Young Writers Society

The whole scene revolves around Hunter and Grey, two high ranking officials in Splinter. Grey has used her influence on both herself and Hunter to disguise their appearances while they are in public. They are planning to crash an underground rally in order to capture the rally leader (Eric) and bring him to their Leader.

It is noteworthy that both Grey and Hunter are wearing their Splinter masks underneath their disguises, which not only signifies their roles based on their markings but also magnifies their influence to make it more powerful. One side effect of wearing the mask is that Hunter's thoughts and emotions are subdued, so he doesn't have much commentary throughout the chapter, despite being the perspective character. He basically just does whatever Grey tells him, and if his thoughts wander too far from the mission, she puts them back on track. This is a very intentional detail! This is supposed to contrast with scenes that he's not wearing his mask, which unfortunately isn't until much later.

The first part of the scene is mostly used to set up Hunter as a distanced character, doing a lot of describing and a slight amount of commentating. He also introduces the reader to some of the very basic abilities of influence. It's noted that Hunter is using his influence to see, since his Splinter mask covers his eyes. He can also hear people's thoughts and emotions as they enter the rally. He even starts trying to manipulate someone's mind, but Grey quickly pulls him back to their mission. This also sets up Grey as the real superior in the situation. She calls the shots (literally).

From there, things turn sour when some agents from the DAI show up. Grey kills them no problem, Eric runs away, and Hunter gives chase with Grey not too far behind. Hunter uses his influence to speed himself up so that he can easily catch Eric. Then they take him to the Leader, where it's revealed that Eric is a double agent for both Splinter and the DAI! Drama! It basically ends with the Leader leaving Eric to Hunter and Grey for punishment.

Since is probably not as fleshed out as the above because it's not actually written, but I've frequently gotten feedback that the first chapter is a lot of information all at once, which is valid. It's a lot of action with characters using their fantastical magical powers right away. So the point of this revision is to take a step back and introduce Hunter and Grey before their mission.

The scene would be set inside Splinter's base, where Grey is explaining to Hunter what the situation is. This time neither of them are wearing masks initially, so the reader will be able to quickly compare Hunter without the mask to him with the mask when they leave the base. But for now, Hunter is emotive and expressive as he has an actual conversation with Grey.

It is revealed that there was a situation involving the death of two Captains in Splinter. (For context: Grey is an Admiral, which is one rank below the Leader, while Hunter is a rank below her at Captain.) Grey is clearly very upset about it, but she explains a plan to get back at the DAI agent who is responsible for their deaths. She keeps the details vague -- but this will eventually lead into the plot of the original first chapter.