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Like a Phoenix, She Rises



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Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:08 pm
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Disenchanted says...



Prologue

Crack. It was impossible to tell whether that sound was my fist or the wall. I've been at it for hours. Punch, breathe, pause, and punch again. A repeating cycle that has been continuous for the past six hours. Sweat pours down my face as my eyebrows crease together and my knuckle aches. The all too familiar sensation of pain swims around me, enveloping me in my own suffocating misery. But still I fight. I fight against the concrete walls surrounding me in a tight enclosure that is nearly impossible to escape. I fight against the voice in my head, admitting defeat and encouraging death. But most of all- I fight for him.
My right fist slams into the slab of concrete yet again, gaining no effect as usual. Sticky, red liquid flows down my already blood stained knuckles. I stretch each finger out painfully and wince. My situation seems hopeless, it seems. But I'll find a way. Don't I always?
The room I had been thrown into seems to spin. My claustrophobia doesn't help. They put me in here. They took him. He, who was the most important in my entire life. They want me dead. I want them to die as well. Around me are dull, gray walls, defending me from the world. And defending the world from me.
There is no space. Just a small area for me to sit upon. The concrete surrounding me is so close, I can't breathe without the carbon-dioxide bouncing back to me. Choking me. The walls climb as high as the jungle canopies and the top is covered with a thick iron cage. There is no escape. Wait. There is but one. Death.
Crack. Now I'm sure of it. That was my fist, already broken and now messed up even more. It hurts. Almost unbearable. Almost. But I feel no pain anymore. Well, psychical pain that is. Deep inside, I'm conflicted, stressed. My heart that has been shattered a million times and pieced together with duct tape is so fragile that I fear if I take the deepest of breaths, I would shatter as well. My name was Carter D'Haviland. I used to be a proud young girl. Pride was my best friend. I thought we could take on the world together. Instead, Pride betrayed me. And created a monster. I lost everything and everyone. Including myself.
My name was Carter D'Haviland. Carter is no more, having already wreaked ENOUGH havoc during her short life span. Only Revenge stands in her wake. Only Revenge can save me.

To be continued...?
Last edited by Disenchanted on Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light."
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay... It's not the end."
  





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46 Reviews



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Reviews: 46
Wed Oct 12, 2011 1:09 am
Silverdragon150 says...



8D I remember this! It's still so awesome! Especially since I actually know what it's getting into. Darn, I'm gonna need a new nickname to call you... I loved reading it this time just as much as last time- to see what's actually going on inside her head, to hear what's really happening, and the figurative language and imagery you use- I enjoy it greatly. Now, I want to see what happens next, my friend. Keep writing!
something something dragons something something open to conversation
Been quiet for a couple years, we'll see how this one goes.
  





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Thu Oct 13, 2011 12:13 am
Adderstreaks says...



... Don't listen to "The Ghost of You" when reading this piece...

Anyways, to the reviewing! It's very intriguing and I'm curious to learn who this 'him' is. Not who I think it is, anyways xD. Being the Grammar Nazi I am, I did notice a few grammatical mistakes here and there.

Well, psychical pain that is
'Physical' or 'Psychological' ?

I saw another one but my eyes fail to find it. Anywho, great job and keep writing! I wish to see what happens to Sh- er.. Carter! I love how descriptive you were with the Figurative Language and Imagery... a lot...
  





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Thu Oct 27, 2011 12:39 pm
djwicca says...



Wow that was amazing! people are over my shoulder right now and we all agree! contuine it please! I ( we ) must have more!
We are all like Graffias. The taller we get, the closer to the leaves we want :)
  





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Sun Oct 30, 2011 4:11 pm
Nightgoddess says...



this was the best story I've read in a long time. i haven't that much interest in a story since last year in March.
I am the pheonix bird
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Sun Oct 30, 2011 4:54 pm
penguinduan1 says...



it's been more than a year since i've been on yws and I come back to a wonderfully developed and very, uh, good (?) story. please please please continue!
ALL HAIL ATHENA!

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Sun Nov 06, 2011 9:53 am
Tatu says...



Wow that is one of the best pieces i have read in a LONG time, i would really like to see a continuation of this. :)
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- Joseph Joubert
  





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12 Reviews



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Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:33 am
Ghost42 says...



I liked it alot. There was good description, I could almost see what Carter was seeing, though I'm half glad I couldn't literally feel what she did. As far as I could tell there were no punctuation or spelling mistakes. There is not really anything I didn't like. You should defenitly continue this work, one of my best books started out a little like this, the situation in which you wrote it not the story itself. With a little work this could very well be one of the best books I've read in a long, long time. Keep it up for sure, I'd love to see more of this!
If there is one thing I never go anywhere without, it's my pencil.
Another thing, if schools don't allow wepons, then why do they allow pens? Because, if the pen is mighter than the sword, doesn't that mean the pen is a wepon too?
  





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Sat Dec 03, 2011 12:54 am
scifyfantacywriter01 says...



This is a cool piece. But where is this guy? Why is he trying to smash a concrete wall with is bare hands? It needs some bachground. Who is they? Who did they take? Simple stuff. Another thing is at the beginning. Everyone has more then one knuckle. So it should be "...crease together and my knuckles ache." Also, when you put the "crack" put a "!" in there. Makes it sould like it's a big "Crack!" Other then that it sounds good. If your a novel kind of person you should use this.
When people think of beauty, they think of bright colors, purity, or goodness. When I think of beauty, I think of the darkness. Beauty has a dark side, and I like it. Light is pretty but darkness is passionate, sinister, and sexy as hell.
  








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