov 19, 2011 12:09 am
spyritsentry says...



It was an interesting story. I enjoyed reading it. THe spelling mistakes were simple and I don't focus much on them (plus to me they don't bother the story that much since i'm a horrible speller myself). The hook was great, it instaintly atracted me to the story. I hated the cliff hanger (which me saying that as a reader is a great thing on your part). Don't leave me hanging I hope to see part two from you.
  





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7 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 806
Reviews: 7
Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:08 pm
CharityDawn says...



Gosh Zeke,
Those first two reviews were harsh and even cruel. It isn't meant to be a short story, just a preview of a story you're working on. So, I totally disagree with the first two reviews. You had a few misspellings and grammar mistakes, but this site isn't for the perfect. It's a site for progression. I'd say, for your first post, this is amazing. It had me reading ahead of myself, and wanting to know what was coming next. I love the set up, and I think that if you proof-read over it again, you could make it run a lot smoother. I definitely want to hear the rest of the story! I love the part where Adam is hanging from the cliff and says "I thought you said I was Nobody". It adds a sort of reckless humor to the character. It's sweet, and I think you should add a little more of that throughout the story. If you make the character better, it will leave a lasting impression on the reader, it will make more of an effect on the reader. Especially on the last part where the Commander talks of combing Adam's cold body from the river.
Powerful stuff, lots of potential!
I hope I see more posts from you, young man!
*we wear our scarves just like a noose,
but not 'cause we want eternal sleep.*
  








Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
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