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Young Writers Society


The Chapel



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Gender: Female
Points: 1073
Reviews: 1
Thu Jan 12, 2012 8:59 am
RobyTheGerm says...



He was hearing the divine music from the chapel. It was like God calling for him.
He left the gym quickly putting on his shirt. I guess both the boys and girls were thinking he is hot. But he was not seeing anything, not even the really good looking men in the room. He seemed to be lost, but he was not lost at all. He actually knew everything. He was feeling so pure, so different...He was not him anymore.
As he was running in the crowded city the only thing people could notice was a boy that maybe forgot something home. But he didn't. Probably he forgot something about his own soul.
Maybe if n that moment the rain have started to get him wet head to toe... If only the V-neck T-shirt he was wearing have turned so transparent and tight... He would've probably stopped. He was seeing his reflection in every of the window of every building he was leaving behind while running. Maybe if in that moment there was nothing calling for him in the chapel he would've been full of pride like Lucifer seeing his reflection. But there WAS something. The sound was like he was hearing God. Angelic voices, divine calmness...
He had no time to admire any of the painted glass of the chapel, he only got in. When he entered the room all the people turned around staring, like he was what they were waiting for.like he was the thing they were waiting for.Sick people, sad people, but so pure, needing something but having angelic auras.
His place was not here! He just couldn't do this, all of the people were like waiting for Jesus but asking him for help?! He closed his eyes in only one moment of deep darkness, but after that the only thing he could see was an Electric Chapel. Beautiful boys were paying for their sins at the bar, pop music was blowing up everything, neonic lights, only lasicciviousness and lust.
This is a chapel, people! But what does he have to do? To ignore all the pleasures without making sins or choose what looked like heaven for him? I cannot tell you exactly. I only saw a guy taking him next to all the other sinners, where his pure and shinning soul got lost between bodies, kisses, touchings and pleasure.



Thank you for reading :) All this thing is inspired by Yukio Mishima's Confessions of a mask and Lady Gaga's song Electric Chapel.
Last edited by RobyTheGerm on Fri Jan 13, 2012 5:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
Being different is being real. Being real is being an artist!

I am a Li††le Mons†er! (just saying, J'aime Gagaϟ )
Paws up and lots of love,

♥Roby The Germ
  





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20 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1536
Reviews: 20
Thu Jan 12, 2012 5:31 pm
tanya98 says...



Hi Robythegerm ,
I'll be reviewing your work today and yeah here goes .
1) In the line "He was actually knowing everything" yeah Knowing is a grammatical error it would be "He actually knew everything" .

2)"so different...He was not him anymore." In this line after so different I don't get why you put so many dots you could have put the sentence in two ways they are :
a) "so different , he was not him anymore."
b) "so different . He was not him anymore."

3)You've made the second mistake I've stated above, a lot of times so my one tip would be check or read your before and again after you give it .

Yeah that's it! if you correct your mistakes it will be a really good story .

-Tanya / tanya98

:D
It's not gravity that's tying you to the earth but that one person - Jacob Black
  








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