Young Writers Society

Eh it was alright, kind of just waided through it. Felt borderline too descriptive.

Look at post below this one.

CSheperd wrote:Eh it was alright, kind of just waided through it. Felt borderline too descriptive.

*all right. Sorry, just had to correct you! Alright isn't accepted like altogether is. *It felt borderline too descriptive. <-- Not a complete sentence. But don't feel bad! Now you know!

writeswiththunder wrote:

CSheperd wrote:Eh it was alright, kind of just waided through it. Felt borderline too descriptive.

*all right. Sorry, just had to correct you! Alright isn't accepted like altogether is. *It felt borderline too descriptive. <-- Not a complete sentence. But don't feel bad! Now you know!

First - reviewing a review? Not classy.
Second - don't be so paranoid, nobody is going to steal your story, you aren't Stephen King. I can't really give you specific pointers because I can't quote anything, so I'll give you an umbrella review.

Let me start off by saying it was good.

But, at times the description is too forced. You have moments of brilliance, but also moments that make my eyes roll. Sometimes it feels as though you're cramming description down the reader's throat. Adjectives are good tools, but when you overuse them, you ruin the effect. I noticed this throughout the entire story. It's nice that you have a lot of description, but use it more to your advantage. For instance, there is not need to call water "liquified ice" or tell us that she has a "pink throat". Sometimes too much description makes it harder to get an image in your head.

Aside from that, you do have a way with words. The story flows nicely from paragraph to paragraph, but the overly descriptive parts are distracting.

The story itself is a bit cliche. I've seen it, read it, heard it before. Your style does give it originality, but not enough that it makes it overly unique. Don't get me wrong, it was a good story, I enjoyed it for the most part and it was written very well. The over-the-top description and cliche plot are what drags it down.

Hope this helped. If you have any questions or any thoughts on the review, feel free to PM me!

confetti wrote:

writeswiththunder wrote:

CSheperd wrote:Eh it was alright, kind of just waided through it. Felt borderline too descriptive.

*all right. Sorry, just had to correct you! Alright isn't accepted like altogether is. *It felt borderline too descriptive. <-- Not a complete sentence. But don't feel bad! Now you know!

First - reviewing a review? Not classy.
Second - don't be so paranoid, nobody is going to steal your story, you aren't Stephen King. I can't really give you specific pointers because I can't quote anything, so I'll give you an umbrella review.

Let me start off by saying it was good.

But, at times the description is too forced. You have moments of brilliance, but also moments that make my eyes roll. Sometimes it feels as though you're cramming description down the reader's throat. Adjectives are good tools, but when you overuse them, you ruin the effect. I noticed this throughout the entire story. It's nice that you have a lot of description, but use it more to your advantage. For instance, there is not need to call water "liquified ice" or tell us that she has a "pink throat". Sometimes too much description makes it harder to get an image in your head.

Aside from that, you do have a way with words. The story flows nicely from paragraph to paragraph, but the overly descriptive parts are distracting.

The story itself is a bit cliche. I've seen it, read it, heard it before. Your style does give it originality, but not enough that it makes it overly unique. Don't get me wrong, it was a good story, I enjoyed it for the most part and it was written very well. The over-the-top description and cliche plot are what drags it down.

Hope this helped. If you have any questions or any thoughts on the review, feel free to PM me!

Thanks for you opinion. But I do have reason's to be paranoid. Just because I am not Stephen King doesn't mean my story doesn't matter if it is stolen. It does matter and that is why I try to prevent it. And I have had people steal my work. Other than that thank you for taking the time to tell me your opinion.