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July 2021: GroundskeeperWIP Revisions



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Thu Jul 01, 2021 2:45 pm
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BluesClues says...



@Vincian I'm sooooo excited about the title :cries: Titles are really hard for me, but once I had a million suggestions, two of them coalesced into a single title I love <3

Also yesssss I'll put you down and see if you're still interested when the time comes :eyes: OLD gays, plus HISTORICAL gays (plus yes also ghosts hehe)
  





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Fri Jul 02, 2021 3:59 am
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BluesClues says...



july 1


Okay so this is technically from today AND yesterday AND the 28th, but:

Groundskeeper Draft 2: 2 Gay 2 Ghosty now has a prologue AND a first chapter AND a second chapter, AND I have cut 100 words so far, wooooo~

It felt like I was cutting way more as I wrote lol but whatever I'll take my 100 words. 100 words here 100 words there, next thing you know I'll be under 100k.

Anyway, it was deeply satisfying to pull apart the original first chapter and reconfigure it and put it back together into the first two chapters of the new draft. That's the good stuff right there.
  





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Sat Jul 03, 2021 12:01 am
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BluesClues says...



July 2



Groundskeeper Draft 2: 2 Gay 2 Ghosty now has a third chapter, and I cut 204 words from this part which is??? How did I cut MORE from less idk but whatever I'll take it

I'm breaking up the chapters to be a lot shorter than they were in the first draft, so far. No idea if I'll keep at it, but I felt the first two chapters in particular were real long in the first draft. There were lots of scene breaks, so I have plenty of options. I'm choosing places I think work best as chapter ends~

So for ch 1 it now ends with this:

He shook his head and went inside to make lunch. Buried the memory of his family back deep inside him, alongside his name: Peter Shaughnessy, a name no one living now knew and the last connection he had, aside from an old pocket watch, to his family and the place where he’d been born and raised and cursed.


I think that bit also comes up earlier than it did before because of all the rearranging I did of things in ch 1.

And then ch 2 ends with him going "oh dip I gotta ward the cottage tonight bc ghosts" which is how ch 1 originally ended

And ch 3 cuts off with Sayid running after him even though he's been told to STAY INSIDE WHERE IT'S SAFE but ch 4 will end where the original ch 2 ended lol because WOW those first two chapters truly felt so long to me before.
  





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Sun Jul 04, 2021 12:53 am
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BluesClues says...



july 3


Dang I wondered why it took me so much longer to get through today's chapter despite making minimal changes, aaaaaaaaaand it turns out it's because this section was like twice as long as what I did yesterday lol. GOOD THING I SPLIT THIS CHAPTER UP. Like whoa.

Anyway, there's now a fourth chapter AND I cut ~exactly~ 400 words, which is deeply satisfying.

Also, if I can cut words at at least the same rate I've been cutting words, I will in fact reach my goal of cutting 6k words, woooo.

But we know it's not quite gonna happen that way, because soon enough we're going to start making actual changes instead of just moving around things within the same chapter lol.
  





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Mon Jul 05, 2021 3:22 am
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BluesClues says...



july 4


3,213 words and a completed fifth chapter that includes New Content!

On the plus side, we're beefing up the ghosts, clarifying the groundskeeper's process, and connecting his motivations and curse and ghost-hunting earlier and more clearly. And we had fun. And the groundskeeper now owns chicken.

On the down side, we're definitely adding rather than cutting words right now XD

Also: demisexual groundskeeper?

Demisexual groundskeeper.

Spoiler! :
A young couple killed in a car crash just a few years back had stayed for each other. The groundskeeper supposed it was sweet, and he was pleasantly surprised that they were affectionate rather than fearful spirits, given how they’d died; but he was glad they weren’t powerful enough to take form. Otherwise, they would’ve been necking right there by their headstone. The groundskeeper wasn’t opposed to a little necking, theoretically, but most of the time the idea of it made him uncomfortable. In two hundred years, he hadn’t wanted to do that sort of thing with anyone but Jack.

He’d come close, once. There was a man in Brooklyn he’d gotten to know pretty well in the 1940s. They’d gotten coffee at the same diner every morning, both sitting at the counter alone, and they’d started talking, and it had become a habit. They didn’t say much. Talked gardening, mostly. And the war, because you could hardly help talking about the war. Nothing ever happened. But they held each other’s gazes a little too long when they said goodbye each day, and the groundskeeper had found himself starting to hope that maybe something would happen, even as he tried to convince himself he hoped no such thing.

And then one day he was sitting there with his coffee, and Charlie hadn’t arrived yet, and a quarter of an hour later he still hadn’t arrived, and another quarter of an hour after that, and another, and the groundskeeper couldn’t stop watching the clock, and he couldn’t stop thinking about all the bad things that might’ve happened, and then Charlie walked through the door sopping wet but just fine: his train had broken down. He’d waited a good half an hour for it to start up again and then given up and walked the fifteen blocks to the diner in the rain.

They’d had their coffee and said goodbye, and the groundskeeper had skipped town that night. He’d left his ghost hunt unfinished.

New Yorkers were used to danger anyhow.
  





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Mon Jul 05, 2021 8:58 pm
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BluesClues says...



july 5


A sixth chapter! 2,113 words and we may? have cut? a bit? but who knows tbh.

The next bit will be,,,shall we say,,,interesting,,,,,,,bc the next bit is where we're going to have bigger changes so that the next 14,000 words or so lead up to the three chapters I'm moving up in the book @.@
  





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Wed Jul 07, 2021 1:13 am
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BluesClues says...



july 6


okay only 720 words toward ch. 7 tonight BUT I also wrote like four pages of notes figuring out where we're headed for the next bit up until those three chapters I'm moving up in this draft

and I think it'll work and be good

and like I'm combining the bonding with the ghost research more, so pacing will be better even beyond moving those three chapters up
  





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Thu Jul 08, 2021 4:45 pm
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alliyah says...



And the groundskeeper now owns chicken.

:eyes:


Looks like you're doing fabulous Blue! <3 It's so cool to see this all develop! :] I'm curious what your "ghost research" looks like? Do you just google stories about ghosts??? or???

Good luck, keep on rolling!
you should know i am a time traveler &
there is no season as achingly temporary as now
but i have promised to return
  





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Thu Jul 08, 2021 8:02 pm
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BluesClues says...



@alliyah I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF YOU WHEN I ADDED THE CHICKENS, HOW

My ghost research was mostly looking up what sorts of objects/symbols are supposed to be able to protect people/buildings from ghosts and/or trap/get rid of ghosts but I may have simply drawn on Supernatural's lore a lot lol plus certain burial customs and beliefs about the dead.

The groundskeeper's ghost research is looking up local history (especially anything that might be connected to local ghost stories/legends) to see if he can discover the identity of whatever spirit he's looking for in a particular town.
  





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Thu Jul 08, 2021 8:05 pm
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BluesClues says...



july 7


2,032 words and more of ch 7, in fountain pen, by a window, and then by fairy light...just like the Writers of Old except that it was fairy lights instead of a candle bc I was NOT lighting a candle with the a/c out

A l a s I'm about 10 pages further into the story than I originally was at this point. HOWEVER. I'm definitely doing a better job establishing a) ghost lore early on and b) the groundskeeper's process early on. So hopefully that makes up for it.

Also, I figured out a sequence leading up to the three chapters that are getting moved, which will HOPEFULLY cut ~10,000 words between here and there, because...10,000 words is all I have left until I ideally want them to happen eeeeeeeeee

Probably minimal, if any, writing today (07/08) since the power is still out, I got a late start this morning, and I have like 3 different things to do out of the house and won't get home until late.
  





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Fri Jul 09, 2021 3:50 am
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BluesClues says...



journal challenge 7: revisited


I had a breakthrough the other day about all the things that previously happened leading up to the three chapters I’m moving to an earlier point in the story, so I’m revisiting my potential reordering of the story to reflect that breakthrough.

We’re simply going to ignore the fact that my chapter numbers are actually dead wrong now lol because I’ve been breaking the chapters up shorter this draft.

Also, I think I just need to cut David asking Peter out. To be honest, there are two main things I wanted from him asking Peter out and returning to the cottage after several days away when Peter rejects him:

a) The dandelion snippet
b) The single gayest line in the whole story

I’m sure I can make the dandelion snippet work in a different context. The single gayest line I was having more difficulty with (other than, like, having it randomly rain at some point lol), but now I’m remembering how one time when Peter shows up at David’s house, David has JUST stepped out of the shower, and also they’re about to ~have a moment~ so this line would actually probably work better there anyway if David hasn’t dried off terribly well because he heard Peter at the door, except now it’ll be water from the shower instead of rain, oh well.

Both below so you can see why I want them lol.
Spoiler! :
dandelion snippet: For just a moment, the groundskeeper felt like a dandelion clock: light and airy, full of wishes and possibilities, ready to float away at the lightest breath of wind. Like he was nineteen again. Like he’d felt that bright May morning almost two hundred years ago, angling on the banks of the Suck, when Jack O’Neill had come sauntering down the path and given him a crooked smile and said Pe-ter Shaughnessy in that way he used to, right before they kissed the first time.

single gayest line: The groundskeeper’s eyes followed the path of a droplet down David’s neck.

oh wait and I see the single gayest line has a follow-up gay yet slightly angsty paragraph that I may want to repurpose somewhere: He allowed himself a look at David and immediately felt it had been a mistake: David caught his eye, the corner of his mouth turned up, and the groundskeeper’s heart sang. There was a droplet of rain still glistening at the corner of David’s lower lip, and he found himself wanting to brush it away with his thumb. He locked the want away with all the other wants that had pushed up through the cracks in his heart since he’d arrived in Harrington and threatened to grow around it.


OKAY. Let’s see that reordering.

Potential Reordering (enspoilered for length)

Spoiler! :
potential prologue: A spring storm that shifts and resettles the headstones in the cemeteries awakens an angry spirit.
ch. 1: Peter arrives in Harrington and meets Neveah, the director of the cemetery. The ghost of her father, Elijah, lingers nearby, but when a panic attack triggers an episode of spectral spookiness, Peter hustles Neveah out of the caretaker's cottage. Peter is surprised by the outburst; Elijah’s spirit did not strike him as either powerful or angry enough to behave this way.
ch. 2: That night, Peter meets Sayid and Samira al-Masri when they break into the cemetery after hours. Samira runs off; Peter finds her in the cemetery's spooky back lot, where cholera victims from the 1840s and 1850s are buried. When the children's parents worry over Samira's recent tendency to run away, Peter offers to watch the children any time they'd like to visit the cemetery, provided it's during open hours.
ch. 3: Peter heads back to the back lot to get a feel for the spirits back there and to see if he can find any ghosts he should be worried about: it's definitely older and creepier back there than in the rest of the cemetery. Instead of a spirit, however, he finds David Schwertner, a local historian interested in cataloguing the cholera graves. They have lunch together when David finishes his work for the day.

ch. 4: None of the other ghosts in Elijah’s vicinity are powerful or angry enough to have caused his unexpected behavior the other day, but Peter finds a possible answer when he learns that Neveah has been in the back lot and that Elijah went with her: he might’ve been infected by an angry spirit back there, instead. A brief investigation reveals that something is angry in the back lot, but not where it is. Peter helps David section off the area in preparation to catalogue old graves but worries over how to protect David from the source of the anger when they can’t work together.
ch. 5: The al-Masri children come for a visit on David’s way out and do their homework at Peter’s cottage.
ch. 6: To keep David safe from the spirits in the back lot, Peter starts giving him a sprig of protective flowers every day. When David heads back to the back lot to work after lunch each day, Peter heads to the library to research local history in the hopes it will lead him to the source of the anger in the back lot. He runs into the al-Masri children there and lots of bonding ensues between him and all the various people of Harrington.
ch. 7: As his research at the library yields little information, Peter asks David for help. He joins David at the museum, where he meets the ghost of David’s husband, Isaiah, who haunts the place and hardcore ships David and Peter lol. After lunch, David and Peter head to the cemetery to take rubbings of some headstones.

ch. 8: (~30k) In the back lot, David and Peter share a moment. On their way back for the day, David breaks his leg in an accident that may or may not have involved whatever ghost is so angry back there – which Peter still can’t find. Peter panics over David’s mishap. After David has been to the ER and is safely home, Peter and Neveah have a moment, which Elijah tries to capitalize on: since Peter and Neveah are friends, maybe Peter can convince her to go to therapy to talk about Elijah’s death.
ch. 9: Peter is angry at the implication that he is friends with anyone in Harrington because WHAT NO I AM *NOT* BONDING except OH NO he totally is bonding. Concerned for his own emotional well-being, he heads to the cottage, intent on leaving, but when he arrives he finds the al-Masri children waiting for him. He yells at them, and they leave. A moment of regret over hurting them – especially Samira – isn’t enough to stop Peter from packing up to leave town…but then Neveah calls: she's in a field off Route 2 and has no idea how she got there. Peter knows, however: a ghost rode her out there.
ch. 10: Peter brings Neveah home, resigning himself to stay in Harrington despite the danger to his heart; he can't leave the town at the mercy of a powerful ghost. When she worries that her misadventure was the result of the first bad dissociative episode she's had in a while, Peter tells her the truth about ghosts, her father, and the ghost he's looking for.

ch. 11: Peter awakes in the night when someone pounds on his door: Sayid, come to tell him that Samira’s run off again, hurt by Peter yelling at her. Peter goes to the back lot to find her, and they make up.
ch. 12: Samira takes advantage of a half-day at school that her family forgot about to sneak off to the cemetery to visit her friend: the ghost. The spirit asks her – not for the first time – to free him by smashing something against his headstone until the symbol keeping him trapped is damaged, but Samira is uneasy at the idea of damaging a headstone and can’t bring herself to do it.

ch. 13: (~50k) As Harrington grows uneasier about the spooky happenings around town, Peter tries to discover the ghost's identity. Then Yafa calls: the children are missing.
ch. 14: Peter rushes to the al-Masris' house, but the children come home soon after: Samira ran off, and Sayid went to find her. Samira exchanges sharp words with her mother, hurt and angry about her parents' near-constant absence in recent months. Peter comforts both of them and gives Samira an iron band to wear before he leaves: he's sure she'll run off again and doesn't want her to be without protection from ghosts when she does.
ch. 15: Lurking through the museum, Isaiah finds the boarded-up bedroom in which the unknown E.S. likely died & helps David find the room through his spectral activity. [this is a candidate for cutting even though I ADORE it and Isaiah, because David tells Peter how he found the room anyhow and Peter would obviously put two and two together]

ch. 16: As Midsummer - and the anniversary of his curse and exile from Ireland - draws closer, Peter experiences worse panic attacks, more frequent flashbacks, and greater anxiety over his inability to find the spirit haunting Harrington. David calls him to tell him about the hidden room during one such episode. Recognizing Peter's distress, David invites him over and calms him during another, less intense panic attack. Peter flees after they share a moment.
ch. 17: Later that night, Yafa brings the children by and asks Peter to watch them while she goes to the hospital: the staff doesn't think her father will make it through the night. As Peter cares for the children, he realizes he loves them like they're his own.
ch. 18: Once again, Peter prepares to leave town, more desperately than before: he loves these people too much. If he stays, he'll only get hurt. As he packs his things, David calls to tell him he's discovered the identity of E.S.: Eoin Shaughnessy - though David doesn't know it, Peter's younger brother.
ch. 19: Neveah takes Peter to the museum to see the room and Eoin's belongings. All thought of leaving Harrington is gone: now that he knows the spirit he's been looking for is that of his brother, Peter can't leave, no matter the danger to himself. As he spirals in Eoin's room and Neveah helps him calm down, he has to admit to himself that it's nice to have friends there to take care of him, for once.
ch. 20: Peter tells Neveah about his curse but is frustrated by his own inability to answer so many of her questions about it. The spectral activity around Harrington escalates, but Peter still can't find his brother's spirit. Eoin won't answer when he calls out for him.

[There might also be the first night of SummerFest in here? But I do NOT need a 4,000-word chapter of Peter at SummerFest with all his friends lolsob. He just needs a picture with David, which could really come from an earlier point in the story as well.]

ch. 21: Midsummer Eve. As Harrington celebrates SummerFest, Peter works feverishly to make sure he and his friends will be safe through the weekend.
ch. 22: Things start to get spooky downtown. Peter has shut himself in for the weekend when Sayid comes pounding on his door: Samira is missing. In searching for her, they finally find Eoin's grave - and evidence that Samira freed him.
ch. 23: Flashback to earlier that evening, showing how Samira freed the ghost and afterward tried - and failed - to stop him upon realizing what a colossal mistake it was to free him.
ch. 24: Peter and Sayid find Samira - and her panicked parents - downtown, but the ghost has taken over her body. Peter drags the al-Masris to the museum and asks Isaiah to keep them and David safe.
ch. 25: Peter goes out to meet the ghost, who is just as angry with him as he as with Harrington: Eoin's life fell apart when his brother left Ireland. Peter shields the rest of the town from Eoin's rage with his body. After all, no matter what the ghost does to him, he cannot die.

ch. 26: Despite Peter and Isaiah's best efforts, Eoin infiltrates the museum. Everyone fights him off as best they can without harming Samira. Peter distracts Eoin with an old photo of a little girl who was one of the few people to show him kindness at the end of his miserable life. By getting his brother to remember the girl's kindness and then the love of his family - rather than the pain of losing them - Peter convinces Eoin to move on. Then he collapses.
ch. 27: Peter wakes up in the hospital after several weeks, with all his friends by his side. They have questions; he tells them all about the curse, his immortality, and his brother. David is angry when Peter tells him privately that he's leaving Harrington as soon as he's discharged. David storms out; Peter tells no one else about his plans to leave, in case they leave him first.
ch. 28: Fully recovered and out of the hospital, Peter prepares to leave Harrington, even though he aches to be doing so. As he finds more and more things his friends gave him among his possessions while packing, the idea of leaving them hurts more and more. At last, Peter abandons packing and walks to David's house, where he kisses David and admits he wants to stay. As they head in to breakfast together, Isaiah's spirit departs the museum.


It’s allllllll coming together, i.e. I got rid of all the “something something” that was in there the first time around lol, wooooo!
  





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Fri Jul 09, 2021 3:52 am
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BluesClues says...



july 8


No actual writing today because power outage again BUT look how much I did up there with the reordering! I essentially have an outline at this point after getting almost 20,000 words into the draft lol and I THINK I have everything figured out in terms of what needs to happen when, and I do have some things I've cut or could potentially cut!
  





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Fri Jul 09, 2021 10:58 pm
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BluesClues says...



oopsie


Right so I was ALL PROUD OF MYSELF for making that outline yesterday

AND THEN

I REALIZED

that I left out one (1) SUPER IMPORTANT THING rip me

The groundskeeper has to go to the old general store (now a boutique clothing store) so he can feel the memories that were left behind by a powerful spirit - the powerful spirit he's looking for, as a matter of fact. This experience is what clues him in that the spirit has a connection to the store, which guides his later research.

Originally it happened before David breaks his leg, but today I was like "UGH NO THE WHOLE POINT IS TO CUT WORDS *BEFORE* DAVID BREAKS HIS LEG" but l u c k i l y I think I can make it happen later. It has to happen differently anyway, because it also originally happened in response to a moment Peter and David had that is now happening differently.

SO. Today I decided it can go *after* David breaks his leg, since the groundskeeper has just started his library research ANYWAY, so he has some time to research before his ghost-sensing abilities clue him in. And I decided it can happen because David breaks his leg: at the ER they had to cut off his clothes to look at him, right, because you don't want to try to pull someone's pants off over a busted leg (ow).

So he ordered a new pair from the boutique and they're in and he's like "ugh gotta go get those I guess" but he's trying to go as few places as possible right now because, you know, broken leg. So the groundskeeper's like "um well I could go get them and bring them to you tomorrow, and then he ends up going with Neveah because Neveah's got a wedding to go to or whatever.

Oh, shoot, which I GUESS means we will slightly need to,,,rearrange some conversations between Neveah, Elijah, and the groundskeeper, but these aren't like Plot Intensive conversations so I think it'll be fine lolsob.
  





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Sat Jul 10, 2021 1:37 am
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BluesClues says...



july 9


2,137 words and chapter 7 is FINALLY finito. It ended differently than before, because the bit that ended it before is now going to almost immediately precede the three chapters I'm moving up in the story.

(I fear they will not be moving up as much as I want them to, but OH WELL FOR NOW, I GUESS.)

Favorite new bit from today:

One of Samira's drawings still sat on the kitchen table, a monstrosity of pencil, blue and black pen, and various shades of highlighter because that was what Sayid had had in his pencil case for her to draw with. It was, as best he could tell, a drawing of the kitchen. There was the door in the corner. There was the sink, with its window and curtain. There was the table, with a smiling stick-figure Samira and a frowning stick-figure Sayid sitting at it and a stick-figure Peter standing nearby.

A hoarse chuckle escaped him. He swallowed back a sudden lump in his throat.

Then he stuck the picture on the icebox.

He should've realized then how much danger he was in.
  





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Sun Jul 11, 2021 2:25 am
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BluesClues says...



july 10


1,403 words toward ch 8 and I THINK we MIGHT a c t u a l l y ??? PERHAPS be okay moving those chapters up to where I want them after all, despite all the new content???

Because I think the remainder of this chapter is going to highlight the groundskeeper's initial research and summarize the next few days: each day he works at the cemetery until lunch, then David arrives to catalogue the graves in the back lot, the groundskeeper gives him a sprig of flowers for protective purposes but also it feels highkey flirty, and then David heads to the back lot and the groundskeeper heads to the library, where he runs into the al-Masri children more often than not.

(Thinking he tells them when he leaves this first day, or when they leave, or whenever, that he'll be at the library again so they can visit him there rather than at the cemetery. Also thinking at the end of this first day is when Yafa should ask his name and initially invite him to dinner, but he's going to turn her down this time and accept later. :eyes:)

He ALSO needs to Worry™ about all the strangers suddenly spending time in the back lot, because I realized today that he's in Northwest Ohio during the Biggest Week in American Birding, so I shamelessly wrote it into the story AND I realized this actually works well to bring ghostly activity in earlier lol. Like realistically he has no way to protect all the various people in the back lot except David, because they're strangers, so he can't just offer THEM random flirty flowers.

So people can start experiencing some lowkey ghostly activity like drafts, things being thrown or dropped from nowhere, etc. The birders drive the groundskeeper nuts because they obviously wouldn't be scared off by this lol. I think after a couple of days they might actually disperse or at least not go farther than the stream because there aren't so many birds back there ANYWAY because the birds feel the spirit's anger even if the people don't.

If this extends through the weekend, the groundskeeper probably spends the weekend in the back lot just trying to keep people safe as best he can lol. Oh, also I was thinking Neveah worries too, but she worries about people crossing that old bridge because it's not in good shape, so the groundskeeper is like "oh yes THAT is definitely the danger, we should rope that off" or whatever lol. Not that that'll stop birders lol they'll just wade the creek, but it's something, maybe.

Anyway, after all that - the way I get into the episode with David's leg breaking now, I think this will actually fall around 30k like I wanted!!! R E L I E F

Random note to self btdubs, because I could maybe use this to explain how the groundskeeper justifies leaving after David breaks his leg, maybe he has this thought--
Spoiler! :
maybe at first the groundskeeper thinks that makes sense, because everyone back there (well, most of them, anyway) died of cholera, so even if there were zero ghosts, the unease of everyone who buried someone who died of cholera just ends up in this collective memory and sense of unease (which phenomena would also be good to establish early on anyway).
  








Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill.
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