Young Writers Society

The sound of breaking glass stopped her. Turning around, she gasped in horror.

"What did you do Matt," she squealed. Matthew looked at her, mirroring her look of horror. "Mom's gonna kill us!"

"Lacy, I didn't mean to." Matthew responded, bending down to pick up the pieces. Lacy stormed over and smacked him on the back of the head.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"That!" she said, pointing to the vase.

"I didn't mean to break it!"

"Yeah, well, you did," Lacy retorted. "And now we're both gonna get grounded. I didn't even do anything!"

"Well, maybe mom'll never find out."

"Right, 'cause she won't notice her favorite vase isn't there anymore."

"You never know!" Matthew responded. Lacy glared at him, arms crossed over her chest. The two siblings stared at each other for a while until they heard the front door unlock.

"Tell here!" Lacy hissed.

"No, you tell her." Matt retorted, pushing her closer to the broken vase.

"You!" Lacy yelled.

"No, you!"

"I'm not telling her," Lacy screamed. "You do it!"

"Tell her what?" came a voice from the hall. Lacy and Matt gave each other one last horrified look before their mother walked into the room.

"What did you do Matt," she squealed.

Comma before Matt.

Matthew looked at her, mirroring her look of horror.

You already said look.

"Tell here!" Lacy hissed.

*her

Hello there. I see you have the classic "child broke mother's favorite ____" here. I like your dialogue, you can easily distinguish which character said each line. A story can be just dialogue. You could always just turn this into a lines for a short skit if you wanted. I hope this helped... Happy writing!

Hi there!
Any grammar corrections I would've made have already been mentioned, and I don't have anything to critique. I just wanted to say that this was comical and I was smiling by the end. I like how you have mostly dialogue- and the things being said by your characters was very believable and realistic.
The ending was my favourite
Keep Writing,
-Briggsy

Hey.

A short piece with dialogue is fine if done correctly. This has been done quite well. If but a bit cliche as Crescent has pointed it out.

But there is nothing particularly wrong with this piece but there is nothing really astounding about it either. That's got nothing to do with you, more the plot line. They way you have structured it is very good but I'd suggest weave some uniqueness into an already tried and tested formula of story and you would be onto an absolute winner!

Keep writing!

~ T.K