Young Writers Society

(We did it again xD @GrandWild finally hit the double digits!)

Ky had really hoped that Gaius would force Sera to come to her senses and give Ky a proper punishment. But he didn't. Instead, he just avoided her. Which was arguably worse.

On the one hand, she didn't relish the idea of an interaction with him. Ever again.

On the other, it made her feel absolutely terrible that she was making him so uncomfortable in his own house.

And yet she didn't know what to do about it. If she just hid in her room, then she'd upset Sara. And Sara was probably already annoyed with her for what Ky had done to her husband -- no point in fueling that.

And then finally he came to a meal.

And it was so much worse.

Tadaaki made sure he got to each meal early to ensure that he had Aashi at the very farthest end of the table from Gaius as possible, even when he wasn't there. He and Ky were slowly starting to believe that this wasn't a trap. That it wasn't the calm before a storm. But neither of them was willing to risk it. And the last thing they needed was for Aashi to agitate Gaius when the situation was already so precarious.

Then they had Tasia, then Tadaaki to her right, so Ky sat to his right. Further down the table from where she usually sat. But hopefully not noticeably so. She just... didn't know what to do. Had he breathed during that meal? She sure hadn't. Not a single breath. It was too tense. Too awkward.

The next day's dinner was exactly the same.

There was just...

Regret.

There was regret. And nothing at all she could do about that.

And, well, she knew Sera said to just let it play out. And she knew that she couldn't rush this. But she felt like she owed Gaius at least a single genuine apology before she let the situation go to rest.

She just had to figure out how to get him alone. And... to find the guts to do so. Because she most certainly did not want to. The thought was absolutely terrifying and uncomfortable and awkward. But so was this game of them pretending everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. Lack of communication never made things better.

(Omg I didn't even notice!! Heck yeah!)

Gaius had taken his meager meals upstairs in his room and gone out of his way to be where Ky wasn't. He knew how she would look at him, what she must think of him now. If there had been any chance at them growing even a little like family, Gaius had a feeling that was gone for good. Ky reading those journals had put a rift between them Gaius wasn't sure he could or would mend. None of his other nieces or nephews had done something like that.
Sara had basically forced him to come to meals after the first couple days. She said it was for his own health but he suspected there was more concern for Ky there. He had no doubt his childish avoidance was damaging her badly, and he regretted it but could not bring himself to break the habit until Sara made him.
He spent the first meal in utter silence, keeping his gaze fixed intently on his food and nothing else. The next meal was much the same, as was the next. He felt that he could exist as a shadow on the wall--albeit one of annoyingly high status--for as long as he needed. He knew Sera, Sara, and basically his entire family disapproved of that. It wasn't healthy. But he would move on, he supposed. When he wasn't feeling so stubborn.

Ingrid and the other diary organizers had refused to burn the diaries, much to his distress. That revelation prolonged his depression significantly; he understood why the journals were staying but it felt so wrong to have them anywhere, to allow them to exist. He would try to convince them again later

Ky couldn't handle this any longer. One of them had to break, and they both knew it was going to be her. She had to do something. Apologize. Let him yell at her if that would make him feel better. Anything but have to go through another one of these hellish meals.

She lingered as the meal drew to a close, looking at her plate or cup or glancing around -- anywhere but Gaius. She couldn't look at him yet. Not until she found her courage. Or she'd never find it at all.

Gaius had eaten even less of his meal than usual in the hopes that it would speed along his obligation to be present. It did no such thing and Sara had recommended he stay for the entire meal, so he sat there staring at his full plate, wishing he didn't exist in this moment.
He was glad, at least, that nobody was bothering him, trying to engage. That happened sometimes when he wasn't in the mood. This time it seemed people understood that he needed space. Good; perhaps he should give off this energy all the time.

(xD oh gods here we go)

Ky had done this.

To him.

To them.

This was all her fault.

She wanted to run away, but forced herself to stay seated. To nibble at her food even though she felt properly ill. She... had to do this. Had to make an effort. It was her fuck up, and it was her job to fix it.

She hoped there'd be an opportunity soon. She damn sure wasn't talking to him when there were witnesses.

Well... she'd have to think about it, if Sera or Sara happened to be around. They could potentially be a good buffer between the two of them, since both of them seemed to understand Ky and Gaius, even though Ky and Gaius couldn't understand each other. But no one else.

Gaius listened unhappily as one by one people began to trickle out of the dining hall after finishing. Imali and Ua were the first, followed shortly by Lyra. Ivar and May took a little longer but they, too, left. Eventually Sera and Rickard rose and departed. A few minutes later Sara and the children, the only ones left besides Ky and Gaius, got up as well.
Gaius took this as his cue to leave and grabbed his cane. He wasn't going to be caught alone with Ky. No chance.
Sara caught his eye as she stood and picked up the children, and she gave a tiny shake of her head. Gaius stared at her. What, she was leaving him and making him stay? Why? She knew this was unbearable for him. Why wouldn't she stay?

Ky caught this interaction, and quickly looked back down at her own plate, flushing a bit. Gods. This was... painful didn't even come close to describing how miserable this was. Her chest was so tight she could barely breathe. But she forced herself to take deep breaths anyway. To do her best to be functional despite the stress.

"Bye Papa!" Mattathias waved as he followed Sara toward the door. Sara paused beside Ky and murmured, "Just talk to him." Then she left, leaving Gaius standing forlornly at the head of the table with his hands gripping his cane tightly. Gods, this was terrible. It was exactly the opposite of what he wanted. Didn't Sara see this was agony for him?

Ky nodded once to her, waiting until the door closed. It simultaneously sealed the two of them in here alone together and sucked every last drop of oxygen out of the room. She swallowed hard and glanced at him, then away again. She needed to just say what she had to say. And then they could figure it out from there. It was clear Gaius wanted nothing more than to not have this conversation. So she needed to say what she needed to and leave him with the option to leave after that.

"I... know that you don't like apologies, so I'll only say this once." She looked back at him, forcing herself to stay seated with her hands in her lap, rather than to jump up and start pacing anxiously. They didn't need to deal with that energy. "But I do want to say that I am genuinely sorry. It was a violation of your privacy and a breach of your trust, and I know a simple 'sorry' isn't going to fix that. But I do regret my actions and I promise I won't ever do anything like that again. And... I know you have no reason to believe me, after what I did. But I do mean it. And... in time... I would ask for your forgiveness, but I certainly don't expect it soon. I understand... it takes time... and... well... I would eventually like to right this wrong and mend our relationship but, I... I understand if... I understand this isn't simple. And I understand if that's not something you... want. At this point."

Gaius didn't make eye contact with her throughout the entire apology, keeping his gaze on the table. He listened in silence, expecting to stay tense all the way through. Instead he relaxed slightly, which made him tense back up to keep himself from doing anything he might regret. He didn't want apologies and no matter how genuine it was, it would mend nothing on its own.
Gaius blew out a small breath through his nose, tilted his chin up and locked eyes with Ky for a brief moment, then looked away again. "Mm."

She grimaced slightly and looked back at her plate. Mm indeed.

He glanced toward the door. Gods, he wanted to leave so badly. "Well." He tapped his cane on the floor lightly, working his jaw for a moment. "You about summed it up there." He was doing a bad job. He ought to be courteous and pretend he was delighted by the apology or something. Instead he was being a petulant child and acting as petty as he could. He should leave now before he hurt her feelings more.

Ky glanced at him. What was she even supposed to say to that? She didn't know. But she'd learned by now that fewer words tended to agitate Gaius less than more. And she had no defense besides. Nothing to add.

So she simply dipped her head instead.

"Thank you," he tried, half-heartedly. That sounded pitiful. She seemed to understand him a little better as far as conversation went, at least. Less was always more. But would she go away or would he have to leave knowing she would panic herself the moment he stepped out?

Ky glanced at him and hesitated, then dipped her head again. This went about as well as she could have hoped. At least he accepted the apology. It didn't confer forgiveness by any stretch of the imagination -- but she hadn't been expecting that. She probably wouldn't believe him even if he did say that he forgave her. They both knew he didn't. Not yet.

"Is... there anything I can do?" Ky asked cautiously. "I... I know this takes time. I'm not trying to rush it. I just... would like to know if there is anything I can do as a, uh... sign of... uh... that... to show that I mean it. Beyond just minding my own business moving forward."