Young Writers Society

The next hour went by quietly, as James continued to eat a little bit here and there until he finally felt full - which seemed to surprise Evaline. They sat together on the porch for a little longer until Elise started getting up and cleaning things on the table a little bit, and James offered to help, but was refused. Nicely, of course, since it was Elise, but she was insistent.

James and Evaline eventually wandered back to the pool, deciding that it was getting too cold to stay outside of it without changing back into their clothes. And seeing as the night wasn't over, they opted for hopping back into the water.

They found a corner where they were able to sit alone and talk quietly, but eventually their moment was interrupted.

"Hey everyone, gather up!" Hendrik's loud voice yelled at the other side of the pool. "It's five minutes til midnight!"

Mel, Katya, Rudy, and Hendrik shouted in various versions of a cheer as everyone started to gather around to the center of the pool where Hendrik was standing. James and Evaline didn't get too close to everyone, but enough that they were all a few short feet from each other.

The chatter around everyone buzzed, and there didn't seem to be any mention of kissing. Just everyone being overall excited by a new year. Mel and Alistair found Evaline and James, and they stood nearby.

"I feel like it's been ages since the three of us were together on a New Year's midnight," Mel said.

"It has been a while," Evaline idly said, then glanced up at James. "I'm glad we're here now, though."

"Me too," James said with a slight smile.

"One minute left!" Hendrik said, staring at a pocket watch he was holding.

"So, what are you guys looking forward to the most for the next year?" Mel asked.

James looked at Evaline, but he didn't say anything as his gaze lingered on her.

"I don't like setting expectations," Evaline said, not meeting his gaze quite yet since she was still looking over at Mel. "I'd rather live in the moment."

"That sounds like something to look forward to," Mel mused. "Living in the moment and all."

"I guess so," Evaline said, then turned to meet James's eyes.

"I look forward to enjoying the little things," James said.

"The little things are oftentimes more significant than the big things," Evaline said softly as they met each other's gaze.

"Ten seconds!" Hendrik shouted, just as he started to loudly count down, and a few of the others joined in the chanting, Mel included.

"Nine! Eight! Seven!..."

Evaline lifted her hand out of the water to brush wet strands of hair out of his face and behind his ear, lingering her hand there and softly smiling as she turned more to face him. James turned to face her as well.

"Five! Four! Three!"

He lifted his hand to cup her cheek, and brushed her cheek with his thumb, meeting her eyes for a moment before his eyes flicked to her lips, and he leaned in, pulling her close. She placed her hand behind his neck, her fingers curling around his hair.

"One!"

And they kissed.

It lasted a few seconds as they leaned into it, but the outside noises seemed to ruin the mood. James pulled away, looking at the ensuing chaos.

"UGH! HENDRIK!" Malkiel yelled, red from anger and embarrassment as he pulled away from a toothy-grinned Hendrik who had leaned in close.

He looked over to Mel, who was laughing with a giddy smile next to Alistair, who was beet red in the face.

He glanced over to Elise just in time to see her swerve away from Rudy, and then caught a glimpse of Tula and Deidra just pulling away from each other.

"Uh, Hendrik, what clock were you even looking at?" Katya asked as she pulled out her own pocket watch. She seemed to be the only one not participating. "Mine says it'll be midnight in thirty seconds."

Hendrik paused in thought to think.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "I set mine up early so I'm not as late to things. My bad, guys, false alarm. Get ready for round two in twenty seconds."

Malkiel scoffed and rolled his eyes, already starting to leave the pool. "Happy New Years, everyone," he said in a monotone voice.

"Hey, Alistair," Mel said with a silly grin as she poked him. "Still have a crush on me?"

"N... no," he said as he cleared his throat. "It's getting late. I should go."

"AAAAND TIME!" Hendrik yelled. "Now it's New Year's."

James turned his attention back to Evaline with a small, amused smile as he met her eyes.

"Happy New Years, Eve," he said as his smile grew.

A silly smile crept across her face as she picked up on the pun, but she supressed a laugh, and it came out as a snort.

"Funny," she said, and then leaned in to give him another quick kiss on the lips. "Happy second New Year's kiss, for double the good luck."

James returned the kiss with a small smile, and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held the back of her head as he leaned into it.

"Oooh, nice one, Mel," Hendrik said, and James could hear a few more ooh's and aah's. James's eyes had been closed, but he peeked them open and slowly pulled away again. He could see Mel was... making illlusory fireworks.

"Boom! Pow! Skkkkhhhhh," Mel said as she mimicked explosions. "It's just not the same when there's no sound."

James looked over to Evaline with a small smile and his eyebrows arched up as he shrugged.

"Better than the Day of Peace?" Evaline asked softly with a little laugh.

"Much better," James said, still watching her with a small smile.

"Better than the birthdays?" she asked next, still meeting his eyes.

James paused, humming.

"I think your birthday is my favorite holiday," he said.

Evaline raised a brow and laughed through her nose, her hand finding his swept bangs again, but this time pushing it back by combing it with her fingers, which was easier to do when wet.

"That's a little cliche, and a lot cheesy, but I accept anyways," she said with a smile.

James smiled wide, and he laughed lightly through his nose.

"I'll take that success," he said softly.

They both looked longingly into each other's eyes for a few moments, but were interrupted when Mel showed up next to them. Again.

"Awwww," she cooed. "I can see the heart eyes on both your faces. So cute."

James flicked his eyes over to Mel, shooting her a half-lidded stare as his smile faded.

"Thanks for the commentary," he said with sarcasm.

Evaline suddenly laughed, shaking her head in amusement as she looked between the two of them before settling on James.

"Sorry," she said with a lingering smile. "But I have never seen you go from adoringly affectionate to seriously sarcastic so fast."

James looked back to Evaline with a raised brow.

"Mel just brings it out of me," he said with a smirk.

"You're welcome," Mel said with a twirl of her hand, like she had done him a favor.

She stepped a bit closer, hugging Evaline from her side as she leaned her head on her shoulder.

"I'd ask for a group hug but I'm perfectly okay with just stealing Evaline away from you," she teased.

"I think I'll survive a few seconds of you hugging," James said, still smirking.

"Can I also give you two good luck cheek kisses?" Mel asked, pushing it further.

James narrowed his eyes at her, but didn't reply just yet.

"You can just give me a good luck cheek kiss," Evaline said through an amused breathy laugh through her nose.

"As long as James doesn't get jealous that he doesn't get one too, I guess," Mel said back with an innocent shrug, smirking back at him.

James sighed through his nose and pursed his lips, thinking. He stared at Mel with narrowed eyes for a few seconds before he rolled his eyes.

"Fine," he muttered. "But make it quick."

Mel grinned victoriously and then swooped in with one arm around Evaline's shoulder and another around James's for a hug, although she was mostly bringing their heads closer together first. She quickly smooched Evaline's cheek first, then turned to do the same to James before tightening her arms around them. Evaline seemed to complete the circle first, her arm wrapping around James's waist first, and then Mel's. James weakly returned the hug.

"I love you guys," she said with a sunny smile. "I'm glad you're happy."

"...Love you too, Mel," James said quietly, waiting for the hug to be over.

"Awwww," Mel cooed, giving one last squeeze before finally pulling away. "Okay, that's it though. That's all the love I'm getting. Give the rest to Evaline."

James was going to make a comment about he didn't run on a short supply, but he thought better of it, and instead looked to Evaline. He lifted his hands out of the water, holding them before her like he was holding a gift.

"Here you go," he said.

"Oh, thank you," Evaline said as she scooped up the air on his palms and then slapped it on the left side of her chest. "I've received your love. I'll ask for more tomorrow."

"Good, I get a refill when I sleep," he said, turning and starting to walk to the edge of the pool, and Evaline followed.

"You guys are so weird," he heard Mel say with a laugh, but then seemed to return her attention back to Hendrik and Katya who had been yelling at her to make more fake fireworks.

"Hmm, that's a shame," Evaline continued on with the joke even though they didn't have an audience anymore. "You hardly sleep sometimes. Whatever will I do?"

"Sometimes I sleep with my eyes open," James said with his eyebrows raised and his head tilted to the side. "I could be sleeping and you'd be none the wiser."

Evaline looked to be in thought for a moment. "You know, I remember looking over after waking up on the bed in the City of Angels with you, and your eyes were wide open, but you acted like I woke you up when I called you."

James looked off the side, humming in thought as he started to climb out of the pool.

"I don't really remember," he said quietly. "Maybe you did wake me."

"Well, next time I'll watch you sleep, and I promise I won't be creeped out too much if you do sleep with your eyes open," she said with a teasing smile as she climbed out of the pool after him.

James grabbed his towel off the bench again, drying off his legs first and then his back, arms, and shoulders.

"I'll try not to look to creepy, either, I guess," he said with a slight smile.

As Evaline and James stepped out, the others eventually followed suit, trailing one after another until everyone was back inside. James and Evaline got changed back into their clothes, and James found Sleepy in the changing room where he'd left her.

She seemed to have nested down in his clothes until he distrupted her peace. He got a few disgruntled clucks from her, but she seemed happy to see him again.

James also stepped out to the front with Evaline to check on Elliot. He seemed surprisingly content beside Bongo and Higgins, but was happy when James gave him a small sugar cube he'd been saving for a special occasion.

He and Evaline both gave Elliot a little good luck kiss on the head, even if it was belated. Elliot deserved it.

When they got back inside, everyone was splitting off to different rooms to sleep in, and Evaline and James were assigned one upstairs. They took their blankets and sleeping mats into the room and found that there were two cots set up already, and it didn't take long to set up their few belongings for bed.

Though, they didn't expect to be going to bed just yet.

James let Sleepy walk around on the floor as he and Evaline to a moment to breathe, both of them sitting on the edges of their cots.

The moment of reprieve lasted no less than a minute before James heard a knock at the door.

"James?" he heard Elise call softly.

"You can come in," James answered, and Elise opened the door, stepping inside with Rudy following. Elise made sure to shut the door behind them.

It looked like Rudy was carrying a medkit.

"We won't take up too much of your time," Elise said with a hushed voice as she and Rudy approached James. "Let's start with the burn first. Do you need help unbandaging?"

James took in a deep breath as he already started pulling off his shirt to make things easier.

"Hendrik mentioned it could rip off hair if I'm not careful," James said as he set his shirt to the side on the cot. "So if you know of a way to avoid that..."

Elise sat down next to him on the cot and then peered down at the wrapped bandage around his arm.

"Unfortunately, there isn't an easy way to remove it, other than letting it soak for a bit to soften the adhesive. It may already be softened since you have been in the pool. Would you like me to gently peel it off?"

James looked up at Elise, and his eyes flicked over to Rudy, who was standing on the other side of him, watching attentively with a curious look of interest. He was being quiet, though, for the time being. James likely had Elise to thank for that.

"Sure," he said, offering his arm out to her as he braced himself.

Elise nodded and then angled herself more towards him to hold his arm. With her thumb and forefinger, she lifted up the edge of the bandage and began to slowly peel it back.

She was right - it was softened from the hours he spent soaking in the water, and James didn't feel tension or pull of his hairs. It was a small thing to be grateful for.

Silence fell while as she worked her way around, and eventually she was able to peel all of the adhesive off.

"All done," she announced as she set the shriveled adhesives aside. "It's good that it was wrapped so snug so that the real bandage underneath is dry."

James nodded, watching as Rudy drew near and knelt down in front of them both so he was close.

"You said you hadn't gotten a look at it yet, right, Elise?" Rudy asked.

"Not yet," Elise answered, then looked back to James. "Would you like me to take off the bandage, or would you prefer to do it?"

James took in another breath, but this one felt shallow.

"I've got it," he said quietly, as he found the edge of the bandaging by his wrist and untucked it. Slowly and carefully, he unwound it, up and over, until his arm was exposed and the used bandaging dropped into his lap.

It had been some time since he'd looked at it in full view, and it felt like he was seeing it again for the first time with Rudy and Elise staring down at the burn that wound its way up his forearm. The skin still looked red, and it was beginning to scab in some places while it was still open and raw in others. The ring in the middle was the most tender, as the fire there seemed to be the hottest.

He swallowed nervously as a small silence followed and both doctors stared at the wound.

"I wouldn't be able to remove the scar," Rudy hummed. "But... I could heal it up, with the energy I have reserved."

He looked from Elise to James, flicking his eyes between the two of them.

"This is a very oddly shaped burn," he commented quietly. "I don't suppose you'd--"

"Oddly shaped or not, it's our duty to heal," Elise cut in before he could get too far. "Do you have enough energy to do all of it? I may be able to help with the second layer of skin."

Rudy looked a little miffed, but it was hard to tell if it was because Elise was implying he couldn't do it or because he was interrupted.

"Skin is my area of expertise," Rudy said as if Elise should've known already.

"I know," Elise said calmly. "But I'd be happy to ease the burden if it means you--"

"You need to save your energy for his bruises," Rudy said, giving James a quick glance up and down before his eyes settled on the burn again. "He's covered in them. His whole body's practically blue and yellow."

"He won't be when we're finished, Rudy," Elise continued calmly.

"I know, I know, I know," Rudy said dismissively.

"Let's talk about scarring," Elise prefaced, like this was what she was trying to say before Rudy interrupted her. "Would you be able to fade at least some of the scarring if I helped with the second layer of skin?"

Rudy gave Elise a calculating look and then returned his gaze to James's arm, studying it closely.

"I could fade it entirely, if he wanted," Rudy said, looking up to meet James's eyes. "If you wanted."

James hadn't been expecting that to even be an option. He found himself staring back at Rudy, but he couldn't find words to express the anxious uncertainty in his gut.

"En...tirely?" he asked instead.

"Unless you're the type who's attatched to his scars," Rudy said, giving him another quick once-over. "Normally, people pay for me to do this. I'm offering for free."

James pressed his lips together tightly.

"Can you... heal it first?" James asked, unable to fully tear his attention away from the open air stinging against his skin.

"Of course," Elise said before Rudy could answer. "We'll let you decide after we're finished."

She then turned to Rudy, peering up at him standing over them.

"There's less damage on the second layer of skin," she said. "I can heal that first - or as much as I can - and then leave to you."

Rudy nodded, but held his tongue. James looked at his arm, and then Elise.

Was she going to have to touch it?

Elise turned back to James and reached out to grab his arm again. At this time, Evaline moved from her cot to his, sitting down on the small space beside him so he was sandwiched between the women. She took his free hand and gave him a little squeeze.

"All I'm going to do is brush my thumb over the burn," Elise began, meeting his eyes. "And it will hurt, maybe even feeling like the burn itself. This is your nerves being overstimulated by the quick repair of skin, which is extra sensitive on the second layer."

James nodded as she explained, glad that she told him so he could mentally prepare for it.

"Alright," he said.

"Burns over a longer surface area tend to take longer to heal," she continued. "It may take a minute to wrap my way around. But if at any point that you feel it is too difficult or painful, please let me know and we will take a break."

James nodded again.

"Okay," he said quietly.

"Ready to begin?" Elise asked.

"Ready," James said, holding Eve's hand just a little more firmly.

"You can hold my hand tightly if you need to," Evaline whispered in his ear. "Give me two quick squeezes if it gets too hard and you want me to talk to you."

James nodded again, just enough for Evaline to notice, but he could already feel the tension in his chest growing.

"Just do it," he said to Elise.

Elise steadied her hands around him and scooted a little closer, her thumb lining the beginning of the burn at his wrist.

"Alright," she said. "I'll begin now."

Slowly, she started to drag her thumb down the wound, and he could feel the burning sensation bubble up under his skin. Truth told him that it was helping, but his grip around Evaline's hand tightened, and he closed his eyes tightly, trying to remain composed as Elise started winding around.

It was different than the fire, but it still burned. He clenched his jaw and took in slow, measured breaths.

She was halfway there, and he could feel the rising panic as tension built in all of his muscles. He was holding back, but his nerves were screaming, and every instinct within him told him to fight or flee. He was trying not to crush Evaline's hand, and instead rerouted his anxiety to his other hand, which he clenched tightly in a fist.

When Elise made it just above his elbow where the burn ended, James felt like it had been an eternity. And they weren't even done.

"My turn?" Rudy asked, breaking the silence.

Elise let out a deep sigh and nodded. "How are you feeling, James?" she asked.

James had to slowly unclench both of his hands. He hoped he hadn't hurt Evaline by squeezing her hand too tightly.

"It's... I'm okay," he said stiffly. The wound still stung, and his heart was still racing. He couldn't accurately measure what the pain was like before at the moment.

Elise nodded. "Would you like a break, or would you like Rudy to finish up next?"

James just wanted this to be over.

"Finish," he said, not looking up at either Rudy or Elise.

"Okay," Elise said, and then stood up and stepped aside, motioning for Rudy to take over. Rudy sat down beside him, and James felt the shift in the cot under Rudy's weight.

"It'll hurt again," Rudy warned. "So if you're feeling faint, let us know before you pass out."

James couldn't tell if that was an attempt at a joke or if Rudy was being serious, but he chose not to reply.

"Okay," Rudy said, clearing his throat. "Don't punch me, now."

James watched as Rudy reached out two fingers and laid them on the edge of the wound, at his wrist, in the same place Elise started. He could feel a similar burning sensation, but this felt warmer, and more permeating. There was a faint light emanating from Rudy's fingertips as he started tracing the wound, and James found himself staring with wide eyes as he watched the skin heal before his eyes, pulling together into a neat, healthy scar.

He had never watched when people healed him, but now he couldn't look away. It was unsettling how quickly the pain dissipated and the euphoria of relief rushed to his brain.

"There," Rudy said as he flipped James's arm over as if to show his work. "See? It's a nast-- it's a scar. I can get rid of it, if you want. And honestly, I could take care of this other one while I'm at it, since they overlap, now..."

James felt frozen as he continued to stare down at his arm, trying to imagine the scars suddenly vanishing away.

Why didn't he know if he wanted that?

Shouldn't he have wanted it?

"We'll focus on the burn scar for now, Rudy," Elise said. "But it's ultimately up to James."

Evaline brushed her thumb over his hand interlaced with hers. "It's up to you," she said softly. "If you want to."

James was quiet, and he could feel the pressure of everyone's eyes watching him with expectant anticipation. He stared down at his arm with his eyebrows knit together tightly in a straight line, trying to imagine what it would be like to not have the scar. To not have the reminder of what had happened.

"Sure," he said stiffly, even though he was still unsure. He watched as Rudy's eyes seemed to light up in excitement, and he eagerly reached again for James's arm.

"It'll be good as new," Rudy said with a sense of giddiness in his voice that didn't seem to match the tone of the rest of the room, but James was beyond fighting it.

Rudy held James's arm with one hand and started tracing the scar with the other, and James could feel the same warmth and saw the same faint glow as Rudy's hand traveled down and around his arm.

The scar was actually disappearing. James wasn't sure how he felt about it.

Relieved? Happy? Mortified?

When Rudy finished, he pulled away with a faint smile and was watching to see James's reaction.

Unfortunately, for everyone, James didn't have one.

He stared at his arm blankly, and slowly turned his arm over. Palm up, palm down.

It was surreal.

"Well?" Rudy finally said, impatient.

"It's..." James stuttered faintly. "...Gone."

"How do you feel, James?" Elise asked, sounding concerned.

James touched his arm, running his hand down his skin, trying to comprehend how quickly the scar had disappeared.

"It doesn't hurt anymore?" he said quietly, though he knew that wasn't exactly an answer to her question.

"Well, it shouldn't," Rudy said with a laugh, though he was starting to visibly look a little tired. "Unless we missed something."

"Thank you for your help, Rudy," Elise said. "We appreciate all you've done, and I can take it from here. I'm sure you are tired, so feel free to rest up now."

Rudy didn't seem to be paying much attention to Elise.

"Would you like me to remove another one?" Rudy asked. "Maybe a facial scar, to clear up--"

"For a doctor, you're very callous," Evaline interrupted, shooting him a pointed look.

Rudy clicked his tongue and slowly got to his feet.

"I'm just trying to help," he muttered as he started for the door.

"James will let you know if he wants that," Evaline continued. "Not the other way around."

Rudy paused by the door, not looking at Evaline, but at James. James only saw him from the corner of his eyes, still unable to fully tear his gaze from his arm.

"...Thank you," he said faintly. "Rudy."

Rudy clicked his tongue again, opening the door to leave.

"Yeah. It's my job. You're welcome," he said before closing the door behind him, and they could hear him walking down the hall.

"Your colleague is incredibly rude," Evaline said as she looked at Elise. "How is he a doctor?"

Elise let out a nervous chuckle. "We must have been taught by two different teachers," she said weakly. "But he is knowledgeable. His powers are mostly limited by skin, though. I could also heal skin - but not scars. I think he may just be trying to show off."

"Seems inappropriate," Evaline muttered and then looked back at James. "How are you?" she asked.

James sat still, wedged bewteen them.

"I don't know," he said quietly. He felt distant.

"Would you like some time to recover before I heal your bruises?" Elise asked gently.

It took him a moment, but he realized what was happening. He could feel his mind pulling away from his body, trying to separate. Trying to disassociate. He tried to focus on something. Anything. But he felt so far away.

"James?" Evaline said next to him when he took too long to answer, brushing her fingers along his knee. "Is everything okay?"

James reached out for her hand, holding it loosely. She seemed to welcome it, even interlacing her fingers with his to hold it more firmly.

"I'm... okay," he said faintly, knowing it was unconvincing.

"I can give you a minute if you need it," Elise said. "I know the process must have been uncomfortable. Luckily, bruises can be healed faster, and it's only more uncomfortable than painful. Just let me know when you're ready."

James nodded slightly.

"I'll take the minute," he said quietly.

Evaline gently squeezed his hand. "I'm glad you decided to do this," she said. "Now the burn will no longer cause you pain."

It wasn't that James didn't know what Evaline meant, but as he stared back down at his arm, he couldn't help but feel like something was missing. The scar was gone, but there was nothing they could do to take away the pain of the memory.

He was so used to holding onto it - all of the pain - and he'd been forced to keep a record of it on his own body. This felt like an incomplete way of letting it go, but the problem was, James didn't know if he could let it go, even if the scar wasn't there anymore.

"Yeah," he finally said distantly after far too long of a pause, having already forgotten just what Evaline had said.

He fell to silence as Evaline and Elise started to talk to one another. Evaline thanked Elise again, and Elise brushed it off as usual, and started going on a tangent about her powers. Elise explained that she could heal more than the average doctor because the source of her energy was herself, which sounded a lot like the healing mages of Nye.

She explained how she was able to help heal the burn by essentially "donating" some of her own extra skin cells, and heal bruises by "donating" some of her own blood.

"That's why I'll be fairly tired afterwards," she finished with a small smile. "But don't worry about me. I grow cells fast, and that includes blood."

James nodded, trying to mentally return to the present moment. He didn't feel entirely present, but he didn't know if he could be. Not if she would have to touch every bruise to heal it.

"I'm ready," he said, this time with more conviction in his voice.

"Alright," Elise said as she shifted to face more towards him. "We can begin with your chest first, then your back, and then your legs. I'll have to run my fingers along the bruises, and you'll feel a dull ache. I'll go more slowly so you don't feel all the aches at once. But if it gets to be too much, then again let me know, and we can take another break. Does that sound good?"

"Yes," James said, though 'good' wasn't the word he would use to describe this experience.

"Are you ready?" she asked as she lingered her hand over his chest, awaiting his answer.

James nodded. "Yes."

Evaline nodded, and Elise got to work, lightly tracing her fingertips over his bruise, washing them away as if he were a canvas. James wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he quietly felt the aches as she moved from bruise to bruise. Eventually, he had to roll up his pants so she could heal the bruising on his legs as well.

Maybe it was wrong that he'd grown used to his skin being black and blue, but it almost felt wrong when it returned to its normal shade.

When Elise finally finished, she pulled her hands away and let out a deep sigh, smiling in relief as she looked up to meet his eyes.

"I'm done," she said. "How are you feeling?"

"It doesn't hurt anymore," James said.

"That's right. No more pain," Elise said with a nod as she got up on her feet. "You did well. It was uncomfortable, but you did it. I'm happy for you."

James wasn't really expecting any sort of congratulations for being the one recieving the healing, and he didn't exactly know how to respond. He looked up at her, finally meeting her eyes, even though he still felt like a house with no one home.

"Thanks, Elise," he said.

"I'm happy to help," she said through a tired smile. "Is there anything else I can do for you now?"

James shook his head.

Evaline noticed that James was quiet and barely shook his head, so she decided to answer for him.

"That should be it," Evaline said to Elise. "Thank you. Really."

"Don't worry about it," Elise said with a small dismissive gesture of her hand. "Consider it a New Year's gift."

She picked up the med kit that Rudy left behind and handed it to Evaline.

"In case you need it for the rest of your travels," she explained, as Evaline took it.

"Thank you," Evaline said again, offering her a grateful smile as she looked up at her, trying to communicate it with her eyes as well.

Elise nodded and then glanced at the door, taking a few steps towards it.

"Well, I'll be off, then," she said. "I'll see you two in the morning. Sleep well."

"Good night, Elise," Evaline said as Elise opened the door to leave and waved at them before disappearing.

Evaline took a deep breath in the silence that followed and then turned back to James, noticing how he seemed to be looking at his arm distantly. She couldn't help but worry.

"Hey," she called gently. "Everything okay?"

James didn't respond right away.

"Sorry," he said quietly. "I..."

"May I see your healed arm?" Evaline asked when he trailed off, gesturing towards the arm across from her.

James silently turned to her, offering out his arm. She held it by placing it over her own arm, her fingers secured under his elbow. She brushed the edge of his wrist with her thumb where the scar formerly began. She watched as James's fingers loosely curled up in response.

"It really is gone," she said softly, looking down at where the scar used to be. "Are you glad it's gone?"

"I don't know," he said in a whisper.

"That's okay," she said gently, pulling her thumb away as she held him still.

She wondered if he still felt a phantom pain, even without the visual or wound to remind him of what happened.

"Do you still feel the pain?" she asked as she looked up at him.

"It's all in my head," he said as his lips pressed together tightly and he looked down at his arm instead of meeting her eyes.

"It's a painful memory, I know," Evaline said with her brows drawn together in sympathy. "And you're not used to scars disappearing. It must feel strange and unreal."

"I've never met someone who could remove scars," James said distantly.

"There's a first time for everything," she continued gently. "I know the removal of it doesn't take away the pain of the memory, but at least it takes away the pain on your body."

"Yes," James echoed softly in agreement. "It does."

"Do you mind if I touch it?" she asked softly.

James was quiet for a moment, and she saw his hand curl up a little tighter before loosening again. He nodded.

"You can," he whispered.

Evaline nodded too, and she lifted her free hand again to slowly and gently draw little circles going up his arm with her fingertips.

"Does that hurt?" she asked softly as she did so, looking up at him again to gauge his reaction. She could see tears starting to well up in his eyes, but his face still looked blank, and empty.

"No," he said. "It doesn't."

"And that's a good thing," she said as she held his arm with both hands. "Right?"

"Yes," James said, but he almost sounded unsure.

"Hey," she said gently as she lifted his chin up so that he could meet her eyes. "I like you whether you have zero or a thousand scars. I only wish you don't suffer through any pain, but like you said, not all pain is visible. Do you still feel pain?"

James struggled to meet her eyes. He would flick them away ever so slightly, only to meet hers again. He swallowed and blinked away the tears in his eyes, but otherwise, his expression stayed composed.

"I can't remember what it's like to not be in pain," he said quietly.

Evaline felt a twinge of sadness in her heart as she slowly let his arm drop back to his lap, but still held him by his elbow.

"You don't deserve a life of pain, James," she said softly and sincerely. "Maybe you don't remember what it's like to not be in pain. But it doesn't mean you're doomed to forever be in pain."

James closed his eyes, and he took in a shaky breath as tears started to flow again. He didn't say anything as he bowed his head, and leaned forward to rest it on Evaline's shoulder.

"It's okay," she whispered as she slowly wrapped her hands around him, not quite pulling him into a hug. "Take all the time you need. I'm here."

James hesitantly wrapped his arms around her back and weakly pulled her in, and that was all she needed to embrace him more. She perched her head on his shoulder as she decided to take a page out of his book, rubbing her thumb along his back as a silent comfort as he cried on her shoulder.

"Let it out. It's okay," she whispered. "I told you I'd stay up with you, didn't I? Take as much time as you need."

James continued to cry softly, not with any sobs, but just faint stiffs and shuddered breathing as he leaned into her shoulder. His breathing finally started to steady after a minute or two, but he didn't pull away.

"I hope... today was alright for you," he whispered.

"It was more than alright," Evaline said softly as she rubbed his back. "I got to spend it with you."

She heard him breathe out a puff of air through his nose.

"I think my cheesiness is rubbing off on you," he said, though she could hear the smile in his voice.

Evaline smiled, leaning her head against his a little as she closed her eyes for a moment, appreciating the moment for what it was, even though it started off sad.

"What can I say," she said as she mentally prepared herself to dogpile cheesy lines now. "I adore you, and your cheesy dimples, and your cheesy grin. I'm not saying you're my whole world, but it would feel a little smaller without you in it."

A part of her wanted to pull away and gauge his reaction, but she knew she was already getting embarrassed. She took advantage of the lack of sight by playing it off, still casually rubbing her thumb along his back.

She felt James hug her a little tighter, and he turned his head in closer to her neck.

"Write that down," he said. "I can't forget a moment you decided to be cheesy for me."

"You know what it is?" she mused with a silly yet embarrassed smile she knew James couldn't see. "You said you like cheese. So this is me being cheesy. All for you."

James let out a quiet little laugh.

"My favorite kind of cheese," he said, sounding a little tired, but still with a smile in his voice.

"One that travels with you, is inedible, and thinks you're the grate-st," Evaline said, unable to contain her grin at the pun.

James pulled away suddenly, though he still kept his arm behind her back as he turned to meet her eyes with a surprised, growing smile.

"Did you really just..."

"I'm really fondue you," Evaline said in a monotone voice as she looked up at him, trying to contain her grin, but failing.

She watched as James's smile grew until it spread across his whole face, and the two dimples she had truly grown to adore was prevalent on his cheeks.

"Now you're the one who's being ridiculous," he said with another little laugh as he quickly leaned forward and pecked her on the forehead before pulling away again and meeting her eyes. "But I love it."

"I only do it for you," Evaline said with a soft smile. "And yeah. I know. That was cheesy too, but you have that effect."

"It's my fourth power," he said with a goofy smile.

"We better start writing your powers down," she said with a breathy laugh. "You may very well be the most powerful man."

"Don't tell anyone else that," James said with a grin. "They might get jealous."

"What was it you told me before? Oh, yes," Evaline said with her own grin. "James to the fourth power."

James laughed in his chest, breathing out puffs of air through his nose.

"The number just keeps rising," he said.

Evaline smiled and then flicked her eyes away at her hand holding his upper arm. She pulled away a little so her hands could slide down to meet his.

"Do you need water?" she asked. "Or anything?"

It was a random question, but she recalled him asking that to her first weeks ago when she cried in his arms.

James shook his head.

"I think I'm okay," he said.

Evaline nodded, interlacing her hands with his but then holding it loosely as she flicked her eyes to his now-healed chest. It was a relief to no longer see the bruises on him.

"I'm glad that I don't have to worry about squeezing you too hard when we hug," she said.

"Now you can squeeze as tight as you want," James said with a short hum-laugh.

"I'll try not to suffocate you," she said with a small smile. "Are you tired? It's getting late."

"I am," he said slowly. "Are you? We don't have to sleep in shifts tonight."

Evaline nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I could go to sleep."

Despite her words, she didn't move, instead staring down at their hands on top of one another. James looked down at their hands, and then up at her.

"I can, uh..." she said as her mind went blank and she was already embarrassed, feeling her heart beat faster because she knew what she wanted to ask but was afraid it would scare him.

"I wouldn't mind," he said quietly. "If you stayed."

Evaline slowly looked up at him. "Are you sure?" she asked just as quietly. "We, um - we don't have to do anything. Just so you know."

James met her eyes with the faint hit of a smile, and he nodded.

"Okay," he said. "It might be a little snug, but I don't mind."

"I don't either," she said too quickly and then reached over to grab his shirt, handing it to him in one quick motion. "And here's your shirt. If you want it."

James nodded, still with the small smile.

"Thanks," he said as he started to put it back over his head - and she noticed this time he did it with ease, all in one fluid motion. "I am getting a little cold. Do you want to bring your blanket over too?"

Evaline nodded and didn't skip a beat to get up and walk over to the other corner of the room to grab her folded blanket on her cot. She let the layers fall in her arms as she blew the flame on the oil lantern hanging from the ceiling, and then walked back towards James in the darkness, suddenly feeling awkward now that she was standing in front of him.

"Are you, uh, ready?" she asked.

James kicked his legs up onto the cot, tucking them under his blanket, and then he patted beside him with the same reassuring little smile from before.

Evaline returned the little smile as she gingerly sat on the bed and then lifted her legs to lay down, draping the blanket over her and then shifting her position to find a comfortable spot. At the last second, she decided to abandon the position and instead roll over to her side as she faced James with a small smile.

He had laid down next to her, and as she rolled on her side, so did he. It didn't look like he could see her face, but he seemed to smiling with his eyes anyway.

"Good night," she whispered, lingering her gaze on him, taking advantage of his bad eye sight to study him some more.

"Good night," he echoed back as he closed his eyes, and his smile naturally faded.

Even though he appeared to be asleep - or tried to go to sleep - Evaline gazed at him a little longer, knowing the close-up of his sleeping face was the last thing she saw before she fell into a deep sleep where she dreamed about fireworks and giant bread rolls.

James had trouble falling asleep, but the exhaustion of the long night (and all of the uncomfortable drama) finally settled in, and he was able to fall asleep. There were a few moments in the middle of the night that he could faintly recall waking as Evaline stirred, but he'd been able to fall back asleep.

It was hard to say just how many hours of sleep he'd gotten, but it was easy to say it was the most he'd gotten in one night in a while.

When he slowly stirred to wakefulness, he noted his position before he even opened his eyes. He was on his back, and his arm was around Evaline's back. He could feel her head and hand resting on his chest, and it felt like she was curled up at his side. He sleepily cracked his eyes open and tilted his head down, seeing Evaline with her legs tucked up, almost hooking over his own, and one arm reaching over his chest as she used it as her pillow.

He didn't want to wake her.

He turned his head slightly to see the early morning sunlight starting to filter through the window. It looked like it had only just begun to rise, and it didn't sound like anyone else was up yet in the house. James made a point to stay still, waiting in a state somewhere between asleep and fully awake until he felt Evaline begin to stir.

She rolled her head up towards his shoulder and slowly slid her arm back towards her side as she looked up at him with sleepy half-lidded eyes.

"Hi," she breathed out as she placed her head comfortably on his shoulder, closing her eyes for a moment, but fighting the urge to sleep again.

James looked over at her with a lazy smile.

"Hi," he said, testing out his voice, and finding it was a lot rougher than he'd expected.

Evaline smiled a little and tilted her head up to meet his eyes, lingering the sleepy gaze before speaking again.

"You have..." she began hoarsely, but then reached her hand over to his face, wiping a spot under his eye. "Eyelash," she finished.

James hummed lowly.

"Must've escaped in my sleep," he said.

"Mmmhmm," she hummed with a soft smile as she then inched closer, resting her head at the base of his neck, sliding her arm across his chest again.

James held her a little tighter with his arm that was already around her shoulders, and he brought his other hand over, brushing her hair back with his fingers, since it'd twisted around a little in her sleep.

They both stayed in this position for a few minutes in silence, Evaline closing her eyes and not exactly asleep, but relaxed as James rhythmically brushed her hair. It was a slow and quiet morning, but it was interrupted when there were creaking footsteps down the hall, and Mel's chipper yelling voice echoed in the halls.

"Wakey wakey!" she sing-songed as she loudly knocked on all the doors, including theirs. "Rise and shine! Come get breakfast in an hour, or be hungry! I'm making more breeeeead!"

Evaline tilted her head up to look at him, laughing lightly through her nose.

"I guess this means we should get up," she whispered.

"I guess so," he whispered back, giving her hair one last stroke with his hand, but he didn't move just yet. Evaline was still partially on top of him.

Evaline lingered her gaze again and then smiled, slowly leaning in to kiss him on the cheek, but not puckering up, so her lips just touched his skin.

She then pulled away and propped herself with one arm, untangling herself from him. She sat up straight at the edge of the cot, draping her legs over to the floor and stretching her arms up in the air as she yawned.

James took in a deep breath before he sat up, half-expecting his body to ache, and he was surprised when it didn't. The amount of energy he felt was disproportionate to what he normally experienced, and it made him feel light, and he could feel himself waking up faster. He felt a bubble of happiness in his chest fill up quickly, and without warning.

James slid off the cot and got to his feet, taking in another deep breath as he too reached his hands up over his head and stretched out, standing on the tips of his toes. He could feel his elbows and knees crack, and as he locked his fingers together and stretched out his hands, his knuckles cracked in succession, a little loudly, with a pop. He dropped his hands to his side and looked over at Eve.

Evaline was standing next to him, staring at him with an amused expression as she slowly set her arms behind her head to pull her hair back.

"Your stretching sounds painful," she commented.

"Hm?" James said sleepily. "It's just a little music in the morning."

He grinned and leaned over, giving her a quick smooch on the forehead.

"Do you want me to braid your hair today?" he asked.

Evaline was about to tie off her hair, but then she froze, looking to be pleasantly surprised. She then dropped her hands and her hair, offering James an elastic band.

"I'd like that," she said with a shy smile. "If it's long enough."

"I've worked with shorter," he said with a small smile as he took the elastic band and sat back down on the cot.

She followed him, sitting on the floor in front of him so he could reach her head easier.

"I know you're going to ask me what braid I'd like," she said. "But my answer is: what braid do you like?"

"I have something in mind," James said, still smiling. "Do you want a surprise?"

"Sure," Evaline said. "And this time, we have a mirror."

James chuckled. "Yes," he said. "So you can see it, instead of having to imagine it."

As Evaline turned her head away from him, he ran his fingers through her hair for a moment before splitting it in half in a middle part, and then he got to braiding.



He took his time, not wanting to rush it, and wanting to make sure he didn't miss any loose hairs, since he was working with less length.

A few minutes passed in silence, and James saw her rub her eyes a few times as she seemed to take this time to wake up. She then cleared her throat and spoke when it seemed that she had collected her thoughts.

"I didn't have the chance to tell you this yesterday," she said. "But just so you know, Tula was bluffing about Oliver. She doesn't have communication back to him."

James paused, but only for a moment as he retracted his steps in her hair.

"Is that the case with everyone?" James asked.

"It should be," Evaline said. "Katya may be the exception due to the nature of her powers. But her range is more limited, so I doubt she'd be able to talk to him even if she wanted to."

James hummed.

"Good to know," he said. "I'll keep that in mind if they ever try to use that again as a threat."

"They probably only told you that because they knew you wouldn't know," she said with a sigh. "So if they do have the guts to threaten you again, call them out on it."

"Will do," James said. He didn't enjoy being taken advantage of because of his ignorance of the world (or to everyone else, the 'time'), but he wanted to take every effort to make that difficult to do.

A lull of silence passed as he continued to braid her hair, but Evaline broke the silence again.

"So, I was thinking of the resolutions I told you about yesterday," she said. "I don't know if you want to take it seriously, though. Most people don't."

"Communicating better, right?" James asked. "I think that's a good goal regardless of a new year or not."

"Yeah," she said with a smile in her voice. "That's one of them, and it is." She paused for a brief moment. "Although, that's pretty vague. What does 'communicating better' mean to you?"

James humned and paused for a moment in thought. Even though he felt more energized, his mind was still waking up.

"I guess, to specify, it would be what we're communicating about," he said. "I think we're already inching in that direction. Talking openly about our struggles, how things make us feel, how we feel about each other, and anything else. And having that open, honest, and vulnerable communication go both ways."

"So here's a question for you," Evaline said. "What's the line between communicating our thoughts and keeping it private? Surely we don't share everything."

"Well, I don't know if there's a hard line," James said. "It's a little different for everyone, but obviously, I don't share every waking thought I have with you at every hour of the day. We still get to be individuals. But I think when it comes to something that's troubling you or that you find burdensome, especially if it's affecting you deeply, it should be discussed. And obviously if I were to do anything that upset you, I'd want you to tell me. As far as private and personal things go... obviously, I want to know more about you and your life experiences because I care about you and want to understand you better, but you don't have to tell me everything. I think for one, we get to discover a lot of those things organically and gradually - and if it comes up with more intensity, we can talk about it when it comes up. But..."

He paused, letting out a sigh.

"I don't know if I'm making sense. I may be rambling, at this point."

"No, no, you are," Evaline assured. "You... pretty much described all of it. You communicated better about communicating than I ever could."

James laughed through his nose.

"Let's hope I can actually communicate well when it matters," he said with a small smile.

"You have five years ago, and you still do now - better, even," she said. "I'll... work on being better."

"I like it when you say what you mean," James said with a slight smile. "I know it takes time, but you don't have to dance around topics with me."

"I wouldn't want to say what I mean and have it be callous, especially if it's directed towards you, though."

"I think discernment is useful in those situations," James said. "I'm not telling you to unleash the worst of it all with no filter. I think there's a way for us to say what we mean while still respecting one another as people and partners."

Evaline was quiet for a moment, appearing to mull this over.

"I guess so," she said. "I'll work on that. Sometimes the stress gets to me and I don't think about what I say."

"I think that happens to all of us," James said. "What makes a difference is knowing to apologize after."

"I have noticed a long time ago that you seem to apologize and forgive a lot," she said softly. "Have you always been this way?"

James let out a puff of air through his nose.

"You might not have liked me when I was a teenager," James said. "I kept a level head in most situations, but I was very angry. I think I've told you before about how long it took for me to forgive the people who killed my father..."

He paused for a moment, focusing both on his next words and the end of the braid.

"I'm still working on the forgiving myself part," he said softly.

"Maybe that could be your resolution, then," Evaline said after a pause. "I think it's a good one, even if you only slightly forgive yourself more by the end of the year than you do today."

James was quiet again for a moment as he started on the next braid.

"That is a good goal," he said. "Hard, but acheivable."

He started gathering her hair in his fingers, splitting it into separate strands.

"Is there anything I could do that could help?" she asked.

"I think your encouragement and support is more than sufficient," he said. "You can't rewrite my brain for me, so I don't think there's much else you can do besides that anyway."

"That's true," she said. "You know I'll always give you encouragement and support anyways. I just wish there was more I could do."

"I know," James said, pausing again only for a second as he paused and peered over her shoulder with a slight grin.

"Maybe your resolution could be coming to terms with that," he said gently. "That you're limited in what you can do, but that's okay."

Evaline let out a low hum. "But is that so bad that it should be a resolution to change?" she asked.

James leaned back again, returning his split attention to her hair, but keeping track of her her words and her tone.

"I've noticed it's a recurring pattern," James said. "I don't think you should feel helpless because you can't solve all of my problems. No one can do that, so I don't think you should expect yourself to be able to either. We're only human."

Evaline paused for a second longer than normal as James continued to braid. She seemed to be thinking it over.

"So when you say it's a recurring pattern..." she said slowly, trailing off.

"In different ways, you've expressed the same sentiment of wishing there was more you could do to help and relieve me of my pain, be it physical or otherwise," James said. "And while the sentiment is well-intentioned, and I know it comes from a place of love and heartfelt care, you aren't responsible for taking all of my pain away. Nor do I think you are or should be able to. Your purpose is not to make me feel better all the time. I meant it when I said you can just be you. I don't want you to be my crutch. I want you to be my partner."

"But... when does it...?" Evaline sighed, taking a moment to collect her thoughts and words. "I guess this is a lot to take in right now," she said plainly. "But I didn't mean to belittle you if it seemed that I'm your 'crutch' instead of partner."

"I haven't felt belittled," James said softly. "If anything, I think you've been belitting yourself by taking on a responsibility that isn't yours to carry. I just want you to be free of all the pressure you keep putting on yourself to make sure I'm okay all of the time."

He paused, before adding.

"I hope this makes sense," James said. "But it's okay if you need a moment to take it in."

"No, it does," Evaline said quickly. "Well... kind of. This is all new news to me and I didn't realize that I did it. But if it bothers you... I can try to change."

James took a second to quickly tie off the last braid, and then put his hands on her shoulders, slowly turning them towards him so he could look her in the face.

"Don't do it for me," he said with a gentle firmness, his hands still planted on her shoulders as he looked her in the eyes. "I want you to change because you want to. I don't want to make these decisions for you. We're talking about you, not me. If you do it, do it for yourself, because you choose to. I'm only pointing it out because I want to help bring it to the light."

Evaline stared at him while he talked, but she turned away when he finished, a look of hurt flashing in her eyes. She spoke up before he could address it.

"Well, since I want to be better at communicating, you should know that that kind of stung," she said softly. "Not because of the words you chose, or it being careless, but just..." She let out a deep sigh. "It's like you're suggesting I should change, and I don't really know how to be any different."

James's expression softened, and he slowly pulled his hands away from her shoulders.

"I can understand that," he said quietly. "I'm sorry that it stung, but I do want you to know that me pointing this out doesn't change the fact that I very much do like you now, for who you are in this point of your journey. I don't expect you to--"

"But what if you won't?" Evaline interrupted, turning to face him. "What if I do make that change, and other changes from here on out, and you don't like me for who I am?"

"Evaline," James said steadily. "Whether or not you choose to change, I can promise you that over time, we'll both end up changing one way or another. If you make conscious choices to change for your own betterment, I would much rather learn how to shift with whatever dynamic changes that would bring between us than to watch you continue to carry a burden that is not yours to bear. Me choosing you now -- I'm not just committing to the person you are today. I'm committing to the people we will both become, and discover together."

Evaline pressed her lips together and furrowed her brows as she looked off to the side in thought, intensely thinking this over.

"Do you really mean that?" she asked softly. "Committing not just to who I am today... but will be as well? Even if it's not the same as today, and even if it's not always good?"

"No one is always good," James said, watching her with his full attention. "And I mean what I said. We'll both keep taking this one day at a time. Little by little. Change by change."

Evaline slowly looked back up at him, her brows arched together in worry, but her eyes said something else. She looked grateful and relieved before a longing expression took over instead.

"The same goes to you, you know," she said quietly. "I'm committed to who you are now and the person you will grow to be."

"Which will hopefully include me being more forgiving to myself," he said with a slight smile as he met her eyes.

"And for me... well. I suppose I have two resolutions." She let out an amused puff of air through her nose. "How unfair."

"I can add to more to my list," James said softly. "I'm sure we'll think of more things along the way."

He paused, hearing the patter of footsteps down the hallway, like someone was going down. It hadn't been quite an hour, but they probably should've been getting dressed, at least.

"We might want to get dressed first, though, so we don't miss breakfast."

With that, they both got up and put on a fresh pair of clothes and started packing their things. James took a moment to show Evaline the braids in the mirror, and her eyes lit up when she examined her hair, repeatedly peering into the mirror with different angles as she brushed her fingers down the braids. It had been a while for James to see her this excited.

They came down the stairs with all of their things, and Sleepy was perched back on James's shoulder. They could smell breakfast in the kitchen, but it wasn't quite ready yet, so they went out front and packed all of their things on Elliot's saddle.

Elliot was happy to see them and both Evaline and James spoiled him for a few minutes with pets and affection. They saw Malkiel step out to the front as well, throwing some things on Higgin's back, but he didn't look fully awake, and he didn't talk to them - nor did they attempt to engage him in conversation. Rudy also stepped out on the porch for a minute, but unlike Malkiel, he looked fully awake. In fact, far more lively than they'd ever seen him.

Apparently he really did get his energy from the sun.

The two of them went back inside with the others, and Mel and Elise brought out breakfast, which included some toasted veggie wraps, bread rolls, and some fresh fruit. Everyone ended up sitting around the main living room area, mostly on the floor or atop crates as they all shared in the food. James and Evaline sat up against a wall while Hendrik plopped down next to them. They all ate in silence for a little bit before everyone seemed to wake up more, and there was a some chatter.

Hendrik joked about being able to talk to animals as a part of his power, and James just rolled his eyes. When Hendrik started trying to interpret what Sleepy was saying, James just shook his head with an amused smile, letting it happen.

A few people complimented Evaline's hair as they sat for breakfast too, and James found himself quietly smiling to himself that others agreed she looked good as well. It was also an indirect way of compliment him, though he was more happy that Evaline was getting positive attention.

Once everyone finished eating, they all started heading back outside - some with packs on their backs, and others, like Hendrik, with packs that they threw on their animal companions. Hendrik seemed to try to milk the "talking to animals" thing by offering to translate for Elliot, but Eve whispered into James's ear that it was all fake.

James was 99% sure it was fake already, but he appreciated the confirmation.

Once everything was packed, it was time for goodbyes.

James found Mel first, who was lingering by the porch steps.

"I guess I'll see you in two months," he said with a small smile. "Stay safe until then. Okay?"

"Pffft," Mel sputtered with a smile as she waved her hand in front of her dismissively. "I'm the master of blending in. You stay safe and don't accidentally jump back in time again so I'll actually see you in two months, okay?"

James laughed lightly through his nose.

"Yeah," he said with a quick wink. "I'll try not to jump around in time too much."

Mel narrowed her eyes at him. "Did you just wink at me?" she said with a grin and an exaggerated wink herself.

"Shh, don't overthink it," James said, waving his hand at her so she wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

"Yeah, okay," she said with a giggle, then glanced at Evaline, who was saying her goodbyes to Hendrik. "And take care of her too, will you? If anyone can, it's you."

"You know I will," he said.

"Oh!" she suddenly said as she bent down to dig around her bag, then took out a container. "And here's some extra bread for your bottomless stomach."

James stared down at the bread with wide eyes and his eyebrows raised for a solid few seconds before his expression softened and he looked to Mel with a warm smile.

"Uhh, you gonna take it?" she said when he didn't reach out or say anything right away.

James quickly ripped the container out of her hands, smiling wide.

"Thank you," he said.

"No problem," Mel said with a pleased smile. "Alrighty then. Don't eat it all in one sitting. I'm going to go harass Katya now."

James watched as Mel started to turn around.

"Wait--" he said, quickly reaching out and pulling Mel into a quick, snug hug before he tore away.

Mel stiffened at the sudden movement, and he pulled away before she had time to relax. By the time he finished, she whirled around with the biggest smug grin.

"Now you can go bother Katya," James said quietly.

"I think someone needs to teach you proper hugs," Mel thought out loud, one hand crossed and another on her chin as she watched him still with the smug expression. "I don't know if Evaline is the best teacher for that, though. I wonder who could teach you...?"

James felt his cheeks flush a little from embarassment.

"I just... wanted to give you a hug before you left is all," he mumbled.

"Hug accepted," she said as she slapped her hands over her heart. "Can I give you a hug before you leave too?"

James took in a breath and nodded with a shy smile.

"Sure."

Mel smiled brightly and then wrapped her hands around his chest, but didn't pull in tightly, possibly because she assumed he was still bruised. She lightly patted his back a few times and then pulled away, looking up at him, still with the sunny smile on her face.

"Okay," she said. "I'll hug you again in two months."

"Sounds good to me," he said with a small nod.

Mel packed up her things and walked backwards, saying her final goodbyes and waves before she turned around and found Katya. James scanned the faces on the porch and outside the house, and he found Alistair, weaving through people to make it over to him.

"Hey, Alistair," James said to grab his attention.

"Hey," Alistair said as he walked his way over, standing in front of him. "So, seems we'll all see each other at the destination next."

"It'll be some time, yes," James said with a small nod. "I hope you travel safe."

"You too," he said. "It was nice getting to know you."

"Likewise," James said with a small smile.

Alistair nodded, and paused for a moment. "Well, okay," he said. "I'll see you in two months, then."

James's smile grew just a little and he offered his hand out for a handshake.

"Until then," he said.

Alistair reluctantly took his hand, and they shook firmly before he pulled away first.

"Bye, James," he said with a small smile.

"Goodbye, Alistair," James echoed, watching as Alistair turned to walk away.

As the corner of the porch cleared away, James scanned faces again, and gravitated towards Elise, who looked like she just finished saying something to Deidra. She seemed to see James approach before he said anything and smiled.

"James," she called. "I was going to talk to you next."

"What a coincidence," James said. "I was also going to find you next."

Elise chuckled and glanced at Deidra walk away before she returned her attention back to him.

"I just wanted to say that I've had the pleasure to watch you grow these past three months, and I'm proud of the development you've made so far," she said. "It can't be easy to be surrounded in a completely unfamiliar environment, but it makes me happy to see that you already have an extensive support network to fall back on. I am glad to be a part of that, too."

James offered Elise a small smile, remembering a comment Evaline had made about Elise being like an older sister to everyone, and he couldn't help but feel like now, somehow, he'd made it into that small family. If it could be called that. It felt strange, but also... nice.

"Thanks, Elise," James said. "I'm also glad you're a part of it."

Elise smiled warmly. "I also want to thank you again for being kind and selfless since you were motivated to be here because you'd like to help my brother. It means so much to me."

"Of course," James said. "I want to see you and your brother reunited. I really do."

Elise nodded. "I do too," she said. "I wish we could travel more together, but we'll see each other again in two months when we get there. And I know Elias will be just as grateful for your kindness as I am."

"I look forward to meeting him," James said.

"I'm sure he does too," she said with a small smile. "Until then, take care of yourself, and of Evaline as well. Did you pack the med kit I gave you?"

"Yes, we did," James answered.

"Good," she said, then offered another gentle smile and a small wave. "I'll see you in two months then. Bye, James."

"Goodbye, Elise," James said as he returned the wave.

As he turned around, aiming to go back towards Elliot, Hendrik appeared behind him. So, he didn't get very far.

"Ah, Hendrik," he said, looking up at the tall man.

"James," Hendrik said, hands on his hips. "Just the man I wanted to see."

James looked at Sleepy on his shoulder, as if to share a look with the chicken, and then looked back at Hendrik.

"Oh, yeah?" James said with a slight smile.

Hendrik reached over and gently patted Sleepy's head with his palm. "I didn't get to tell you that I'm proud of you for bringing my chicken on this trip," he said.

"I appreciate it," James said. "I figured Sleepy could use a little adventure."

"You know, you're a good lad," Hendrik said as he pulled his hand away. "And I also wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday, and also at the Day of Peace. You're a good man and deserve a proper apology, even if late."

"Oh," James said softly, not having expecting an apology of all things. "Thanks, Hendrik."

He paused, clearing his throat.

"Consider it water under the bridge," he said. "I forgive you. We're good."

Hendrik lowly hummed then offered his hand. "Shake on it?" he asked.

James took his hand, shaking once firmly. Surprisingly, Hendrik's handshake was weak and gentle. It was hard to tell if all his handshakes were like this, or if he was being gentle for James.

"Yeah," he said, loosening his grip a little before he pulled his hand away.

"So the next time I see you, you're going to let me read that miner story, yeah?" Hendrik asked.

James leaned his head back a little as he recalled their previous conversation and nodded with a slight smile.

"Yes," he said. "I'll be sure to finish it in the next... what was it, two weeks?"

"That's right," Hendrik said. "I'll try not to miss you too much."

"Hopefully it won't be too difficult," James joked.

Hendrik hummed a laugh. "Yeah," he said, starting to turn away. "Alright. See you and the boss later. Take good care of your animals, too."

"You too," James said. "Goodbye, Hendrik."

Hendrik lifted his hand in a half-wave and walked off, and James returned to Elliot's side. He didn't really have any other goodbyes he wanted to give, so he watched as Evaline finished up talking to her friends, catching her and Hendrik talking soon after him, and Hendrik giving her a quick hug as she patted him on the back.

James was grateful that only Rudy stopped by to say goodbye, and he seemed far more chipper and much less rude than the previous night. Apparently a good night's sleep did wonders for him, and James wasn't going to argue the logic behind that. He gave Rudy a cordial nod as he walked off, and eventually Evaline returned to him and Elliot.

When they hopped on Elliot, everyone else started to head out too. Hendrik rode off on Bongo towards the main gate, and everyone followed, watching as him and Deidra pulled the heavy metal doors open.

Hendrik led the way on Bongo, and Malkiel followed close behind on Higgins. James and Evaline were next out on Elliot, and James gave a quick wave as a last farewell to the others on foot before they rode off into the forest.

They were back to traveling through the first, just the two of them, plus Elliot and Sleepy. The hot springs may have been relaxing, but it was also exhausting for them because of everyone wanting to know about them.

Evaline felt like a burden had been lifted off her chest by coming out clean about their relationship, but at the same time, it was annoying that they didn't have the security blanket of privacy as before.

James assured her that eventually things would settle down and people would let them be. That made her feel better, but she still couldn't shake off the anxiety she felt from people knowing she was in a relationship. Still, it didn't bother her too much, so she decided to not voice it out loud. Just like how others would get over their surprise, she'd get over hers.

The first night back on the route, they sat in front of the fire before sleep and mostly conversed about their time at the hot springs and delivering their own perspectives.

"I felt like we both were able to share a quiet, unspoken understanding of one another," James said. "I think... it's the start of a friendship. It was nice."

Evaline nodded and offered a small smile. There was something oddly nice about hearing that your partner was naturally making friends with your friends.

"I'm glad that you're becoming friends with him," she said. "I know that you didn't have that much time with him, but we should be seeing him more at the destination."

She voiced that they had been loose friends for a while, although they reconnected over the last few years. It didn't really surprise her that James was friends with him; they seemed to share some values and traits.

Eventually, they moved on to talking about their interactions with the others while they were separated. Evaline mentioned that Mel, Alistair, and Elise brought her to the backroom and eventually the kitchen for planning, and also to catch up since Mel apparently made their trip to the rendezvous point more interesting since they got lost and ended up at the wrong place at first.

When Evaline asked what James did while she was busy with them, he only said that he played cards with Hendrik, Tula, and Katya. He seemed apprehensive about going into the details, so Evaline didn't push it, especially since she knew that Katya and Tula made him nervous. She trusted that he would tell her anything concerning, anyways - so it didn't bother her if he didn't say every explicit detail.

Evaline then talked about the grueling time with Hendrik when he was "drunk" or whatever kind of intoxication he was under. Mel and Elise had to help him up the stairs since he insisted that he lay down on his cot, because it "smelled like Bongo" even though Bongo was outside. It was an eventful time, although Elise was more worried than anything. Mel, however, was greatly enjoying the bizarre experience. This surprised neither of them.

Eventually the conversation turned back to James about what happened while she was gone.

James explained that just before Evaline had intervened and taken Hendrik inside, that he and Malkiel had talked with Hendrik sitting between them as a mediator. Apparently, Malkiel thought James was a spy, which seemed absurd to Evaline - but this was Malkiel.

James had attempted to appeal to Malkiel with logic, and Malkiel essentially told him the only way to earn his trust was to not hurt anyone by the end of the mission. He then paused for a moment, before adding:

"He also seemed to connect his distrust of you to his distrust of me," James said. "He thinks I'm using you for something, or vice versa. Kept telling me in various ways to watch my back."

Evaline took a deep breath. There were a few things that James should know now to explain this, but she didn't even know where to start.

"There are a few reasons Malkiel doesn't trust me," she said, looking off to her side and squinting in thought, ignoring the bubble of anxiety that rose to the surface. "And I don't really know how best to say it, so I'm just going to say it. He thinks there's a spy in the group. He has for a while, and we have history, so of course he suspects me. But he's also right."

She paused, taking a silent deep breath.

"I was a spy. Once. If that's even the right word," she said. "Not anymore. No one in the council knows about it, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"How long ago was that?" he asked.

"It started about four years ago, when I made the entire refugee program," she said quietly. "And I haven't done anything really for the past year... but I didn't actually 'leave' it until I escaped. With you."

"Who were you spying for?"

Evaline took another deep breath to steady her nerves and then looked up at James across the fire, noticing how he seemed attentive, and understanding.

"I didn't want to do it," she said softly. "I was coerced to by Oliver and his father."

James nodded slowly, like he was letting it sink in.

"I was caught, you know," she said. "After the war. I was wanted, at the time. But I was caught early on by them because -- well, if they could peer into timelines, how could they not find me? So they caught me. And I wasn't worth bringing back to the sectors, and apparently, I wasn't worth killing, either. I was an asset. Someone who wasn't controlling the sectors, but life outside of it."

She looked away again, this time out of shame.

"I'm not proud of it," she said, leaving it vague. "But I didn't have a choice."

"Had you refused," James said. "The punishment would have been...?"

"Death," she said. "But not mine." She paused for a moment. "They know that my weakness is how... attached I can get. So they threatened me with the deaths of people close to me. Mel. Alistair. Arima. Hendrik. Even my parents. I would only be last on the list."

"I understand," James said solemnly. "So the refugee program. It--"

"It's a sham," she finished for him. "On my end. I had six months to put some kind of program together. Mel helped, and I'm sure there were some people she did help, but not everyone was..." Evaline took another deep breath. "Not everyone was safe."

James nodded slowly, quiet for a moment.

"What does it mean for the others when we don't return back with them?" he asked.

"Oliver and his family aren't villainous barbarians," she said. "They wouldn't cause violence unless there was a reason. And with me gone, there wouldn't be a reason to hurt Mel or the others, because it would only serve as revenge violence that I wouldn't even know about."

"And you're confident that they wouldn't bother to find us in the ungoverned lands," James said it like a statement, but his face read like a question.

"...No," she said solemnly as the heaviness of the one word hung in the air. "I'm not confident. Because their powers are meant to control people like me. As long as I keep going back, they'd always be able to pinpoint my location at the time. I'm trying to avoid it now, but I know I can't avoid it forever."

James looked like he wanted to say something, but then his brows furrowed together and he stared into the fire like he was in deep thought.

"What is it?" she asked desperately, disliking the silence that followed.

"Do you think Oliver would have seen any memories of me going forward?" James asked. "You've said he, to your knowledge, can see undone memories. But as I am the first that you know of who can go forward, I wonder if I am exempt. From his... sight."

The implication sunk deep in her chest, and Evaline couldn't contain the panic now that she not only had to worry about herself, but also James, who never had any training over his powers, and barely even understood how it worked.

"I -- I don't know," she said, the anxiety obvious in her voice as she started to wring her hands. "I don't know if that's how it works. Maybe. Maybe it does. It would make sense. But forward? I don't know. I hope it doesn't. Maybe it works differently? Maybe it depends on the lineage? I honestly don't know, James."

James was watching her with a steady, serious but calm expression.

"Let's not worry about it too much, now," he said. "For the time being, we can both make our best efforts to not use our powers. If and when we do use them by necessity or under life-threatening stress, we can discuss the implications. But for now, I don't think there's much we can do. Regardless if Oliver sees my memories from the Gaea, he seems to have already known I was there. So does anyone else who watched the fight."

Evaline leaned forward to prop her elbows on her knees and bury her face in her hands, rubbing it in frustration.

"Okay," she said, not really knowing what else to say.

"Also, he'd have six hours' or so of memories to sift through," James said. "Which is a lot."

"Yeah," she said softly. "That's true. He's used to only seeing my maximum ten-minute increments."

"I was also pretty out of it for the whole thing," James said. "So... who knows how that factors in. But, anyway. I only thought to ask just so it's something we can consider, but I don't expect either of us to have answers. Especially since my powers are new to both you and me."

Evaline felt like her mind was playing catch-up, and she tilted her head up and peeked through her fingers to briefly glance at him. James was still looking into the fire with a focused, thoughtful gaze.

"I just told you that Malkiel was right, and that the entire refugee program was built on lies that I created," she said. "Aren't you more upset about that?"

"Oliver was a spy too," James said. "And he's the one who put you up to it. I'm aware of the sobriety of the situation and it saddens me to know real people have been affected by the scam, but I also understand that you were being blackmailed, and manipulated. I cannot possibly blame you for that. If anything, this only fuels my anger towards Oliver."

It didn't even feel right that James was so quick to forgive when he didn't fully understand the context, or of her. Evaline felt the need to justify herself. Justify herself that he shouldn't be so quick to forgive, and that he was in the right if he felt angry.

"I've hurt a lot of people, James," she said quietly, head tilted down towards the ground. "The refugee program, and the war. I'm really not any better than Oliver."

"I'm not trying to dissolve you of the weight and consequences of your own actions," James said. "But I'm remembering what you once told me. I've hurt a lot of people too, both directly and indirectly. You're aware that what you've done is wrong, and your conscience has yet to be fully seared from it. I don't know that the same can be said for Oliver."

Evaline paused for a moment, letting fire's crackling fill the brief silence as she let the words register. It felt odd that he was reciprocating what she had told him, but in his own words.

"It's different," she said. "Yes, I wouldn't do things I regret in the past again today. But I also knew that what I did was wrong back then, but I did it anyways. I also had a choice to not do it, but I didn't take it. That's just who I am. I take the easiest path for myself."

"That may be who you were, and even who you are now, but it isn't who you have to be," James said steadily.

"I don't understand how you think that's okay now," she said as she dropped her hands and looked at him squarely, eyes serious.

"I don't," he said.

"Then why do you even like me?" she asked curtly. "If that's who I am now, and you don't approve?"

James looked like he was processing.

"I don't believe that one flaw should disqualify you as a person, nor do I see it as a reason to disqualify you from my love," he answered, holding her gaze. "If that were the case, no one would ever be worth loving, and that would be the saddest existence there ever was."

Evaline stared at him for a few long seconds, not even sure how to react to this. Of course she believed James. She just wasn't sure she believed the logic of the words. All of it frazzled her mind.

She silently looked down again, holding back her own words, because she didn't want to ruin his sentiments. James was only trying to help.

"What's bothering you?" James asked, his voice gentle, yet prodding.

Evaline wrung her hands again, deeply focused on them as she tried to pry her own thoughts out. She trusted James. She loved James. It was okay to be vulnerable.

"It's not that I know you don't mean it," she said softly. "It's just..."

She sighed through her nose, releasing the tension in her hands as she held them loosely.

"I wasn't taught that," she finished quietly.

James was quiet for a moment, and then she saw him crawl around the fire to sit next to her. He faced her, watching her attentively, but she couldn't bring herself to hold eye contact for more than a brief moment.

"I've heard many things over the years, and I struggle to believe it myself. But my parents taught me that I don't need to be perfect to be loved," he said softly. "And I hold onto that. I believe we are all works in progress. Nobody is perfect, or flawless. I believe in loving people for where they're at, but also along the journey to who they want to be, and who they can become."

Evaline was quiet for a moment, feeling numb as she heard his words, again not sure what to do with it, if anything.

"Your parents sound like good people," she said softly. "They'd be proud of the person you are today, and the person you will become."

James was quiet again for a moment, and then she felt his hand rest on her shoulder.

"I'm proud of you too," he said softly. "I love you, and you don't have to be perfect, nor do I expect you to be. I'm sorry your family and those that raised you have told you otherwise."

Evaline slowly reached her hand to loosely place on top of his on her shoulder, glancing at him to give a faint, forced smile.

Of course these were words she wanted to hear, and of course she believed James and knew he was being sincere. She just didn't think he'd ever understand that she only wanted and needed to hear the words from her parents' mouth, not his.

"Thanks," she said softly, not sure what else to say.

James watched her for a moment, and then nodded slightly, pulling his hand away.

"Thank you for telling me the truth," he said softly.

She'd like to assume he was talking about her confession that she was a sham, but she also didn't want to prod to find out.

"Thank you for listening. I trust you," she said, then paused. "I'm getting tired. Do you mind if I sleep first?"

"Not at all," he said softly. "I'll stay up. You get your rest."

And that was that. They didn't mention the conversation again that night, or that morning - and Evaline was glad for it.

It was nice to get back into routine, while also adding more to it. James suggested that he braid her hair again, and Evaline was more than happy to let him do it. It felt nostalgic, and also strangely giddy. She remembered looking forward to this part of the mornings every day in Nye, and she was happy that she could do the same on Earth.

They traveled some more for the remainder of the day, noticing how the trees were thinning out and the dirt seemed less healthy, but they were still very much in the forest. They stopped by a small creek to fill up on their waters, and although the water source looked a bit questionable, Evaline was grateful that the filter would keep them healthy.

It was a colder night than usual, so after eating dinner, they bundled up next to each other with the blankets and sat in front of the fire they made with a silent mutual understanding that this was their time to converse and spend time together without outside pressures.

"I never did get to telling you about what happened after you left with Hendrik," James said quietly. "Only what happened before."

"Oh," Evaline said as she quickly recalled that he only got the chance to briefly talk about Malkiel's distrust of him. "Right. You can continue."

"I guess it's not as... intense," James said. "After the confrontation, Malkiel was the one who got up and left - practically dragging Rudy - who had formerly been half asleep - away as a scapegoat. Hendrik was talking to me about--"

She noticed how James's sentence cut off abruptly. They were both sitting should-to-shoulder, huddled together in the blanket, but she was able to peer over at him and see how his expression scrunched up a little.

"About...?" she said when he didn't finish his sentence.

"He was just... asking about past relationships," he said stiffly. "In front of Katya and Tula, no less. I didn't tell him anything, and then you intervened and took him away. That's all."

"Oh," she said as she let that sink in.

It sounded needlessly dramatic, and she didn't realize that she had stepped in while he was having that conversation. It sounded incredibly awkward. But also... well, also awkward because they both hadn't talked about this to each other. It was weird knowing that Hendrik may know more than she did, even though he likely didn't know any details.

Evaline cleared her throat, preparing herself for what she was going to say next, because there really was no graceful way to say it.

"So," she began casually. "You said you didn't say anything to Hendrik?"

"Of course not," James said. "He was drunk, and... I wasn't going to tell him anything."

"I see," she said with a small nod. "That's, um. That's good."

"The only thing he would know, if he even remembers, is that... you're not the first person I've ever been in a relationship with," James said. "It was implied."

Evaline peered up at him with a raised brow. James looked nervous, like he didn't want to share because she wasn't sure how she'd take this. At least, that was what she thought.

"I'm not really the jealous type," Evaline said. "If that's what you're worried about. As long as there's trust, I don't see how past relationships can influence current relationships. I think it's nice that I wasn't the first so that you have more experience."

James didn't look any more comforted by her words. He just looked more worried.

"It's -- well, you were the first," he said. "Five years ago."

"...Oh," she said as she realized that now the implication was that she wished she wasn't his first relationship. She quickly found words to backpedal. "I mean, that's fine too. We all start from somewhere. And I liked you all the same back then, too. And even more now. Not because you have more experience. If you can call it that. But just because -- hah."

Evaline already felt her face flush warm from embarrassment even though this was about him, not her.

"It was less than a year ago," he said. "The... last... relationship I was in."

"Was that... the only one?" she asked. "Besides me? Not that it matters. I'm just curious."

"Yes," he said quietly. "It... ended poorly. I'd hidden my identity. That's the short of it."

"I'm sorry," she said, although it felt weird to be pitying his ex. "The turmoil of that must have been difficult."

"There was a lot more to it," James said, looking like he was clearly trying to sift through his words. "I think it -- well -- I -"

"It's okay," Evaline said when he couldn't seem to sputter out the words. She wrapped her arm around his back, patting him gently. "I'm happy to hear whatever you want to share, but I'm not going to force it out of you."

James slouched and tucked up his legs, hugging his knees.

"I want to say," James said quietly. "But at the same time, it's like there's just... a wall. In my head."

"I understand," she said gently, arm still around his back. "I'm not going to ask you to tear down the wall. You can tell me at your own time, or never at all. It wouldn't change my view of you."

James nodded slowly.

"Okay," he said softly. "Then I should -- I should probably finally tell you what happened after you left with Hendrik. Though... I think you already know most of it."

"Tula and Katya harassing you?" she said blankly, irritation in her voice not directed towards him, but towards the women.

She could feel James tense up under her arm as he hugged himself just a little tighter.

"Sorry," she said. "I should have said that better."

"No, it's not you," James said quickly. He paused, flicking his eyes to her but only for a split second. "I just... was remembering."

Evaline nodded in understanding. "You said they became more suspicious because they overheard Malkiel, right?" she asked.

"So they said," he answered. "They... felt that my scars were cause for suspicion. And... implied someone of my alleged background shouldn't have them."

Evaline's heart sank a little hearing that. Imagining Katya and Tula teaming up to draw assumptions and berate how he looked made her angry. No wonder they did this while she wasn't around. It made her even more upset that they'd take advantage of him like this.

"I knew they were trying to get a reaction," James went on. "Especially when-- when they touched me. The scars, I mean."

"I'm so sorry," she said softly, knowing how painful it must have been for them to touch the scars. "What they did was incredibly out of line. They shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry that this happened to you."

"I'm just... mad at myself for letting them," he mumbled, almost unintelligible as he bowed his head down to his knees.

"Sometimes fear causes you to detach and shut down," she said. "You can't blame yourself for feeling that way."

"I just don't want them to think--" he started to say, but then sighed and went quiet.

"It's not your responsibility," Evaline said more firmly, knowing he was going to blame himself. "They know they crossed your boundaries, and they should have known better. They're the ones to blame, not you."

James was quiet for a moment, and she could feel him tense up again, hugging himself tighter.

"I just wish I didn't freeze up like that," he whispered.

Evaline gently rubbed her hand along his back to comfort him. She wanted him to know that she was listening, and she cared, and she truly did mean it when she said it wasn't his fault.

"It's not the first time," James continued. "I hate it when it happens. I feel trapped."

"Your feelings are valid," she said gently. "It's okay to feel this way. You don't need to -- and you shouldn't -- force yourself to be any different if that's not who you are."

"It's not that I--" James started, but changed his sentence halfway through. "I almost threw Tula to the floor earlier in the party. Because they'd -- they'd done it before that, too, though it wasn't to threaten that time. But I stopped myself. I just wish I had another --"

He buried his face in his hands and groaned, leaving his thought unfinished.

Evaline wasn't sure if he wanted to finish the thought, but she decided to gently coax it out of him.

"You wish you had another...?" she repeated.

"Default," James said. "My body has a mind of its own sometimes. I've had to train my reflexes to be ready to fight in an instant, and defuse just as quickly when around people, and I feel like I'm walking on needles all of the time. It's different if I can see things coming and mentally prepare for it, but when things get me by surprise... I don't want to hurt people, but especially if I perceive them as a threat, it's like... I just move before I can think. And stopping myself is like stopping a stampede, and if I manage to actually do it, it's like I just... I can't help but detach from it all."

"James," Evaline said gently after a pause to make sure she'd only speak after he was finished. "Your life circumstances have enabled you to react this way out of survival and necessity. You're here now without the dangers of bounty hunters, but it would be unreasonable to ask you to suddenly turn 'off' this habit. It takes time to heal and even more time to retrain how to think. The fact that I'm able to sit closely by you and put my arm around your back is already significant. I think you are making great progress."

"I know," James said quietly, glancing at her over his shoulder. "I know. I'm just... frustrated. That's all."

"I understand," she said softly. "And I just wanted to let you know that I am happy with the way you are. Like you said... no one's perfect."

James hummed, and he took in a deep breath before letting out a lengthy sigh.

"I just don't want to hurt anyone on accident," he said quietly. "Especially after my conversation with Malkiel."

"That would only happen if someone crosses your boundaries," she said. "And at this point, they should know better. But I understand your sentiments and worries."

James seemed to agree with another sigh through his nose.

"Well... that's all that happened with Tula and Katya," James muttered. "After that I went upstairs and hid like a child. Which is where you found me. So that's that."

"What you did wasn't childish," Evaline said stubbornly, coming to his own defense. "You recognized you needed space. That's not childish. I'd say that's fairly mature."

James flicked his eyes over at Evaline, and it looked like he was almost reluctantly recieving her words.

"...I guess," he said with his eyes fixed on the fire.

"Do you not believe me?" she asked.

"It's not that I don't believe you in my head," he said. "Logically, yes. I've just been -- well, I guess somewhere along the way I was told that the brave and right thing to do is face things head on. And running away is..."

He sighed.

"You're right," he said defeatedly.

Evaline knew that James's history was based on running away. From when he was young to join the military, and all throughout the past six years of being on the run. Still...

"And who told you that?" she asked.

James pressed his lips together and looked hesitant to say, or at the very least, displeased with what his answer would be.

"Carter," he said slowly. "And his... parents."

Evaline wondered if she should ask more questions. She wouldn't have when they were first together five years ago, but things were different now. They were communicating openly and honestly.

"And despite the history, you still believe what he says to be true?" she asked more gently.

"Sometimes," James said, still not quite looking at her.

Evaline slowly rubbed her hand against his back again, just for a few seconds.

"I was taught that too," she said. "To face things head on, never accept loss or defeat, and never run away. But I've learned that this isn't always possible. Sometimes, you have to take in a loss, and you have to run away. Sometimes that's all you can do. And I don't think that makes you a bad person."

"I think it just feels different," James said quietly. "Running away from a bounty hunter is one thing, but running away from two nosy women feels..."

He trailed off, but finished before she could answer.

"Shameful."

Evaline was quiet for a moment, wanting to make sure she wasn't so careless with her words. It often took some time to think of something that would help, if it did at all.

"I can understand that," she said softly. "Do you think the feelings stem only within yourself, or are you more concerned about it being perceived as shameful to others?"

"I don't like being seen as weak," he said with what sounded like sudden clarity. "Because people have always taken advantage of my weaknesses in one way or another. It feels shameful because it feels like I'm being exposed. Like I'm not as strong or capable as I'd like to be perceived."

"There are always going to be people who will take advantage of you whether or not you are perceived to be strong or capable," Evaline said steadily. "And there will also be people who won't take advantage of you, no matter how they perceive you. I don't think it's fair to refuse to be seen as weak to anyone just because some bad people exist in the world."

James sat still and quiet for a few long seconds. They seemed to stretch out, and the silence became uncomfortable.

"And just so you know," she continued when the silence began to bother her. "In my eyes, you are far from being weak. Your strength, resilience, and integrity is admirable, but so is your vulnerability."

James was quiet again for what felt like a long time, but just as she was about to break the silence again, James spoke. Almost like he sensed her unease.

"Thank you," he said. "I think it's just hard... to trust again. I'm tired of getting hurt, and I don't feel like I can trust my own judgement to determine who's trustworthy most of the time."

"That's okay," Evaline said softly. "It'll take time to trust again. But you know you don't have to do this alone."

James finally looked over to her, and he offered her a small, weak smile.

"I'm grateful for that," he said in return.

Evaline wanted to lightheartedly say that it was a good thing she could help him sift out who to trust since her own default setting was that no one was trustworthy, but she decided now was not the same to mention that.

"Whatever you want or need, I'm here for you," she said instead.

"Just this," he said, leaning slightly into her side and putting his head on her shoulder.

"This I could do," she said with a small smile, lightly leaning her own head against his.

They both laid like that in silence for a long while, and Evaline appreciated just being there snuggled up next to James. They didn't need to talk to one another, or even move. Just be in each other's presence. (Although, at least on her end, having him be so close admittedly made her feel closer to him.) They eventually pulled away to sleep, but slept close to one another again in front of the fire so that neither of them would be too cold.

The next morning, James volunteered to braid her hair again, and she was grateful that James seemed just as eager as she was.

"You know, if you grow your hair out too, maybe I could start braiding yours," she said as he was braiding her hair. "If you teach me."

"I would be happy to teach you," James said as he brushed through her hair. "In a month, I should have enough length for you to at least practice and play with."

"I eagerly count down the days," she said with a smile, even though he couldn't see it.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. They made some distance, chatted, and took breaks when needed. Whenever they passed a sizeable clearing, Evaline made a point to spend at least several minutes practicing riding Elliot since she hadn't yet mastered top speeds yet. James seemed happy to teach her and give her pointers.

At the end of the day, James was down to his last roll of bread that Mel gave him. He offered it to Evaline to take, but she refused it knowing that he liked bread more than she did. That didn't stop him from splitting the roll and giving half of it to her anyways, which she hesitantly accepted with a smile since he seemed insistent.

Nighttime came and went, and they were falling back into routine the next morning. They were going through their freeze-dried food options, which admittedly wasn't tasty compared to Alistair and Mel's cooking in New Years, but neither of them were picky. Sometimes they'd find random food in the wild here and there that they could forage, but if neither of them were familiar with the item, they left it be.

When nighttime rolled around, they sat next to each other in front of the fire, bundled up in their own blankets.

"So... we never finished going through dreams I've had," he said. "There were some of undone memories from when you were on the farm. Do you want to talk about it?"

This caught Evaline off guard. She had to think of what she even undid time at the farm... But there was no point in thinking about it if James already knew. If she couldn't remember, it must have been a minor inconvenience.

"We can," she said. "I'm willing to listen and talk about it."

James nodded and she watched as he got to his feet and walked to Elliot, pulling his journal out of the bag before he sat back down by the fire, adjusting his blanket around his shoulders before he started flipping through the pages.

"I just... need to refresh," he muttered.

Evaline nodded, clutching on to the blanket a little lighter. This made her nervous, but she knew she didn't need to be.

"Okay," he said slowly, stopping on a page like he'd found what he was looking for. "This one. It was from the first time you'd stayed the night. Not a very long memory. You'd spoken to me in French, which I didn't understand at the time. You just said that you missed me, and then we said goodnight, and went to sleep."

Oh. Right.

That did happen, and now she felt guilty.

"That did happen," she admitted sheepishly. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not usually that rash, but sometimes - around you - well... I guess I was tired, and wanted to tell you that, but also didn't, and went back because I was scared, even though you wouldn't have understood it. I don't know." She sighed. "I'm sorry if that was manipulative."

"Well, I didn't understand you anyway," James said. "At least, at the time. And you didn't know I was learning French after that, and I didn't expect to dream it later when I could understand."

He paused, laughing softly through his nose.

"I find it ironic," he said. "And a little dramatic. Dramatic irony, I suppose."

"Well... that just about sums up my life," she said half-seriously.

James looked up at her with a faint smirk, but he didn't say anything as his eyes shone with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, yeah," she said, mildly annoyed. Not at him, but at the thought that she was dramatic - which she knew didn't help her case. "I know. You don't have to say it with your face."

"Sorry," James said, looking down, but his smirk seemed to grow.

Evaline tightened the blanket around her, not liking that she knew she was pouting.

"Whatever," she mumbled.

"I think it's kind of cute," James said quietly.

Evaline shot her head back up to look at him. "What, being dramatic?"

"Yeah," he said, smirking down into his journal. "Just a little."

Evaline slowly turned back towards the fire with narrowed eyes, not really knowing how to feel about that. Most people found it annoying. She found it to be rebellious. And James found it a little cute?

"Well, glad you think so, I guess," she muttered, now starting to feel embarrassed.

"I mean, it still would have been nice for you to just tell me you missed me," James said. "But I get it. Sometimes you--"

"I've missed you," she cut in, looking over again. "There. I didn't say it in French this time."

James smiled and he let out a small laugh.

"But you can, now, if you want to," he said in French as his smile met his eyes and he tilted his head and raised his brows.

"Right," she said in French as well, letting out an amused breath of air through her nose and returning the smile. "There's no hiding anything from you."

James shrugged with a smug grin.

"I wouldn't say that," he said playfully.

Evaline hummed in thought. There wasn't anything she was hiding now, since she was open to telling him anything if it were to come up naturally. But he also knew she was observant. She tried to think of something she may know about him that he didn't know about herself.

Although, there was something she hadn't outright directly told James. She was spending her nights awake on watch daydreaming and sifting through her own hazy memories, trying to remember their time in Nye. It was hard to do by herself, but she was able to pick up and put together bits and pieces.

"You know, there is something you're hiding from me that I know about," she prefaced with a teasing smile.

James's smile faded a little bit as he quirked a brow in curiosity.

"Is there, now?" he said playfully.

She thought back to one of her favorite memories she was able to remember when they were in Nye. She must have said something funny, because his face exploded into laughter.

"You cover your mouth with your hand like this," Evaline said, demonstrating by placing one palm over her mouth for a brief second. "You do that whenever you laugh. And that's an indication of true laughter."

James looked off to the side like was in thought.

"Huh," he said. "I guess... I guess I do. I don't really know why."

"I like seeing you smile and laugh," she said with her own soft smile. "But I also don't mind if you cover your mouth. Do you want to know why?"

"Uh..." James paused, looking at her with a small, shy smile. "Yes?"

"I think it's kind of cute," she echoed with a slight smirk.

James stared at her for a second before he narrowed his eyes and smiled wryly.

"Ha," he said flatly. "Clever."

"Just a little," she parroted again, grinning smugly.

James lifted up his hands and covered up his mouth, raising his eyebrows.

"Am I cute now?"

Evaline stared at him for a second before she erupted into a short fit of giggles, shaking her head with a longing smile.

"More than that," she said with softened eyes. "You're adorable."

James paused with his hands still over his face, and he averted his eyes to the side. He slowly dropped his hands to reveal a small, timid smile, and he flicked his eyes back over to her.

"So are your giggles," he said.

"And so are your shy smiles," she said back without thinking, still with the lingering gaze and smile.

She could see James's cheeks go red in the firelight, and he dropped his eyes back down to his lap.

"Okay," he said, like he was trying to quickly change the topic. "I walked into that one. But-- there-- there was another version of that dream. The one where you spoke in French. Since you said the other one was real, I'm assuming this one was more of an altered dream. I don't know if I would qualify it as a nightmare. Just inaccurate and... well, I can just tell you."

He looked up at her expectantly. All remnants of the smile from the playful banter faded as she tried to mentally prepare herself for any possible heaviness the dream entailed.

"Okay," she said. "I'm listening."

James nodded slightly as he looked down into his journal and spoke.

"This one had the same brief build-up as the other, and you did speak in French, but instead of saying 'I missed you,' you..." he paused, sighing. "Somehow, my subconscious remembered the words you said on one of my first days on earth, and echoed those back to me. But it was odd, because I could understand them then. You'd said: I don't think you will ever realize the amount of pain and hurt you have caused me."

Evaline didn't speak right away, trying to find an explanation to this. It seemed that this was only further proof that she was needlessly dramatic. If she had known that they were going to be partners again, she wouldn't have said and did some of the thing in her past, including vaguely saying that statement to get it off her chest.

"I -- well," she stammered. "Yes. I... I did say that on our first week."

She could feel the panic and anxiety starting to build up as she said the next words quickly.

"But! Like I said, that was -- that was me being dramatic. And it was different back then because there was a lot of tension, and neither of us really knew how to deal with it -- or, at least, I didn't. And so I--"

"I know," James said calmly, watching her with a faint, understanding smile. "It's okay. I'm glad that there isn't that tension anymore, and that we're working on communicating more clearly, honestly, and openly. That's why I shared the dream, but I know you never thought it'd come up like this. It's okay."

Evaline took a deep breath, clutching the blanket tighter. She was really starting to regret all of her choices she made with James before they were together again.

"I'm glad too," she said softly, but couldn't ignore the gnawing feeling that she still had to justify herself. "But I want you to know that the pain and hurt I was referencing wasn't in reference to you or your character. It was to our time together. Our past hurt me, because I was the one who lost it. So I don't want you thinking that you have caused me pain or have hurt me. Because you didn't."

James was watching her, and she could tell that he was listening attentively, with his expression sober and understanding.

"Okay," he said softly.

Evaline took another deep breath. "Okay," she repeated. "You're not hurt by that, then?"

"Not anymore," James said.

"Good," she said, leaving it at that.

James nodded slightly, and she saw him glance down into his journal, quiet for a moment.

"The dream... did keep going," he said slowly. "But I think I know well enough now that the rest wasn't real."

"Do you still want to talk about it?" she asked.

"I don't know if it's helpful to go through every detail," he said. "But... the dream shifted to different places back on Nye. From our time together. Throughout most of the dream, as it continued, you accused me of being a liar and insincere. At the time... well, I'm not proud of things I'd said in the dream - not that I can remember with full clarity, but..."

He paused, taking in a deep breath.

"In the dream I'd admitted that I wanted to die," he said quietly. "And I... hurt myself to wake up."

This was concerning for multiple reasons.

"James, you haven't actually hurt yourself to wake up... have you?" she asked gently but seriously.

"That was the only time," he said, still staring down into his journal. "I... um... I'd stabbed my hand."

Naturally, Evaline's eyes flitted down to his hands despite her already knowing they were fine.

"Did you get hurt?" she asked. "Outside the dream?"

"No," he said. "I woke up soon after, but not immediately. Which... was part of the reason why I didn't try it as a way to wake up after that."

Evaline reached over and placed her hand on his lower arm, trying to meet his eyes so that he'd see she was being both sincere and serious.

"Never do that again, you hear me?" she said. "I never want you to hurt yourself like that, even if it's a dream."

James didn't meet her eyes, but he nodded.

"I won't," he said, his tone severe, but his posture spoke to shame.

"Do you promise?" she asked for peace of mind.

James looked up and met her eyes. There was a deep sadness in them, but he seemed serious.

"I promise," he said.

"Okay," she said softly, rubbing her thumb against his arm for a second before pulling away.

There were words she wanted to say, but she knew she has to say them carefully, and she didn't want to make any assumptions.

"And if you ever have an experience like that again," she said slowly. "Tell me. I can be there for you. Really be there -- the real me."

James nodded, and his eyes flicked down to his journal.

"Okay," he said quietly. "I don't think it'll happen again like that, as long as I'm not taking the sleeping medication. But... I will."

Evaline nodded slightly. "Thank you for telling me," she said softly.

He nodded too, looking up and offering a tiny smile. "Of course," he said.

James paused again, this time taking in a deep breath.

"There's... three more," he said. "That were on the farm. They're different versions of the same memory."

So that must meant there was one undone memory from her. She tried to remember what it was, but it didn't immediately come to her.

"I think I figured out which one's the real one--" James said quickly. "At least, I think so. It makes the most sense, mostly because it's the shortest, and least dramatic. It was when we were working on my bookshelf. You were using the hammer and hit your finger on accident, breaking a nail. It stopped there."

Evaline couldn't help but let out an airy "hah" through her nose while thinking back on the memory.

"That sounds right," she said, thinking harder back on it. "No. That did happen. Undoing time because of pain has become almost instinct to me now, but I do remember avoiding the hammer after that."

James nodded slowly.

"There was another dream where you hurt your thumb in the same way," he continued. "But instead of stopping, the dream kept going... like it was playing out what might have happened if you hadn't undone it. Basically, you were in pain and I took you inside and patched up your finger. It ended up being several minutes long, but I think it just ended with your finger bandaged up."

Evaline didn't reply right away, trying to fully understand what he was saying and implying.

"So... it was like... the future of that timeline, before I undid it and decided to not pick up the hammer?" she asked.

"Maybe," James said. "I think so?"

Evaline took a deep breath. "I don't really know what this means for you, or if it would truly be the future if I didn't undo it," she said. "But... I know Oliver's power is like that too. I don't want to make any assumption of what you can or can't do, though."

James was quite for a moment, nodding again in thought.

"Well, I guess I'll keep it in mind the next time I dream," he said. "I don't know if it's something I can willingly use, but it'll be good to be aware of it. I'm still figuring all of this out."

"And I know this is all very unfamiliar to you," she added. "And I'm by no means an expert, but of course I'll be there to help you figure it out, too."

James offered her a small smile, but it seemed a little distracted as his eyes dropped back down to his journal and he went quiet.

"You said there was a third dream, right?" she asked.

He nodded.

"This one..." he started but didn't finish, playing with the edge of the page between his fingers and partially shielding it from her view with his hand. "I don't know. It was... clearly it wasn't real."

"A nightmare?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said.

Evaline knew that his nightmares in Terra had haunted him, so she hesitated to asking: "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It just seems really dramatic," he said, almost defensively. "I don't know why my subconscious is like this."

"You know it's not real, as do I," she said gently. "It's just a story your subconscious played back to you. That's all it is."

James sat still for a moment before he stiffly nodded. He let out a long sigh.

"This one... you called me a liar again," he said, sounding tired, but more tired of himself than anything. "But you... didn't stay yourself for long."

"You know I completely trust you," she said, leaving it at that, because she knew James knew that too. "But what do you mean that I didn't stay as myself?"

"You turned into my ex," James said, squinting down into his lap. "And then... I don't know if you even remember me mentioning Eliza ages ago. I can't even remember if I did."

Evaline didn't know what she expected, but it certainly wasn't that. She could now understand James's apprehension.

"The name sounds a little familiar," she said. "Wasn't she a princess?"

"She still is," James said. "Unless something changed in the last three or four months while I've been here."

"So... she showed up in your dream?"

James finally looked up out of the journal, but he didn't quite look over to Evaline.

"My ex... her name was Bella. She essentially echoed what you were saying, about me being a liar," he said. She could tell that while he was trying to keep a calm and neutral exterior, he was still uncomfortable. "When her face turned into Eliza's... well, she just..."

He took in a breath and sighed.

"Eliza used to like me," he muttered. "Ages ago. Before... you know. It wasn't mutual."

Evaline had to fight the temptation to joke that, had he reciprocated the feelings, he could have been king. She didn't feel uncomfortable when James talked about these things, but she knew he was, so she decided to not push it.

"That dream does sound dramatic," she commented, imagining the three of them in one sitting.

"And it didn't end there," James said with another sigh. "Then Eliza turned into Carter. And that was the dream where he killed me. Or... helped me kill myself."

Evaline nodded, recalling when James had told her the bit about Carter. She didn't realize that this was meshed with another dream.

"Did you wake up afterwards?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said lowly. "I did."

"Do you still think about these dreams sometimes?"

"Yes," he said, slowly looking over to her, though he didn't meet her eyes. "They're hard to forget."

He paused.

"That one in particular... I can still remember waking up with the phantom pain in my chest," he said. "Where Carter had stabbed me through the heart."

Evaline felt a pained ache in her own heart - not in the same way he did, but in a sorrowful way because James continually suffered, and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

"That sounds awful," she said softly, having to bite back the words: I wish there was something I could do to help you.

"I'm just glad it wasn't real," he said soberly.

"I am too," she said. "I'm glad in general that you're no longer having vivid nightmares."

James hummed. "Me too."

Slowly, he flipped back a page or two.

"I think... I already told you about the ones where you uh, ripped out my heart," he said with a faint, weak laugh in his voice. "I don't think it's necessary to go through those again. But there were two. One that went back to your first undone memory from Nye, and the other you were present for when I woke up from it."

"I remember that," she said. "I was very worried when you woke up."

She also knew she wouldn't be able to easily forget how he looked at her when he did.

"I'm sorry about that," he said softly. "My sense of what was real was skewed. I don't feel that way anymore, though."

"I know," Evaline said with a faint smile of assurance. "And it's okay. It's all in the past now."

James looked over to her and met her eyes with a small, but tired smile.

"Yeah," he said, closing the journal in his lap. "I'm glad it's over. I think... that's enough dreams for tonight."

"I do have a question that I wanted to ask in the past, but was too afraid to say it," she said. "If you don't mind listening and answering it."

James paused for a second, like he was processing and preparing himself mentally.

"Sure," he said.

"It seems that there's an ongoing theme about hurting your heart," Evaline said calmly. "You already know that it was our past that hurt me, not you. So I guess what I want to know is..." She paused, looking at him squarely a little more seriously. "Have I caused you hurt and pain back then?"

James's eyes drifted to the side, and then down to the ground as his eyebrows bunched together in a subtle look of reflection with a hint of sadness.

"It... it did hurt," James said. "When you scared Elliot, and he fell into the river. It was a miracle he survived. I didn't think he would."

Evaline couldn't hold her gaze as the guilt and shame took over, and she held the blanket tighter around her, her brows drawn together in sorrow.

"I know you've already forgiven me," she said slowly. "And I know that hurt you. It hurt me, too. I was so relieved when I saw Elliot again."

On impulse, she looked up towards Elliot and saw him standing by the tree he was tied up to, looking half-awake as his ears flicked when he heard his name being called.

"I'm really glad both of you were okay that day," she finished quietly, then paused. "Physically okay."

James nodded slightly as his gaze drifted over to Elliot as well, and he looked at him.

"I don't think I ever told you," he said softly. "How I got Elliot. Did I?"

Evaline took a moment to search for a memory, but nothing came up. "No, I don't think you did," she said.

"I think it might've come up in one of the games we played," he said with a faint, wistful smile. "But I might've picked a dare. That feels right."

Evaline breathed out a quick a huff of air, still trying to remember. "Yeah, that sounds about right," she said, then hesitantly looked over at him. "Does that mean you didn't want to tell me at the time?"

"I didn't want to tell you because it would've meant I'd have had to bring up Carter," James said. "Elliot was a gift. From him."

"How long ago was this?" she asked.

"Years ago," James said. "I was still a soldier, and Carter and I were still friends."

"I see," she said. "So in other words, you escaped from Carter using the horse that he gifted you."

"It is ironic, yes," James said, still watching Elliot, looking like he was remembering. "And now he's the last piece of home I still have. Both here, and in Nye."

Evaline hummed in thought. "What does home mean to you?" she asked.

"I guess I don't really know anymore," he answered. "But... I used to consider the Moonlight Kingdom my home. Once upon a time."

"You did grow up there," she said.

"It just hasn't been home for me ever since I burned every bridge left to stand on," he said.

"Do you regret it?"

"I've always regretted leaving my family," he said, both quiet and serious. "But I don't regret what I did to become a wanted man."

Evaline didn't want to play around with theoreticals too much, but one did entertain itself in her mind.

"If you didn't leave your family, would that have meant that the king's plan would never have been sabotaged?" she asked.

"I don't know," James said with a sigh. "Someone else might have done it, but it's unlikely."

"It is unfortunate that no one knew the truth of why you were wanted, and it is even more unfortunate that you have sacrificed your future to prevent a wicked plan," she said. "And I know it doesn't mean much from me, not having come from Nye, or understanding the full context. But I do mean it when I say that what you did was incredibly courageous and selfless."

"I believed that it was the right thing to do, and I still do," James said.

"And I admire that of you," Evaline said. "You always do the right thing, even when the consequences are steep."

James looked over at her, but his eyes flicked down.

"I try to," James said quietly.

"I know you do," she said just as quietly.

She really didn't have the heart to tell him that sometimes it was okay to be selfish and not throw away your future for others.

The next two days went by uneventfully. They went through their usual routine, starting the day off by eating breakfast using the few foods they did manage to safely forage. James seemed proud that there was one type of tree fruit he recognized that she didn't, because he had read about it in the book he read probably a dozen times. It made her want to fake not knowing about other foods in the future since she liked seeing the eager smile on his face.

James was able to experiment more with her hair, and she was happy to be his test subject. When it became too tangled, he spent more time that usual combing through it, and even taking a washcloth to help her wash her hair. It was too cold to jump in a body of water, so it was the best they could do. Evaline appreciated it, much more than she cared to admit.

They were entering the desert, and Evaline made the comment that this was just like the transition out of the forest and into the Outlands when they were in Nye. It was in the back of both of their minds that this also mean less visibility and more dangers.

Evaline was grateful that they hadn't run into other dangers besides the raccoon wolf. As long as they followed the route and kept up, the tracks and chemical pheromones left behind by Hendrik's animals would be enough to sway any beasts away. She was also glad that they had planned the routes ahead of time, and that the map she got from Vance held more details about nearby bodies of water. They were able to refill whenever they were low with little to no worries.

During one night when they had their usual talks in front of the campfire, Evaline realized something that took her way too long to fully register: she was getting bored at night.

She had spent her nights trapped in her own mind, worrying about the future, while also trying to remember the past. And frankly, after a month of that, it was getting tiring.

"I was wondering," she said when James was about to lay down, getting ready to sleep. "Uh... I was wondering..." she trailed off, suddenly blanking.

James paused, halfway lying down and propping himself up at his elbows.

"What is it?" he asked, looking at her curiously.

Evaline sighed. "I was wondering if I could use your journal to pass the time," she said. "Obviously, on new pages only. I wouldn't look at past pages. And it's unlikely I'll write anything."

James's expression brightened a little, and he smiled softly with a nod.

"Sure," he said. "I don't mind. I haven't used the back half at all. We can share."

Evaline let out another sigh, this time out of relief. "Okay," she said. "I can start at the very end and work backwards, and... well, I guess if our pages run into each other..."

"I can also start writing smaller," James offered, lying down and lifting the blanket for Sleepy to crawl in with him before he tucked himself in.

It also meant that she'd have to draw smaller too since she tended to fly through her pages quickly, but that was a small sacrifice to pay.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"No problem," he said as he closed his eyes.

They both said their good nights, and after a few silent minutes, Evaline crawled up to Elliot to grab his journal out of the saddlebag. She sneaked a kiss between Elliot's eyes before walking back to the fire, setting the journal on her lap and starting at the very back of his journal, as promised.

So she was going to draw again. She felt very rusty, especially when it came to drawing people. But...

Her eyes drifted up, landing on James curled up in the blanket in front of the fire with Sleepy's head sticking out under his chin.

Well, now was a perfect time to start the creative hobby again, considering she had a consistent drawing reference.

Evaline smiled a little, knowing she was staring at him sleeping, but this time, she had an excuse. She took out his pencil and started to sketch him, suddenly feeling very nostalgic.

The night came and went quickly, and when James woke up to turn the sleeping shift over to her, she closed the journal and gave it to him. They both seemed to respect each other's privacy, and it was mutually appreciated. Still, she wouldn't have minded if he wanted to peek at her drawings.

The next day was a blur, and as they traveled, the soil seemed to feel looser. Not quite sand, but in a day or two, they may officially be in the desert. For now, they were faring fine, and the day passed by uneventfully. In fact, Evaline was now looking forward to nighttime so she could stay up first and draw again. She had a few poses in mind now.

About two hours into his sleep, James suddenly jolted awake and almost caused her pencil to fly across the page of the sketch she was working on, which would have been a shame, since it was her second draft of a sketch of him smiling. Still, she abruptly closed the journal and set it down, looking over at him with worry.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

James was sitting up straight, breathing heavily. Sleepy had jumped away when he'd sprung up, and was scurrying over to Evaline, chirping. James didn't look at Evaline right away. He leaned forward, taking in a few quiet, controlled deep breaths. When he finally looked up at her, he met her eyes with a worried intensity that told her without words: the dream he'd just woken up from was about her, and it couldn't have been good.

Evaline didn't hesitate to swoop up Sleepy and crawl towards him so she could be by his side. James wasn't under any drug to have terribly vivid nightmares, and she hadn't gone back in time since they had seen the Gaea. Either he had a freak nightmare, or he had dreamed about an undone memory. Her undone memories. In the past. Before him.

She didn't like it, but she knew James didn't either. The best they could do was communicate and make sure neither of them harbored resentment for things they couldn't control.

"Do you need a few minutes?" she asked softly with Sleepy on her lap, petting her gently to calm her down.

"I've had this dream before," he said thinly, flicking his eyes to her with a serious, nervous gaze. "It's the only one I haven't told you about yet."

So far, the only recurring dreams that Evaline knew of was of her ripping his heart out. But since it was different, it had to be some other recurring dream with its own theme.

"Another recurring nightmare?" she asked.

"No," he said lowly. "This is one of your memories."

Evaline didn't want to guess, but if he had dreamed of this memory again, either James was able to replay the same undone memory more than once, or it meant that he was seeing different variants of a memory when she decided to retry going back in time at a given moment. If it was the latter - which she had a feeling it was - then that meant it must have been a violent memory, since she often did whatever she could to escape whatever dangerous situation she was in.

And she was worried about what it could be.

"...With the Gaea?" she guessed.

"No," he said steadily. "This memory is from a very long time ago."

He paused, but only for a second.

"It's about Alan," he said.

It wasn't like Evaline was crippled by her past like she used to be, especially since James was right: this part of her past was from a very long time ago. But at the same time, hearing James say Alan's name struck a chord in her. It was hard to tell if it made her anxious, angry, or both. But it was only due to memory association.

She quickly looked away into the fire, fiercely staring at it with furrowed brows, not sure how to process this.

Because - unless it was something she didn't know about - if James was seeing a repeating memory about Alan, it meant that he had seen what happened on his last day alive.

She wasn't sure if she did want to talk about it, but she forced the question out, especially since it seemed that James was waiting for her response.

"What did you see?" she asked hoarsely, swallowing.

James was quiet for a moment, but he did answer.

"This time," he said calmly. "I was looking through Mel's eyes. There were many teenage students screaming and running away, and Mel had taken your hand. She attempted to pull you away from the scene, but you refused. You said you had to try something different. Mel urged you again to go, and then she looked over... to Alan, who was dead on the floor. Standing over him was a boy with blood on his hands."

Evaline felt numb listening to his words. She wanted to put this past her. She knew James didn't mean to, but it was like the entire dream was forcing her to awaken an older version of her - one she wasn't proud of, or cared to return to. She would rather truly forget it.

She couldn't say for sure if those specific events happened or not. The memories were gone... until now.

"That may have happened," she said quietly, barely loud enough for him to hear.

James was quiet for what felt like a long time, but Evaline wasn't going to break the silence.

"We don't have to talk about it," he said just as quiet. "Not if you don't want to."

At the back of her mind, she knew that it felt unfair that they were opening up at different rates. James had shared stories about his past life, and although she had confessed things here and there, she mostly listened. And Evaline knew that relationships weren't a one-way street, and she knew it didn't act like a transfer of services, and she knew that James would patiently wait.

But she wanted to make this feel fair for him. Especially since it seemed that all she could do was just "be there" for him, and she still wasn't convinced that it was enough.

"The boy you saw. The one with the blood on his hands," she whispered after another long pause. "That's Elias."

James was quiet again, and a long silence passed.

"I... had a feeling," James said softly, though his expression seemed severe, like he was thinking, or piecing things together.

Evaline certainly wasn't going to peel through the layers of that statement. She recalled the cryptic meeting with Elise back in the safe zone that James was a part of for whatever reason, and how she was the only one who was adamant about not going. It wasn't a secret to the rest of the group that she despised Elias, even after all these years. It was only a matter of time that James found out, too.

"Well, now you know," she said flatly.

"I know this is difficult to talk about," he said gently. "So I'm not going to force you to share. But I do think it's fair that you know what I've seen, since they're your memories. I don't need to tell you all of them now, but whenever you feel ready, I can. I just wanted to let you know."

Evaline looked down at her lap, intensely focused on petting Sleepy who seemed happy and comfortable laying on the blanket that bunched up under her despite the tense conversation.

"How many?" she asked lowly. "How many dreams have you had about that?"

"Four," he said. "Some of them turned to nightmares... from when I was on medication."

Four. Four out of who knows how many. She only knew she lost count after a hundred.

"Other than that, it was the same memory, but of different variations?" she asked steadily to make sure.

"There was one where Alan was alive," he said. "The others were more similar to the one I just told you."

Evaline let a few seconds pass as she continued to pet Sleepy.

"Even if you did tell me," she said lowly, "I wouldn't be able to verify it. I don't remember anything of what happened, other than the final version. Even then, that's based on what others have told me."

"That's okay," he said. "You don't have to."

"No, it's different," she persisted. "It's not like what happened with you. This was all removed. I can't remember it, even if I wanted to."

James was quiet again for a moment.

"I'm so sorry," he said softly.

"It's fine," Evaline said just as softly, still not finding the courage to look up at him. "It was probably for the best."

James silently set his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure they were painful, though they are gone," he said. "I can't tell you if it was for better or worse, but I'm sorry you lost your memories."

Evaline dared to steal a glance at him. He was looking at her with tender compassion, and empathy was prevalent in his eyes. She still couldn't meet his eyes for more than a second, finding it to be too overwhelming.

"It's not just the repeated memories of those ten minutes, you know," she said softly. "It was so much more than that. I was able to recover, but I walked away as a different person."

"I think you would've walked away as a different person whether you lost your memories or not," James said softly. "But--"

"I wouldn't have," she interrupted, feeling prickled by that statement. "That's the entire reason why the memories were deleted. Because I wouldn't have been able to walk away from it all."

James was quiet again. The silence went on for far too long for it to be comfortable.

"Like I said," she said emptily. "It's like I'm always doomed to repeat my past."

"Which mistakes are you afraid of repeating?" James asked softly.

This time, Evaline was the one who was quiet for a few seconds. She seemed to know the answer, but didn't know how to form the words.

"It has already happened with you," she said, not directly answering his question. "It just had a different ending."

"Are you afraid of losing the people you love?" he asked.

Evaline swallowed, feeling the nerves course through her veins as it quickened her heart. "Yes," she whispered.

"And... you're afraid of losing yourself, too?" It felt more like a statement than a question.

"Not as much as I used to be," she said softly.

"Do you think that's because it's already happened before?" he asked, still with his voice gentle and calm, and his hand resting on her shoulder.

Evaline paused, taking a deep breath. "I would much rather lose myself than lose the people I love," she said quietly.

James was silent again for a few long seconds, and Evaline disliked how suffocating the silence felt.

"The first time I went back that many times was the memory you saw," she whispered, bowing her head down a little as her braid fell over her shoulder. "And I didn't know how to save him, because I couldn't. I wasn't yet taught how to surrender myself. And I paid the price."

"I'm sorry that the price you paid was so steep," James said softly. "That you lost both Alan and yourself in the process."

"I..." Evaline began, knowing that he was misunderstanding. "No. I didn't lose myself the same way. Not in the way that it happened with you."

"Do you mean it happened when you lost your memories?" he asked.

Evaline tightly pressed her lips together, closing her eyes for a second as she took another deep breath to calm her nerves.

"I can barely even remember Alan through my own memories," she said softly. "It's like a black hole in my mind. And after months of therapy, I remember opening my eyes to my parents telling me that I should remember that feeling. The feeling of nothing, because there was nothing to remember. That was how I was able to save you, James. I had to slip back to that."

James was still quiet, and it was hard to tell if he was thinking or just listening and waiting for her to continue, but this time, Evaline let the uncomfortable silence hang in the air until he broke it after a few seconds.

"And... feeling nothing," he said slowly. "It's the only way you've ever been taught to control your powers. Is to not feel at all?"

"Most time travelers can manipulate a specific feeling or mood to undo time," she continued with bitterness. "But I'm under the umbrella of all feelings and emotions. Intense ones, at that. How else could that be controlled?"

"I don't have all of the answers," James said. "But I do know that emotions aren't inherently bad, and it's good for us to let ourselves feel them. I know that your experience has made that - though it is an understatement - very difficult. But I do wonder if there is another way. Not feeling anything may have seemed like the more straightforward way, but..."

"There is another way," Evaline said when he trailed off for just a second.

She snapped her head back up at him, this time meeting his gaze with sudden seriousness so he could understand the gravity of her next words.

"That's why I ended up agreeing to come to this trip. I've only agreed to help because I want to remove my power too."

James met her eyes with an equal sense of severity.

"Do the others know?" he asked.

"No," she said firmly. "They don't. And I'd like to keep it that way."

"I won't tell them," he said, looking down into her lap for a moment, his eyes landing on Sleepy. He looked back up at her meaningfully.

"Is this what you really want?" he asked.

"I've been more unsure now that I'm with you," Evaline said with a hint of anxiety, dropping her eye contact. "But alone, I knew that was what I wanted."

"What has made you less sure?" he asked, his head tilting slightly to the side, attentive.

"What if something were to happen?" she said quickly. "I have to take care of--"

She stopped herself, knowing that James would point out that she was bearing the weight of responsibility for him without him asking to.

"If something were to happen to you, and I can't change it, I wouldn't know what I would do," she finished softly, and the words hung in the air. Because at this point, it seemed that with her powers or not, this was going to be a possibility now.

"Do you think that you can ever truly be ready for the unknown, whether you have powers or not?" James asked. The question was gentle, yet cutting.

"What do you mean?" Evaline asked even though she understood what he was asking.

"Whether or not you have your powers, there will always be things you can't control," he said. "You can't be glued to my side at all times, nor I to yours. I know it isn't easy feeling that there are things you can't account for or change, but... I think we all just have to figure it out as it comes. If something were to happen to me, there are other people in your life who deeply care about you too, you know."

"Don't say that," she snapped, not able to contain the desperation in her expression as she looked back up at him. "You say that as if something will happen to you."

"I didn't mean to make it sound like that," he said gently, dropping his hand from her shoulder. "Gods forbid something does. I just... wanted to offer you hope. The unknown is always going to be scary. But it's less scary when you're not alone."

"It's different," she said. "Because I've always lived my life with certainty, knowing what will happen, and preventing it from happening if needed. Hope is a naive concept that's faithless and irrational. What matters more is doing whatever you can to make sure you -- we are safe. And now I'm unsure if I want to take that ability away."

James took in a deep breath, leaning back a little as he let it out heavily, sitting back into the pause that she almost expected at this point.

"In my life," he said slowly. "I have had to learn that safety is guaranteed to no one. Yes, there are choices we can make, and life circumstances we can be born into that can make a difference... but unexpected things can happen to to the least suspecting people. I don't disagree that we should do what we can to be safe. I think there are plenty of practical things we can do to be wise and alert. But if at the end of the day, your hesitancy to take away your power boils down to you not knowing if you could take another loss... while that's completely valid, and I understand, I don't think that should be your sole reason for keeping your powers. I think if you keep them, you should want them. Not just as a safety net. I may be wrong, and you can tell me if I am, but it seems that from what I've heard with your experience with your powers, it has caused you more pain than anything else. If this procedure to take away or dampen powers really works, and it is what you really want, I will support you. I'm just... trying to help. If I'm not, you can let me know."

In the middle of James's speech, Evaline tore her gaze away and shifted her attention back to Sleepy for the mild distraction, weakly petting her while she was sleeping.

"You are helpful," she said quietly after a pause to collect her thoughts. "And you are right that my powers have caused me more pain than necessary. I feel as though it has chained me to a future I don't want to be in, and I've felt that way my whole life. It's just... difficult, because I'm so used to associating my identity with my abilities. And I don't even know what it would mean for me and others if I take that away."

James reached out and gingerly placed his hand on top of hers, putting a pause to her petting as both their hands sat atop Sleepy's back. She hesitated before turning her head just a little to look up at him, meeting his gaze again.

"Evaline," he said with the utmost sincerity. "You are so, so much more than your power. And if others need help seeing that, I would be more than happy to help them to see it. To see what I see."

"I need help seeing that," she blurted out desperately.

James slowly looked down to their hands, and his gaze settled on them for a second before he looked back up to meet her eyes.

"Do you want me to tell you, or do you want me to show you?" he asked.

"What... what do you mean?" Evaline asked hoarsely, suddenly feeling exposed.

"I would be happy to show you my memories of you through my eyes if you wanted to see," he said softly. "I don't know if it would help. But... if you wanted to know. I can show you."

Evaline hesitated, thinking through the two options he presented. If this were to happen before they became partners, she'd have rather heard his words.

Because words were empty statements with no frills attached. Anyone could say them, and whether they meant it or not was not always clear. And sometimes it was better that way.

But if James were to show her the memory, it would mean she would live through it in that moment of time like she were him. Even if he said nothing in the memory, she'd still know what he was thinking, and would be able to filter out the truth.

She was sick of insincere words. She only wanted to hear the truth that wasn't just based on her own blind faith.

"Okay," she said quietly, looking down at their hands as she mentally prepared to look into his mind. "You can show me."

"Okay," he said softly as he closed his eyes, and then the memory played in her head.

James was watching as Evaline woke up, with a buzzing anticipation in his stomach. Excitement and nervousness mixed together. He'd been planning this surprise for her for a long time, and he really hoped that it was going to be special for her.

He watched as her drowsy eyes opened and she slowly sat up, brushing away the sleep on her face. "Morning," she said blankly as she rubbed her eyes and noticed that he was standing in front of her. Her eyes eventually gravitated down to the harmonica in his hands, but she didn't react to it. Probably because she was just waking up.

"Did you sleep alright?" James asked.

She nodded and took a deep breath in, stretching for a second before she got up on her feet. "I did, especially since you let me sleep in," she observed, folding the blanket. She didn't outright say it, but he could tell that she was asking why.

"Yes," James said. "About that."

Finally her mind seemed to catch up on her observation of him holding the harmonica. "Why are you holding your harmonica?" she asked before he could go on. She looked up at him with the folded blanket in her hands.

James couldn't help but grin. This time he decided to answer without words. He lifted the harmonica to his lips and started playing the notes to the song, with the lyrics implied.

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Evaline, happy birthday to you!

Before she could say anything, he paused and ran over to Elliot, pulling out two items from behind a rock. He swiveled around and ran back over to her, holding them out.

In one hand, he held a bouquet of pink and yellow desert flowers, and in the other hand, he held a carefully crafted flower crown.

"I know I'm two weeks late," he said with a nervous smile. "But please accept this very belated birthday gift."

He finally got to see her full reaction. Somehow along the way, the blanket became unfolded, and she tightly clutched on to it against her chest with one hand as her other hand was over her mouth. She looked up at him with an expression he had never seen on her before: brows arched downward, eyes wide, almost glossy like she was about to cry.

She seemed to be at a loss of words, which wasn't unusual, but he felt his stomach spinning as he held his tongue in anticipation.

"James, this is..." she began softly, but seemed to choke on her own words. Her eyes finally softened and her cheeks turned to a rosy color as she rubbed her eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't expect - I mean, this is so nice. I..." She looked up at him with a warm genuine smile that met her eyes.

"Thank you," she said, as she finally reached out and gingerly accepted the bouquet, her fingertips meeting his as she grabbed it.

James felt like everything in him melted, and he smiled back in earnest.

"I know it's not your favorite," he said. "But hopefully you still like it."

She let out an airy laugh. "Do I like it?" she said, shaking her head. "No. I love it. More, I think. Because it came from..." She paused. "It's new, and I haven't seen it before," she said quietly as she shyly looked down at the bouquet and put it up to her face to smell.

James couldn't stop smiling, but he couldn't shake the nerves in his gut. He held up the flower crown in his hands.

"I don't know what they do on earth," he said. "But in Nye we have this tradition during the summer solstice where you make crowns of flowers to gift to your loved ones, and the tradition often carries over into birthdays, or other special occasions. It's like... a marker that it's a special day for the person wearing it. So I hope you don't mind that I made one for you."

She didn't look away from him the entire time, brows still arched downwards with gleaming dreamy eyes. "That's so thoughtful of you," she said softly, but it sounded like she was saying it more for herself.

"I can put it on you after I braid your hair," he said. "Or now, if you want."

She paused, looking down at the bouquet and touching the petals. "Which one would you prefer?" she asked quietly.

"Well... if I do it after the braid, it's a little easier. And - you'll have to tell me what you want, of course. For the braid."

James took in a subtle deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves. There really was no reason to be so nervous. She was happy, and that was all that he'd wanted. He was happy that she was happy.

She nodded, but then hesitated, her face slowly fading in thought. "Can I..." she began, and suddenly she looked up with a nervous smile. "You don't have to say yes, I don't want you to feel pressured, but can I..." She took a deep breath and tried to meet his eyes. "Can I hug you?"

With all of that build up, James thought she was going to say something else. He had no idea what, but hearing that all she wanted was a hug made him laugh.

"Of course," he said, spreading open his arms.

She didn't even hesitate to walk forward and start the embrace. She happily grinned as her arms went over his shoulders when she came in to hug him, and her head perfectly rested on top of his shoulder. She wrapped one hand on his back, and another to the back of his head.

"Thank you," she whispered near his ear. "This means more to me than you can ever understand."

James crossed his hands over her back.

"You're welcome," he whispered back.

She lingered there for a second, but then pulled away, still with the soft smile she had since this all started, meeting his eyes for a second. But then she came in again for another quick hug, gently squeezed him, and pulled away once again, grinning.

"Okay," she said with the biggest grin he had ever seen on her. "You said braiding would be best first?"

James nodded, and his stomach wouldn't stop bubbling with happiness. "Yes, let's do that."

The memory faded, and Evaline found herself looking back up at James with bubbles of electricity zapping around her chest. It was very strange seeing herself from someone else's memory, and she knew she was looking at him with the same expression when he gave her the bouquet. She felt tears prick the back of her eyes, but she knew they weren't out of sadness.

She was happy, and it felt like it had been a long time since she felt this happy. But she knew it wasn't her happiness. This was James's happiness that he had shared with her, and he was only happy because she was happy.

They hadn't moved, and James's eyes were still closed. Before she could say anything, he began to show her another memory.

James was looking at a little baby in Evaline's arms. Leah. Her name was Leah.

The baby looked curious and caught sight of James peeking his head over Evaline's shoulder. James reached out his hand and stuck out a finger, and Leah seemed to instinctually be drawn to it, and wrapped her stubby little fist around his pointer finger, holding on tightly.

James smiled.

"You've got a strong grip," he said softly. To the baby, obviously.

Evaline looked up at him, brow raised and smiling. "I take it you have experience with babies?" she asked.

"A little," he said quietly. His smile was twofold: it was because Leah was cute, but it was also nice seeing Evaline being so careful and gentle with her. She seemed a little out of her element, but sincere.

"Leah already knows this," James continued. "You can see the wisdom in her eyes."

Leah, as if on cue, closed her eyes, and pulled his finger closer.

Evaline stared down at Leah's face, unimpressed. "I definitely see the wisdom," she said blankly.

James couldn't help but smile. It had been a while since he'd been around children, or families, or newborns. It wasn't something he ever thought he'd missed when he had it, but there were a lot of things he'd taken for granted before he became a wanted man. It was such a simple thing, but something about seeing Leah, in the first few precious months of her life, made him happy.

But it was a difficult life she was being born into. He was glad that she had such a strong family around her to take care of her. He understood why Elrick would be wary of anyone new. What they had was more than worth protecting.

"She doesn't seem to want to let go," James said, attempting to tug his hand away lightly.

Evaline stared at him trying to pull away, looking amused. "I think the baby is stronger than you," she said.

"She very well may be," James said, grinning up at Evaline.

"I guess you're just going to have to let her have your finger."

"I won't miss it too much," James said. "I have four more."

Evaline laughed. "Careful. You don't know what kind of magic she can do yet. You might very well lose it."

"At least I'd have a fun story to tell. Losing a finger to a baby."

"At the very least, this will make you look less like the posters. You can't have a mean face and lose a finger to a baby."

James scoffed, and Leah finally relented her grip, reaching up towards Evaline's face with grabby fingers. Her hands caught on Evaline's braid.

"Oh - we don't want that," James chided, pulling the baby's hands away before her fingers were intertwined. He pushed Evaline's braid over her shoulder, out of Leah's reach.

Evaline had scrunched up her face when Leah reached out with her hands, but she softened her expression and glanced over at him with a shy smile. "Thanks," she said quietly.

James smiled shyly in return and leaned away a little, so he was no longer hovering over Evaline's shoulder. Leah seemed to lose interest in Evaline's hair and returned her hands to her stomach and closed her eyes again.

The memory faded again, but Evaline saw that James still looked concentrated, staying still. She hardly had time to fixate on that, because her mind was both swirling over what must have been a memory at mage camp, while also trying to comprehend the emotions he was feeling.

It was like a soft, tender affection. She wanted to say it was towards Leah, but her heart was saying it wasn't. He was feeling this way towards her, enjoying the calm and peaceful moment, and enjoying her for who she was.

Her heart felt heavy, but not out of sorrow. It was like he had filled it up with a dense material, filling the void in her chest.

He showed her another memory before she could react.

James was in a hot, steaming tub, and he was looking at Evaline across from him. They were sitting in the water together, the two of them facing each other, but he was hiding himself in the water, so only his head stuck out. She could feel the underlying anxiety, and sense the thoughts in the back of his head, playing on repeat.

He didn't want to be seen. He didn't want to be seen.

Along with an overwhelming chorus of suppressed thoughts that didn't fully make it to the surface, but they all coalesced together into an ache.

But talking to Evaline was helping him calm down. He was focusing on her words.

"You know, you're not the only one who wanted to know when I've gone back in time," she said. "And I didn't know how to express it, either. How to tell others, I mean. It was then suggested to me that I use the phrase 'time is down' as an easy explanation. Like, time's up. But time isn't up, because it hasn't happened yet. So, time's down."

She weakly smiled. He wished he could smile back, so she knew that he was listening, and her words alone were keeping the demons at bay.

"It worked well for me, and I, admittedly, still use that phrase years later, even right before coming to Nye. Maybe something similar will help with you, too. A phrase to voice that you are in too much pain to do something, so it's like you're saying it without really saying it."

He looked back down into the water when she finished speaking.

"Would it be too uncreative for me to use the same phrase too?" he asked.

He didn't feel like coming up with something. He couldn't think of anything subtle enough. His brain felt too full.

Evaline's smile widened as she shook her head. "Of course not," she said. "I'm happy to share the phrase."

His eyes fixed on her smile, only for a moment.

"Just let me know if you start developing time magic, though," she said as if in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Then we'll have to think of something else."

James laughed weakly through a closed mouth and a slight grin.

"I'll definitely let you know," he said.

The memory faded again, and since James didn't move or say anything, Evaline had a feeling that he wasn't going to stop yet. But she was okay with this. She wasn't going to stop him. Especially since she didn't mind it.

She took a deep breath, trying to decipher what she was feeling. What James was feeling. She felt very appreciative towards the patience, understanding, helpfulness, and kindness displayed to him -- that she had displayed to him at the time. James didn't seem to know how to express it at the time, but now she knew. She knew that he had appreciated her words and thoughtfulness, even though she didn't need the validation of knowing at the time.

James played another memory before she could take another deep breath.

They were sitting around a campfire in the forests of Nye. It was a strangely nostalgic sight, but she was still looking through James's eyes as he watched her across the fire.

"--I don't know if this is my favorite joke ever," he started to say. "But I'll be honest. I don't know that many. And this one's a little dark, but -- oh, I'll just tell it."

He sighed, spitting it out.

"So a woman's husband passes away, and one of his friends comes to the funeral. The friend asks the wife if he can stand up and say a word, and she says yes. So he gets up, walks to the front and says: 'Plethora.' And the wife turns to him and replies: 'Thank you. That means a lot."

He watched Evaline expectantly for a few long seconds as she stared back at him blankly. That was, until, she suddenly sprung into a fit of laughter.

"Oh, I get it now!" she said through a giggle. "Plethora. Means a lot. Hah."

James, for a moment, thought she didn't get it, or that she didn't think it was funny - which would be fair, not all people appreciated puns. But then she started laughing.

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach, and James broke into a smile. Something about being able to make her laugh with a stupid pun made him happy. He laughed a little too.

"What can I say? I like plays on words," he said through a smile.

"Yeah, yeah," Evaline said with a lingering smile, rolling her eyes. "You're so hilarious."

A sly smile formed on her lips as the memory ended, and Evaline had to fight the urge to laugh again. The butterflies lingered in her chest, and she felt light. She was happy, but also nervous.

She knew this feeling. She had felt this way towards James before. It was a mild attraction.

What she didn't know was that he felt this way during... when was this? She hardly had time to think, because the next memory started to play.

They were back in the bath. In James's head, she understood that this was at the Oasis. They were in the bathhouse, still in the tub, but now there were foamy suds in the water. James watched with a giddiness in his chest as Evaline scooped up the soapy bubbles and put a dollop on his nose, then "whiskers" on his face, and dollops under his eyes.

"There," she said with a smile, admiring her silly work. "Now you're a cat."

James squinted his eyes as Evaline started putting bubbles on his face, but he couldn't help but grin as she did it. When she finished, he felt his face starting to burn, but he couldn't help but laugh.

He found his hand coming up to hide his face on reflex, but he faltered - not wanting to mess up the suds on his face - and he resorted to just looking down as he kept laughing.

This was so ridiculous, but it was a relief to feel somewhat relaxed for once.

With eyes shining with laughter he looked over to Evaline with a big smile.

"Meow." He was barely able to sputter it out before he dissolved into laughter again and sunk into the water, up to his chin.

An ugly laugh escaped Evaline's lips and she slapped her hand over her mouth to muffle it.

"Did you just..." she tried so hard to say through the laugh. "Did you just meow?"

James barely managed to wheeze a "yes" out, but it was drowned out by a burst of loud, cathartic laughter triggered by Evaline's outburst. And it only got worse. Even though it was hurting to laugh, the heat seemed to disguise half of the discomfort, and all of the steam must've been getting to his head. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so stupidly giddy over something so silly.

But he didn't want to let the joke die there. In one last laugh-riddled effort to make Evaline laugh more, he turned to her and meowed again, but this time, gave it his best effort to make it sound more convincing.

Of course, his meow became distorted as laughter overtook him and he accidentally splashed his face with a sudden movement of his arm.

Suddenly everything was funny, and he couldn't control it. Evaline was laughing uncontrollably too.

"Stop it!" she said playfully through a fit of laughter, splashing some water towards him, but that only encouraged him.

He didn't want to forget this.

Evaline was grinning when the memory ended, the giddy happiness overtaking her chest and her head, making her feel like she was floating on a cloud. It was hard to name the jumping emotions inside of her. Happy? Joy? Bliss, free, spirited, relaxed?

She had felt this way before when she was having childish, spirited fun in the past. It was like a breath of fresh air, and she felt free of all troubles and worries that were constantly swirling in her head.

At the back of her mind, she knew that this was rare for the both of them. But together, they were able to enjoy themselves and simply feel joy without any worries.

She had forgotten what it was like to be this spirited, but she hardly had time to think it over since James continued on with the next memory.

James sat in a cave. There was a sandstorm outside, at some point, but it was finally dying down. The sky was finally beginning to clear from its sandy haze, and he could see the beginnings of stars peeking through. The night was cool, but not chilly. It was a relief compared to the normal raging heat of the day.

He leaned his head back on the cave wall and took in a deep breath and started to sing softly. Evaline was resting against him, with her head in the crook of his neck. She was resting her full weight against him, and he didn't want to move. He could feel her falling asleep, but he knew their conversation had been a lot for both of them. She'd opened up, but they were both tired, hungry, and exhausted.

He wanted her to sleep peacefully. He was reminded of...

"You know, there's this song my father used to sing to me when I was a kid," he said quietly. "When I couldn't fall asleep."

And when he was anxious.

"Yeah?" Evaline answered sloppily, sounding like she was already drifting off.

"Mmhmm," James hummed, glancing down at her once more before he set his gaze outside the cave. He leaned his head back on the cave wall and took in a deep breath and started to sing softly.

This was his quiet way of telling her that he wasn't going to leave her. That he intended to keep his promise.

"The market is empty
The butcher's gone home
The candles have spent - soon the light will be gone
Soften your brow, dear
Breath slow and deep
Let your eyes close as you drift off to sleep

The moon in the window
The sun in the sea
Now is the quiet - just baby and me

And the sun will sleep in the ocean tonight
And the cool of the water makes everything right
And the ocean once dreamed it could shine high above
But protecting, reflecting the sun is enough

We used to go dancing
We used to drink wine
We used to buy flowers and now we buy time
Mommy and daddy would work bear our hands
To make sure you have all you need in this land

The moon in the window
The sun in the sea
Now is the quiet - just baby and me

And the sun will sleep in the ocean tonight
And the cool of the water makes everything right
And the ocean once dreamed it could shine high above
But protecting, reflecting the sun is enough
Protecting, reflecting the sun is enough..."

James listened as Evaline's breathing steadied, and her weight rested more heavily on his shoulder. She was asleep, and he didn't want to move for fear of waking her, so he stayed still. It did make it more difficult for him to stay awake, not being able to move, and growing stiff, but he endured it, not wanting to disturb her.

The emotions from all of the memories were starting to mesh together since James didn't leave any time for it to fade, and it wasn't necessarily intense to be uncomfortable, but Evaline started to get overwhelmed by all the emotions swirling in her chest. The happiness, the giddiness, the soft tenderness seemed to overtake her as she felt the tears prick her eyes again as she looked up at him longingly.

It was hard to tell whether if it was the culmination of everything she had felt and seen so far, or if it was this specific memory - but she was looking up at him with a sober sincerity, a deep determination, and heartfelt tenderness all mixed into one package. She realized she really, deeply, truly cared about him.

And she knew that this was what he was feeling. But she couldn't help but feel the same way.

The emotion lingered even to the next memory.

James watched as Evaline dismounted off of Elliot. She understood as she looked through his eyes that she'd just finished what was supposed to be a test as a result of horse-riding lessons he'd been giving her for a while. He'd been observing her closely and taking notes, and he'd determined in his mind already that she'd passed.

"Did you see that?!" Evaline exclaimed, looking more thrilled than he'd ever seen her. "I didn't know I could do that. I don't know what happened, but I... I did it. I did it!"

His heart swelled with pride as he watched her already starting to celebrate before he'd even told her how she'd done.

He was proud of her.

"I can ride Elliot now! No problems. No problems, right? I did it? I really did it? Ah, I can't believe it!"

She was pacing back and forth, pausing to look at him when she talked, and he still hadn't said a word. He almost wanted to laugh, but he held his composure.

"Your lessons have helped. Thank you for helping me. Hah, I never thought I'd have to ride a horse in my life, and now—" she paused and stood next to him to gesture around them, "—now I can ride Elliot by myself! Well, kind of. I know I still have a long way to go, but this helps, and I..."

He stared as she turned to smile at him widely and reached over, cupping his face and pulling it close as she kissed him on the lips, pulling away before he'd even had a chance to process what happened.

Everything in James's mind seemed to come to a screeching halt. Heat rushed to his cheeks and his face was burning. He stared at Evaline with wide eyes, trying to catch up to the current moment, but instead he just found himself frozen. He almost didn't catch the words she was saying. It all faded into the background as his stomach did flips.

"... I did pass? Right?" he heard her say.

He was going to give her feedback. He was going to tell her how she did. But now all of those thoughts were gone.

He couldn't stop thinking about the kiss.

"Um--" came out as the most breathless sort of whisper. He cleared his throat. "Yes."

Evaline remember feeling pride swell in her chest, but after she had witnessed the memory of her kissing him through his eyes, it melted away into a nervous wreck of a million buzzing anxious thoughts. She didn't feel a detached panic that one would feel at a flight or fight situation, but instead, more of a freezing-up, caught-off-guard kind of panic. Like he didn't know how to react, but wished he did.

Her own face was burning as she shared his embarrassment and nerves, but she couldn't help but innocently grin as she looked up at him with a playful smile and a tender gaze.

It was only five years ago, but it was like she was watching the birth of their relationship. She felt young at heart watching these memories play out.

James continued to remain concentrated, and he moved on to the next memory before she could dwell on the thought for any longer.

They were back at the camp of mages. She could vaguely recognize it. They were both standing by the horses, who were all tied up to a post, and they were talking. Facing each other.

"Well, as a free man, if you could choose what you wanted to do, what would it be?" she asked, her gaze turning back to the camp.

His smile faded slowly, and he looked over to Evaline, observing her.

The braid he’d given her that morning was still intact, but a stray hair has escaped around her face. He wanted to tuck it behind her ear, but felt that now, perhaps, was not the time.

He wished Eve has asked him this question at a different time, so he could comfortably answer in full honesty. And yet, at the same time, he wasn’t sure he actually knew the answer anymore, or if he had the courage to say it.

His gaze lingered on her as he answered.

“I think I’d just have to buy us more books,” he said softly. “After I got a job, of course.”

Evaline let out a small laugh, and turned to face him.

"Oh yeah?" she said. "Maybe I could do some freelance art work. Between that and your rancher job, we might have enough money to build a small library."

James smiled softly, still looking at her and the wisp of hair by her ear.

“I would like that,” he said gently. “I would like that a lot.”

For a second, he hesitated, and then he reached out to slowly tuck the hair behind her ear, before pulling his hand away. He watched as her cheeks flushed, and she stared at him with her mouth slightly agape.

He almost let his eyes flick to her lips, but chose not to. He didn't want to ruin the moment, and he was too scared to.

The longing was present before, but it tugged everything within her, and it felt like her heart was about to burst. It seemed to simmer down after a few seconds, but the soft tenderness remained as she kept her gaze on him with her brows arched downwards, feeling like she was one small push away from collapsing due to the heavy weight of the emotions.

James kept his eyes closed for a moment, but he didn't move on to another memory. He kept his hand over hers.

"You were holding back," she whispered shakily, trying to control the sparks that danced in her chest from the lingering memories he played in quick succession. "You were holding back what you wanted to say. What did..." She took a deep breath. "What did you want to truly say?"

James slowly opened up his eyes and looked up to meet hers, and the same swirl of emotions seemed to be lingering in his eyes.

"In response to your question?" he whispered. "In the last memory?"

Evaline could only nod weakly, her eyes locked on his, like she was under his spell.

"I think, at the time, I would've told you that, as a free man I would want to return to my family," he said softly. "And now, I'd say..."

He paused, swallowing.

"I wouldn't want to return to my family without you in the picture," he said, and more words began to spill out. "I can't picture a future without you in it. I don't want to. Wherever I am, I want you to be a part of it. Maybe that sounds cheesy--"

Evaline couldn't take it. What started off as innocent sparks exploded into fireworks, and she abruptly leaned forward with her hands out to cup his face, passionately kissing him as tears streamed down her face. James seemed surprised at first, but after a second, he leaned in and brought his arm around her back, and one hand behind her head.

She only pulled away when she started to feel like she was getting faint from the lack of air since the tears hitched in her throat, and she needed to pry her mouth away. She held his face in her hands, only a few inches away as she continued to ugly cry. James brought his arms around her back, hugging her loosely.

"I thought--" she began, but was interrupted by a cry that escaped her throat. She wrapped her arms around him as she continued to sob, and he pulled her close. She stayed like this for about a minute until she was able to recollect herself, taking heavy breaths as she used his shirt to wipe her face.

"I thought I knew what love felt like," she cried out when she felt like she was able to say a full sentence without stopping. "But I -- I didn't. Not until you showed me."

James hugged her a little tighter, rubbing his back with his thumb at first, and then his full hand.

"Was it too much?" he asked softly.

"No," she said loudly with another sob as she buried her head deeper in his chest, clutching his sides. "No. James. No. You're not... no."

James continued to rub her back, and he didn't say anything as she continued to cry.

"James. James. I... James," she croaked, shaking a little.

She didn't know what she was saying. She didn't even know what she was feeling. A part of her was afraid this was too intense and that her powers had already weakened to the point where she'd slip and lose control, but even if that happened, she didn't care. She only wanted to be in his arms.

"James. I love... I love you so much," she finally sputtered out, the tears not stopping. "So, so much."

"I love you too," James whispered softly into her ear. "So very much, Eve."

Evaline cried loudly in his arms, not knowing why she was like this. Why she was crying even though she was supposed to be happy. She couldn't stop the tears, and she couldn't let the silence sit. She wanted him to know. She wanted him to take her heart and let her in, even if it was hard, and even if it hurt.

"I would..." she began, but then stopped when another cry hitched in her throat, and she had to pause for a while to collect herself. "I would do anything for you. I just... I love... I love you so much... James."

James brought his hand behind her head, still keeping one hand on her back, rubbing it steadily.

"I love you too," he echoed again softly. "I've got you."

But it wasn't enough. Words could never be enough for her to fully express what she was feeling. Those three words were never enough.

It was a little scary, because she had never stooped to this level of vulnerability to someone else before. To completely surrender herself and put him over her. Not just his needs and wants, but her life too, if it came to that.

"I am so sorry," she whispered shakily. "For all the -- all the hurt. Pain. I am so sorry."

"I like to remember all of the love and happiness too," James said quietly. "Thank you for letting me share some of it with you."

James wasn't helping her stop the tears. It was only coming down stronger, her emotions holding on to her with a tight fist.

Evaline could recall the last time she was this ridiculously vulnerable. She was just a child, and she was punished for it. But here in James's arms, she felt safe and protected. No one was out to get her, and he wanted her to be emotional. He just wanted her to be herself.

"I want... I want to be my best self," she said between more tears and sniffs. "With you. I want to be... me. With you."

"I want you to be you too," he said with a small puff of air by her ear out his nose.

"I want to tell you everything," she continued. "I want you to... I want you to know. To know me."

"I want to know you too," he echoed in agreement.

"And I... I want to feel," she said shakily. "Everything. I want to. Around you. I want to feel."

"I want you to feel too," he said, cradling her head against his chest.

"And..." she whimpered. "I want to be with you. Always. I don't want -- I don't want to leave. Ever. Not... not again. I... I want you."

"It goes both ways," he said, whispering.

Evaline sloppily sniffed as the tears started to slow, and she rolled her head to wipe her face against his shirt, not even caring if it was gross. She could always wash it in the morning. She could offer to do so. Maybe make it a habit. Do something.

"I trust you," she said softly after a longer pause. "I trust you with my life. And I trust that you won't leave and that -- that you only want the best. Of both of us."

Evaline forcibly pulled away to look up at him, not caring if her own face was an ugly mess. She just wanted to see his face. She wanted to remember it.

"I wish I can show you my memories," she said softly. "So you can understand how much you mean to me."

James was looking at her with a tiny smile and heavy-lidded eyes. He tilted his head to the side and brought his hand around to her face, gingerly wiping her cheek with the edge of his sleeve.

"I think I'm starting to understand," he said softly, brushing her cheek again. "Just a little."

Evaline brought her hand up to his, wrapping it on her cheek as her head leaned against it while keeping her teary eyes on him.

"Are... are you happy?" she asked quietly.

"Right now?" he asked, but didn't wait for her answer. "My heart is full, and I am happy to be with you."

He paused for only a second.

"Are you happy?" he said, brushing below her eye with his thumb, catching a tear just in time.

"My happiness... is your happiness," she said shakily. "I can't even describe how I feel."

James moved his hand to wipe her other cheek.

"That's okay," he said. "Words are hard sometimes. It's okay to just feel. I'll still sit with you through it."

Evaline closed her eyes as she lightly leaned into his hand again, trying to figure out the mess of emotions she was feeling right now, but unsure if she'd ever find the words for it. She wished she could say the right words, or do the right actions, but for once she accepted that the uncertainty and cluelessness was okay. There wasn't anything she could do but wait it out. And that was okay. With James, that was okay. Everything would be okay as long as they had each other.

She then leaned forward on him again, letting her head fall in his chest as she decided to let him hug her some more.

That was all she wanted. All she ever wanted. Someone she loved who loved her back, hugging her and accepting her for who she truly was, even with all her flaws.

It took years of hardship, but she had finally found someone.

And she wasn't going to let him go.

Somewhere along the way, Evaline must have fallen asleep, because she woke up in a groggy daze still in his arms, and James seemed stiff, like he didn't want to move in fear that it would wake her.

She immediately apologized and offered that he stretch and sleep some more instead since they still had a few hours left. James assured her that it was okay, but he did seem grateful for the chance to get up. From the way he shook his foot, it seemed like his leg had fallen asleep. Evaline insisted anyways that he at least get an hour of sleep, and after some reluctance, James accepted the offer.

They both had an intense night - more so for her than him - and she didn't even know how to address it in the morning, if at all. But for now, Evaline was content about taking care of the present first, which meant getting James to be more well-rested, one hour at a time.

By the time he woke up, their routine started up again like clockwork, and Evaline couldn't help but feel more shy about it all. The good morning, the breakfast, the braiding - it wasn't like anything was different, but she felt different. They felt different. And she didn't really know how to process this, other than to just accept it.

While he was thoughtfully and silently braiding her hair that morning, she was nervously clamping her hands, trying to figure out what to say to even allude to last night's events. It seemed that, because it focused on her, James was patiently waiting for her to say something first.

"You know, it's been about four months since you've been on Earth," she said sheepishly, letting him draw his own conclusions.

"My four month anniversary," he said with a smile in his voice.

"Yeah," she said softly, knowing that he knew the significance of the number, but not feeling the need to clarify it. "Happy anniversary."

"Thank you," James said, and she could hear the amused smile in his voice.

To be honest, Evaline didn't even know when their real anniversary was, if they even had one. It was hard to figure out with the five year gap. But she was never really one to be tied up to the nuances of dates or total time spent with others. She was just glad to be with him regardless of the date or passage of time.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully again, and Evaline didn't explicitly bring up the events of last night. She wanted to, of course. She wanted to talk about the memories he shared, and she wanted to talk more about themselves. She wanted to learn and study James - not just by observation, but as an emotional understanding of who he was and how he came to be. She just wanted to absorb every small detail about him, and she was now happy to do the same for herself. Because she knew James wanted that too.

But for now, she was happy to enjoy their time walking beside each other, taking care of the animals and general survival activities. She was just glad to be his side, enjoying the moment and the little parts of every day life. The exciting, and the mundane.

Night time rolled around. It was a windy day, so they had to spend more time than necessary digging a hole on the loose dirt so that the fire could be shielded by the wind, and by the time they finished, the fire wasn't enough to keep them warm, but it did aid in cooking. Evaline decided to spice the food a little differently, and although she wasn't sure she liked it as much, James complimented the taste and said he liked the new change.

They sat close together bundled with extra layers of clothes and the shared blankets, sitting as close to the fire as they could, but not so close that they would accidentally inhale the smoke. It was a colder night than usual, indicating that they were indeed closer to the desert. But with James, she felt warm.

Sleepy and Elliot seemed prepared for the weather with their feathers and fur. Elliot was already asleep, sleeping off the extra patch of grass that he ate earlier in the day. Sleepy was quickly waddling around in circles before plopping on a tight spot between the two of them, barely fitting.

James and Evaline exchanged light banter about the animals, and a lull of silence passed as Evaline felt at peace next to his body. She felt like she could peacefully sleep again right there, but she did want to finally talk to him. Really talk to him, without any of the distractions of hiking or day-to-day trivialities.

"I never did thank you," she said delicately, breaking the silence. "For showing me the memories yesterday. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said. "I've thought about doing that for a while, now. I just didn't know if you'd want to see."

Evaline leaned her head against his shoulder, still reveling in the bubble of peace and calm she felt when she was with him.

"I've been trying to remember for a while by myself," she said. "Thank you for helping me remember."

"Of course," he said softly. "I know it's not the same as remembering through your own eyes. But if there's anything you need help remembering... just let me know."

Evaline stayed still on his shoulder for a few seconds, watching the flame lick its way up the mound of dirt as the smoke floated up into the starry night. It was mesmerizing to watch.

"I've been thinking," she said airily. "And I think I'm ready to go through my journal with you to remember my time in Nye. By looking through everything I've written and drawn."

"Okay," James said, turning his face to hers, flashing a small, supportive smile.

Evaline mirrored the smile, but she didn't get up to move right away. She took her time to appreciate the moment with him supporting her by her side, and Sleepy tucked between them. She wasn't in a rush to disrupt that just yet.

After several long seconds, she finally sat up straight and then began to slowly stood up, causing Sleepy to crawl to James's lap for safety. Evaline let the second blanket fall to him as she got on her feet and briskly walked to Elliot, digging through the saddlebag for a while.

The journal was untouched at the very bottom, and she had to carefully lift it up with both hands since there were loose pages stuffed into it. She held it like it was frail and made out of glass, then closed the bag and scratched Elliot behind the ear before heading back to James.

Evaline sat down next to him again, and James didn't hesitate to set the spare blanket around her shoulders so she stayed warm too. She offered him an appreciative smile, then looked back down at the journal in her hands, rubbing the worn cover with her thumb.

"I'm glad Mel didn't throw it out like I told her to," she said softly.

"Me too," James said, looking down at it, then up at her.

Evaline took a deep breath, briefly holding it by its side to see the pages. It seemed that there were at least a few dozen pages torn off - that she tore, a long time ago - with the second half of the page packed towards the end. But she wanted to start at the beginning.

She gingerly set the journal down on the ground between the two of them, and she then slowly turned the cover to the first page, which simply said her name and some generic information about Nye. It seemed like something she'd do to easily reference later. She wordlessly turned the page, this time revealing drawings.

Evaline didn't say anything as she slowly flipped through the pages with James, spending far too much time staring at them. They were all sketches of James in various poses. Most of the sketches were fairly unexciting as she drew him to be sitting, standing, lying down, stretching, and picking things up.

There were a few sketches of him with Elliot, finished and unfinished ones of him petting Elliot, holding his face close, and whispering to him. In all those drawings, she always drew James in far more detail than she did with Elliot. She noted how she had drawn most of the details in his expression every time, and even though the page was smudged from time, she could still tell what kind of feeling she wanted him to convey in the sketch.

Evaline silently glanced up at James who was quietly watching along with her, looking to be paying more attention to her than the drawings. He seemed a little bashful, but didn't say anything.

As she continued to flip through the pages, she passed more uneventful drawings of James - but she thought they were plenty interesting, and she relished the detail in every single one of them. Some of them included him peering over a river or washing up, some included him sitting or lying down in front of a fire, and some included him walking with his back towards her, or to his side. She knew immediately that she was trying to capture the mundane hours of walking behind him or by his side, because she had already drawn similar poses of him in his journal, five years later.

There were small notes that she had written on the margins of the pages, and she couldn't help but smile a little as she read them. Some were too smudged and faded from time to read, but from the ones she did manage to read, it seemed that these were her small notes to herself so she wouldn't forget small details, like the way his hair parted, or how often he shaved, or the mood he felt that day, or how he smelled. These seemingly trivial observations inspired her to repeat the habit for her current drawings. It seemed to bring out more depth to the drawings.

Evaline found her smile only growing wider with each passing minute, unable to let it fade. She was a little embarrassed that she had seemingly obsessed over him like this, but she couldn't even criticize her past actions, because she knew she was unknowingly doing it again, even if it was a smaller scale.

She tore her gaze away and looked back at James, feeling bashful herself, but not regretting sharing this moment with him.

"Seems I liked you a lot back then, too," she lightly teased.

"Seems so," James echoed, briefly meeting her eyes before he looked back down into the pages.

For being the subject of virtually all of the sketches, James was taking this in surprisingly well.

"I didn't have a lot of references to draw back then," she continued, omitting the detail that she still didn't have a lot of references to draw at night. "It was only natural that I picked you." She paused. "But also because I probably liked you, too."

"I think both reasons are valid," he said quietly, flicking his eyes to her again. "But... this isn't my first time seeing the drawings. I don't know if you remember showing them to me once before."

Evaline hesitantly looked back down at the journal, her finger brushing against a sketch of his face looking over at her from his side, like she had called for his attention while walking past him.

She didn't remember showing him the drawings. But... it didn't surprise her. It seemed like something she'd do to tell him without telling him that she was fond of him.

"I showed you all of it?" she asked.

"The drawings," he said. "I think so, anyway. You showed me them when we were back at the oasis. I was sick at the time, so my memory is a little fuzzy. But I remember seeing a lot of drawings of me, some of people we ran into, and... well, I guess I can just tell you if there's something I don't remember seeing. I've seen all of these ones so far."

Evaline nodded slowly with her eyes still on her sketch, half-distracted because she was admiring the level of detail she had poured into her work back then, and she wanted to learn how to do it again.

"Okay," she said. "I'll just keep turning the pages, and if there's anything you want to say, you're welcome to."

Evaline turned the page, and she smiled as her eyes lingered on what she saw: James, smiling and laughing. Five years ago. He looked younger, less worn. Less tired, but equally joyous compared to the few times she had seen him laugh. Her thumb rested by the sketch of his face again as she noted the exact placement of the dimples, and she wondered what she had done or said - if it was even her - to cause this reaction out of him.

On the side were a few notes that she could just barely read: "Dimples!" and "This was the first time I've seen him laugh and smile."

She stared at the sketch for longer then usual, fully immersed before she broke the silence again.

"Do you remember what happened on this day?" she asked.

James paused for a moment, humming in thought.

"I think that was from our first week or two together," he said. "The memory you drew, not the drawing. I'd surprised you with uh--" he laughed a little. "I'd led you to a berry bush and then threw the berries at you, taking you by surprise. They're a type of berry that bursts into a pink, powdery dust. They're actually not meant to be eaten. I thought it would be funny and help lighten the mood, since you were very tense back then."

Evaline laughed through her nose with a lingering smile, unable to pry her eyes away at the image. She vaguely remembered this, but hearing James go through what happened made her happier.

"That sounds about right," she said. "A berry fight seems like a perfect activity to help me relax."

"It did work," James said with a teasing smile. "It got you to smile."

"And it seems that I got you to smile too," she said with her own smile.

Evaline turned a few more pages, stopping when she came across a rough drawing that could immediately recognize to not be human. She knew right away that this was Marsha the goblin, and this was only confirmed by the note on the bottom.

"You never did get to see her, did you?" she asked as she looked up at him.

"I was asleep, and then I was drugged to stay asleep," James said. "So, no. Never got a look at her."

"I remember being afraid of her," she said, replaying the hazy memory in her mind. "I thought she had bad intentions since she drugged you."

"I would've too," James answered honestly. "But... I can understand, from her point of view, why she thought it would be necessary. If she'd been observant enough to notice I was wounded it makes sense that she'd deduce I'd be a threat if I saw her."

"I'm glad it all ended the way it did, without any hostility," Evaline said.

"And my leg is all better," James said, patting the blanket over where his leg was.

Evaline couldn't help but try to remember what happened between those two events, where she applied the healing salve that treated the infection on his leg, and the aftermath of him waking up to it.

"It is," she said. "But I know it wasn't easy to accept it. I'd apologize again, but I think neither of us can fully remember what happened."

"I guess there will just be gaps for both of us," James said with a small shrug. "If I said anything more I'd just be making things up."

It was small, but Evaline appreciated the sentiments. She may not remember what exactly happened, but she knew that it had resulted in tension. She was glad to leave that behind and instead focus on the present, which was his leg being better because of her actions in the past.

She turned the page again, and she landed on a page she recognized, because she had seen this before. It was of them dancing with the waterfall in the background under a starry sky, but James was drawn in far more detail than herself or the scene. She could recognize the sketch to be when they danced together for the first time.

Evaline smiled, but it slowly faded as she read the notes she scribbled underneath it.

• Hard to believe this wasn't that long ago.
  
• The night started like this, and ended like that.
  
• I had forgotten how much I liked leading.
  
• I wish he'd ask me to dance more.
  
• This was how it all started.
  
• I didn't really think much of it at the time.
  
• I wonder if he thinks of this as often as I think of this.
  
• He probably hated that I asked him for this dance.
  
• I wish I had committed this more to memory at the time.

She read the notes a few times and deduced that she must have come to this page multiple of times to add notes and cross things out throughout their journey. Although it pained her to understand the sentiments behind her words, she was glad that their current relationship would result in her talking things out with James rather than writing the pessimistic thoughts down and bottling it all in.

"This is the memory you shared with me when we danced during the Day of Peace," she said, her eyes drifting back to the drawing.

"A piece of it," James said. "Yes. I don't know if you remember how we ended up dancing, but I think we were playing two truths and a lie, and you said one of your truths was you knew how to dance. And I told you to prove it, but you needed a partner."

Evaline smiled again, taking in every detail behind his words. "When was this?" she asked.

"I think... maybe in our first month together?" he said, not sounding fully sure. "It had to be early on, because we were still playing those games to force ourselves to get to know each other."

He laughed a little.

"It worked, though," he said. "To help us get started, anyway."

"It did," she agreed. "And it is silly, and I am glad that we eventually went past that. But I am happy that it resulted in us having our first dance together."

"I know you probably felt it when I shared the memory with you," James said. "But... you have no idea how hard I was trying to impress you, even with my leg being as injured as it was. It's funny, in hindsight, but at the time, I was-- well. In pain."

Evaline looked up at him for a moment, amused but also a little sad that it hurt for him at the time.

"You were trying to impress me while I led the dance, even with a leg injury?" she asked with a mildly teasing tone.

"I had a lot more pride back then," James said with a faint laugh. "I don't know. It wasn't logical. I think I felt a strange sense of competitiveness, even though the game didn't even have any real stakes."

"Well... if it makes you feel better, I'll give you the win," she said with the return of a soft smile. "Five years later."

"I'll take it," James said with a little smirk.

Evaline lingered her gaze on him a little longer, unable to stop herself from overly-observing his features now that she had seen how she had depicted him back then. She was stubbornly determined to achieve the same level of detail today, which meant taking notes of the little things, even if she inadvertently stared.

She looked back down before the stare could start to feel uncomfortable, and her eyes landed back on the notes she wrote.

"I do remember getting this journal much later in our journey," she said slowly. "Which means that I drew this from memory. And it appears that the dance left both a positive impact on me... but also some negativity."

"I know for a while you were questioning how much of what I said and did was genuine," James said quietly. "Especially since it took me so long to tell you I didn't like being... touched. At the time."

"It may have been confusing for me," she said. "But I should have respected your boundaries anyways, even if I wasn't fully aware of it."

"I didn't do a good job of making them clear at the start," James said. "So I don't blame you for breaking them. Not when you didn't know. And once you did know, you hardly ever initiated without asking and making sure I was okay with it first."

Evaline thought back to the memory he showed her yesterday. The one when she had ridden on Elliot as a test to see if she could go to the town by herself, and passing it. She was so excited, she had given him a quick, meaningless kiss on the lips. But she knew first-hand by looking through his eyes that it wasn't meaningless.

And since she had broken his boundaries by doing that, it meant that it happened before he told her.

"Were you upset the first time I kissed you?" she asked, even though she didn't recall feeling upset when he showed her the memory. "On Elliot? When I did it without asking first?"

James glanced over at her.

"Maybe a little," he said. "It definitely caught me off guard. And I didn't know what you meant by it at the time, so I think it just ended up sitting in my head for a long time as a source of confusion and anxiety."

"I'm sorry that I caused that," Evaline said softly. "I think, back then... I can't say that it was meant to be significant, but I know I wouldn't have done that to anyone I didn't fully trust."

James looked down with a timid, almost wistful look on his face.

"Seems I gained your trust pretty quickly," he commented quietly.

"I... yeah," she said with a weak laugh, her gaze falling back on the drawing as she thought back on their time together. "I can't fully remember the details, but... I know that trust for you was building up when you calmed me down after you discovered the note, and how I had tried to hide it from you. And the trust was fully secured when you..."

She trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought, because it hurt to think about.

James seemed to tilt his head slightly, looking at her expectantly, but his eyebrows drew together in concern when she stayed quiet.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"I was just thinking about our first encounter with Butch that I prevented," she said quietly. "And how you sent me off with Elliot to stay behind."

James was still for a moment, and then slowly dipped his head in a single nod.

"I... remember," he said quietly.

"That was when I fully trusted you," she said just as quietly.

James wrapped his arm around her back, pulling her a little closer to him as he leaned closer to her shoulders. She glanced up, offering a small, sad smile.

"But that's all in the past now," she said. "I trust you now more than ever, and I know you feel the same. I guess it's just... difficult. To reminisce the hardships we faced to get here."

"I don't really like thinking about it either," James said.

Evaline nodded, leaving it at that. There wasn't a point in talking about it further if nothing good came from it. They had already healed from it, so the chapter was over, and it was time to move on.

She silently turned the page, gazing at the new sketches. The biggest sketch was of James holding a stick in a swordfighting stance. She drew him with a mischievous expression, like he was teasing her with it. And he probably was.

"Let me guess," she said with a faint amused smile. "You found a stick to use as a fake sword."

"Yeah," James said, pointing down at the drawing with a sense of confident insistence. "I think I won that fight. You can tell just by looking at it."

"Please," Evaline said playfully. "I wouldn't have drawn it if I lost."

"Shh," James said with a little grin. "I'm telling the story."

Evaline grinned herself, her eyes drifting to the next drawing. It was such a total change of mood that she felt her grin fade, staring at it. It was of James hugging himself, looking down in immense shame.

There were smudged notes beside it. It seemed that she had also gone back to this page multiple times back then to cross out and remove items.

• He's a liar.
  
• "Deceptive" - checks out.
  
• I don't know whether it was me or him.
  
• Did I misread him?
  
• I don't know what to feel anymore.
  
• I'm glad he told me this.
  
• I have never seen him this sad.
  
• I wish he would see what I see.
  
• I wish he knew how sorry I was that day, and for the kiss.

"I'm glad that we can now openly talk about these things so I don't have to be silently dramatic, writing all of this down," she said with a steady voice, not wanting James to feel uncomfortable while she was analyzing the page. He was quiet for a moment, and she noticed he was studying the page too. Namely the drawing.

"It is kind of weird," he commented softly. "Seeing myself like that."

"I can understand that," Evaline said in a similar tone. "This must have left a lasting impact since I drew it."

"I think... that was when I finally told you that I didn't like to be touched," James said. "It was right after the stick fight, I think, actually. I'd... ended up on the ground, I think, and..."

James trailed off, and Evaline waited a few moments for him to finish, but when he didn't speak, she looked up to gauge his expression. His eyebrows were brought together tightly, and he seemed like he was trying to remember, or find the words to say.

"Do you remember?" she gently prodded.

He nodded.

"Sorry," he said quietly, pinching his eyes shut for a moment. "It shouldn't be as hard to say out loud as it is. You'd danced your fingers on my chest - like you were intentionally avoiding still-healing wounds. I know you didn't mean for it to be-- I just freaked out. On the inside, all of a sudden. And I felt bad, because I knew you didn't even know why I was freezing up. And I felt bad because I was telling you so late, when things could've been avoided if I'd just told you. But I think... I don't even know if I had the courage to tell you until I was pushed to, because I couldn't hide it anymore."

While James was talking, Evaline felt her face burn from second-hand embarrassment. Or perhaps it was direct first-hand embarrassment since he was talking about her past actions. The thought of doing that to James - the dancing of fingers down his chest, avoiding his wounds - made her uncomfortable, because she knew it would make him uncomfortable.

Of course, she didn't know that back then, hence why it seemed to end the way it did with his confession that he disliked being touched. She could imagine how distraught and confused she must have been, but it must have gone both ways. It made her appreciate that they had clearer lines of communication now.

"I think - if I did that - I must have..." she started, intensely staring at the stick fight drawing, and trying to imagine how these two scenes blended together. "Um. I think I must have misread you, back then. I don't know. But at the end of it, I think we were both just..."

"Bad at communicating," James said.

"Yeah," Evaline said with a weak laugh. "I can't even imagine doing that to you now. I wouldn't dream of it without your consent."

James let out a puff of air through his nose.

"I'm glad we're on the same page now," he said, glancing down at the journal. "...Both literally and figuratively."

Evaline then flipped to the next page, glancing at him with a small smirk. "And now we're past it. Both literally and figuratively."

She looked down at the drawing and almost let out an amused "hah." It seemed that she had doodled various poses she knew he had never done, because they were all out of character for him. There was one of him doing the splits, balancing on one leg, and hopping while flailing arms. There were also several with various silly expressions, which were all most exaggerations of what she'd seen of him. There was one in particular where she drew him winking and sticking his tongue out.

"I must have been really bored," she said with a smirk.

"Until you showed me these, I'd never made any of those expressions," James commented, looking over to her with a glint in his eyes.

She slowly looked up at him, narrowing her eyes at him and wondering what he was alluding to.

"So... you're saying you did make these expressions," she said.

James pointed to the one with him winking and sticking out his tongue.

"Just that one."

"Is that so?" she hummed with the beginnings of a grin. "It's a shame I don't remember it."

"Oh? You don't?" James said with his eyebrows raised and a small smile tugging at his lips. He hummed, looking up in thought. "If only I could recreate it again..."

"What I would give to see that happen..." she said innocently, already grinning.

James looked at her with a smile in his eyes, clearly suppressing his grin.

"Well, I guess if you really want me to," he said with a sigh as he tilted his head from side to side, like he was prepping himself. She watched as he squinted for a moment, like he was calculating. As if he was trying to match the expression exactly, he pinched one eye shut, raised his brows, and then looked over at her with a smile as he stuck out his tongue.

Evaline burst out laughing because it was so out of character, and he looked completely ridiculous. But she didn't dare look away as the laughter filled the air for a few seconds, because she made a mental note to recreate this drawing again, but with his current age, and with this current moment.

"You look so silly," she said with a big smile. "You are silly."

James closed both of his eyes and stuck his tongue out, but more pointedly before his face fell back into a normal closed-mouth smile.

"Why thank you," he said, sounding smug.

"If I draw more silly expressions, would you copy them again?" Evaline asked playfully.

James narrowed his eyes at her.

"Is that a challenge?" he asked.

"Maaaaybe," she said with another grin.

"Challenge accepted."

Evaline laughed through her nose, watching him for a few lingering moments, not wanting to move on quite yet. She hoped James knew she was going to abuse this challenge.

Eventuall Evaline turned the next page again, and she saw sketches of people she didn't recognize. She noted them curiously, reading the names underneath them in order: Sherrif Brooks, Jeremy, Thessa, and Olivia. The top of the page was titled Woodhearst, which she remembered being the name of a town.

"I remember going to a town and being excited to see other people," she idly commented, observing her work. "Not that I grew tired of drawing you. It was just a nice change of pace."

James laughed softly.

"I can imagine," he said. "I never met these people, since you went into Woodhearst by yourself. But I remember you telling me about them."

"What do you remember?" she asked.

"Well, you'd gone into town to get supplies, and get some money. You ended up finding a job at the Sheriff's office as a sketch artist updating wanted posters. Ironically, you'd ended up drawing me, among a few other people I think. You said that Brooks was a gossip, and Jeremy was more reserved. And... well, when you were at the Sheriff's office, Butch and Reed had apparently walked in. They didn't know you were traveling with me at the time, but you seemed really shaken about it - and reasonably so. I think you said you ran into them again in the market and those two women-" he pointed to Thessa and Olivia. "Pretended to be your friends so you could get away from Reed."

Evaline slowly nodded. She could recall bits and pieces of what he said, but it was nice to get a full refresher from James.

"And nothing bad happened," she said. "Right?"

"Aside from Reed being a creep, I don't believe so. You were worried that they were tailing you, so we'd left the moment you got back, if I remember correctly. We made good distance, though."

Evaline nodded again, piecing everything together. It seemed that all the drawings so far seemed to be chronological. They had their first dance, she met Marsha, she had the horse riding test, and then she went to the town. Although, it was a bit unclear whether the stick fighting and her aggressively flirting with him was after the town or before.

"I'm glad we both made it out safely," she simply said, turning the page again.

The pages were filled of drawings of James sleeping. She must have gotten even more bored during the nights, and she seemed to have filled her time drawing him in various sleeping positions. She already knew that James was an active sleeper, and this was shown again in the sketches where he slept in a lot of different positions, many of which were him tossing and turning. There were a few comments while she made that stated he looked peaceful while he slept, but one comment made her a little embarrassed: "Awww, he looks like an adorable baby."

"Seems that I got really bored at night," she murmured.

James laughed in the back of his throat and smiled slightly.

"I don't know about me looking like a baby," James said. "But I'll take 'adorable.'"

Evaline smiled, lifting up a finger to quickly tap his nose.

"You are adorable," she cooed.

James closed his eyes for a moment and smiled a little more before he looked away.

"If you say so," he said jokingly.

When she turned the page again, she was pleasantly surprised to see that she had drawn close-ups of his face, all of them looking bashful and timid. There were some of him clearly blushing as well. It was clear that for some of them he was suppressing smiles and looking away, clearly embarrassed. It made her smile, because he had just done that a few seconds ago.

She pointed at one of the expressions that closely resembled the bashful one he did before she turned the page.

"You make this expression a lot," she commented as she angled her head up to meet his gaze. "I like it."

James looked down at the page, then looked up at her. She could see the same expression cross over his features, but it almost looked like he was fighting it, or overthinking it, now that he was self-aware.

"I think I only make that face often around you," he said quietly.

A tender smile pulled her lips as she kept her gaze on him, not wanting to ruin his sentiments with a witty comment, and just appreciating it for what it was. When she looked back down at the journal, she noticed that there were notes written on the bottom, which she quickly read as her finger brushed alongside it to show that she was reading it.

• I think it's cute when he blushes.
  
• There's something about this soft side that I find endearing.
  
• If I called him handsome, would he be even more embarrassed?
  
• The way his eyes soften makes me forget all my worries.
  
• There's nothing more gentle than his smile when he looks at me.

Evaline found her face plastered with a cheesy grin as she looked back up at him, knowing that the expression was more than enough to convey the words she wanted to say to him.

His face was getting red, and he kept looking between her and the page, like he wasn't able to keep his eyes on either one. It only made her grin wider as she kept her eyes on him, waiting for his reaction.

"I guess you're right," he muttered quietly. "I do get more embarrassed."

"I wrote this five years ago," she said. "But... I don't disagree. I still think all of it is true."

"Good to know I didn't lose my charm," James said, but it sounded like he was trying very hard to sound far more confident than he looked.

It seemed rare for him to be in this state. Evaline wondered just how far she could take it before he'd get too flustered.

"I don't know if I know the answer to this one, though," she said as she pointed to the third bullet point. "If I called you handsome, would you get even more embarrassed?"

James looked down, and at this point, his face was a deep red.

"I already am," he said.

Evaline smiled, fighting back the comment that his blushing expression was similar to one she had drawn five years ago. She also had to fight back the urge to embarrass him further and voice that he truly was handsome, and she adored how he looked.

She could embarrass him a future day.

She let her gaze linger again but then eventually turned the page again without saying anything. Evaline saw that one sketch enveloped the entire page. It was of James holding her in a dip at the end of their dance at mage camp, and he was drawn in full detail while she was drawn mostly as a rough sketch and outline. She could tell she struggled to get the moment just right since she had captured the moment from an outsider's perspective rather than her own.

"And this was the same pose I saw from the other memory you showed me during the Day of Peace," she said. "During mage camp."

James nodded, looking like he was still trying to shake off the embarrassment.

"Yes," he said. "That's the same memory."

"And... we did talk about it," she said, glancing at him. "Briefly. About what happened after the memory you showed me, that I didn't directly see."

"Yes," he said, looking like he was collecting himself.

"Is there anything else to the memory you think I should know about?" Evaline asked gently, but still with a teasing smile.

"Well, considering my leg was healed by then," he said. "It was a much more energetic dance. We had a lot of fun too. Among the... feelings we weren't saying out loud a the time."

Evaline nodded. "I don't know how we did it when we were on Nye," she said. "It pained me here when you didn't know how I felt."

"I don't know about you, but I think we were both just scared, really," James said.

"I know what I was scared of," Evaline said. "What were you scared of?"

"Pretty much everything that a relationship entails," James answered. "But most of all, getting attached."

"Are you describing that fear when you were in Nye? Or also when you came here?"

"Nye," he said. "But I was scared when I came here too. But not of getting attached... because I already was. I was scared of losing you again."

Evaline brought her brows together in sympathy, looking into his eyes with sincerity.

"I was scared of losing you in Nye," she said. "And I was scared of losing you again on Earth. It seems that we were afraid of the same thing."

"At least now we can say it out loud," James said with a faint smile.

"Yeah," she said, weakly mirroring his own smile. "And I'm glad for that now."

Evaline shifted her attention back to the journal, slowing turning the page to reveal more faces of people she didn't recognize, but the title of the page said Mage Camp. She read all the names of the people she drew: Elrick, Maisy, Leah, Nathan, Raya, Jared, Odeta, Bethany, Masil, and Redwen.

Naturally, Evaline was especially drawn towards baby Leah, her fingers brushing over the wisps of her hair she had drawn.

The page next to it was one she was familiar with. It was of her and James sitting on the log while she held Leah, and James was leaning over her shoulder.

"Yesterday you picked the memory of me holding Leah," she said softly. "Why?"

"I like that it was a calm moment shared between us," James said just as softly. "And I don't know - there was something about it. You were so unsure, and yet so gentle. It just stuck with me."

Evaline faintly hummed. Those were traits that typically wasn't present within her, but she wasn't always certain and hard-headed about everything. Their conversation last night flashed in her mind, and she wondered if this was truly who she was, or who she was only molded to be.

"I was also thinking about the other memory you showed me from mage camp," she said, changing the subject. "The one where we said we could build a small library. It wasn't like we lived together in Terra, but... with my help, you did end up building a small library."

"Yeah," he said softly. "I wondered if you'd remembered."

"Not until you showed me," she said with a shy smile, meeting his eyes again. "But I'd like to do it right, someday. Where we share a small library, equally."

"I'd like that," he said, holding her eyes.

"And I won't help out with a hammer," she added playfully.

"I build the shelves, you bring the books," he said with a little smirk.

"And we read together," Evaline finished.

"Out loud or silently?" James asked.

Evaline hummed. "We switch things up," she said. "We read silently, but since you read very fast, I'd sometimes suggest we slow down and read a book out loud so we can equally enjoy it at the same pace."

"We can do that," he said with a small grin.

"Good," she said with a smile.

It made her strangely giddy and happy to playfully talk about their future like this. There were a lot of uncertainties still, but it seemed more... attainable, this time. But she was still happy to take one step at a time, patiently waiting to get there, because James had taught her that life too enjoyable to be rushed.

"Is there anything else?" she asked after a short pause. "About mage camp that I should know about?"

"I don't know if you would want to remember being teased by a bunch of teenage girls," James said with a small smile of both amusement and embarrassment

Evaline let out an amused groan. "Teased because... they thought we were together?" she asked.

"They picked up on the fact that we liked each other," James said. "I don't remember if they explicitly implied that we were together or not. Honestly, I think I blocked that out."

Evaline hummed. "What do you think gave it away?" she asked.

James sighed and looked to the side.

"I don't know," he said quietly. "Maybe the fact that you hadn't ditched me a long time ago. I feel like everyone just kept wondering why you were with me in the first place. So they drew their own conclusion."

Evaline smiled, just a little. "Well..." she said. "They weren't wrong."

"They really weren't," James said with a small smile in return.

Just as she looked down to turn the next page, James spoke up quickly.

"There was-- one other thing," he said. "I don't know if you remember what happened with uh, Nathan. The healing mage."

Evaline paused, her fingers ready to turn the page, but she shifted her attention back at him. She could vaguely remember him telling her about Nathan in his tent, but she couldn't fully recall.

"Did something happen?" she asked.

"It wasn't a very pleasant memory, but... it resulted in him healing one of my wounds. Him and the other guy -- I forget --" he looked down at the pages, scanning the faces. "Jared. They realized I was hurt. It was really awkward, and at the time, I reluctantly accepted their help."

"Did you want to get healed?" she asked gently.

"Not at the time," James said quietly. "But it was for the best."

"That sounds uncomfortable," she said softly. "I'm sorry that happened."

"It's alright now," James said. "But thank you."

Moving on to the next page, Evaline saw that the pages were full of sketches of James reading at various types of angles and lighting. It seemed that she was trying to capture a certain mood and moment in time, because she redrew the picture over and over. In all of the drawing, James appeared to be consumed by the book he was reading, looking to be sharply focused and lost in his own mind.

"I must have really liked this pose of you," she commented, flipping through the pages and comparing versions of the same drawing.

"Funnily enough, I don't even remember that specific moment," James said. "But you'd apparrently caught me while I was unaware and watched me reading before I noticed. Or so I assume."

Evaline hummed again, trying to imagine that. Her eyes landed on the final version of the sketch that had notes written on the side that she read.

• The morning after Woodhearst. He likely immediately opened his book at the first sign of sunlight.
  
• Brow slightly arched, lips slightly pursed, like this position helped him absorb every sentence. I wonder if he usually reads like this?
  
• The sun looks really nice on his skin. The golden rays of the sun make his hair look redder than usual.
  
• Someday: shades of red, brown, orange, yellow. Dark blue for eyes.
  
• A black and white drawing doesn't do this memory justice. At least I captured how focused and peaceful he looked.
  
• Thankfully, he didn't notice me staring. I should have kept observing so I could have seen how the light shined through his hair and reading eyes.
  
• This is one of my favorite poses of his, but I feel like I'm missing something. Redo in future?

"Wow," she said, starting to feel embarrassed that this seemed borderline obsessive. "I don't remember this specific moment either, but it obviously left an impact on me,"

"I'm surprised it did," James said with a slight smile. "I was just reading."

"It was the day after I gifted you the books," Evaline said as she reread the first bullet point. "I guess I had never seen you engrossed in a book before that moment."

"If you'd caught me reading on the farm, I wonder if I'd have looked the same," he said with a slight laugh.

"I guess we'll just have to get another book and compare, won't we?" she said with a sly smile.

"Just don't remind me," James said, flicking his eyes away. "Otherwise I might think too much about what I look like when reading."

"I'll have to stare at you and pretend that I was sleeping. That's probably what I did at the time to be able to capture this moment a dozen times over."

James laughed a little.

"I see you're still a little dramatic," he said with a slight smirk.

Evaline shrugged innocently. "At least I own up to it now," she said, repressing her own smirk.

When she turned the page, she landed on an almost-finished sketch of him sleeping. It wasn't anything particularly special compared to the other sleeping sketches, but it seemed that she had experimented more with shading and lighting. Maybe the way the sunlight hit his face captured her eye.

This was only affirmed when she read the notes on the side of the page.

• Similar sunlight pattern, but different. Desert?
  
• Note the shadows versus direct rays of light on his skin.
  
• Hands cupped around his face. Almost childlike... adorable.
  
• So peaceful, like he is a simple man with simple problems.
  
• Beard looks to be

"Weird I didn't finish my notes," she commented mostly to herself, digging her finger under the page to turn it, but lingering her gaze on the sketch a little longer.

"I think that's because I woke up halfway through you writing them," James commented. "I vaguely remember waking up to you staring at me and hiding your journal behind your back."

Evaline scrunched her face, imagining that happening to her. She didn't like it back then, and she wouldn't like it now.

"That sounds so embarrassing," she muttered, then stared at the next page, which made more sense now.

It was of him waking up with the bleary-eyed confusion and his mid-motion of sitting up as he looked right into the page.

"Let me guess," she said flatly. "This happened right after you woke up, staring at me staring at you."

"That would be a very good guess," he answered.

Evaline sighed but noticed that a small smile crept on her face. It was embarrassing, sure, but it was a bit silly too.

She turned the page again, noticing how she had filled the pages with plants and animals, like she had actively avoided drawing James after that moment. There were also some drawings of Elliot too. It was strange how, even without words, she could relive her experience of Nye.

But it seemed that her time on Earth at that age bled into her time in Nye, because the next pages were of people that the both of them knew on Earth.

Her fingers traced over the drawings of Mel. She had drawn her looking happy and smiling in all of them, but all of them were when she were a teenager. All except one, which was the last brief time she had seen her before she came to Nye.

"These were among some of the last few drawings you showed me, I think," James said quietly. "I didn't ask much about them back then. Only names to put to the faces."

"I see," Evaline said, studying the drawings and admiring how she had captured her so well back then despite not having seen her as often as she did now. "Well, you know them now."

Her eyes then drifted to the ones of Alistair. She portrayed him younger as well, since she hadn't seem him since she left home. His hair was messy and he looked almost annoyed in all of the drawings, which seemed about right. It was also fairly accurate that he looked like he rolled out of bed in all of the pictures. There was one where he had a small smug smile, but there was also one where he looked grim and serious, like he was disappointed or betrayed. She could remember that lasting haunting face even after all these years.

"Alistair mentioned he was a little less put together as a kid," James said. "I almost wanted to tell him that I kind of already knew that, from seeing your drawings. But of course, I couldn't explain that."

Evaline laughed through her nose. "Yeah, he's underwent some kind of transformation since he graduated," she said. "Started dressing nicer and took his studies more seriously. I think he'd be embarrassed to know that my drawings were your first impressions him."

"I guess I'll keep it to myself then," James said softly.

Her eyes lingered on his shameful expression for a little while longer before drifting over to the last person she had drawn: Tula. Looking back on it now, she couldn't believe she actually drew Tula. Even though her sketches were the least developed and least complete, she still thought she was worth drawing, which was embarrassing by itself, especially since they were hardly even friends back then and even now.

Evaline quickly turned the page, not even wanting to dig out that messy history right now. The next pages were of James again, but they were much different than the previous sketches she had drawn of him. They were six different variations of wanted posters, all with different hairstyles and facial hair, but with the same serious expression.

"Guess I really took my job as a sketch artist seriously," she mused.

"I've actually probably looked like most of those at some point," he commented.

"What about this one?" she asked, pointing at the one where he had a long beard and long hair.

"I let it get really long when I was in the jungle," James said. "There wasn't any reason to clean up when I was trapped there."

Evaline nodded. "How long were you trapped there?"

"...About six months, I think," he said.

"That's a long time to be trapped in one place," she said softly.

"It was," James said. "But, it's how I ended up with a beard that long."

Evaline reluctantly turned the page, and her expression melted into big, soft smile when she saw that the next pages were of the birthday memory he had shared with her. There was a drawing of him holding out the flower crowd he had made, another of him playing the harmonica, and another of him by a swing set - which she didn't recall. Across the two pages were many notes written about the day, which she skimmed over, but didn't need to since James had already shown her.

"I remembered the flower crown, and I remembered the harmonica," she said. "I tried to weave these things in to your birthday, and... I didn't expect everything to happen the way it did, but I'm still glad that it happened. I wouldn't change a thing."

"I know I was a mess that day," James said. "But I'm glad you did it too."

Evaline looked up at him to offer a smile. "I didn't mind that you were a mess," she said. "I was emotional when you surprised me too. I think it's what makes it memorable."

"Yeah," he said softly. "I guess so."

"Thank you again for showing me your memory of that day," she said warmly. "I'm really glad I got to remember it."

"I'm glad you remember it now too," he said.

Evaline smiled but then flipped to the next page, and she laughed through her nose when she saw that she had drawn him cross-eyed with her finger on his nose. He was drawn in the same position on the bottom half of the page, but he was looking straight ahead, and his face was drawn to look like it was facepainted with markings that resembled a cat. Three whiskers on each cheek, a dot on his nose, and accentuated eyes. And beside that, a cartoon cat with a speech bubble that said "meow."

But Evaline couldn't stop staring at James with the cat marking. She stared at it intensely, squinting her eyes at it as if it would make more sense.

"I..." she began, but immediately lost her train of thought. "I'm so confused. Didn't this happen in Terra, too?"

"I was surprised when you recreated the moment," James said. "Especially... knowing that couldn't remember."

"...I guess I have the same sense of humor," she said softly. "And same joke about what I would paint on your face."

"Something in me must really just scream 'cat' to you," James joked.

"It's funny how Hendrik thinks you're a tortoise, and I guess I think you're a cat," she idly commented.

"A cat with a shell," James mused.

Evaline snickered, and she made the horrifying mental note to draw this abomination later.

When she looked at the page next to it, she found herself gazing at the sketch for far longer than she had before. She had drawn them sitting on the edge of a plateau overlooking a sunset, holding hands. She read the notes below the drawing, noticing how it had less to do with how she drew the picture, and more about her reflections on the moment they shared together.

• I fear I am starting to get too attached.
  
• I wanted to hold his hand. I'm glad I didn't have to ask.
  
• I'm unsure why he showed me that memory... I think he wanted me to be happy. And I think it might have worked.
  
• In times of hardship, I'll remember this day.

"This seemed like a nice memory," she said softly.

"It was," he said. "I think... I showed you a memory with me and my little sister. A good memory. And it made you happy."

Evaline looked up at him with softened eyes, smiling. "You know, you're the only one who's ever done that," she said. "Show me a memory with the sole intention of having me feel something."

"That's a shame," James said. "I think it's a beautiful way to share my happiness with you."

Still smiling, Evaline reached out to tug his hair behind his ear again, which was becoming a habit of hers just to tell him that she cared about him. Although, now that his hair was longer, it was actually staying behind his ear, so she couldn't do this as often as she could before.

"I'll add this to my infinite list of reasons why I adore you," she said.

James smiled softly, and his eyes flicked to her hand as she pulled it away. He only hummed, meeting her eyes. She lingered her gaze on him for a few seconds before shyly looking back down at the journal.

It seemed that they were getting closer to the damaged pages, but Evaline wanted to keep going until they at least covered all the drawings since they were quickly flipping through it. The next several pages were of James at various stages of laughter. He seemed to push the laugh down, close his eyes, let it out, lean his head back, then lead forward again. She seemed to capture the small moments frozen in time, and putting them together would result in a full-moving animated picture.

"I like this," she said with the same smile, flipping back and forth to fully take in his laugh. "I like this a lot."

"I've always been impressed by your ability to remember things you've seen in such detail," James mused. "Every little movement."

Evaline let out a faint laugh. "I guess that's one thing I was taught that I don't disagree with," she said. "But I think it's worth capturing moments worth remembering."

There were a lot of notes she had written about how to capture his laugh just right, which she appreciated, because it would help when she'll inevitably recreate it. There were plenty of notes about his dimples, and how he placed his hand over his eyes, and how the wrinkles around his eyes widened.

Towards the end of series of drawings was a sketch that seemed more complete than the others, and she could tell she spent more time on it than the other sketches. In it, James had a full smile as his eyes were closed and mouth slightly open. There was only one note beside the drawing, written in big, deliberate letters: I refuse to fall in love, but I have fallen in love with his laugh.

Evaline pursed her lips in thought, slightly amused by her shot of dramatic humor.

"We'll, we can now confidently say that there is one lie and one truth to this," she said.

"You've fallen in love with more than just my laugh," James said with a small smile. "That's nice."

"You're right," she said plainly. "I've fallen in love with your dimples."

"I'll take it," he said, leaning his head on her shoulder.

Evaline lightly leaned her head against him for a moment, enjoying the moment. She wanted to place a hand on the back of his head to play with his hair, but the blanket was covering her shoulders, so she left him be.

Tiredness suddenly hit her all at once like a rock thrown in the sea, and she felt her eyelids being too heavy to stay open. James noticed this and suggested she sleep, which she appreciated. They could finish the rest of the drawings tomorrow.

The next day came and went, and she was actually looking forward to nighttime since she wanted to know what else she had drawn. After going through their nightly routine, she took out the journal again and sat next to him, turning to the page they were at yesterday, gingerly flipping to the next page to see what came after.

This drawing was heavier and a much different mood compared to the previous one. She had drawn the both of them, but again much more detail was put on James than herself. He was sitting with his knees up by her side, pulling her hand close as he bowed his head, crying. Evaline had her arm around him to console him.

It was the first time she had drawn him this sad, and it made her sad seeing him like this, even though they had been plenty emotional together.

"When was this?" she asked softly.

"This..." James trailed off, and he furrowed his brows as he looked at the drawing, like he was thinking. "I haven't seen this one before, and probably none of the drawings to follow. You must've drawn this after we made our relationship official. But this moment that you drew was before that."

He paused still staring at the drawing like he was deeply focused.

"We ran into a group of thieves while following the river. It was the morning after we'd watched the sunset over the waterfall, a couple of drawings ago. We'd gotten away, but I was hurt. I got hurt without you knowing, because we were separated. One of the men went after you while I was busy fending off two others. This... this was after. After you helped me take care of the wound, and we'd stopped to rest."

"I see," she said, paying attention to the detail she had poured into his sad expression. "Did this happen because you were hurt?"

"I'm not sure I remember exactly," James said, his voice growing quiet. "I don't know if I was crying because of the physical pain or just because... I don't really remember."

"The entire event sounded painful," she said. "I wonder why I thought it was worth capturing."

"I don't know if I'd cried like that up til that point," James said softly. "I don't know. It's all a little fuzzy, now."

Evaline looked over to the next page, and she saw that it was another drawing of James crying, but in a different position, and with the background shaded to symbolize that it was nighttime, or maybe were in a different scene. She again drew the two of them, and his arms were wrapped around her waist while his face was buried in her shoulders, like he was trying to hide.

She noticed that she had drawn herself with more detail than the other sketches. Her arms were around his shoulders and one hand was resting behind his head. She looked stoic, but fiercely determined.

There were two notes. One above James that said: In response to, "I admire you." And another smaller sentence next to her that said: A silent promise to protect him.

"That must've been about a week after. The thieves had stolen our food, we were going hungry, and the stab wound I'd gotten wasn't getting any better. There was a sandstorm, and we took shelter in a cave. Our exhaustion made us say a lot of things we didn't really mean to... but we eventually apologized, I think," he said, his eyes traveling down to her notes.

"So, we argued?" Evaline asked.

"Yeah," he said. "I honestly can't really remember what about. I was in a lot of pain, at the time. And hungry. My head wasn't all there."

"You were hungry, and you were hurt," she said gently. "I don't remember what we said either. It's all in the past now."

"There was one memory I did hold onto," James said. "And that's the one I shared with you. When I sang my father's lullaby, and you fell asleep in my arms."

"I remember your lullaby," she said quietly. "And now I remember the memory of you singing it. I didn't realize how fragile the moment was."

"I think we were both being pushed to our limits," James said. "But thankfully, the people of the oasis found us the following morning, and we were able to get food and water."

"I'm grateful for that," she said, not wanting to press for details of what else happened. It seemed that the lullaby was what ended the night, and it was bittersweet, but she would prefer only knowing the resolution rather than the messy hurtful words they may have said to each other that led up to it.

"Do you remember making that promise?" James asked quietly after a pause.

"During that memory, no," she began slowly. "But I can understand it, because I made the same promise to myself when I saw you for the first time again. It was like a silent vow to put your needs over mine."

And, admittedly, she still felt that way. But James didn't seem to comment on either of those thoughts.

Evaline turned the page, and she saw that both pages were full of the familiar memories he had already shown her. James was brightly laughing across the pages, with different angles and small frozen moments of time of him laughing. She found a tender smile creeping along her lips again as she gazed at each one.

"I like these ones," she commented. "Especially now that I remember the context."

"It seems you like to draw me laughing," James commented.

"No surprise," she said as she turned the page. "I like your laugh."

"It's mutual," James said quietly.

The next drawing was James, but it seemed that he was holding her hands, even though she didn't include herself in the drawing. He looked straight into the page with arched brows and big, teary eyes, with a tear dropping down his cheek. He looked shaken, but in an overwhelmingly positive way. His cheeks seemed flushed, and his hair stuck to his skin, like he was warming up. She wrote on a neat box in cursive: "Evaline, I think I love you."

Although now they had exchanged plenty of "I love yous" to one another, this felt different. Because she had a feeling that this was the first time she had ever heard him say it.

Evaline slowly looked up at him with a tender but shy expression melting across her face, silently waiting for him to elaborate.

"I wish I could remember this moment," he said quietly, meeting her eyes with an apologetic look. "But you actually had to tell me about it later. For... I think at least a whole night, I had a high fever and severe blood loss. I hardly remember what I said or did. But you'd said that you'd told me a story. An imagined story of how we met, and got together. Because - I don't know if you remember - but the people at the oasis assumed that we were married without us ever saying anything. And we went with it. And I guess... while one of the women was in the tent, you'd tried to calm me down by telling me the 'story of how we met' and fell in love."

He glanced back down at the drawing, his cheeks flushing.

"I guess that was my response."

Evaline looked down at the drawing too, her fingers lightly brushing against his cheek, like she was wiping his imaginary tear away. She wished she could remember it in full detail too.

"You know," she said softly. "The premise of my memory power is to help people remember their memories. I can retell it from your eyes even if you don't full remember it... if you want."

James looked over to her, his expression softening.

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly. "I was... feeling a lot of things physically, too. I don't know if it would be pleasant from my point of view."

"All of the feelings fade after less than a minute," she said. "It's a small price to pay for a memory I'll be able to cherish forever."

James nodded slowly.

"If you want to," James said.

Evaline took a deep breath, adjusting the blankets so she could offer her hand for him to hold, which he took.

"Whenever you're ready," she said.

James nodded and took her hand.

"Ready," he said.

And then the memory began.

James's head was a foggy haze, and his thoughts felt like mud, running together in a murky sludge. He felt light, and he felt heavy. His side was aching, and throbbing, and he hurt all over. The pain was almost numbing, and his vision was blurry - almost dream-like. Everything felt like a distant dream.

"I meant it when I said it," he said softly, pushing out words to get out the warm feeling bursting in his chest. "Even though... maybe I shouldn't have at the time. But you are. I know you don't seem to care how you look, but to me, you are the sun."

He was staring up at Evaline, and she was radiant. He bright blue eyes shone line the morning sky and she was the most beautiful person he'd ever laid eyes on. He couldn't help but stare up at her with half-lidded eyes, desperately trying to focus on her features. Trying to remember the soft curves of her face, and the dreamy look to her eyes.

There was worry in her eyes, but she smiled softly down at him, looking shy.

"I don't mind you calling me that now," she said. "And if I'm the sun, you're the ocean," she added.

"Like the song," he whispered back.

She was the sun, and he was the ocean that held her. Protecting and reflecting her was enough. That was all he wanted.

At the thought of the lullaby, he could feel the pull of sleep tug on him a little harder.

"Yes. Like the song," Evaline said.

"At least eat this," she said as she put something in front of his mouth. "And then I'll bring the tea over. You need to stay hydrated."

James opened his mouth, and Evaline plopped it in. It tasted like bread and jelly, but he couldn't really taste it well. He recognized the texture more than the taste, and he felt a stickiness all over his mouth. Probably from the jelly.

Evaline had gotten up at some point, and she returned to sit next to him.

"Drink as much as you can of this," she said. She took a nearby rag and held it in front of his face. "But first... you've got jam all over your face."

Evaline smiled, lightly dabbing his lips and facial hair. He thought about lifting his hands to help, but his body felt non-responsive. Everything felt like it was moving, all of the time. It was like he was on a boat, and everything was rocking with the waves.

"My head's spinning," he said, trying to explain. Trying to apologize for making a mess.

"It's okay, I don't mind," she said as she smeared off the rest of the jam. She gave him one last look-over. "There. I think that's the rest of it."

She cleaned off her own sticky hands with the rag and then cleaned his hands. He couldn't remember getting jam on his hands.

"Okay, now drink as much as you can of this." She handed him a cup. "You can rest afterwards."

He took the cup, and he tried to focus all of his energy on holding it steady. His hands felt like trembling leaves, at the mercy of the winds of his body's fragile state. For the life of him, he could barely keep the cup from tipping.

"Let me help," Evaline offered quickly, gently taking the cup back out of his hands. She then scooted a bit closer, and tilted the pillow so his head was laying flatter.

Wordlessly, she pressed the cup against his lips and tilted it slightly. He drank steadily for a while with slow gulps, but it was too much. He couldn't keep up with it, and he took too big of a gulp, almost choking. He sputtered and coughed, and Evaline pulled the cup away.

"Sorry," she said meekly, then she put the cup aside.

When he'd finished coughing, she pulled the pillows and blankets behind him, setting it around the bed. She set a pillow under his head, and then covered his body with a blanket. She'd tucked him in.

"Comfortable?" she asked, setting a hand on his forehead again. Her hand felt cold. It was nice. His eyelids were getting heavy, and he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

"Thank you..." he said weakly.

"Of course," Evaline said back softly as she brushed his hair back. He stared up at her with half-open eyes, expecting her to leave it at that, but then she kept talking.

"But I should be thanking you for everything. From day one, of showing me kindness even though I pelted you with rocks and dirt. And then on week one, for telling me that I could stay forever with you if you wanted, and then choosing to give your life over mine. And then on week two, for listening to me and accidentally making me happy without knowing it. And on week three, listening to the note's new demands even though I, myself, already wanted to stay in Nye. And that was only the beginning. Month two, for letting me kiss you even though you were uncomfortable. And then telling me how I misread everything. And in that same month, we went to mage camp. I want to thank you for letting me have that experience, even though you didn't enjoy it. And for letting me dance with you, even though I again misread you. And I'm sorry I misread you -- but I began to understand. Began to understand when you held my hand without asking, watched the sunset with me, and threw together a surprise birthday party that I'm now certain wasn't just because of a birthday that happened a month prior. And I thought, maybe, it would all crumble apart yesterday. I was not mad at you. I was mad at myself. But I realize now -- I realize what I want."

She stopped suddenly. The whole time, she'd been stroking his hair, and she pulled her hand away, looking down at him.

His heart felt like it was swelling up. He didn't even know what prompted this confession. He didn't know what he'd ever done to deserve her. He just wanted her to be happy.

His eyes were misting over, and his vision of her was getting blurry. He was still for a moment, and then he tried to focus his energy on taking his hand out from under the blanket. His arm swung aimlessly through the air as he pawed at nothing, though he'd aimed to take her hand.

She met his hand with hers.

"I think I'd want us to have more books," she said with glistening eyes, and he knew she was quoting their time from mage camp when she asked him what he would do if he was a free man. She squeezed his hand. "For our small library, bought with our money from your rancher job and my freelance art work."

A tear rolled down his cheek, and he gripped her hand firmly, but he could feel his strength waning. His body was desperately trying to pull him to sleep, but he didn't want to. He felt like he could burst. He had to tell her.

"Evaline," he said, working through every syllable carefully. Focusing on each word. He met her eyes.

"I think I love you."

And he meant it.

He watched as Evaline's smile disappeared, and she pulled away, letting go of his hand with a sharp breath.

James didn't know what was going on, but he could hear her feet clambering away. Sleep still clung to him, dragging him down. He was still trying to fight it.

He didn't know how much time passed before he heard her croak: "I'm sorry."

And then...

"Time's down," she said. "Almost. Almost, time's down."

That sent a jolt through him. His body didn't have much left to give, but it was enough to wake him up, though he could feel that it wouldn't last long.

He sat up straight and alert, looking across the tent, seeing her curled up in the corner. He felt his entire head spin, and he was seeing spots all across his vision, making it hard to see Evaline clearly. He swayed to the side and shot out his arm, catching himself on the mattress.

"What can I do to help?" he said breathlessly.

"Sleep," she said quickly through a wet sniff, wiping away the tears. "Please, just sleep," she said again, quieter.

James trembled for a moment. His side started to sting with a sharp, stabbing pain that coursed all throughout his ribs. His vision was fading to white, and he could feel himself slipping. He desperately wanted to help her, but he knew he could barely help himself. His body had made the decision for him. He knew if he were to even attempt to get to his feet that he'd collapse back down.

Shakily, he laid back down as slowly as he could. When his head hit the pillow again, he felt like his skull was a ten-ton weight.

"Okay," he whispered, still wishing there was something he could say or do. Wishing he hadn't said or done something to make her upset. His head felt like it was throbbing with its own heartbeat.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I... stay. I know you can do it."

He didn't want her to leave. He didn't want her to leave him because he'd said something stupid. He didn't mean to hurt her. He couldn't even remember what he'd said anymore. He was always like this. Ruining things.

His heart ached when he heard Evaline start to sob, but he couldn't stop himself from drifting. It hit him all at once, like a heavy wave, swallowing him up and pulling him under.

Evaline didn't know if James had meant to show her everything he did, but it wasn't uncommon for her to see more than her fair share when it came to memories the user couldn't remember well. She kept her hand in his and looked up at James immediately with tears pricking her eyes from the confusing mess of emotions that stormed in her chest.

She had felt the same intense burst of love that she had felt yesterday after he had shown her all his memories, but the lasting feelings of heartache and guilt overpowered everything else.

Evaline knew this feeling. She felt this way any time she found out James was suffering, and there wasn't anything she could do about it. She knew it cut deeper when she knew that she was the source of the pain, and it seemed that James had felt the same way when he heard her cry.

"Do you feel that?" she asked softly, tightly gripping on to his hand since it made her uncomfortable to feel this way while they were both vulnerable in front of one another.

James nodded, holding her hand firmly. He swallowed, and she could see his face was flushed but that his eyes were misty, not much unlike the drawing in her journal.

"I guess I was wrong," he said hoarsely, quickly clearing his throat. "I didn't remember it at all."

"Yeah," she said quietly, holding on to his gaze as she pushed away the feelings of guilt and sick and pain, and chosing to focus on the mess of emotions behind it before it disappeared. "That wasn't it at all."

"I'm -- I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't remember it ended that way."

"It's okay," she said as she placed her free hand together to sandwich his hand between hers. "You didn't know, and neither did I. I'm just glad to relive some of our past together, and I know it wasn't always happy."

"I..." James took in a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I guess... that's what happened when my thoughts were completely unfiltered. My head still feels foggy just thinking about it."

Evaline gave his hand a gentle squeeze, remembering how the memory played in the beginning. How he had looked at her adoringly with his stomach doing flips, thinking she was the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on, and all he wanted was to keep her happy and safe.

"I thought it was nice," she said softly, feeling her own cheeks flush from warmth.

"But I can't say I disagree with my past self," James said, looking up at her, like he was studying her face again.

"I just... I had no idea," Evaline said even quieter as she shyly looked down at their hands again.

"Well, I would've wanted to tell you now, to your face," he said. "But I guess seeing it through my eyes works too."

Evaline let out a weak laugh as she squeezed his hands again. "You didn't say any of those thoughts out loud back then, and you still filter it out," she said. "But I think I'd still rather listen to the words you don't say."

James looked away this time, his face getting redder too.

"That works for me," he said quietly.

"...The speech I gave you," she said softly, quickly moving on, and knowing that she'd have to be the one to fill the gaps this time. "The one that prompted you to tell me you loved me. It wasn't at all a false story I made up, but instead me recollecting and reflecting my time with you on Nye. How we ran into each other, misunderstood each other, and have grown to like each other. I ended the speech by telling you what I wanted."

"More books," he said with a faint, still bashful smile.

"That's right," Evaline said as she mimicked the bashful smile, gazing back into his face. "And it hasn't changed."

James met her eyes.

"I'm glad some things haven't changed," he said quietly.

"Yeah," she said even quieter, letting a brief silence pass as they lingered their gaze on each other.

Some things haven't changed at all. But there were things that did change from the memory that she was glad were different.

"After that," Evaline continued softly. "You told me, 'Evaline, I think I love you.' And I didn't know what to do with those words. I was caught so off-guard and stuck in my own emotions that I almost went back in time. I warned you, and there wasn't anything you could do but watch, and eventually go to sleep. That was how the memory ended."

James nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep when you were in the middle of that," he said sincerely.

"No, it's fine," she quickly reassured. "You were sick, you were hurt, and there wasn't anything you could do to help me. I'm just... I'm glad that I have better control of my feelings now."

James looked like he was studying her face again with a focused tenderness.

"As long as that doesn't mean you can't feel at all," he said softly.

Evaline rubbed her thumbs against his hand as a way to tell him that she appreciated the sentiments.

"Not feeling at all results in me being cold, cruel, and heartless," she said. "I've instead found a balance point, staying calm and collected while only allowing myself to feel emotions through a small filter. I think, now, the filter has grown in size, only capturing the intense emotions I don't know how to handle. But I fear that one day the filter would be completely removed, and I would be back to slipping back even at the slightest hint of happiness."

James continued to watch her, and he squinted a little, but with a look of compassion.

"I long for the day where you will be free to feel fully without fear of the consequence of your powers," he said tenderly.

Although Evaline had stated that she thought hope was an irrational concept that often resulted in false and misleading faith, she couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope light up in her chest, because she knew this could be possible. It could be, if she decided to follow through with her original plan.

"I do too," she said softly as the emotions from the memory already started to fade, but she was left with a longing that wouldn't go away.

She paused for a moment, smiling up at him.

"Thank you," she said. "For letting me see the memory."

"Thank you for helping me remember," he echoed as thanks in return.

It was almost ironic to be peering down at the journal, switching gears so that he would be back to reminding her of what happened in the gaps of her memory, rather than the other way around.

Evaline turned the page, and the next drawing was of her and James again. This one seemed more complete - like she had spent a far too many nights perfecting it and cleaning it up. It was a side-profile of the two of them, and James was propped up by pillows while she sat in front of him without a shirt, his chest full of bandages. She had her hand set on one bandage wound, and he had one hand over hers. His other hand was by her ear, tucking a strand of long hair behind it. Her free had was cupping his face, and she was leaning in.

She didn't want to make any assumptions, and she again silently turned towards James for an explanation.

James was looking at the drawing shyly, averting his eyes from it when she looked to him.

"That was the first time we kissed," he said.

She smiled, looking back into the page and admiring the moment she captured.

"Do you remember how we led up to it?" she asked.

"It's hazy," he said quietly. "But you were cleaning some of my wounds that Edna stitched up. I think you might've stopped because I hissed in pain or something. We talked... and I think we talked about the dance at the mages' camp, but indirectly. I do remember... asking with my eyes. And you were hesitant, so I think I asked out loud."

Evaline's eyes softened as her brows knitted together in tenderness as James talked. Imagining the moment was surprisingly not difficult. She could understand how significant it must have felt to hear James ask for a kiss, rather than her having to ask permission since their talk about his boundaries.

"I think this moment means more to me than you can understand," she said. "Because I have been waiting for you."

James was quiet for a moment.

"Were waiting?" he asked. "Or you... still are?"

Evaline squinted into the page in mild discomfort, not realizing that she had accidentally leaked her current thoughts into that one sentence. She really didn't want to make him uncomfortable with this conversation.

"I still am," she said as she looked up at him again. "But in different ways. I'm choosing to be patient for you, and I don't mind it."

James was quiet again for a second as he looked down at the ground.

"Thank you," he said quietly, like he understood what she was and wasn't saying. "For waiting."

"A man taught me that waiting is worth it if the heart is slow to know what it wants," she said. "You have been patient with me. And now it's my turn to be patient with you."

James looked up to meet her eyes, but he didn't hold eye contact very long. She could see that he was grateful, but there was a sadness in his eyes that he seemed to be trying to keep at bay as he offered a small smile.

"Thank you," he said again, looking down and blinking hard, like he was blinking back tears.

Evaline didn't really understand what was running through his mind, but she wasn't going to easily ignore it.

"Did I say something wrong?" she asked.

"No," James said quickly, still looking down. "Not at all. It just... it means a lot to me." She could hear his voice on the verge of cracking, but he stopped and cleared his throat. "It means a lot, is all."

Evaline reached out to gently pat his shoulder, offering a gentle and understanding smile.

"It's the least I could do," she said, deciding to keep the mood lighthearted since she didn't want to embarrass James to tears. "Since I had aggressively flirted with you before knowing your boundaries."

James let out a breathy laugh, but the laugh seemed to bring tears to his eyes. He was quick to bring up his hands to swipe them away.

"You were definitely more forward," he said with a small smile. "That's for sure."

Evaline slid her hand to his back, rubbing it up and down as she let out a faint laugh in embarrassment.

"I thought that was what love was," she said. "But you telling me your boundaries forced me to learn what it really was. It sounds cheesy, but you truly did teach me how to love. And I can't be upset at that."

James took in a deep breath before giving his eyes another rub to get them dry.

"Glad to be of service," James said jokingly. "I'm happy I also taught you how to be cheesy."

Evaline playfully scoffed, still rubbing her hand on his back for support. "I take it back," she teased. "I can be upset at that."

"You can be upset all you want," James said, dropping his hands from his face with a smug little grin. "It's too late, now. My cheesy influence has already taken effect. And I can't be upset about it."

"I guess it's not all too bad, then," she said with a wider smile. "Love is cheesy. I can now understand why you love cheese."

James's face broke into a wide smile and he breathed out an airy laugh.

"I'm glad you finally understand," he said.

Evaline beamed at him, wanting to stretch out the moment some more, but she was pleased with how the conversation played out. She couldn't believe they had spent so many of their months not communicating with one another, because this felt so freeing.

Eventually she turned the page, and she seemed to have returned to doodling sketches. There were some of James who was drawn with brighter eyes and softer smiles, but there were some that included herself as well. She seemed to be getting better at drawing herself since she had depicted many sketches of them together, smiling, or holding hands, or leaning against one another.

"These are nice," she commented as she lingered her gaze on each one.

"It's cute," James said. "It's kind of like you took pictures of all of these moments, but in your head, and you drew them out."

Evaline hummed. "If only I could get rewarded for drawing on Earth as much as I was rewarded on Nye," she said. "It seems that cameras have made me obsolete."

"But cameras can't take pictures of memories that have already happened," James said. "I don't think you're entirely obsolete. You just have a niche skill."

"I guess so," she said, rubbing her finger on one sketch of James looking up at her while leaning on his hand, squishing his cheek. "I'm glad that I have at least one audience member who can appreciate it."

"I'm your biggest fan," James said, nudging her lightly in the side with his elbow.

Evaline laughed through her nose, letting a small grin creep up to her face. A thought then occurred to her, and the grin faded, but a smile still remained.

"This was from five years ago," she said. "I'm trying to get back into drawing now, so... if you want, you're welcome to look through my pages of your journal. Whenever you want. I don't mind."

"I just might do that," he said with a small smile. "I do enjoy seeing your art."

Evaline peered up at him, pursing her lips in amusement. "I hope you're prepared to see a thousand more sketches of yourself," she said shamelessly.

James met her eyes for a second, and he let out a laugh that sounded just a little nervous.

"I'll try not to let it go to my head," he said.

Evaline let out a small chuckle. "But James," she teased. "You're a piece of art."

"Careful, now," James said in a mock warning. "That's toeing the line between punny and cheesy."

"That's just where I'd like to be," she said with a grin. "I hope it's not too sketchy that I draw you while you sleep."

She watched as James slowly closed his eyes and smiled in defeat, letting out a sigh.

"Wow," he said with a little laugh as he shook his head. He looked back up at her with a big smile. "I think as long as you don't catch me sleeping with my eyes open, and I'm not up when you're staring at me, we'll be fine. But... if you wanted me to stay still while you drew me on a regular day when I'm not sleeping, I'm not opposed."

Evaline's brows arched up in surprise, and she shifted in her position for a moment as she thought this through.

"I haven't drawn a modeler since I was a child enrolled in lessons on how to draw people," she said. "It has been several years since I've drawn anyone else, so I'm a bit rusty. I think I could use a model to help me out."

"Well, you've already seen me modeling once," James said with a little smile and a shrug. "I'd much rather do it for you than weird photos anyway."

"Hey, you looked charming during that photoshoot," Evaline teased with a growing smile. "It's a shame I don't have any copies of those photos."

"Do you really want pictures of me dressed like a doctor?" James asked.

Evaline laughed. "I know that I would admire it, because it's you. But I don't even know what someone else would do with that picture."

"Well, hopefully no one else is out there admiring me as a fictional doctor," James said with another little shrug.

Evaline let out another small laugh, shaking her head. "You did seem to have a lot of fans after the tournament," she said. "Who knows. Maybe they found the photos and think you can both fight and heal."

James looked out towards the fire with his eyes narrowed as he put on an almost goofy looking frown of displeasure.

"More reasons not to go back there, then," he said. "I could barely stand the five minutes of them swarming me like flies."

"Aren't I lucky," she mused. "To be the partner of the city's most popular man."

James slid his eyes back over to her as his frown disappeared, but the small smile that replaced it still looked a little exasperated.

"I really hope that's not the case," James said. "I was only there for less than three days."

"Even if it is, there's no way for us to know," she said gently. "So it doesn't matter, since we're never going back. It only happened a little over a month ago, but it's also in our past."

"There were some nice memories though," James said. "Before the fight. Like getting to put on a show with you. I have no idea if you enjoyed that, but it made me so happy to finally get to hear you play live, never mind getting to play music with you too."

Evaline felt more mild embarrassment flush her cheeks as she looked away with a bashful smile, silently agreeing that it was a nice memory.

"I was so anxious at the beginning," she said. "I've never liked being in front of an audience. But you handled it impressively well, and I liked being the background to your songs."

"It helps that it wasn't my first time ever playing on a stage," James said with a smile. "But you did very well for it being your first time, and on the spot, too. You were a lovely musical partner."

"As were you," she said as she sneaked another shy glance. "Maybe someday we can do it again, but without an audience."

"I would really like that," James said softly.

"Maybe we could do that after we fill up our library," she said, feeling her heart squeeze from joy over a future that hasn't happened yet.

"We read together, and then duet together," James said. "I like that."

"I do too."

Based on what she had seen in memories and drawings, this conversation would have completely flustered her and possibly render her useless were it to take place five years ago.

But now, she hardly felt embarrassed. She actually rather liked the conversation and talking about the little things they could look forward to in their future. There was so much uncertainty, but through it all, she could feel in her heart that the longevity of their future together was attainable.

Hesitantly, she looked back down into the journal, noticing how she was getting very close to what seemed like the end of the drawing section. She turned a few more pages, and they were all fairly similar to the other ones where she captured small moments in time of James, and occasionally of the both of them. They all were happy, and lighthearted, and youthful. Her favorite one was of her hugging his waist from behind, and he looked over his shoulder at her wearing a longing expression.

There was a page in particular that seemed especially silly because they consisted of casual cartoon doodles of her and James in various poses. Her favorite one was of them leaning against each other with their arms crossed and smirking at each other, but James swishing a sword around was a close second.

"Wow," she said with a faint laugh as she studied each one. "I got really carried away here."

James grinned.

"It looks like you had fun drawing them," he said.

"Seems so," she said with a weak laugh as she continued forward.

The next few pages were a conglomeration of more daily sketches of James smiling and being himself, cartoon versions of that, and also even more random cartoon doodles. She had drawn her childhood cat named Smiles with a silly goofy smile, and also Elliot with wings, flying through the clouds.

Evaline felt her cheeks flush again, laughing from embarrassment.

"These are so embarrassing," she said as she flipped the page, wincing as even more incriminating childish doodles filled the page.

"I think they're cute," James said with a smile.

"I guess they're a little," she said as she stared at a silly drawing of her and James riding Elliot through the sky. "I must've gotten really bored."

"Nothing wrong with that," James said. "You had to kill time somehow."

There were many more pages of sketches detailing the two of them together, happy and together as a couple. There were many more of James, and he was smiling in almost all of them, with the occasional serious one of him looking into the distance, lost in thought. She also drew more cartoons of themselves and of different animals that acted more like doodles wherever there was available space.

Eventually Evaline turned the page to a more serious realistic drawing. This time, it was of her crying in James's arms, but it was drawn like it was a story, divided into two frames across the two pages. The left page was divided in two, and it were of their faces. James was in the first frame who was drawn with empathetic compassion, and there was a speech bubble that said: "You are worthy of love." The bottom frame was of her looking to be distraught and in pain, teary-eyed and emotional. There was another speech bubble that said: "I think I love you too."

The right page was of them hugging. She was crying, but safe with her head buried in his chest. Her arms were wrapped around his waist while he safely wrapped his own arms around her shoulders, pulling her in. There was a speech bubble from James saying: "I'm so happy you're here."

It was like a visual book, and Evaline couldn't stop staring at it, trying to imagine the scene play out in her head.

"I think this was after we'd narrowly escaped a horde of desert lizards," James said. "There were a lot of them, and we'd stumbled into their burrow. You'd gone back several times to save us, and it was taking its toll on you. I think this was after you'd finally recovered, after about a week. You were feeling more like yourself again, and we talked about it."

Evaline's gaze rested on the frame of her saying she loved him for the first time. If this happened after going back too many times at the state that she was, James must have had to also endure her fallout. It seemed fitting that she said if after he took care of her for a week, even when it was burdensome.

"I can understand why I'd have said it," she said softly.

"You were worth the wait," he said softly in return. "And I'd do it again."

Evaline slowly looked up at him again, and she knew that the tender expression that melted across her face was all she needed to say to reiterate how she felt about that, and of him.

"It must have been so difficult," she said. "I must have been so difficult. I only hope you don't need to do it again."

"I hope so too," he said. "For your sake."

There appeared to be only one more drawing left. She gingerly turned the page, revealing a half-complete sketch of her and James sitting next to each other, holding hands and gazing at each other with her journal between them. There were no notes on this page.

"This is the last drawing," she said. "It's too bad I didn't get to finish it."

"It's kind of funny," he said. "The last picture is of us looking at your journal. And that's what we're doing now."

Evaline let out a weak breathy laugh through her nose, still staring down at the drawing. "Yeah," she said. "Did I show you more of my journal back then?"

"I remember you showing me a few journal entries," James said. "We'd had a mix-up a few weeks prior where you accidentally took out my journal instead of yours and read a page. I think you still felt bad about it, but I know you wanted to share too. You'd written down your thoughts about the memory I shared with you, actually, I think. When I said I love you. We talked about it more."

Evaline lightly hummed, then quickly leafed through the remaining of the journal, being careful to not let the loose pages fly away. Besides the blank pages, they were all standard journal entries.

"Seems like a fitting last drawing before moving on to the rest of the journal," she said.

"Yeah," James echoed. "It is."

They only had a few more days before they'd reach the rendezvous, and although the entire trip was supposed to feel dangerous, it hardly felt that way when she was with James. There were a few things that happened along the way that made her nervous, like hearing animals howl in the night, or having to move at night due to suspicious noises, or having to drink out of questionable water sources.

But they pushed through. They always did.

Evaline and James were more alert and wary during the day while they were traveling, so she appreciated the nights when most dangers were asleep, and they could truly focus on each other rather than having to worry about distance.

It seemed that James was waiting for her to bring up the journal again, but she didn't need to wait. The next night after going through all of the sketches, she took it out again, and she readied herself to go through the first pages. She knew she wasn't usually one to write, so it made her nervous to know what kind of private thoughts she had written down. Considering that she only knew James in Nye and that she hated her life on Earth at the time, she was sure he consisted of most of her thoughts.

Unfortunately, Evaline had ripped almost all of the journal entries in half, so they first had to find the right half of the page. After several minutes, they went through the ripped pieces and lined them up in the corresponding pages, making sure that they wouldn't pick up the journal haphazardly by the spine so that the pages would all fly down.

"Are you ready?" she asked James after the mini puzzle-piecing activity, unsure if he had caught any incriminating words or sentences while they did so. She was afraid that whatever she wrote may have been negative.

James nodded, silently giving her a small




Well... it was about James.

Evaline winced while reading all of this. Did she really make a whole check list of rumors about James as her first journal entry? She wanted to go back in time five years ago just to tell herself to stop being so dramatic.

"You must have been a real enigma to me back then," she said half-jokingly.

"Ha," James said with a puff of air through his nose. "I vaguely remember you asking me a bunch of questions. I think most of these rumors you'd heard were when you were in Woodhearst, from that sheriff. You've shown me the list before, I think."

She pointed at the bullet point with his age and birthday, smiling. "Hey, at least I remember this one," she said.

"That you did," James said with a fond little smile.

Evaline stared at the list some more, imagining herself dying to know if any of these were true - so much so that she made a list and checked things off as time went on. Now that she was looking at it, she could remember sifting through some of the lies and truths, but there were some things she didn't know yet.

"I don't think you've ever told me," she said. "But why did you go by the name of Tiberius Hemming as a child?"

"When I ran away from home, I had to change my identity so I couldn't be traced back to my family and discovered," James explained. "Carter pulled strings with his parents to sell the lie that I was an orphan they took in. The name change was just part of that. I picked Tiberius because I liked it at the time. That's what I get for picking a new name as an 11 year old."

Evaline nodded slowly, then pointed at the bullet point about getting into military school. "Were Carter's parents the 'anonymous wealthy benefactor'?" she asked.

"I guess you could say that," James said. "They were wealthy. And they didn't really want to be associated with me outside of me being friends with their son, so... anonymous, as much as they could be, yes."

"I see," she said. "Carter must have meant a lot to you as a child if you relied and trusted him with this enormous change of your life." She paused for a moment. "Was it your idea to run away, or his?"

"It was my idea," James said. "But he was the one who encouraged it and helped make it happen. He was surprisingly supportive and resourceful for a 13 year old."

Evaline squinted into the page, trying to put herself in James's shoes, and even in Carter's shoes. It was frightening that it was easier for her to be able to imagine herself as Carter.

"It seems that Carter comes from a manipulative family," she said. "Sometimes, to get people to do what you want, you have to subtly hint at it and make the person think it's their idea so they would do it. It's puppeteering without you even realizing it. Really think about this one. Was it truly your idea to run away and leave your family behind?"

James was quiet for a moment.

"It was so long ago... I'm not sure I can remember the specifics," he said. "Carter might've hinted at it, but I can't think of anything exact."

"That's okay," Evaline said. "It's always done in subtle ways. For it to be effective, he couldn't just outright suggest, 'James, you should run away,' but instead say something more subtle that your subconscious may think of it yourself. Comments like, 'Your family seems to treat you badly,' or, 'I've heard that military school offers shelter and schooling.' He'd feed you small pieces of the big picture as you'd blindly put it together. Most of the time, you do so unconsciously until you have enough pieces that you think of the idea to run away yourself."

"I..." James started, interrupting himself with a sigh. "I wouldn't be surprised if he tried something like that. But there was so much going on back then, I couldn't tell you if he did. I was just focused on trying to escape a situation I didn't want to be in."

"And that was exactly the mindset you had to be in for the tactic to be effective," she said quietly, feeling sorry that James was likely manipulated without even realizing it, and more than fifteen years had passed since then. "You really don't remember?"

"There are a lot of gaping holes in my memories," James said. "I vividly remember the day that I left, but I hardly remember all of the conversations leading up to it. It was so long ago."

Evaline remembered James crying in her arms weeks ago saying that he blamed himself for everything, and he would never forgive himself for running away. It was his biggest regret, and she knew that he hated himself for it.

But what if he could realize that he was truly the victim of a manipulator? That Carter had took advantage of his childhood naivety to run away to do his bidding? Would he still blame himself for it?

Evaline sat still for a few seconds in silence, thinking.

"Like I said, my memory power has mostly been used to help others remember forgotten memories," she said, looking up at him with sudden seriousness. "Would you like me to help you remember?"

James looked at her with his eyebrows drawn together.

"Eve, I don't want to -- I thought I was supposed to be helping you to--"

"I want to help you forgive yourself, James," she interrupted before he could get very far. "What better way to do that than to retell the events of what happened in the past, and then analyze it for you?"

James looked unsure, and he glanced down at the journal.

"I... I haven't thought about it in so long," he said quietly.

Evaline reached over to set her hand on top of his for assurance. "You'll be able to feel what happened back then, but only I will be able to relive it," she said gently. "I don't have to retell every detail if it hurts. But I want to be able to say in confidence whether Carter subtly manipulated you into running away. If he did, it wouldn't be your fault."

"Would it make a difference?" James asked, looking down at their hands. "I still did it anyway."

"The only difference it would make is your length of time to heal," she said. "Perhaps you would be able to more easily forgive yourself if you knew that Carter played a bigger role than you thought."

James looked like he was thinking, staring down at their hands with a sad but focused gaze.

"I always knew he played a significant part in all of it," he said, his voice getting quiet again. "I don't know if -- I don't know. I don't know if it matters."

"I think it matters," Evaline said softly. "There's a difference between exercising your free will to do something, and being fed lies and subtleties to be led into believing you have free will."

James didn't look up at her.

"But... I don't know why he would've wanted to do that," James said quietly. "I was just a poor refugee child with nothing to offer in return. It wouldn't -- I don't know why I'd even have been worth all the trouble, if it was just all manipulation."

"I wish I had the answers," Evaline said with a bit of sorrow in her voice. "But I don't. I can't tell you the whys, but I can tell you the hows. But only if you want to know."

James took in a deep breath and turned her hand over in his.

"I think I'm just nervous to know," he whispered.

"What about this," Evaline began, interlacing her fingers with his. "I don't have to tell you what happened right away. I can answer any small questions you may have, and I can continue to answer any questions you may have in the future. And if you'd prefer to not talk about it, I can write the entire memory down for your convenience to look at in your own time, whenever you are ready.

James squeezed her hand a little.

"Okay," he said, but she could tell he still sounded nervous.

Evaline squeezed his hand. "Are you ready?"

James pressed his lips together as he nodded, holding her hand a little more firmly.

James was kneeling down on a floor with stone tiles. Next to him was a bucket full of water and soapy suds, and he was holding a rag, scrubbing the floor in continuous, circular motions. He was tired, because he'd woken up early, and he hadn't had anything to eat for breakfast. His mother had promised him he could eat when he got home, but he was struggling to ignore the hunger gnawing away at his stomach. For a moment, he fantasized about tasting the soap in the water bucket, but he knew it wouldn't be as tasty as it seemed in his head. That, and the water was getting dirty the more he cleaned the floor.

It would be gross.

He scrubbed a little harder at a patch of sticky-something that was on the floor. It looked like maybe it came from a shoe. Probably just mud, but it was dried and hard to get up off the tile.

He grew frustrated as he kept scrubbing, watching as only little bits of it came up, little by little.

Who walked in the mud anyway? Why would they drag it in? Weren't these people rich? They didn't need to be walking in the mud. They could just go around it. This was stupid. Mud was stupid.

He let out a quiet groan as he paused in the scrubbing, trying to work up the strength to scrub again. His arms were getting tired.

When he paused, he realized there was someone standing in the doorway. He was being watched.

On instinct, he sat up a little straighter, at attention, looking to see Carter, who was leaning on the door frame with his arms crossed.

Carter was wearing his usual uniform. Clean, structured, dark clothes that made him look put together and nice. His brown hair was cut short and neat, and his skin was a richer light brown like his father.

In some ways, Carter looked just like his dad, but with his mom's angular face. James almost envied that. He always felt bad for constantly reminding his mom of his dad every time she looked at him.

When James looked up, Evaline saw a clearer view of the room through his eyes. It looked like it was lavishly decorated. The wooden furniture had detailed carvings and patterns in the legs and arms of the chairs, depicting people with swords on horses. James was beside what looked like a long dining table, and above the table was a candle chandelier. The other half of the room was carpeted with a deep red carpet that contrasted against the white stone tiles and the furniture, which was all deep browns and rich greens and blues.

Plastered on the wall near the doorway where Carter stood, there was a large woven tapestry hung up on the wall that was a portrait of a man and a woman. Seeing it through James's eyes, she understood them to be Mr. and Mrs. Haddon - Carter's parents. The portrait looked very regal and formal, and the tapestry must've taken [i]months to make.

But James's eyes quickly focused on Carter. Carter seemed to be watching James with a cocky sort of nonchalance.

He furrowed his brows and pouted his lips, as if letting down his guard, and went back to scrubbing the floor with a little more vigor.

"I thought you had lessons or something," James said. "What happened to your tutor?"

Carter started stepping into the room, tracking his feet over the still-wet floor. James watched his feet, annoyed.

"Hey, I just--" he started to say, and Carter looked down, his nonchalant expression quickly disappearing into one of apology, and he grit his teeth as he leaped over onto the carpet.

"Oops, sorry!" Carter said, waving his arms a little as he kept himself from losing his balance.

James only sighed and went back to cleaning.

"It's okay," James said.

"Which tutor are you talking about?" Carter asked. "Kenneth--"

"I still think it's weird you call your teachers by their first names," James muttered.

"I mean, my parents do. I don't see why I shouldn't either," Carter retorted as he sat down on the carpet, running his hands through it and playing with it.

"Don't they like, get mad at you for it?" James asked. "It's disrespectful."

"I think they'd put up with anything because of how much my parents pay them," Carter said, sounding bored. "Besides, it's not like they really care about me or anything. And everything they teach is so easy. I can't wait to go to real school."

"That's the... military school you were talking about," James said, finally seeing the mud smudge come off the tile. He sighed in relief and moved on to the next tile.

"Yeah," Carter said. "It's in the capital! My parents take me there for their big meetings with the guild sometimes, but they left me here a lot with stupid nannies and stuff when I was younger. I'm excited to actually live there, now. I can't believe it's only two weeks away. My parents still have to pack all of their shit, too. I don't know why they have so much stuff."

James glanced back at Carter, and he couldn't help but feel a little jealous. He'd always wanted to go to a real school too, but he'd never gotten the opportunity. He was lucky that his parents could read.

Or, well, his parent. It was only his mom, now. Not that Carter understood that.

"At least you have stuff," James muttered.

"Hey, if any of it was mine, I'd just sell it all," Carter said. "Except for maybe my dad's sword that he never uses. I want it some day. I don't ever want to become like him, though. All these meetings and politics with stuff people who just make a bunch of decisions about other people's lives. They only care about themselves, you know. They don't really care about 'the people' like they say they do. It's all just so people like them and listen to them."

James kept scrubbing the floor, moving from tile to tile, pausing when there was something a little harder to clean.

He'd heard Carter rant about this before. His parents were fake, and if he were leading people, he'd actually care, and blah, blah, blah. James knew Carter meant well, but they were just kids. Neither of them could do much of anything. But, that was why Carter was so excited to go become a soldier, he guessed. He'd get the training to actually be something and make a difference. Or, that's what he kept saying.

"Do you think you'd ever be a soldier?" Carter asked suddenly, sitting up straight.

James scoffed.

"Yeah, right," James said. "I'm barely even big enough to hold a sword."

"I don't mean like, right now," Carter said like it was obvious. "But when you get older, and stronger. I mean, if you ever do get stronger. I don't know. Maybe you're just built like that."

"My mom says I'll get bigger," James said. "Like my..."

"I mean, obviously you will grow," Carter said. "Everybody does."

James pursed his lips, thinking back to Carter's question. Carter was quiet for a moment, giving him a chance to think.

"Maybe," James finally said.

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe I could be a soldier," James said. "I don't know. Maybe in a made-up story, I guess."

"Anything can be real in a made up story," Carter countered.

"Yeah, like my dad still being alive," James said bitterly.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that," Carter said more gently.

"I know," James muttered. "Sorry. It's whatever."

There was a long pause. James kept his eyes on the floor as he made his way around the dining room table and weaved his scrawny arms between the legs of chairs, catching up little clumps of dust and hair and dirt that had caught on the bottom of them.

He was trying to imagine himself as a soldier. Big, and strong, and able to fight off the goblins. Brave, like his father. Strong enough to protect his little sister. Strong enough to not be scared.

"It would be kind of fun," he said, projecting a little more since he was half under the table. "To be soldiers together."

He heard Carter laugh a little.

"I think I'd beat you if we had to sword fight," Carter said.

James looked up at him through the legs of the chair he was under.

"Oh yeah?" James said challengingly. "I bet you I'd knock you to the ground before you could hit me."

"You'd probably trip on your own feet before you could," Carter teased back.

"Sounds like something you would do," James retorted. "Being so clumsy."

Carter scoffed, and James giggled, trying to imagine Carter tripping over his own feet. It was a funny image.

"It's too bad it'll never happen," James said, pulling out from under the chair. "My mom's getting married to that blacksmith guy. So I'll probably be the one making the swords, while you're the one fighting with them."

"Wait, are you talking about... oh, I can't remember his name. My dad talks to him a lot. He's like, the bigshot weapons guy. He's been working on making guns smaller and stuff. I haven't seen it, but I overhear a lot," Carter said.

"I don't know," James mumbled. He didn't really care what Mr. Richardson was doing. All he knew was that he didn't want a new dad, and he didn't like him. He made James feel slimy, and he didn't like the way Mr. Richardson always tried to butter him up.

"Hey, maybe, when your mom gets married, you'll be more rich, right? You could do whatever you want then," Carter said. "I mean, sort of. It's your parents' money, so not really."

"My mom would never let me be a soldier," James said. "She wouldn't want me to..."

Well, he was going to say die. But he didn't feel like saying it.

"She just wants me to stay safe," James muttered quickly, trying to say what she would say, even though he felt a little bitter saying it. She said a lot of things she didn't seem to mean nowadays.

"Sounds like she cares more about financial security," Carter said, and James looked up at him with furrowed brows, pausing in his cleaning of the floor to give him a narrowed gaze.

"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked.

"She's marrying the weapons' guy for the money, right?" Carter asked. "Since you guys are poor. I mean, that's why you work for us in the first place. To get money."

James looked off to the side, frowning.

He knew it was about money. But mom seemed like she actually liked him...

"If it were up to me, I'd just give you money instead of making you work for it," Carter said. "Adults are messed up about money. Everything comes with a price."

James found himself staring at the floor with a pout.

"I am glad you ended up working here, though," Carter said. "So we could become friends."

James slowly looked up at Carter, and he saw Carter offering a small smile with a look of empathy and understanding.

James knew that the moment his mother's marriage to Richardson was official, he wouldn't be working anymore. He wouldn't need to, probably. He could be a kid again, but he would never see Carter again.

Because Carter was leaving, and he was his only friend.

And if things didn't work out with Richardson, James would be back to working again, but this time, he'd be alone.

"I wish you didn't have to leave," James said softly, dipping his rag in the bucket, and wringing some extra water out before he started scrubbing again.

"I'm going to miss you too," Carter said quietly. "I feel like you're the first friend I've had who really gets me. And making friends is so hard. Everyone judges me before they even get to know me."

James glanced up at Carter, feeling bad for him. He couldn't imagine what it felt like for people to not want to be your friend just because they were scared of you. Or rather, your parents.

"What did you think of me when you first met me?" James asked.

Carter's eyebrows went up a little, and his expression was wistful.

"I mean, I guess I didn't really know what to think of you," Carter said. "You're not much to look at. But when you opened your mouth I realized you were really smart, and caring. And open-minded."

James pursed his lips and didn't look up at Carter. He hadn't meant for his answer to turn into a compliment. He almost felt bad for asking, but he was glad that Carter had given him a real answer instead of a joke one.

He really didn't want Carter to go.

"I'm really going to miss you, Carter," James said. "I don't know what I'm going to do when you're gone. I don't want my mom to... change. More than she already has. And I don't want a new dad."

Carter was quiet for a moment.

"Did your mom ever ask you?" he asked. "Like, if you were okay with it?"

James looked up at Carter.

"Okay with... her marrying?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Why would she even ask me that?" James asked, looking back down to the floor. "I'm just a kid. And it's not like... it's not like she cares what I think..."

"She should," Carter said. "I care about what you think."

James pursed his lips into another pout.

He wished his mom cared enough to ask. He wished she cared enough to take them all away from this stupid town where nobody cared about them and only pretended to. He wished she cared enough to... to run back and get dad before he was gone.

Even though he knew it was already too late. And he wasn't supposed to look. He wasn't supposed to see the goblins... get him.

"Hey," Carter said softly. "I don't want to ruin your clean floors. Come over here."

James crawled over on all fours, weaving his small body in-between wet spots until he made it to the edge of the carpet. Carter offered out his arms for a hug, and James eagerly took it.

Carter always seemed to know when he needed one.

"I wish I could go with you, you know," James mumbled into Carter's shoulder.

Carter hugged James a little tighter.

"Me too," Carter said.

When Carter pulled away, James watched as Carter's face went from sad to thoughtful, his brows creasing as he looked off to the side.

"What is it?" James asked, tilting his head to the side.

"You know... it's not impossible," Carter said quietly.

James blinked, not sure if Carter meant what he thought he meant.

"You know, I've held my peace for a long time with my parents," Carter said. "I've never asked them for anything, ever. And they think I'm so agreeable and the perfect kid. That's how I like it, though. But I feel like if I asked them... about you, I mean. Like, really asked them. I could maybe get them to... well, I don't want to get your hopes up. Sorry. I shouldn't be thinking out loud."

It was a little late for that, though. James felt the seed of hope already wriggling into his chest, springing and welling up inside of him.

"Don't think about it too much," Carter said. "I don't know. It might not work."

James nodded, trying to push the hope back down, but it didn't really work.

"You have to... finish cleaning the floor and stuff," Carter said suddenly, getting to his feet. "I don't want to distract you for too long. Niera will probably come by to make sure you're keeping up with your chores. I don't want to get you in trouble."

James watched as Carter hopped as far as he could off of the carpet and towards the doorway. He made it about halfway there and made another hop, almost slipping on the tile but catching himself on the doorway.

"Wait!" James said. "You don't have to-- do you really think I'd be able to come with you? My mom would never let me. Even if you could--"

"I told you," Carter said with a small smile. "Don't overthink it. Look... I'll find you before you leave tonight. Try not to freak out until then."

Carter took a step back into the hall, and he turned his head catching sight of someone who must've been approaching. He gave James a look that James was very familiar with - the "I'm not supposed to be here talking to you so I have to run now but I would want to stay if I could" look.

Carter scurried off, and James hurried back to work.[/i]

The memory started to fade into a haze, and Evaline blinked a few times, returning to the present. The memory James shared wasn't especially profound since it was only of a simple conversation, but this was the first time she had seen and heard Carter, and the first time she had heard James talk as a child.

And she was right. Carter had more influence to James running away than she had originally thought.

Evaline slowly looked up at James, who looked almost conflicted, with his eyebrows drawn together tightly as he stared blankly into his lap.

"What do you remember of the memory you picked?" she asked.

"I remembered Carter telling me he'd help me," he said. "It was the first time he mentioned it. But I don't remember anything we said, really. Just that he said he'd ask his parents..."

"Do you want to know?" Evaline asked.

She could see James's shoulders tense as he looked to the side with worry in his eyes.

"What did you see?" he asked instead.

"If I didn't know you well, I would have thought nothing of it," she said calmly as she sensed his rising anxiety. "It was a conversation between you and Carter while you were working."

It felt silly to say that eleven-year old James was working, but she didn't want him to feel any shame by explicitly saying that he was cleaning mud off the floors of an extravagant home.

"Sounds about right," James muttered, looking to the ground.

"Do you want to know what you both talked about?" she asked.

James was quiet for a moment, and then very slowly nodded.

"I would like to first remind you that you were only eleven," she said. "And it seemed that, despite all the differences, you and Carter were good friends. Do you remember that?"

"I don't think I possibly could forget," James said quietly.

"He was your only friend," Evaline continued gently. "And you didn't want him to leave. I'm reminding you of this so you can understand the full context."

James flicked his eyes up at her nervously, looking tense.

"Okay," he said steadily.

Evaline nodded, taking a deep breath.

"You were cleaning by yourself, and then Carter came into the picture, leaving dirty footprints. You both bantered and then he mentioned leaving to go to military school. You said you wished he didn't have to leave, and he seemed to understand, because he also said you were his only friend who could 'understand' him, whatever that meant. He also said you could be a soldier too, and you thought about it, imagining being big and strong. He then talked about your family, mentioning how it was a shame that adults cared too much about money, including your mom. He didn't outright say that you should run away and leave, but instead reframed the argument into saying he could talk to his parents if being a soldier was what you wanted. He would take care of the logistics for you. And then the memory ended when someone else walked in."

James was quiet, and he sat still for a prolonged moment of silence as he stared out at the fire. It was hard to tell what was going on in his head.

"Carter was the only person I -- we secretly discussed and agreed that the ongoing massacre of mages was wrong," he said quietly. "It was one of the first things that connected us. And for Carter, him believing that was a well-kept secret, because his parents were the leaders of the guild that hunted mages down. He trusted me with his honest thoughts, and I agreed with him. It was... like our little secret understanding between one another. That is... at least part of what he meant. By understanding."

"I know you may not have understood it at the time, but there is more to understanding a person than sharing a secret considered taboo," she said. "Besides that mutual understanding, was there anything else you shared that resulted in you being able to connect with him?"

James slowly pulled his hand away from her, fidgeting as he grabbed for the edge of the blanket over his shoulder. He grabbed it tightly.

"We talked about our families, and... things we liked. We both liked talking about history, and retelling stories we heard to one another. Carter would always try to make me laugh..."

He trailed off, and she could see the sadness made clear on his face as he lowered his eyes once again.

"And just... playing, together," he said quietly. "As kids. When no one was looking."

"Why when no one was looking?" she asked.

"Well, his parents never really approved of him talking to me. Since I was supposed to just be..." he paused, pulling the blanket a little tighter around his shoulders. "A servant."

"Do you think there was a power imbalance because of that?" Evaline asked. "Between you and Carter?"

"It never felt like it at the time," James said quietly. "Back then, at least. But I know there was. I just... it feels weird to say. It feels weird to imagine Carter being aware of it and... using it. And not even knowing why..."

"Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he didn't even try to manipulate you, because it came naturally by his upbringing. And because you worked for his family, it was only natural for you to look up to him. It is much more significant for you to hear that Carter would talk to his parents about bringing you to military school than it is of someone else with his status. He possessed a great deal of influence, and I don't think you realized it at the time. It's possible Carter didn't either."

James let out a sigh as he closed his eyes and bowed his head.

"I suppose so," he said, barely audible, as if in defeat.

"And you can't blame yourself for that," Evaline said quietly. "You can't blame yourself that someone with status like Carter offered sympathy and then planted the seed of false hope into you."

James was quiet again for a few long seconds.

"I just... don't know what to say," he said quietly.

Evaline reached out to gently place her hand on his shoulder, patting him twice since the blanket was tightly draped on top.

"You don't have to say much," she said with a faint smile. "I just want you to think about it and reanalyze the situation as an adult. It's hardly fair to cast so much blame on yourself from the actions you made at eleven years old if you haven't yet understood all the details."

"But if it isn't anyone's fault?" James trailed off breathily.

Evaline was quiet for a moment, trying to think. Maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn't anyone's fault. She wanted to blame Carter because it certainly wasn't James who was to blame, but maybe it wasn't his fault either. Maybe the only thing Carter was guilty of being was a bad friend.

"If it isn't anyone's fault," Evaline began quietly, "then it sounds like you have no reason to cast any blame, including blame directed towards yourself."

James slowly loosened his grip on the blanket and dropped his hands into his lap, where they sat loosely. She watched the tension is his shoulders slowly leave, and he looked down, with his eyes sad and weary.

She waited, but he didn't say anything. He just sat there, like he was empty.

"I'm sorry if this is difficult to process all at once," Evaline said softly, hand still on his shoulder. "And I don't expect you to. This takes time."

"I can't blame him," James said quietly. "We both..."

James closed his eyes and let out a small sigh before he slowly stared out at the fire, his eyes looking distant.

"Eve," he said. "I've blamed myself for so long."

"I know," Evaline said quietly. "But it's not your fault, James. It isn't anyone's fault."

"But I still wish I'd never left," he said, his eyes misting over. "I'll never see them again. And I can't change that."

Evaline inched closer, sliding her hand on his shoulder to wrap around his back to comfort him.

"As long as you don't let the guilt and blame get to your head, I don't think it's wrong to have regrets," she said. "No matter how sorry or guilty you feel, you can't change the actions of your past."

"I know," he said, blinking as a tear fell down his cheek.

Evaline rubbed her hand up and down his back, leaning her head against his shoulder. She had no idea if any of this was really helping, but she wanted to be close to James and let him know that she was there for him.

"I wish it were possible to see your family," she said quietly. "I wish I could help you find closure."

"I don't think I'll ever get closure," James whispered. "I've known that for a long time."

"Maybe it's not possible to find closure with them," she said after a considerable pause. "But it is possible to find closure within yourself."

"It hurts either way," James said softly.

"It doesn't have to happen overnight. It can happen little-by-little, even if it's telling yourself, 'It's not my fault,' every night until you believe it."

"I think... I just want it to be my fault," James whispered again. "It's almost easier that way."

Evaline sat still for a moment, arm hooked to his back with her head still perched on his shoulder. She wished she knew the right words to say.

"I hope someday you can see what I see," she said. "It's painful to see someone you love suffer, especially when it's self-inflicted. I just want you to know that you don't need to suffer anymore."

James still stared out towards the fire, but his eye drifted downward, still full of sadness.

"I hope you know I didn't mean to hurt you too," he said under his breath. "I'm sorry."

Evaline held on a little tighter, feeling her heart ache from his apology. Even in times like these, he was always putting others before himself.

"I'm here now," she whispered. "We're together, and that's all that matters. You don't have to suffer alone anymore."

James closed his eyes, and another tear fell down his cheek as he swallowed and took in a slow breath. He looked down and she saw his eyes land on her hand, and he reached out, taking her hand firmly as he intertwined his fingers with hers. Though he didn't say it out loud, she heard him. They were in it together.

"I'm so happy you're here," she whispered, squeezing his hand.

That was apparently what he said after she told him for the first time that she loved him, and it was in response to him saying that she was worthy of love. She wanted to echo the same sentiments now.

James squeezed her hand a little tighter, and lifted their hands to his chest, holding them there for a moment.

"I am too," James said.