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Sat Jul 11, 2009 1:44 am
Author-of-15 says...



Hello, I am a 15 year old author attempting to write his first novel. This project was an offspring of extreme bordom one night, and although I always hate writing, it seems to be turning out pretty ok and I am enjoying myself. I am currently on chapter 9, but here is a little peek at chapter 1, tell me what you think!

Chapter 1.
My Favorite One.


Walls, a welcoming warm peach, the first thing I saw after brushing my long wavy brown hair with blonde highlights out of my eyes as I awoke in the strange room. Covered in a thick warm white blanket on a high double mattress bed. Where was I? I don't know. What was I doing here? No idea. How I got here? Again, not sure. Who I was? Nikki, a 17 year old girl born and raised in a small town in New York. Isolated from the world I had never gone more than 4 towns away from Bay Shore, my hometown, well until now.

At first, awaking in a mysterious place I wasn't sure what to do. A few thoughts ran through my mind, first, was I kidnapped and being held hostage, but the room was way to comfortable and inviting for me to have been kidnapped, second, how much did I drink last night, a joke, I don't drink, and third, where was the last place I remember being? I was able to answer that question quickly, I had just gone to bed. I was feeling sick and after barely touching supper I decided to head to sleep. Now remains the next question, what should I do now. In my mind I can conjure up three choices, Number one, get up and see if I can find somebody in this mysterious place who can tell me what happened. Number two, assume I am in danger and try to escape as soon as possible, then find out where I am and how to get back home. Or three, sit here and do nothing.

It was pretty easy to rule out choice number three, I am more of a person to take action rather than sit back. Then thinking about one and two were a little harder. I decided I would be able to escape pretty easily at any time, whether sombody is chasing me with a bat or not, so I might as well give number one a shot, then leave number two as my last resort. It may seem like I have much confidence towards my choice, thats because well, I do. Ever since I was 7 years old I was training to become a Runner, and no, not a regular runner. A runner through the concrete as well as grassy jungles of the world, I guess the proper word for it is Tracuer, but I call myself a runner because "Tracuer" sounds to french for me. Basically what a tracuer does is Parkour, but since that word is also to french sounding for my tastes, what runners do is they run. Runners are trained to get from point A to point B as quickly and smoothly as possible. If that means going over a building instead of around it, or taking the rooftops and trees instead of the crowded streets then so be it.
Ever since I was 12, after 5 years of training at ground level, the rooftops became my home, my roads, my escape routes, but best of all, my entertainment. There is no other feeling like the one when you are soaring through the air from a 4 story building to a 2 story building clearing a 15 foot gap.

I am very good at what I do, but there are more runners though none like me, or so I thought. There are proffesional runners, and amatures that are stronger, faster, and more skillful than I am by far but, there is something I have that they don't. Courage. The proffesionals and amatures that I know or have seen all spend a little while looking at the jump or climb or fall, whatever is in front of them, before going. I, on the other hand, taught myself to bite my lip and just go without planning it out. More dangerous, yes, more useful, yes. What is the point of devoting your life to a skill thats meaning is to get you from point A to point B as quickly and smoothly as possible if you spend 15 minutes staring at the course planning it out.

After pulling the thick blanket off of me, I was shocked to see that I wasn't wearing the same outfit as when I went to sleep. I fell asleep wearing loose gray sweatpants and a white shirt that just covers enough to be a shirt. However what I saw now wasn't that, but it was my clothes, I was in one of my very many Running outfits. My favorite one. It was a black shirt that was the exact same as the one I fell asleep in, which has a Medium cut neck and ends about 3 1/2 inches above my belly button, and some loose gray cargo pants that were tight enough to stay on but drooped a little with a loose tan coloured, not leather, belt. Under every pair of pants/shorts in my running outfits I always wear short black cotton shorts, sort of like boxers. Relieved to see these shorts on I next realized that even though my clothes were changed my undergarments remained the same, which were not very revealing, just the shorts and a black sports bra. This made me feel a lot better because I wasn't very comfortable with sombody changing my clothes.

After getting over the fact that my clothes were changed I proceeded to get up, then looked around the room in a more detailed manner. It looked like a bedroom, but didn't have any sentimental pictures or items that I could find, and the drawers were empty, so it must have been a guest room. Immediately I headed towards the window. I looked out and saw nothing farmilliar, although the window was facing the side of the house so there wasn't much to see, but I have jumped across rooftops enough to know the view from that window if it was near my home. After I observed the two doors that were in the room, one looked more like a closet door as it was slightly more narrow and a little older than the other, might as well play it safe and see what in the closet first. I peer inside, all I see is some old clothes, and a small black box on the shelf. I pull out the box and see a giant lock, almost the size of the box itself, on it. After trying to find a way into the box for 15 seconds I realized without a key it was hopeless, so I put the box back and took a closer look at the clothes. Each hanger held an outfit, matching perfectly, all dark in colour, wrapped in plastic. The plastic was dusty and the outfits seemed to have sat there for a long time. Right as I closed the closet door I heard something metal hit the wooden floor. I looked down and a thin closed switchblade knife about four inches in length fell from the top of the door. The knife was rather elegant, it was in a solid gold case with a button to flip it opened, the spring worked extremely well as the knife jumped opened in my hand. It was crafted of extremely high grade steel, and had a design carved into the blade which looked like a half of a mans face with one wing in the backround.

I closed the knife and pocketed it thinking it may be useful later. Then I figured it was time to go further into the house. I was very nervous, even though I trusted my skills I had never been in a situation like this before and wherever I was, whoever had me here, there was a reason for it.



That was chapter one, but now for a few questions..

Even though my story isn't copywritten if I were to post it up someplace it would be unable to be stolen correct? Or does the whole plagerism thing not protect me from that? Not that I want to post this publically int he first place, just for future works.
Check out my website for my projects, my store (To be developed) and forums for other upcoming authors. Get your works and projects reviewed at
www.Author-of-15.tk
  





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Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:29 pm
Juniper says...



*Moved to other fiction*
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter
  





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Sun Jul 12, 2009 3:23 pm
Blink says...



Hey Author! I'm Mark. 15, too. So let's see if I can help at all. ^^

Before I begin, just wanted to direct you to the rules. You gotta do two reviews. :wink: And welcome to YWS! Why not introduce yourself in the Welcome forum? :P

I have a few issues with the first paragraph. It's very confusing for the reader. You're info-dumping on us - a lot of this is irrelevant. We don't yet need to know about how high the mattress is, its size, the main character's hometown or hair colour or length. These are all turn-offs for a reader. All that's happened is that someone wakes up in a strange room, but you're making it seem like a prison cell, but then also calling the walls "welcoming". So, it's confusing. It's really just an adjective overkill, and you'll need to chop down on them. If they're unnecessary (as many of these are) then they will just clog up the piece. Give us a hook! Place the information in small chunks throughout, as and when necessity calls.

At first, awaking in a mysterious place I wasn't sure what to do.

Might want to work on your grammar (comma after "place", please :wink: ), but otherwise I find that this is a better way to start. Cut out the first paragraph and you're left with a little mystery, so as it seems mysterious to the character, it seems equally so to us. I'm sure Nikki wouldn't have all these questions and answers as soon as she wakes - perhaps she thinks she's still dreaming, or frozen because of how lost she is?

A few thoughts ran through my mind, first, was I kidnapped and being held hostage, but the room was way to comfortable and inviting for me to have been kidnapped, second, how much did I drink last night, a joke, I don't drink, and third, where was the last place I remember being?

Biiig sentence. Split it up. You've got a few good ideas in here but the effect is lost. I'd recommend splitting them up into different sentences to create a choppy scene, where the sense of feeling tired is more exhibited and realistic.

Okay, okay. Reading on into the next paragraph I'm just feeling very bored. It's so slow that I'm thinking up taking fishing as this drags on, because there's been no suspense - any chance of it has been annihilated by the long and winded discussion as to whether Nikki should get up or stay in bed.

It was pretty easy to rule out choice number three, I am more of a person to take action rather than sit back.

Okay, so you're long thoughts are not in vain. :wink: But really, though, this is again dull. A writer's worst enemy is often the phrase Show, Don't Tell. I think it's applicable in this case: by throwing us into the situation, you'll reveal her character more than just by telling us. More believable and such, yah? This again fits in with the whole info-dumping and characterisation, where not everything is necessary straight away.

Next, I found that I was skimming and not really reading because of how far this dragged on. You're describing things in far too much detail; just tell the story! In this whole chapter, there was no real mystery for me, as a reader - or not enough, anyway. In the whole chapter, he got out of bed, picked up a knife and went to the door. That's it. Everything else just clogged up.

So you're going to need to info-dump less and show us who the characters are more. Do this by their actions. How they react. These all define who they are, and we can learn who they are this way. I believe that dialogue is important for doing this, but also imagery. I think you should use more of that stuff. Using similes will connect with the reader, but certain ones that you use will help us perceive the character in a new light. If they compare things to "cute babies" maybe they like babies, yah, see what I mean? Because this is all from their perspective.

That said, I thought you described things, although a little much, with good accuracy and they certainly gave me an image. Sadly, not a lot else happened, but it has potential. Give this thing a title, too! Looks so much better when we've something to call it by. Well, I hope that I've helped! Let me know if you've any questions. :)

Best
Blinky

Also: if it's yours, no one else can legally call it theirs. Posting it here is proof. :wink:
"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction." ~ Oscar Wilde
  





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Sun Jul 12, 2009 7:33 pm
Angels-Symphony says...



Hey Author of 15 ^^ I'm Shina, one of the instructor-greeters here on YWS!

So, welcome to YWS! This morning I'll be doing a review for you.

Hello, I am a 15 year old author attempting to write his first novel.

Don't worry Author of 15, I'm an Author of 14 ;) One of the younger writers on this site. If I can finish a novel, than so can you :P


This project was an offspring of extreme bordom one night, and although I always hate writing, it seems to be turning out pretty ok and I am enjoying myself. I am currently on chapter 9, but here is a little peek at chapter 1, tell me what you think!

Will do.



My Favorite One.

This chapter name seems a bit odd. It kind of reminds me of how on the first day of elementary school, students talk about their favorite things. But don't worry ^^ Either it'll work in later, or you can rename it.


Walls, a welcoming warm peach, the first thing I saw after brushing my long wavy brown hair with blonde highlights out of my eyes as I awoke in the strange room.

Oh, goodness O_O This is quite a long sentence you've got here. And when you have a long sentence that's supposed to be where the hook is, you've definitely got a problem.

The hook is the first line of a story, and it's supposed to draw the reader in. It's supposed to give rise to more questions than it answers, and it also has to be catchy and, well, hooking.

I like your metaphor, but your punctuation isn't doing it justice. I'd change it to:
"Walls. A warm, welcoming peach; the first thing I saw after removing the wavy, brown hair out of my eyes as I woke in the room."

I know you're trying to mention what the MC looks like, but you're doing it in one, giant info-dump. That's a no no ;)

Try to mention how the character looks gradually rather than making it all-of-a-sudden. I kept in the mention of the texture and the color, but you might need to mention the highlights in another part. Perhaps when the MC looks in a mirror and examines the roots since she dyes his/her hair.

"Awoke" also wasn't the correct word.

Covered in a thick warm white blanket on a high double mattress bed.

This has wrong punctuation, and also, how would the MC know that she was on a high, double mattress bed. That's being awfully specific. You have to remember that when you're in 1st person, the narrator doesn't see things like an all-knowing, omnipresent voice in the sky.
I'm pretty sure that if you were describing from 1st person POV and you woke up in a room, you'd only notice the blanket and then mention something about what's on the walls, the time of day, and then the blanket.

I'd suggest mentioning how high the bed was when he/she steps off the bed and it's a long way down. That way you don't have to be so specific with the double mattress thing.

Where was I? I don't know. What was I doing here? No idea. How I got here? Again, not sure.

Wrong tenses :( Here's what it should look like:
"Where was I? What was I doing there? How did I get there?"

Who I was? Nikki, a 17 year old girl born and raised in a small town in New York. Isolated from the world I had never gone more than 4 towns away from Bay Shore, my hometown, well until now.

Where did the "who" come from? That was really unusual. So I'll tie this in with the last paragraph to show you how to introduce the MC without a big info-dump.

"I knew who I was. Nikki, a seventeen year-old girl born and raised in Bay Shore, New York. I was isolated from the rest of the world and had never gone more than four cities away from my hometown. The answers to the other questions, however, were not things I knew."

Numbers are never written in digit-form in novels unless over 100. Also, the whole "small town" and "home town" is repetitive. I cut it down for you.

The way you introduced the character's name was a little odd, but I fixed the questions so that way it wouldn't be so out-of-the-blue. Try to do this on your own next time. Since you're new, I'll help you out this first time ;)

At first, awaking in a mysterious place I wasn't sure what to do.

Again with "awaking"? It should be waking because you're speaking in 1st person. Also, it doesn't really seem "mysterious" persay. You compared the walls to a peach and the comforters white and soft. It's not mysterious, it's just odd.


A few thoughts ran through my mind, first, was I kidnapped and being held hostage, but the room was way *to comfortable and inviting for me to have been kidnapped, second, how much did I drink last night, a joke, I don't drink, and third, where was the last place I remember being?

See. Even you say the room is comfortable and inviting.

*too <--- it's not "to"

And again, the punctuation is wrong, making this sentence a run-on. No one can possibly say this sentence or will want to read this sentence if it's so long. You simply need to break it up:

"A few thoughts ran through my mind. Was I kidnapped? Being held hostage? The room was way too inviting for being kidnapped. How much did I drink last night? I didn't drink. Where's the last place I remember being? "
When you do thoughts, it needs to be in italics because the reader thinks you did the tenses wrong, which you did. I fixed it for you, but again, you need to learn how to self-edit. It's an important part of writing ^^

--------------
Note: from here on, I am not rewording for you. You have to do it using the examples I gave you.


I was able to answer that question quickly, I had just gone to bed. I was feeling sick and after barely touching supper I decided to head to sleep.

You don't actually need to say you could answer the question quickly. It's redundant.

Now remains the next question, what should I do now. In my mind I can conjure up three choices, Number one, get up and see if I can find somebody in this mysterious place who can tell me what happened. Number two, assume I am in danger and try to escape as soon as possible, then find out where I am and how to get back home. Or three, sit here and do nothing.

You really need to use italics when the character is thinking because it messes up the tenses. Also, you're character is thinking an awful lot. It's awfully cliche this whole "waking up in a random place" thing. You're lingering on the hook too long, and you need to move on. You're telling us too many details when you could just show it. Make a scene out of it.

For example:

Telling: The boy held the guitar and played really awesome.

Showing: He held the guitar like a lover, a glint of passion showing in his eyes. Carefully, he caressed his fingers over the strings.

It's not such a hot example, but you get what I'm saying.


It was pretty easy to rule out choice number three, I am more of a person to take action rather than sit back.

Again with the telling. This MC thinks wayyy too much. It seems more like a rant :( info-dumping rant. I'm pretty sure if a girl was kidnapped, she wouldn't be thinking this much. She'd either be too startled to move, or she'd move quick to get out of there.


Then thinking about one and two were a little harder. I decided I would be able to escape pretty easily at any time, whether sombody is chasing me with a bat or not, so I might as well give number one a shot, then leave number two as my last resort. It may seem like I have much confidence towards my choice, thats because well, I do. Ever since I was 7 years old I was training to become a Runner, and no, not a regular runner. A runner through the concrete as well as grassy jungles of the world, I guess the proper word for it is Tracuer, but I call myself a runner because "Tracuer" sounds to french for me. Basically what a tracuer does is Parkour, but since that word is also to french sounding for my tastes, what runners do is they run. Runners are trained to get from point A to point B as quickly and smoothly as possible. If that means going over a building instead of around it, or taking the rooftops and trees instead of the crowded streets then so be it.
Ever since I was 12, after 5 years of training at ground level, the rooftops became my home, my roads, my escape routes, but best of all, my entertainment. There is no other feeling like the one when you are soaring through the air from a 4 story building to a 2 story building clearing a 15 foot gap.

@_@ There's no way anyone will want to read this horrifyingly large, tell-y paragraph. I know you're trying to bring up the past of the MC, but it's an info dump. Do it more casually, please. The readers are getting lost in these thoughts. They're hard to follow, and the telling makes it seem boring. I'm sure it's exciting for you, the author. You need to be careful when transferring things from thought to novels.

There's a difference between the way people think and talk in novels, and the way they do in real life. When you describe in a novel, you don't tell, you show.




I am very good at what I do, but there are more runners though none like me, or so I thought.

Anyone can say that they're "good" at what they do. But this narrator isn't fooling me. Lots of people think they're good at things. It's a plain, overused word. Please give us an example of why they're good instead of just putting it plainly. Also, punctuation is wrong and the sentence is a run on. Break the sentences up with periods.

There are *proffesional runners, and *amatures that are stronger, faster, and more skillful than I am by far but, there is something I have that they don't. Courage.

Punctuation, again. Also, a run on.

*professional

*amateurs

You can't just say that you have courage >< And you especially cannot say that others don't have it. Who are [you] to underestimate them? Already, it seems like a rant.

The proffesionals and amatures that I know or have seen all spend a little while looking at the jump or climb or fall, whatever is in front of them, before going.

Umm, you spelled professionals and amateurs wrong twice. I suggest you type these out in a word document because they spell check, making people look a lot smarter than they really are xD That's what my computer teacher told me.

I, on the other hand, taught myself to bite my lip and just go without planning it out. More dangerous, yes, more useful, yes. What is the point of devoting your life to a skill thats meaning is to get you from point A to point B as quickly and smoothly as possible if you spend 15 minutes staring at the course planning it out.

Rant. Readers won't know what you're talking about because these are incomplete thoughts that come out of the blue. Numbers must be in word form!

After pulling the thick blanket off of me, I was shocked to see that I wasn't wearing the same outfit as when I went to sleep. I fell asleep wearing loose gray sweatpants and a white shirt that just covers enough to be a shirt.

This is a crime! Unless the MC is a fashion expert, she wouldn't be able to describe what she's wearing to that extent, nor would she care! It's also in the wrong tense.

covers should be covered

However what I saw now wasn't that, but it was my clothes, I was in one of my very many Running outfits. My favorite one.

Tell, tell, tell. You need to scratch some of these redundant parts off.

It was a black shirt that was the exact same as the one I fell asleep in, which has a Medium cut neck and ends about 3 1/2 inches above my belly button, and some loose gray cargo pants that were tight enough to stay on but drooped a little with a loose tan coloured, not leather, belt.

Why does the MC care about the inches? Fashion expert?! This is a sentence, not a paragraph =_=
You need to be less telly, more showy, and less specific, more descriptive.

Under every pair of pants/shorts in my running outfits I always wear short black cotton shorts, sort of like boxers. Relieved to see these shorts on I next realized that even though my clothes were changed my undergarments remained the same, which were not very revealing, just the shorts and a black sports bra. This made me feel a lot better because I wasn't very comfortable with sombody changing my clothes.

This information is unecessary to have as a large info-dump. There is no need to write things that aren't important to the story.

Only write what contributes to the plot, what's revelent to the story


After getting over the fact that my clothes were changed I proceeded to get up, then looked around the room in a more detailed manner. It looked like a bedroom, but didn't have any sentimental pictures or items that I could find, and the drawers were empty, so it must have been a guest room. Immediately I headed towards the window. I looked out and saw nothing farmilliar, although the window was facing the side of the house so there wasn't much to see, but I have jumped across rooftops enough to know the view from that window if it was near my home. After I observed the two doors that were in the room, one looked more like a closet door as it was slightly more narrow and a little older than the other, might as well play it safe and see what in the closet first. I peer inside, all I see is some old clothes, and a small black box on the shelf. I pull out the box and see a giant lock, almost the size of the box itself, on it. After trying to find a way into the box for 15 seconds I realized without a key it was hopeless, so I put the box back and took a closer look at the clothes. Each hanger held an outfit, matching perfectly, all dark in colour, wrapped in plastic. The plastic was dusty and the outfits seemed to have sat there for a long time. Right as I closed the closet door I heard something metal hit the wooden floor. I looked down and a thin closed switchblade knife about four inches in length fell from the top of the door. The knife was rather elegant, it was in a solid gold case with a button to flip it opened, the spring worked extremely well as the knife jumped opened in my hand. It was crafted of extremely high grade steel, and had a design carved into the blade which looked like a half of a mans face with one wing in the backround.

I didn't read this, because giant paragraphs are intimidating. You need to break this up. It sounds more like directions, or like you were walkie-talkying someone and doing a recap of what you did.


I closed the knife and pocketed it thinking it may be useful later. Then I figured it was time to go further into the house. I was very nervous, even though I trusted my skills I had never been in a situation like this before and wherever I was, whoever had me here, there was a reason for it.


Maing character is thinking too much. Also, what does "nervous" mean? I can't see anything going on. There is no picture in my head. You need to show "nervous" otherwise it's flat and not 3D.

Did her palms sweat? Her knees start buckling? Things start getting blurry?

-------------

Overall: I just know that she's somewhere strange, that she thinks a lot, and that there isn't really a unique conflict. I'm sure you have a good idea, but you're just not playing it out to your advantage :(

Basically, here's what you need to work on:

You need to be less telly, more showy, and less specific, more descriptive.

Only include what's revelant to your plot. Anything else is meaningless

Punctuation, punctuation!


Even though my story isn't copywritten if I were to post it up someplace it would be unable to be stolen correct? Or does the whole plagerism thing not protect me from that? Not that I want to post this publically int he first place, just for future works.


Anything posted on YWS is copyright protected ;) Besides, this chapter doesn't really reveal any of the conflict or plot, so it's chances of getting plagiarized aren't very likely because it's general.

Sorry if I seemed blunt anywhere @_@ I went all review mode. Just be sure to take the advice and you'll be doing just fine ^^

PM me if you have any questions!

-Shina
Last edited by Angels-Symphony on Wed Jul 15, 2009 10:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.
  





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Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:08 pm
Chaos Angelfish says...



Greetings Author of 15. so you are creating your first novel at the age of 15? Yeah that was the age when I started to just type in random idea's for story plots and somewhat created my first novel. As like you I am new to the YWS, you should consider yourself lucky for discovering this site at an early age. Anyway, I had the same questions as you, "By posting on this site are my works being protected?" was my big question. I haven't got a reply about the question, yet. But anyway on with the review...

Well there is nothing for me to say that has been already been said in the previous reviews. There is way to much detail, hell I never knew that so much detail is actually bad. They call it "Info dumping" and they are right, it is like reading an information pamphlet. You must give the reader more unknown suspense, if you are to go anywhere. I also advise not to come out too quickly with the introduction of the main character. I see it best to intro the main character gradually in chapters, but then that is just me. Of course when you reveal or play history of the main character, you must present a trigger why. Example would be: When your MC (main character, barely notice the abbreviation, lol!) does all these crazy high flying moves to get to one place to the other, that will be a good trigger to tell about her "mobility" style of Prakou (I think is what you called it?).

People are somewhat intimidated by long paragraphs, but I too write in long paragraphs too. Just try to keep the interest in a long paragraph and don't throw it off subject with another event. This will make your paragraphs less fearful to the reader, of course that is if the reader is brave enough to attempt to read them (Damn scaredy cats!). If you are unsure about public posting your pride and glory work... don't, I know for sure I am not going to put up my best one if I am not fully protected. Another thing forget what people say about the spelling errors, that is something that everybody does and it is real easy to fix, so there is no need to be slammed by them.

There you go, there is my review.

-Chaos Angelfish
"Fear what you learn to love; Ironically, fear is what you learn to love"

"Damn her purple eyes," I thought peering into her saddened soul as the tears streaked down her face.

Sinisterly Perceiving the Unperceivable to those who can't see and revealing it to them since 2000.
  





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Mon Jul 13, 2009 12:10 am
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Author-of-15 says...



=O Oops, guilty of not reading the rules. Sorry about that. Right after I finish this post I will go check them out. Thanks :D

Also, I am using Notepad, my computer has no other word processing program. On another note, this is un-edited. Huge changes to fix spelling and punctuation will be made.

Basically what I got from that was:

-I explain things way to much, which I am currently aware of and trying as hard as I can to work on. I guess I don't plan out things before I write them so I wrote all that for me to sort of get the image in my own head haha.

-I totally screwed up 1st person POV with the tenses I am using. While I was writing it I knew I was doing it wrong but I couldn't bring myself to write in a present verb-tense. Now that you gave me that example though I think I can go back and switch it. I just hope it doesn't sound awkward =[

-I should, instead of telling people things, show it to them. This one was a huge help, especially that guitar example. Everybody who said this was totally right now that I think about it. It makes it more exciting, believable, and helps capture the reader more.

-I have a problem with making sentances and paragraphs a lot longer than they need to be. I guess I read to much of those books where the author can spend 5 pages describing curtains.

-My spelling and grammar are even more horrid than I thought.



I believe these critisizing remarks helped me a lot and thank you to everybody who contributed. Using what you said I can help better this work and future works and it truely does mean a lot to me that you spent your time carefully reading all that and pointing everything out.

The amount of things you guys/girls caught was amazing! The amount of things that could be fixed in that chapter was even more amazing O.o. After reading everything I thought to myself for a second I should scrap the project and start a-new but then I thought this is what learning a new skill is.

Just keep on going through trial and error until you master it. So I will fix this chapter and the rest of the book, excluding grammar and spelling as that comes later on in the editing stage, and then see if I can keep up what I learned throughout the book.

Again thank you all for your help,

~Author Of 15
Check out my website for my projects, my store (To be developed) and forums for other upcoming authors. Get your works and projects reviewed at
www.Author-of-15.tk
  





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Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:20 am
Angels-Symphony says...



Anytime, Author of 15 ^^ Don't give up! Writing a novel is a learning experience, so enjoy the learning and enjoy improving ;)
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.
  








The first draft is a trip to the amusement park. The next drafts are returning there as a safety inspector.
— SunsetTree