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July 2021: Two Short Stories



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Wed Jul 14, 2021 2:30 am
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BluesClues says...



july 13


FriendsBreakupShort

IS FINITO, WOOOO. Nearly finito. I'm having one (1) more friend take a pass at line edits because they make some really good line edit suggestions - obviously I'm not taking all their suggestions, but I wanted to have them look because I do like many of their suggestions.

Anyway, I looked at everyone else's suggested edits today and cut about 300 words, tightened things up, smoothed things out, and now I'm making final final edits as my friend's comments roll in. I also have a title, thanks to the same friend: UNFRIENDED, which particularly works now that there's a line in there about Mads blocking Casey on Snapchat </3

I looked up manuscript formatting for short stories and formatted accordingly, and I did look up cover letters BUT Wizards in Space uses Submittable and does not actually have anywhere to put a cover letter, so I guess I get off easy lol.

Anyway, submitting this tomorrow <333

MerfolkShort

Nothing today BUT IN MY DEFENSE LOOK AT ALL I DID FOR FRIENDSBREAKUP.
  





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Thu Jul 15, 2021 3:22 am
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BluesClues says...



july 14


FriendsBreakupShort

Image

Final FINAL line edits complete, AND yeeted! One (1) of three Camp NaNo goals officially complete WOOOOOOO!

MerfolkShort

Nothing, of course, BUT HOPEFULLY GOING FORWARD now that I only have one short story to work on--
  





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Fri Jul 16, 2021 3:10 am
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BluesClues says...



july 15


MerfolkShort

Because that's the only one we've got left to work on in this thread WOOOOO

Okay anyway

1,553 words that leave us at the precipice of new bits that aren't simply recycled from my original attempt :eyes: I'm hoping the first draft will be 10k or less, but if it's longer I'm gonna say it's fine bc WHATEVER THAT'S WHAT REVISIONS ARE FOR.
  





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Sat Jul 17, 2021 3:52 am
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BluesClues says...



july 16


MerfolkShort

297 words
  





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Mon Jul 19, 2021 2:31 am
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BluesClues says...



july 17


MerfolkShort

Nothing due to other obligations, rip rip
  





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Mon Jul 19, 2021 2:34 am
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BluesClues says...



july 18


MerfolkShort

322 words! I had a lot going on today, but I managed to squeeze out a little bit in the middle!

Poetry

Not a Camp goal, but I wanted to throw this somewhere since I worked on it today lol.

Prompts~

Spoiler! :
Blue's not-prompt but some lines from a few days ago it would maybe be nice to incorporate into a poem one of these days, perhaps: "it's opening old wounds / but my favorite thing to do with old wounds / is pretend they're not there"
scars? ermmmmmm. idk I just know that's the last bit of random inspo I had lolsob SO.

okay Blue's actual prompt from @alliyah: write a poem in the groundskeeper's voice
flowers? trees? death/graves/his own immortality? maybe I could use that line he says about poetry and then the poem could be about ??? "I don't understand poetry, and I don't understand life, neither. The poetry at least is beautiful" bc we know our boy loves to read poetry which is like the one (1) nice thing I let him have


Draft 2 of a poem that shall be posted for feedback later, once I fix one (1) line~

Spoiler! :
how many bruises can you hold inside you

when you swallow your tears
how much damage does the dripping cause
how much does it erode your throat, your ribs
and when you smile instead of crying
how many teeth crack with the effort
of holding your jaw that way
how long before it shatters you inside out
how many fractures split your bones, your heart
how hard does the air shudder through you [something active]
how many bruises can you hold inside you
before it's too many


The feedback I was working with in case I need it again later~

Spoiler! :
I think if you want to add more lines; something you might consider - is there a kind of powerfulness to the willfullness of "holding" bruises - like passively the person has been harmed / but they're actively holding up the best their body/self/person can - and I wonder what other ways in the 2nd half you might speak to any of that /active/ part too if that makes sense yeah! I'm actually thinking - I don't really want to lengthen it - but I think this might help me replace that third-to-last line bc the third-to-last line of the first section is also where I transition from passive damage to active...damage control, I guess, so I feel like if I revisit that line and try to think up a line where it's someone actively trying to hide the damage or something instead of the line that's there now, that might help me

mhmm I think lengthening too much could kinda make it feel too repetitive too? like you want to punch them in the heart strings and walk away - not punch them and then just like awkwardly glare over your reader. (just like a good novel conclusion probs? probs :) :) :) )ahahaha yes exactly! like i think this kind of repetition definitely stops having such an effect after you take it on for too long yep!

(like the smiling + holding jaw shows their effort -> the other things are decay that's being done to them -> there's kind of a motif of almost construction damage in this (ie. erode, water damage, fracture - and it might be interesting to dig into that in more loosely metapphorical ways ie. ideas that don't hit you on the nose as relating to a person but in this context clearly do) (like, "how many season will that wall paper cover those severed edges you keep hidden away" -> just like you've got this whole construction / housing?? motif which is an interesting blend of comfy/uncomfy with being used for a body or person - and might lean into that - just an idea to take or leave! that I thought of!) no I like that a lot! like I said I'm not sure I want to lengthen this one (although I do have a totally different vague poem idea that I sort of vaguely started a couple years ago that this motif is also in but it never materialized, SO this could help me perhaps take that one into a complete draft sometime) but this can definitely help me with that third-to-last line bc that's the one line I put down like "ugh placeholder for now" but I *really* don't love it and I think what you said about the active holding in the first part can be mirrored at least thematically in the second part if I change that line to an active "hiding the damage" kind of thing instead of what it is now! mhmm! the poem is hitting a good balance of concrete enough for the poem to /mean & evoke/ something - but also "blank" or "open" enough for people to read into it ~ and that's a hard balance to catch so ha you've got to be ginger with what you add ~ yep yep! thank you so much!!! it's gonna take some thinking to rewrite that line but I think this is gonna help me SO MUCH <3 of course <333 <333


Other suggestions~

Spoiler! :
lots of "rock" language (crack, fracture, fissure) - "shatters" don't really fit (feels more like glass), so possibly some sort of synonym? slivers, fragments, cleaves, crumbles, crushes - check the thesaurus!!!
  





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Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:51 am
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BluesClues says...



july 19


MerfolkShort

222 words, which is 222 words more than I thought I'd get at this point in the day lol
  





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Wed Jul 21, 2021 3:43 am
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BluesClues says...



july 20


MerfolkShort

352 words, which is less than I'd thought but more than I got on Groundskeeper today lolsob
  





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Thu Jul 22, 2021 5:20 pm
BluesClues says...



july 21


Nothing on MerfolkShort yesterday lolsob
  





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Fri Jul 23, 2021 2:29 am
BluesClues says...



july 22


Nothing today either but tomorrow I SWEAR
  





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Sat Jul 24, 2021 1:42 am
BluesClues says...



july 23


MerfolkShort

830 words I SAID I'D DO IT AND I DID oh my god I'm going to have so much cutting to do :cries:
  





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Sun Jul 25, 2021 7:00 pm
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july 24


MerfolkShort

No clue how many words bc I forgot to check, but I did write a little more!

I also had an idea for how to potentially cut down on the first half of the story, which is definitely where I NEED to cut down: Jane can be already looking for her father when the story starts, but she's getting nowhere.

She's thinking there must be some kind of clue in her parents' old office, but her mother keeps it locked and won't let her in. It's a source of contention, because her mother holes up in there all the time; Jane feels like her mother is being selfish, keeping the room where they all used to have such good times together from her, and her mother never talks to her anymore anyway.

And maybe the memory of the first time she saw a wight - at age five, with her father, when they found a dying wight on the beach - somehow ties into the search.
  





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Tue Jul 27, 2021 3:13 am
BluesClues says...



july 25


I literally don't remember whether I worked on this yesterday or not??? wow
  





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Tue Jul 27, 2021 3:22 am
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july 26


Definitely nothing today though lol, I HAD to type up all the GroundskeeperWIP of like most of the last week eeeeeee
  





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Wed Jul 28, 2021 1:00 am
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july 27


MerfolkShort

U g h h h okay so I didn't actually WRITE today but I made a new document and wrote up a new outline, yeet >.<

We learn about the Tybee Island wights (merfolk). Most locals are scared of them, but Jane Sawyer grew up on stories, told mostly by her father, about their goodness: wights saving drowning sailors with a kiss, the King of the Sea, wights changed out for human infants and raised as humans. Her father’s gone now. Jane’s mother won’t talk about it. Jane frequently gets in trouble at school for fighting with kids who spread unkind gossip about her father’s disappearance.

Jane has been investigating her father’s disappearance since he vanished: she’s sure he didn’t just leave them. None of his things are gone. Their last night home together was the same as every other night; she’s examined her memory back and forth and can’t remember anything her father said or did that could’ve betrayed his intention to leave. So far, her investigations have led to dead ends: neighbors, friends, her father’s old boss, no one knows where he went. Some of them even believe the same kinds of unkind rumors that the kids at school spread—namely, either that her mother murdered him or that he went off somewhere private to kill himself.

Jane’s sure her parents’ old office holds the key to her father’s disappearance. all her mother’s old research on wights, all her father’s old books and notes are in there. But since her father disappeared, her mother has kept the office locked up tight, holing herself up there alone night after night.

As Jane grows frustrated with her dead-end research, her friend Oliver angers her by asking if she’s considered that maybe her dad really is dead, or really did leave. Jane says she’ll keep looking herself, if Oliver doesn’t want to help. She still has one friend who might help her: Muirenn, a sea-wight. Muirenn doesn’t know anything herself, but Jane is convinced her father’s disappearance has something to do with the ocean because of his love for it.

Muirenn convinces Jane to break into her parents’ office. Jane balks but finally caves in after a fight with her mother.

In the office, Jane finds research and notes from her mother that indicate that her father may have been a wight. Furthermore, there’s evidence suggesting Jane may be a wight.

Jane freaks out and heads to the ocean. She has no real plan in mind; she’s just always felt better at the ocean. And maybe she’ll scream for her father when she gets out on the waves until he surfaces—if he really is a wight, if he really did return to the ocean like her mother thinks.

A storm rolls in as Jane’s out in the water. She panics. Muirenn comes to help her, but Jane’s boat starts sinking and Muirenn can’t get her safely back to shore. Muirenn asks if Jane trusts her. Jane says yes. Muirenn kisses her. They’re still kissing when Muirenn pulls her under THE END DID SHE DROWN OR WAS SHE SAVED BY THE SEA WIGHT’S KISS the world may never know
  








When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind