Young Writers Society

Evaline stared down at the map where James pointed, squinting as she tried to ignore the movement of the fire's flickering light dancing across the paper. A hundred miles seemed like a lot, but seeing it on an actual map, she could visually understand that they still had a long way to go. Months more travel, maybe, especially when they inevitably run into more trouble.

Without thinking about it, she leaned towards James and rested her head on his shoulder, staring back at the fire in front of them. She didn't want to think about the future and told herself she'd enjoy the moment and think in the present, but now she felt like she had to. Think of their future, that was.

"We still have quite a bit of ways to go until Lettera," she commented.

"It might be another year or so," James answered. "Before we really reach there."

Evaline paused in thought, imagining what it would be like a year from now. It was hard to imagine considering they just started their journey into the outlands a few weeks ago, and their time together has also stretched to three months so far.

"How do you know when you're done?" she asked. "Running away, I mean."

James was quiet for a moment as he looked down at the map.

"That's not an easy question to answer," he admitted. "My plan was always to get as far away as possible... in hopes that with enough distance, I would be safe from people... like Butch. I can't really know for sure."

It was the absolute dream to get away as far away as possible -- away from people like Butch, and away from dangers. It unfortunately really did feel like a dream, especially when Evaline had to eventually tear her head away from James's shoulder and go to sleep while he took the first on-watch shift. The illusion of safety and security from the oasis had melted away, and it was hard to not be pessimistic.

But as morning came and the first words out of their mouth was "good morning," things started to feel a little different. It wasn't obvious, at first. It were the small things that happened over and over -- all over the course of the next month.

James still braided her hair every day, and if he didn't ask for suggestions, he often braided what he thought looked good for her. He often complimented her afterwards, which was embarrassing at first, but after a while, she grew to like it and started suggesting the braid that she thought he liked the most.

They had run into some minor trouble here and there -- a scorpion, a snake, and some other critters -- but they were easily avoidable. For the most part, it was just the two of them. And for the first time -- for probably both of them, really -- it felt like she could truly be herself. She found herself smiling more, not thinking strategically for herself, but rather just enjoying her time together with James. It wasn't all happy fun times in the outlands, but it was hard to not feel that way any time James decided to grab her hand as they walked or surprised her with something.

James often did small thoughtful things just to see her smile, like making breakfast before she woke up, or cleaning her clothes during his time awake so that she could change into something fresh in the morning. He often expressed with words how much she meant to him, but it was the non-verbal cues that she appreciated the most. She didn't even have to point it out for him to realize it, because he did it anyways.

It was starting to feel like she was receiving more than she was giving in this relationship, but she was trying. Evaline assumed control of foraging now which naturally just happened because of the lessons from Sasha and Liana, and maybe she was also trying a bit too hard to maintain it because she felt like she had to contribute. And James, of course, noticed this and assured her that they were a team, and that they should do things together.

It was moments like this that reminded her how much she appreciated James. Not just as an ally or a partner, but as a person.

"Do you remember that day we were playing the truth or dare game, and one of the truths you asked me was to name someone I was grateful for?" Evaline randomly asked one night as she fueled the fire in front of them.

James looked like he thought hard about it for a moment, like he was searching his memory. "I think so," he said. "You said it was easy, but then you ended up doing the dare."

"It's still an easy answer," she said simply, sitting back and gazing up at him, softly smiling. "I'm grateful for you."

James looked over to her with a smile.

"I'm grateful for you too," he answered quietly.

Every night for the next month, she tried to be more and more honest and open up more. But most of all, she tried to give more in the relationship rather than take, even though she was sure James would disagree that she was doing something wrong to begin with. It was small things at first, too. Nothing too different than what she usually did: help him with his wounds if he needed it, offer to help clean, offer to cook, take care of Elliot, and so on. She did her best to follow her promise of keeping with James's pace and let him initiate most of the touching, but she sometimes decided to come in for a hug or hold his hand instead if the moment felt right.

One day before dinner, he was standing next to Elliot and giving him pets. Evaline decided to sneak up behind him and give him a hug from behind, careful to not squeeze too hard, but still resting her head on the crook of his back as her arms snugly wrapped around his chest. And then, as if this was his plan all along, he whirled around and took her hands, pulling her into a spontaneous quick dance.

She looked up at his smiling blue eyes, and she couldn't help but laugh as he tugged her along a dance around Elliot, and that made him laugh too. It was hard to dance on the sand, so they ended up fumbling around, and she couldn't really do any spins without stumbling. She lost her balance, but so did James, and they both fumbled onto the ground, laughing as Elliot nickered and peered over them, sniffing their faces.

Evaline reached her hand out to touch Elliot's face as her eyes drifted up past him towards the sky, and for a moment, she wished she could stretch this memory on forever.

"I like your spontaneous side," she said as she smiled and turned her head towards James.

"Good," James said with a satisfied grin.

"I can be spontaneous too, sometimes," she added on, turned to her side to face him.

"Oh, I know," James said with a teasing smile, like he was going to say something more, but didn't. "I've seen it before."

Evaline laughed. "So I guess you know what I would do next, then?"

James turned to look at her, still grinning. "I could make a good guess."

Evaline had to repress the sly grin creeping up on her lips. She inched a little closer, leaning in. "Can you?"

James leaned in towards her, just a little.

She took that as a subtle sign and inched closer to him, and she lifted her hand to sweep the hair out of his face. "Would it not be spontaneous if I ask?" she asked quietly with a small nervous laugh.

James's mouth curved into a big smile. "I think that still counts," he said, and then he closed the gap between them, giving her a gentle kiss on the lips.

And maybe it did feel like a dream after all. The small moments they shared together were short-lived, but Evaline treasured every memory, even though most of their time together was spent walking alongside each other in silence. But maybe that was all that mattered.

Evaline had been worried about the imbalance between giving and taking in the relationship, but maybe she was overthinking it. Maybe it wasn't about making things feel fair, acting as if it were a trade. Because, maybe, a courtship was supposed to be both meaningful and fun, and also founded with mutual respect and trust. It wasn't just about giving or taking; it was about being together, enjoying each other's company, and making one another happy.

Evaline could learn from her own advice. Her happiness was his happiness. He seemed happy... and maybe she was, too. Maybe happiness in its pure form wasn't a fleeting emotion, but instead a state of being. It was a wave of peace and contentment. And if that was what happiness was, then Evaline was happy.

But nothing lasted forever. Fate always had to toy with them in the most unsuspecting ways.

One minute, they were going on their usual hike, lightly chatting and taking a short detour around the river since it wrapped around a canyon.

The next minute, they were falling, falling, falling. Down a hole.

Down a trap.

They had been walking along the river, but with the canyon walls on either side, the paths they could walk were limited. The plantlife seemed to grow a little thicker - reminiscent of the oasis - but it was also more rocky. The ground was uneven. The sand was being replaced by slabs of rock and boulders stacked atop each other. Bringing Elliot through it all was proving more difficult than hopping over rocks.

James usually was the one to go ahead. He would test the smaller rocks with his foot to see if they would give or hold, but when he paused to check on Elliot, Evaline took a few steps forward.

And he couldn't blame her. The ground looked sturdy. It had returned to the hard, matted dirt that seemed more reliable than some of the rocks they'd had to climb over and around. But something gave under her feet. The dirt beneath their feet became loose and crumbled, and James lost Elliot's lead rope. Elliot was just out of range, and didn't follow down the hole that gave way beneath them.

Rolling and stumbling down a steep slope, they finally hit cold, hard, dirt that smelled of petrichor.

James felt achy all over, but he managed to partially catch himself to break the fall. The moment he got his bearings and up was up, he looked around in the dim light, searching for Evaline.

He saw her just a few feet away, still lying on the ground, holding her leg and grimacing. There were a few tears on her pants, and he could see some blood seeping out of fresh, shallow cuts.

He hurried to her side, and he looked around in the darkness of the hole they'd fallen into. He couldn't make out much outside of the small stream of light filtering in from above where they'd fallen. He looked up and could see Elliot's head peeking over, but it was blurry.

He looked down at Evaline's leg as he put his arm around her shoulders. She was bleeding, but it wasn't a mortal wound. They could clean it up easily, they just needed to get out of the hole.

Crawling back up, though, would prove difficult. The way up was very steep, and apart from some plant roots sticking out of the wall, there was very little to grab onto. It would be easier to climb barefoot than with shoes. The soles would slip easily.

"Are you okay?" he asked Evaline, scanning her for any other injuries.

"I'm okay," Evaline said, still grimacing. She blearily looked up at the hole. "Just an unfortunate drop."

James nodded. "I can't really make out what we've fallen into," he said quietly. "But if I had to guess... it'd be best for us to get out as soon as we can. It could be a burrow for some animal, or it connects to the river somehow, and I wouldn't want to be caught down here if it fills with water. Do you think you can crawl?"

Evaline was applying pressure on her leg and then covered it with her pants. "I think so. Let's try to leave."

"Okay. I'll follow behind you. If you slide down I'll push you up, okay?"

She gazed at the steep wall in front of them. "There's rope in the saddlebag. If only one of us needs to go up there, I think you're more fit to climb walls." She paused. "I can try, but..."

James sighed and put his hand on her shoulder. "No, you're right. I should be able to get out faster." And he would have less trouble pulling her out. He turned to the wall and reached as high as he could, digging his fingers into the dirt. He found a root and tugged on it to make sure it was sturdy. He pulled himself up and tried to find holds for his feet. Every rock and root was small, and he had to carefully balance his weight, but he was making progress.

The steep tunnel went up maybe thirty feet, and James made it about halfway before he called back quietly.

"You still okay down there?" he asked. A few minutes had passed.

"Haven't even moved," Evaline simply answered.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said, climbing a little higher.

Evaline didn't say anything else as he kept climbing. Eventually, he finally made it to the top, and he was able to pull himself out. He stopped again, calling down.

"Still okay?" he called out, already getting to his feet and hurrying to Elliot - who hadn't gone far - pulling the rope from the saddlebag and leading Elliot back to the hole.

She was shuffling forward so that she was touching the wall below, although it was hard to see in the darkness. "I'm okay," she answered. "Are you?"

"Yes," he said, unrolling the rope. He took one end and looped it around his hands before he tossed the rest down the hole. "Does it reach you?" he asked.

He could feel the tug on the other end. "It does, plus with some extra to spare."

"Okay, let me know when you have a good grip on it, then I'll pull you up," he said, bracing himself.

There was a brief hesitation and he felt the rope get tugged again. "Now. Now, pull me up," she said with sudden urgency and alarm in her voice.

James started pulling, not waiting to ask why. He pulled as fast as he could, hearing the urgency in her voice. At first, he didn't know what it was that caused her worry, but then he heard a strange noise echo off the canyon walls. Like something scraping up against the rock. The clattering of nails. Or claws?

He pulled on the rope with more earnest.

Another noise could be heard deep within the tunnel, somewhere beyond Evaline, but it carried. It was a high pitched hiss. He saw Evaline's head coming up out of the hole, but at just the same time, saw a shadow just behind her moving quickly. He pulled the rope so that Evaline's shoulders came within reach and the moment they did, he abandoned the rope and grabbed her under the arms, ripping her away from the hole as a giant lizard erupted out, covered in spikes like a crown around its head, with rows of spikes going down its back. It was a deep, reddish brown and had a wide, meaty body with stout legs and long, jagged claws. It hissed again, this time loudly, and it opened its large maw, revealing rows of teeth.

If James had to compare its size to anything, a large sheep dog might've been the closest comparison, only that the lizard was far closer to the ground in height.

Of course, he didn't have that much time to figure out the best words to describe the beast, because it wasn't the only one of its kind. As he pulled Evaline out of the way, another came out behind it. And another. And another. James didn't communicate to Evaline. Instead, he grabbed her arm, dragged her to Elliot, and they both seemed to be on the same page. She got up in the saddle. He followed after. The only way to go was back the way they came.

James turned Elliot around, but they didn't make it very far for two reasons.

The rocks were hard to navigate, and with Elliot, they'd been traveling slow. The lizards didn't have that disadvantage, and apparently, there was a whole horde of them. Somehow, they seemed to come streaming out of other holes in the ground that they hadn't noticed, and before they knew it, they were surrounded.

James leaped off of Elliot and ripped his sword off of the saddle. This wasn't something they could run away from this time.

He wasn't sure they'd be able to run at all. But how on earth was he supposed to fight off an army of lizards?

He glanced back at the river for a split second. They seemed to be avoiding the water, and the river wasn't moving too fast. He slashed his sword at a lizard, but their hides were thick, and much harder than he'd anticipated, and his sword glanced off its spikes.

The soft parts were likely on their neck and belly, but those were facing the ground, and harder to get to.

"Run to the river!" he shouted to Evaline. At this point, she could ride Elliot well enough to do that. He knew he didn't have to help her. He slashed at more of the lizards, driving them back from Elliot's feet to keep them from snapping at Elliot's ankles.

"I'm not leaving you!" she shouted back.

"I'll follow! Go!"

She gave him a worried glance, but seemed to hear the urgency in his voice, quickly getting up on Elliot again and riding towards the river. Some gun shots were heard, but he knew it was her defending herself and Elliot.

James fell back, managing to cut under the neck of one lizard, but that was one of a dozen (or more). It slowed the lizard, but the others just crawled over the dead body, following after him as he fled.

James had to draw back to avoid getting overwhelmed by them. He ran. As fast as he could, leaping over a boulder and finding himself sprinting to the water's edge, where he saw Evaline atop Elliot, standing in the river. The water reached Elliot's belly.

He was just about to come bounding into the water when a lizard skittered in front of him with scrambling limbs, hissing and spitting at his feet. His momentum made him tip and flip over it, which was a regrettable turn of events.

His body rolled over the lizard's spike-covered back, and in an instant, he had more than one puncture wound. He splattered face-first into the shallow end of the river. He lost his sword, somewhere in the fall. As his head went underwater he heard what sounded like a gunshot, but James knew Evaline didn't have that many rounds. That might've been the last.

He pushed himself up out of the water only to come face-to-face with a lizard's mouth. It rushed forward, closing its mouth over his shoulder, and then it pulled him underwater.

So, they could swim. He'd assumed wrongly. That was the last thought he had before he started to drown.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

The heaviness of the situation weighed on her with each passing second, and as she swam across the river and watched James go under with a lizard, she knew that she should have told him the caveat: she couldn't choose to go back in time if it involved someone she was close with. But now was not the time for regret or wishful thinking. The panic started to sink in, and she was not going to continue on.

She had to go back, but if it wasn't going to be done on purpose, she knew it had to play on the biggest motivator that gave her the most time: fear. And the time was ticking.

Evaline felt her heart race against her chest as anxiety pierced through her veins as she stood still on top of Elliot, watching blankly as the lizards started to converge. It felt wrong to not do anything, but she had to do it. For James.

Elliot started to feel the anxiety too as he started to shake his head and make noises, but she held his reins firmly, internally apologizing for the temporary suffering she had to cause him. She watched with wide eyes as a lizard easily swam to his leg and bit him, causing him to fall over in the water. Elliot let out a pained neigh and started kicking at the flow of the river.

Things happened fast. She crashed in the water as the lizards came in hordes. After it bit Elliot, the lizards moved on to her. Evaline yelped as she felt a piercing, pulsating pain on her leg, and suddenly she was yanked underwater, the only air in her lungs escaping as she yelled out in pain. She closed her eyes for a moment as she let the familiar hot tingling fear activate the 10-minute rewind, but it only came faster when she opened her eyes again and saw James in the water limply floating along with a lizard swimming towards the blood pooling near his body.

Evaline now wasn't sure what prompted the emotion to send her back: terror, or a deep, deep sadness she hadn't felt in a long time.

She let the darkness envelop her, but when she opened her eyes again, she was in front of the horde of lizard with James next to her.

"Run to the river!" he shouted.

Not able to control it, her knees buckled as she started to shake, but she knew she didn't have much time to explain. She quickly got back on her feet, reminding herself that she only had ten minutes.

"No," she said firmly, and then remembered how a lizard would lunge at him a few seconds from now. She quickly got to his side and pushed them away so they'd both dodge.

She hoped this was enough evidence for him to understand, but for extra measure, she said the two words: "Time's down."

She didn't wait for him to react, pulling him away from lizard attacks as she tried to think. There was so much to think about. How she had to make this as minimally traumatic for James as possible in case he would remember, how she had to get out of this mess with two more tries, and the most obvious one -- how exactly she had to get out of this mess. She only had a few passing seconds to dodge incoming lizard attacks before she'd not be able to predict what happened next.

They were surrounded. If they had to leave, they had to have a clearing. If not the river, then...

Evaline quickly glanced around and noticed the boulders on top of the nearby canyon, and suddenly an idea struck.

"Ride towards the canyon!" she said as she got up on Elliot and waited for James to follow, which he did wordlessly and quickly. This was a new timeline now, but she had to start somewhere. She knew deep in her gut that the river was not the right one to follow.

She took control of the reins and instructed Elliot to go as fast as he could as James slashed any lizards that attacked near their feet, and as soon she got close to the canyon, she took the gun out from the hem of her pants and took a calculated shot at the base of a loose boulder, watching as the rocks tumbled forward and landed on a horde of lizards.

There was no time to waste. That was her opening, and she rode towards there.

Evaline took a risk, and she paid the price.

The path was filled with too many rocks and lizard bodies that Elliot was slowing down. An especially big lizard then came out of a nearby hole, hissed, and pounced at Elliot. The fear and anxiety was weighing on her more and more, and by the time she looked up and started to get back up on her feet, James was suddenly in front of her, sword out as he tried to block an incoming attack from a lizard with its claws and teeth out, but there was only so much a sword could block. He had blocked its mouth from biting by digging the blade on its neck, but its claws had punctured deep into his chest.

"No," Evaline cried softly as she watched the two of them fall, and she knew she had failed again.

She had to back. And she would do whatever it took to go back, even if it meant standing over James struggling to breathe, and letting his sacrifice go to waste by letting a lizard attack her so she could trigger another rewind.

Even if it meant that she was on her third and final rewind before she knew the effects would come in. She tried to recreate the falling boulders plan by letting Elliot wind his way around the canyon himself so that they could meet him at the back and not risk him getting hurt. As the two of them went about the path, they fended off lizard after lizard, and she thought they were going to make it out. That was, until one came up from the ground and tore through her body. Evaline could hear the pain in James's voice calling out for her, but she was only glad it happened to her and not him.

And then came the fourth time, the fifth, the sixth. Once she was past the third one, things felt less anxious. She knew that she had failed to be strategic and the effects were now inevitable, and so she only focused on making progress. Evaline always started back at the moment when James told her to get on Elliot, and things were easier and easier. Years of practice and observation had made her memorize the next moves, and she could easily deflect, dodge, and avoid the mistakes of the previous timelines. At this point, she had stopped telling James "times down" because there was no point.

But she kept failing. She kept failing, but she was still persistent, even though the seventh, the eighth, the ninth, the tenth try. There was a reoccurring theme that James kept trying to protect her from the lizards but then hurt himself in the process, and Evaline was sick of it. She was sick of seeing him die.

And as much as she hated to admit it, it became easier to watch. The eleventh, the twelfth, the thirteenth try. It hurt all the same, but it became more strategic to see the light disappear from his eyes and then assume that she was next. Or, if she was the one who passed first, the relief felt freeing.

The fourteenth try came along, and Evaline was persistent more than ever, replaying the same moves like this were a game or a rehearsal she had to beat. They were at the edge of the canyon now, and there were less and less lizards. The both of them had some scratches and bruises -- James more so than Evaline since she couldn't predict his actions for him -- but otherwise, they made it. Almost made it. They had to find Elliot.

With her heart still thumping loudly against her chest, she looked around in a panic, only seeing lizards in the distance who appeared to be retreating.

"We have to find Elliot," she blurted out, knowing that she had her own time limit, and she wanted to be within the confines of safety first before anything could happen. This was her weak spot. If anything were to happen in the ten minutes after she had gone back that many times, she knew they were doomed.

A minute or two passed uneventfully as they ran along the cavern and found Elliot. Relief washed over her, but it was short lived, as she felt something grab for her leg. Pain shot up her leg as she fell to the ground with a yelp, and James immediately came to her side and sliced the head off a small lizard with pointed claws that had scratched her leg.

"Are you okay?" he asked, helping her up.

She thought about going back again.

But it wasn't worth it.

Evaline took his hand and fought back whatever pain and emotions she felt bubbling to the surface, knowing she had to keep it together for the next few minutes at least. "Yes. We need to hurry and leave."

She didn't need to tell him twice. He got on Elliot's saddle and then helped her up. With Elliot's reins in his hands, he motioned for him to run, and they were riding as fast as possible in the sand, away from the canyon, and away from the lizards.

Evaline was holding on to James's waist. She wasn't sure how much time had passed. It couldn't have been long. How long had it been since that moment--?

Her head felt heavy and the pain in her leg was not helping. She knew she didn't have enough time. Not enough time for anything. To explain. To heal.

"James," she said softly as she rested her head against his back, closing her eyes as soon as she saw black spots. Her hands were shaking and it was hard to keep a steady grip around his waist. "James."

"Just a little longer," James said. She could feel him shift to look over his shoulder. "I think they're going to leave us alone. Are you hanging in there?"

"How much..." She took a deep breath, the tension on her hands appearing and disappearing in waves around his waist. "How much longer?"

James looked over his shoulder again. He was quiet for a moment before he started slowing Elliot's pace. "I think we're in the clear. They're going back into the canyon."

It took a minute for Elliot to slow down entirely, but when they finally came to a stop, Elliot was breathing hard, and James shifted in the saddle.

"I'll help you down," he said. He had been holding her arms around his waist with one hand and the reins in the other. Getting down would be tricky. He could feel Evaline's exhaustion. She was putting her full weight against his back.

He carefully turned in the saddle. He let go of the reins and held the horn of the saddle with one hand, then wrapped his other arm around Evaline. He brought one of his legs over Elliot's back. It was a little awkward, but now he was sitting on the saddle with both legs hanging off one side. Using the horn of the saddle to balance himself, he pulled Evaline closer.

"Can you hold onto me?" he asked, knowing the answer would probably be no.

It looked like she was fading in and out of consciousness. "I went back in time," she said softly instead, weakly holding on to him.

James felt a weight fall on him like a heavy blanket, and all of his attention zeroed in on Evaline.

"How many times?"

She took a deep breath, and she was unable to to meet his eyes or do anything else except hold on to him. "Fourteen," she said weakly.

James knew without further explanation that that was more than enough to affect her deeply. She'd warned him before this moment, and it only took a second for him to stubbornly determine in his will that he was going to endure through whatever was awaiting them in the coming days and weeks.

He knew Evaline wouldn't have done it unless she had to. He already expected that he would dream about the alternate timelines where they didn't make it, and he knew that if Evaline was going to be struggling, he didn't want to burden her with any of that. She'd already lived through it once.

"Okay," he said softly. "I'm going to help you down now."

He steadied himself in the saddle and quickly swept his arms under her, swinging her legs forward. He had one arm supporting her back and one under the crook of her knees as her legs hung over. As he felt himself starting to lose balance, he jumped off Elliot, and landed heavily on both feet. But he didn't drop her.

As carefully as possible, he lowered her to the ground.

"I'm going to set you down," he explained. "And bandage you up. We're going to get through this."

He set her down, waiting for her to let go, and she did almost immediately, haphazardly getting on all fours and facing away, shaking and heaving. Instead of pulling away, he stayed at her side, putting his hand on her back. He could see the signs that she was probably going to puke, and he brushed her braid back so it was out of the way and kept his other arm available to catch her or hold her up if she couldn't on her own.

She threw up in small heaves but seemed to struggle, like it was a gag reflex instead of her stomach deciding to empty itself, but some liquids did escape. After a few minutes of this, she came to a stop, her hands given up as she rested her elbows on the sand next to the pile of throw up.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, but didn't give him enough time to answer. "If it's like..." She trailed off, focusing on her words. "May pass out. But after that..." Her fingers curled around the sand. "...Different. I'm sorry."

"I'm here," James said, still with his hand on her back. "And I'm staying. Different or not."

Evaline turned to finally face him for the first time, and he could see the exhaustion in her eyes. He prepared to steady her, bringing his other arm around her shoulders, but she suddenly grabbed his knee and pulled herself closer to James so that she was laying on his chest. He embraced her, and she slowly put her hand on top of his.

Evaline looked up at him, took a deep breath, and closed her eyes, giving his hand a weak squeeze. He squeezed back.

"I hear you," he whispered. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything."

She didn't respond back, but she did slowly roll her head across his chest. He held her, keeping his eyes on the canyon in the distance and the area around them. They were in the clear, and alone. All that surrounded them was the familiar desert plants and lots and lots of sand. Elliot stood by, still heaving, but staying close.

James took the time to look Evaline over - at least, from what he could see, with her face buried in his chest - and took note of her scrapes, and where the lizards had clawed at her. Fortunately, they had plenty of bandages for a moment like this thanks to Edna and Nathan. And fortunately, apart from the most recent claw attack, it looked like she wasn't bleeding anymore. But he knew he'd need to clean the wounds soon.

He started gently rubbing her back, waiting a few long minutes with her before he started to pull away.

"I need to clean you up," he said softly. Evaline appeared to be asleep, and her breathing was ragged, but it was hard to tell. He gently laid her down on the ground and hurried to his feet, tying Elliot to a nearby boulder and taking the whole saddlebag off the saddle, bringing all of their supplies to Evaline, alone with a blanket.

He set the blanket on the ground and then lifted Evaline onto it, lying her down. She looked like she wasn't completely asleep since she did move her body in response.

"I'll start with your leg," James said. He didn't know how much she was processing, but he wanted her to know what was going on if she could understand. He rolled up her pant leg, seeing the scraped from the initial fall that started it all, and the claw marks from the lizard.

He got to work, getting the bleeding to stop, cleaning the wound, and eventually took out the salve.

"This is going to sting," he warned. Then he started to apply it. A minute into applying, Evaline stirred and spoke softly, but her eyes were still closed.

"Why do you bring so much pain?" she asked quietly.

James looked up, having just finished. He paused for a moment before grabbing the roll of bandages, and he started wrapping. It took him a moment to think of a response as a couple of thoughts ran through his head. He remembered Evaline's warnings, and he wanted to heed them. She'd apologized many times before anything had happened, and he wondered if it was because she would say things that might be hurtful. Things she meant, maybe, and things she didn't. He wouldn't really be able to know until this passed. But things would be different.

"This won't be long," he said, deciding not to answer the question directly. "I'm almost done."

"With you..." she said as she rolled her head back, taking a deep breath, "...you'll always bring pain."

James looked up at her and nodded slowly.

"Fair enough," he said.

He scanned the rest of her for wounds that needed care. The rest just looked like little scrapes and bruises. He took her hand, where she'd scraped the skin on her knuckles, and he gently cleaned it with a damp cloth. She didn't respond or returned any weight on his hand, and as he took care of the rest of her scrapes, she seemed to continue to fade in and out of consciousness, though she was still largely unresponsive.

When he was finished he stowed all of their supplies away and sat by her for a moment, looking down at her.

Fourteen times. Fourteen times they'd failed to escape a horde of lizards. Fourteen times she'd used her powers to try to save them.

He knew that her powers would take a toll on her, and he'd only seen the beginnings of it, but it was still deeply saddening to watch how drained she'd become. Her last few comments might've cut deep if he hadn't been prepared, but they didn't seem to hurt like he might've expected them too.

For her, he would grow thick skin. And he knew he couldn't hold her accountable for the things she said when she was sick. That was unfair. Whenever this storm passed, if anything she said really was true, it would come to light sooner or later. But for now, nothing she could say would make him leave. Not even if she asked him to go, or if she tried to leave herself. He was going to keep his promise.

He got to his feet and turned to Elliot, who still seemed a little nervous and spent.

"It's okay, Elliot," James said softly. "We're going to rest for now. Let's get you some water."

The last thing Evaline remembered was feeling a pain shoot up her leg, but she couldn't remember who or what attacked her. She felt like only a few minutes had passed, but at the same time, it felt like it could have been weeks. Her internal clock was broken, but her eyes suddenly opened as she quickly sat up straight, breathing heavily and drenched in sweat. It barely registered to her that it was night. She could only see the flickering fire in front of her, and seeing that made her head throb with voices and intrusive thoughts.

It was cold and hot, and she felt uncomfortable in her own skin. In a groggy daze, she started to scoot away from the fire, but her gaze rested past the fire as she saw a dark figure moving behind the flames. She couldn't quite make out who it was. Suddenly the image of lizards hissing and clawing for her in the darkness of the hole came into light, and a sudden wave of adrenaline and panic hit all at once as she looked up at the creature with wide eyes, turning around to run away. As she got up on her feet, she winced in pain and fell back down, the pain coursing through her body again as if it were taunting her.

"Ev," a voice called, sounding faraway. A deep, unfounded fear suddenly tore out of her chest as she knew she recognized that voice.

She continued to stumbled forward as panic started to take over and she knew she had to run away, but then a pair of hands seemed to graze her shoulder, and that was enough to send her spiraling down desperation. Or so she thought. She could feel herself spiraling even more as the hands gripped her shoulder and she looked over and saw his face.

"It's just us," he said, voice no different despite all the years. "Miss me?"

It was Elias, dressed in the same outfit from the last time she had talked to him four years ago. He kneeled beside her still with that silly lopsided grin, like nothing had ever changed between them.

"No!" she yelled, pushing him away, but she was too weak, and he still held in her arms.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he said with sudden gentleness, rubbing her back despite her trying to squirm away. "You can be so jittery sometimes. Loosen up, will ya?"

Evaline knew this wasn't real. It had to be in her head, because it wasn't possible for Elias to be in Nye -- and without having aged. It had to be in her head. She went back far too many times. She knew this wasn't real.

But why did he feel real? Why could she touch him?

She dug her fingernails into his hands, clawing her way out of her grip as she stumbled back and crawled away, still facing him. He simply clicked his tongue and shook his hand, looking annoyed that he scratched her.

"You're not real," she said quietly at first as she still crawled back, watching him with wide eyes and trying to blink the hallucination away. "You're not real."

Elias looked around and pointed at himself innocently. "Well, that's a wild accusation. I'm the realest." He grinned, almost sinisterly. "And you're the lamest."

"Get out of my head!" she suddenly shrieked as she dug her hands in the ground and threw sand at him.

He seemed to cover his head from the sand attack, but she could hear a muffled laugh. "Can you not? I'm just here to help." He put his arms down when she put enough distance between him and couldn't throw sand any more, and he tilted his head and softened his face. "You know I'm your friend," he said gently. "I have been since day one. That's even before the others."

Evaline couldn't stop the primal fear she felt gnawing in her chest, and she didn't want to hear or see anymore. She sat away from him, pulling her knees up and burying her head in them as she put her hands over her hears. "Please, just leave me alone," she said, feeling a sob at the back of her throat. "I don't want to hear anymore."

But it didn't matter; it never did. The voice would still come, the image would still be there, and it would still talk to her, taking in the form of the emotions she felt when she went back. And this had been a reoccurring theme before, but it took on different shapes and words. She knew she was talking to her own fears.

Elias sighed and she could hear him walking closer to her. "You don't like to show it, but you care too much sometimes. But I've always known that. I think it can be a strength. But what do I know? Your mom has always said it was a weakness." He scoffed. "I still remember when you cried over that dead bird. Your mom was so mad you couldn't let it go. Legend says you still cry over that bird. Is it true?"

Evaline tried not to listen, but she couldn't ignore the voice in her head. She furiously shook her head, avoiding the question, yet he kept on going.

Elias sighed again and then plopped on the ground next to her. "Maybe not a bird, then. But... a person."

She held her breath as there was an awfully long silence, and she slowly peeked through her fingers to look up at him.

Elias suddenly looked a few years older, the real Elias that she had seen of him recently. He was looking down at her with an evil smirk. "James is the bird," he said.

"No," she breathed out, losing the air in her lungs. She took a violent breath of air as adrenaline decided to pulse through her body again, her eyes wide in fear and paranoia. She started to pull away, but she felt a touch graze up on her, and then grab her wrist. His skin felt ice-cold.

"Now, now, Ev, you can't get away from me that easily," Elias mocked next to her, already looking bigger and sounding older. "But I thought you'd know that already. I'm getting clooooooser..."

"Leave. Me. Alone!" she screamed kicking him away and freeing herself away from his grip. She quickly crawled away again but when she looked over her shoulder, he was gone. In a panicked state, she continued to crawl, but then a voice in front of her stopped her in her tracks.

"You're going to die," Elias said, his voice and body looking most ghostly now. She knew he wasn't real, but his voice still etched deep in her brain. "And it's all because you can't let me go, even if you hate me. You care too much of little birds. Don't you know what you need to do?"

She froze in place as he inched closer, his face coming up to the side of her head to whisper.

"Let James go, or he's going to die. Just like Alan. And just... like... you."

The image then disappeared, and Evaline lost her balance, ignoring the noises and movement around her, not able to do anything but pathetically cry as her body was shaken with the familiar feeling of fear.

It had been two days. James hadn't slept, and they had hardly moved from the place they'd made camp just outside of the canyon. For the entirety of the first day, Evaline had been inconsolable. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't drink, and she wouldn't let James get close. He had a feeling that her hallucinations made her believe he was something or someone else, especially after her episode from the night before. She'd had a whole one-sided conversation, and all he'd been able to do was look on in worry.

His only releif was that she, at least, wasn't hurting herself. But it pained him to see her like this.

On the third day, she still seemed out of it. Anixety and fear seemed to jitter through her, and whenever he spoke to her she just seemed to stare at him, wide-eyed, like he was some kind of horrific monster. And for all he knew, maybe that was what she saw. But again, he persisted. He tried to offer water again. He didn't want her to die of dehydrating in the desert.

Still, she didn't say anything. She looked at the cup of water like it was a dangerous offering. He could see the fear in her eyes as he set it down beside her and then backed away.

"Please, drink something," he whispered, but he wasn't sure if she would hear what he said, or if she would hear something else.

It took some time, but after he gave her space, she eventually did drink the water. For that, he was relieved.

In the two nights that passed, James was grateful that no other dangers seemed to find them. Evaline was in and out of sleep constantly, and both nights, she'd woken up in a panic and stumbled to Elliot to take her journal out of the saddlebag. Both times, she'd hastily scrawled something in the pages before eventually sleeping again with the journal at her side.

He didn't know for how long she would be trapped in her mind like she was, clearly not seeing reality. But for the moment, they were alright. His main worry was that they might run into another group of thieves, hungry animals, or at worst, Butch.

He could only hope that they didn't come while Evaline was in this state. He didn't know if he could defend her against several enemies and make sure she didn't run off somewhere where he couldn't find her, or somewhere she might hurt herself in her confusion.

The third morning came, and James was starting to feel the sludge that came with sleep deprivation. It had been a minute since he'd gone a few nights without sleep, but he hadn't forgotten how to push through it. He watched Evaline begin to stir, and prepared food and water to offer her once again.

He didn't want to scare her, so he waited for her to wake up and turn to him before speaking or moving.

Although the nightmares were just as bad, it was a pleasant escape from reality because Evaline knew none of it was actually happening, especially if she could record it to decipher between dreams and reality. The deep, primal fear that controlled her body was slowly subsiding, and she woke up feeling something else entirely.

"Hey, Evaline," another far-away familiar voice called, but she knew it wasn't James. This voice wasn't as deep, and it sounded tired and annoyed.

Her eyes slowly opened and she saw two people: one person was James watching her sleep as he sat down across from her, and the other person was someone she didn't think she'd ever see again. He was kneeling down next to James, also looking down at her with disappointment.

"I know," Alistair said with a sigh. "It's been a few years."

"You should eat something," James said softly, offering her a roll of bread and a cup of water.

Evaline wasn't sure what to say or do, and she suddenly felt small and powerless with the two of them looking down at her. She knew in her gut that Alistair was not real, but what about James now? Was this real? Or was this the beginning of a nightmare with a false awakening?

"You know, you've always wanted me to fight," Alistair said unprompted. "For all of us to fight and pick sighed, and..." He gestured around dismissively. "Look where it has gotten gotten you." He sighed. "But, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised. You've always been so dramatic."

Evaline slowly sat up straight, rubbing her head and staring at the bread roll that James offered. She was so, so tired.

"I don't blame you," she said quietly, slowly taking the roll of bread that James offered. Real. It was real.

James only smiled softly, looking relieved.

"That's hard to believe," Alistair went on, and she could feel him glaring at her. "You've always said it was my fault for being stubborn. It was my fault for not doing the right thing. But Evaline, I have always been there. I have tried to be there. But you all left me before it happened. I've moved on, especially because this has always been between the three of you. Don't drag me into this."

Evaline stared down at the bread, inspecting it like she was trying to figure out if she should eat it, but really she was buying time. Buying time to figure out what Alistair was saying. What her head was saying.

It took her a few seconds to realize she was starting to feel guilty. This was her guilt talking to her.

"I'm sorry," was all she was able to muster up, unable to meet Alistair's eyes, and unable to even talk to James even though it had nothing to do with him.

"You're angry with everyone because you refuse to believe that bad things happen sometimes," Alistair continued on cooly.

Evaline didn't respond.

"Hey. Look at me," he said again, voice more demanding.

Evaline didn't want to fight whatever this was, and so she sighed and turned her head to look at Alistair, finally getting a good look at him. He looked exactly how he appeared the last time she saw him four years ago, but his demeanor was everything she imagined him to be now.

"I've learned to let go," he said, locking eyes with her. "Can you?"

She didn't know what to say. "I don't know," she said softly.

Alistair sighed in disappointment, standing up and beginning to walk away. "Goodbye, Evaline," he said, giving her one last long look before disappearing behind the canyon.

Sudden guilt pierced through her heart, and she felt a tear roll down her cheek as she watched fake-Alistair walked away, but she quickly wiped it away.

James started to inch a little closer, and he sat down next to her, maybe a foot away. He seemed to be looking down at the roll of bread with her.

"Are you hungry?" he asked softly.

There wasn't any use figuring out if what he said was real or not, but she didn't want to fight it anymore.

"It's hard to tell," she said after a pause, feeling to be on the verge of tears.

"You haven't eaten in a few days," James answered. "Why can't you be better?"

"I'm--" she began, but her voice hitched in her throat. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm trying to be," she said softly.

James was quiet in response, and she looked over at him after she regained her composure. He was watching her with his eyebrows pinched together in concern, like she was helpless and unable to take care of herself.

She didn't like the way he looked at her. She didn't like how he pitied her.

"I don't need your pity," she said, more defensive than necessary as she turned away.

"I know," James said quietly. "But it's what you need. Please, go on."

Evaline shook her head. "I don't understand," she said. "I don't know why I'd need that."

James was quiet again for a while, and he silently reached out, pointing at the roll of bread in her hands. He then pointed from the bread to his mouth, then to hers.

It seemed that he wanted her to eat, and Evaline was too tired to exhausted to think otherwise. She stared at him for some time as he tried to use movement to talk, but the longer she looked at him, the more she was reminded of all the times she had failed him. All the needless suffering she had caused him, the pain, and the hurt. The images of him dying over and over again those fourteen times replayed in her head.

Evaline tore off a small piece of the bread and ate it, but as she looked away, she found the guilt had bubbled its way out of her eyes, and she started to silently cry as she ate. It turned to a sob after a couple bites in, and she quickly ate the rest of the bread before she felt the sob turn to ugly cries, in which she instead buried her hands on her face so she had some semblance of privacy.

There were several thoughts that crossed her mind as she sat across from James, sobbing. She was just too afraid to say any of it, because she also knew that her guilt would cause his guilt.

The tears eventually subsided, and her stomach felt hollow despite its silent cries for sustenance.

"I'm a burden," she said as she wiped the last of the hot tears, her eyes stinging from the salty water as it was previously dry from dehydration. "To you, and everyone."

"But one I am happy to bear," James said earnestly.

Evaline wanted to believe it. She chose to believe it. It had been a few days, and he was still here. She wasn't even sure what dangers were around, if any. It had been a big blur. Although she couldn't understand James sometimes, at least he was around. At least he was around to make the burden a little easier.

James didn't bother trying to move Evaline if he didn't need to. Losing sleep was wearing on him, and he didn't have the energy to try to convince her to walk or ride, especially when she was low on energy from barely eating and drinking. Another day had passed, and James was relieved when Evaline finally started putting down some food. The night before, Evaline seemed to have enough coherence to ask him to sleep while she stayed up, and he agreed, but he didn't actually sleep.

The reasons were two-fold. One, he didn't trust Evaline to keep watch when her perception of reality was clearly still skewed. Two, he didn't look forward to facing whatever would inevitably catch up to him in his sleep. He already had nightmares without alternative timelines... but these ones were always more vivid. Because, in some version of reality, they actually happened.

That said, he did accidentally drift off for seconds at a time. He would always jerk himself awake once he was aware he was doing it.

Now, the fourth day was almost done again, and the cool of the desert night started to set in. He'd stoked another fire to keep them warm, and Evaline had one blanket while he had the other.

For a small portion of the day, he'd wandered a small distance from their camp to forage, using tips that Evaline had drawn his attention to over the last month. He found some roots deep in the earth by the river that had a bittersweet taste, but became more savory when cooked. He had them sizzling quietly in a pan, hoping Evaline might eat some when they were done.

He glanced at Evaline across from the fire. She seemed a little more present than she had in past days.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

She was hugging her knees, head perched on top as the blanket draped over her body. She wearily looked up at him. "Could be better," she said.

James hummed with understanding.

"How's your leg?"

Evaline slowly turned her attention towards her leg, rubbing it with one hand. "It's the least of my problems," she said with a small sad smile.

Jamed nodded. "I can look at it after we eat," he said quietly. "Just to make sure it's healing well."

Evaline patted down where her bandages were on her leg and then looked back up at him. She seemed a little more of herself, even though she was still fighting whatever was going on through her head. "Okay," was all she said.

James watched her for a moment before returning his attention to the pan, taking it off the heat of the fire and setting it on a rock. He took a fork and knife, cutting up the root into smaller slices before serving it on a small plate - one of Edna's gifts. He offered the plate and fork to Evaline.

"Eat however much you can," he said gently. "If you can't finish, that's okay, but try."

Evaline took the plate, lifting the fork and staring down at the food before she looked up at him again. "Thank you," she said, trying to speak in a steady voice. "For everything."

James slowly knelt down beside her, and he met her eyes with a tired smile.

"You are most welcome," he said. And for just second, he leaned forward, giving a quick kiss on her head before pulling away. He lightly patted her shoulder before he got up to get his own plate.

The two of them ate in silence, and James was happy when he saw Evaline eventually clear her plate. He went over to take her plate and fork from her and then grabbed their medical supplies before returning to her side, setting the saddlebag beside him as he sat next to her.

"Okay," he said. "Let's roll that pant leg up so I can take a look."

She cooperated wordlessly and without any problems, rolling it up for him as he got to work to unbandage everything. Although she hadn't have moved too much the last few days, it still needed to be cleaned and replaced.

While he was cleaning and reapplying the salve, Evaline spoke with sudden alarm in her voice.

"It's happening again," she said quietly as she looked off at a direction past him, eyes wide.

"A hallucination?" James asked softly. This was the first time she'd been aware enough to tell him what was happening.

Her eyes slowly moved like she was following the movement of something, and a look of hurt flashed her face before she closed her eyes to answer. "Yes."

James was careful as he continued to rub the salve over the cuts. "What do you see?"

She was quiet for a moment, like she was listening. "She's talking to me," she said eventually. "An old friend. Mel. I'm -- should I answer?"

The one from her drawings. He could recall. Mel was the friendly one.

"She's not really here," James assured her. "You don't have to answer to her."

Evaline seemed to heed his word and didn't answer to whatever words she heard that came from Mel, but she was clearly still listening.

"Would it help to tell me what you're hearing?" James asked as he pulled out the bandages, starting to unroll them.

"Maybe," she said softly, resting her gaze back out in the open space, hesitating. The next words seemed to be a repeat of what she was hearing as it didn't make sense in context.

"I've come all this way for you. I'm your friend, and I'll always listen to what you have to say." She paused, her words slowing. "But if you want me to leave, I'll listen."

James started wrapping the bandage around her calf, but he paused to look up into her face.

"She can't leave if she's not really here in the first place," he said. Then he gently put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm here. And I'm not leaving."

Not even if she asked him to.

Evaline looked between James and the empty space that was presumably where Mel was at, and it looked like she had something to add, but she was trying to focus on both their words. She ended up continuing to repeat what Mel said.

"I understand you need some time. All the time in the world, and it's still not enough for you. I just hope, someday, you'll understand. Understand that the rest of us don't have all the time in the world."

James had a feeling that her hallucinations were based in truths, but they were probably also connected to her own accusations she had against herself. Without context, he couldn't say which it was. He couldn't know if that was something Mel had actually said or if it was something Evaline thought she'd said or wanted to say.

But he knew those words had to hurt.

He kept wrapping her leg carefully, tying off the bandage at her ankle and rolling down her pant leg. Then he took her hand and held it between both of his.

"I have time," he said, looking into her face once again. "And I'm real. I'm not going to leave you."

Evaline then shifted her attention back to James, and for the first time since this all began, the light seemed to appear back in her eyes as she lifted her other hand to sandwich his hand between hers as well. "I believe you," she said, flicking her eyes off to the side and smiling weakly. "And now she's mad I'm not listening to her."

"Let her be mad," James said, feeling an ache in his heart of hope intermingled with sadness and exhaustion. Finally, it felt like she saw him again. "She's not real."

"I know," Evaline said softly, her grip on his hands weakening a little. "But she's so..." Her gaze fell back to their side, and she closed her eyes again, suppressing a look of pain. "Loud. I can't ignore it."

James drew nearer, still holding her hand. He leaned in.

"Tell me what she's saying," he said.

Evaline sadly looked over at their side. "I know it's not really her now, but now she's saying..." She paused, like she was waiting for her to finish before she could repeat the words back.

"You won't run away because you can't. You can't, and you won't." She paused again, her voice getting a little weaker. "You're a failure of a daughter, a leader, and a human being. And that's why..." She trailed off, her eyes glistening, but she didn't finish the sentence.

"Why...?" James asked softly.

"That's why people leave you, and that's why you don't deserve love," she finished, and a tear fell down her cheek, but she pulled away from James's grip to wipe it away. "She's gone now," she said quickly. "Those were her last words."

James let Evaline wipe her tears, but as she brought her hands to her face, he brought his arms around her, pulling her close, and putting his chin on her shoulder.

"She's a liar," he said, his words gentle but firm. "You are not a failure, and you do deserve love. Whoever has told you otherwise is wrong." Even if that was something she told herself. "You deserve love, and people who care, and people who will stay. I'm sorry so many friends and loved ones have failed you, Evaline. I'm sorry they've abandoned you when you needed them most. I'm sorry you've felt the pain of abandonment, and that you were not loved well. You don't deserve that. You are worthy of love, and care, and affection - even when it's hard and especially when it's hard. And that's why I stay. Because I really believe that."

He squeezed her shoulders gently. "I know you might not be able to believe it today, or even tomorrow. But I hope you believe that I mean it, because I do. And I hope one day you can believe it for yourself."

With each passing sentence, Evaline's cries turned to sobs, but she continued to muffle it as she cried on his shoulder, her hands placed gently on his back.

"It's okay to cry," he said softly, not letting go. "You've been hurt. You cry as much as you need to. I'm here."

"Why--?" she began, but then a sobbed hitched in her throat, and she wasn't able to finish her question.

"I think you know why," he whispered back. "Starts with an L. Ends with O.V.E."

A long, stretched-out minute passed as Evaline let the sobs fade away until finally she was able to have steadier breaths.

"I am so scared," she said breathlessly. "Of that."

James took in a deep breath.

"I am too," he said softly. "But I still do..."

He didn't want to finish his sentence. He didn't want to trigger something and cause her to go back.

"We're in this together," he said. "Which means we figure it out together. You're not alone."

There was a long pause, but Evaline then wrapped her arms around his back a little tighter as she sat up straighter, but her head was still over his shoulders, close to his ear. "James," she whispered, voice still a little shaky. "I think I love you too."

James had been doing a fine job of keeping himself together, but all of a sudden a knot started forming in his throat, and he quickly started blinking back what felt like the beginnings of tears. He swallowed hard, and for once, found that he didn't have any words to respond with. He couldn't think as her words rang throughout his head, feeling far louder than she'd spoken them.

He hugged her tighter.

"I'm so happy you're here," he whispered back. It was the first and only thing to come to mind.

Evaline and James held each other for a little while longer, but eventually they had to pull away, and the instant they did, she knew things were different now. Things felt different, and not in the sense of different that was the mess of this week. She had ignored the random quiet voices, the obvious hallucinogenic things around her, and the fleeting nightmares. All that mattered to her were the people close to her. And, as James continually reminded her, he was real. And he wasn't leaving.

He had stayed with her the entire time, and something about that stuck with her. It kept ringing in her head, even as she went to sleep for the fifth night, and awoke in the morning to see him peering down at her with tired eyes.

She knew exhaustion when she saw it. Although she felt like she could use another day to fully recover, she knew that she was more of herself now. She could maintain herself okay.

And she just now realized that James paid the price of it.

"Good morning," she said to James out of habit as she sat up straight, but worry immediately crept across her face. "Did you even sleep at all?"

James looked a little out of it. He was sitting beside the now-dead fire. His reaction was delayed, and he nodded slowly. "Wait... I meant no," he said. "I didn't. How are you feeling, though?"

She softly smiled, and she couldn't help but feel a flutter in her chest as she thought back to last night. But that wasn't what she was supposed to be thinking about right now. "I'm a lot better, thanks to you," she said as she got up on her feet to walk over and kneel down beside him, blanket still draped over her back. "But... now I'm worried about you. Did you even sleep this week?"

James looked up at her, and it looked like he was trying to smile, but his face was too tired to do it. "I took short naps..." he said. "Here and there." A pause. "No more than a few minutes each."

Evaline placed her hand on his shoulder, slowly so that she wouldn't startle him in his sleepless state. She felt a little tired herself, but she knew it was a different kind of tired that wouldn't easily be resolved with a good night's rest, unlike James.

"I know you've been worried about me," she said. "But now it's my turn to be worried about you. You should rest to regain your energy. It's okay, because I'm better now. I can keep watch."

"Are you sure you're better?" James asked. He looked into her eyes like he was searching them to make sure. "I don't want you running off..."

Evaline's heart sank a little that that was even a worry to begin with. She hardly remembered that that happened in the first place. She held his gaze with sincerity, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I'm better," she reaffirmed. "I promise I won't run off. I wouldn't leave you."

James let out a small sigh of relief. He leaned a little into her hand.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," he said. "But we should try to make some distance today. We haven't for four... five days. I don't want to stay here longer if we don't have to."

As much as Evaline disliked it, she knew James was right. They had been at the same spot for five days without the safety and security of the oasis. She wanted to argue that it was investment for him to sleep now so that they could travel with full energy tomorrow, but she felt the slight urgency in his voice. She understood.

"Okay," she said after a long pause. "Let's compromise. We can keep traveling, but we're making camp at the first safe spot we find in the late afternoon so that you can get plenty of rest. How's that?"

James nodded slowly, and he got to his feet. "We'll do that," he agreed. "For now, let's get moving. We can eat while we walk."

Evaline nodded, getting up to her feet too, but quickly grabbed his hand before he could get too far. "James?" she called, her voice a little higher pitched than normal.

He stopped, looking down at her. "Yes?"

Suddenly Evaline felt like she was at a loss of words, and she felt her cheeks turning warm as she let out a small nervous laugh. She only decided to speak up when she was sure of her words this time so that she appeared more sincere. "Thank you for everything, again."

James squeezed her hand. "I would do it again," he said softly. "I'm glad you're better."

"I am too," she said quietly back, holding his hand for another long moment before dropping it so they could get moving. There were more words she wanted to tell him, but she would rather he hear it when he was more awake. She would want the same.

"I just wanted to let you know that," Evaline continued with a smile, taking a step forward. "Ready?"

James smiled back barely, still looking exhausted. "Yeah," he said.

The two of them resumed their travels up the river, and Evaline was glad that they didn't have to pass the lizard hideout. She didn't want to tire James more with conversations, so for the most part, there was a comfortable silence between the two of them, and they did hold hands as they walked for some time. It was nice to have wordless conversations sometimes, but she also didn't want either of them to be distracted should anything happen. Evaline knew that James would still scan the area periodically out of habit, but she would try to take the extra step ahead, doing it more often and checking for any dangers or traps ahead of time.

There were worries swirling over her head that something may happen, but she was relieved to find that nothing did happen. They were lucky. Or at least, that was what it was as a figure of speech. She didn't really believe in luck.

James walked a little slow, but she kept his pace, wanting him to be an comfortable as possible. Before they left, she had him put the headgear that Edna provided them for sandstorms, even if it was a clear sunny day. She figured that it would act like a shield for the bright sun for him.

They only made a few stops to fill up on water, let Elliot rest, and forage for food, all of which Evaline wordlessly took charge of, insisting that James rest whenever he could. She had this under control, and she was relieved when she was able to find more food than their fair share of the day. Things were looking up.

By mid-afternoon, Evaline pointed out a big rock jutting out of the ground that provided some shade and shelter. Since James already agreed to this, he simply nodded at her suggestion as she set up camp. It was still warm, so there was no use for a fire, but she quickly set out for the materials anyways. When she returned, James was already sitting, and she handed him a blanket and the canteen.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty? Warm, cool?" she asked, sitting beside him.

"Tired," he said, looking to her with what again looked like an attempt at a smile and half-lidded eyes.

Evaline breathed out a laugh through her nose, then set one of the spare blankets on the ground beside them. "Sleep," she said. "There's plenty of time. Take as long as you need. I'll be okay, I promise."

James nodded slowly as he started lying down. "Wake me if something... you know," he said, propping up his head under his arm.

"Of course," she said simply, giving him a pat on the back. "As long as you wake up feeling more well-rested."

James didn't reply. It looked like the moment he'd closed his eyes, he was out.

James woke up just as the sun started peeking over the horizon. Sleep deprivation still weighed on him, but he felt significantly better. For one, he could actually think. His motor skills didn't feel questionable. His brain felt like it was functioning.

With a faint groan he sat up and stretched, feeling all of his joints pop in succession. He must've not moved at all once he'd falled asleep. He felt stiff.

He looked around the camp, searching for Evaline and Elliot. Elliot was easy to spot, tied to a tree nearby.

Evaline was leaning up against another flat rock nearby, but it was angled so that she could see him. Her face lit up when she met his eyes, and she walked over. "It's only been a few hours," she tried to scold despite her smile. "You should sleep longer."

"You need to sleep too," he countered, meeting her eyes with a small smile. "And -- I think I'll be up for a while even if I did try sleeping again. My mind is awake."

"I kind of have the opposite problem," she said as she sat next to him. "Not a significant problem, though. I know I'm well-rested, but I think my mind could use some more rest... somehow."

"Would a nap help?" he asked.

Evaline shook her head. "No, I don't think so. But..." She peered up at him. "I think it would help if I talked about some of the things I've been thinking about lately."

James nodded slowly. He had only just woken up, but he doubted he'd be feeling more awake as time went on. This was probably the most awake he'd be for the day.

"We can talk," he said softly. "Now that I'm not falling asleep while standing."

Evaline smiled as she gazed out at the desert in front of them, the setting sun letting its golden rays stretch across the land. It only just occured to him that the sun was going down, not rising. That was why Evaline had scolded him.

"Are you fully awake, or are you still tired?" she prefaced.

"If I'm being completely honest, after not sleeping for almost a week, I'll probably be tired for a while," he said with a small shrug. "But I feel better now. More alert. And present."

"That's fair," Evaline said with a nod, then paused. "I'm sorry you didn't get much sleep last week. Or any sleep, really. That seems literally so tiring."

James laughed. "I slept the whole week prior when I was sick, so it balances out, right?"

"Right," she said, returning the small laugh. "That's how it works."

There was a pause as she still focused on the land in front of them, perhaps enjoying the sunset even though she didn't have the view of the whole sky.

"I haven't told you everything that happened that night in the oasis," she finally said.

James looked over at her, studying her face. "Oh?"

"What do you remember that first night?" she began.

"After a week of not sleeping, I'm not sure my memory is any better than it was then," James said. "I think the two main things I can recall were the story you told, and you almost going back. You said almost times' down. But I don't remember what led up to that."

Her face softened as she smiled wistfully, and it looked like she was pausing so that she would say the right words.

"Last night," she said slowly. "You remember what I said last night, right? My exact words?"

"That, I don't think I could forget," James said.

"I don't either," she said softly. "Because you said those same words to me that first night in the oasis."

James was quiet for a moment as he let it sink in. She'd known that whole time... and he was surprised that he'd said it out loud. He wish he knew what had prompted it.

"What happened?" he asked. "Before I said that?"

Evaline gingerly smiled, looking down and letting her fingers brush up against his on the blanket. "It feels ridiculous admitting it now, but when I realized that you were not in a fully-present state, I knew there were some things I wanted to tell you. So before you slept, I gave you a rundown of our time together and told you what I wanted."

James was quiet again, trying to search his own memory to fill in the blanks for what she was saying, but there was nothing to be found. He looked at her again,

"Would you... be willing to say it again? Now, when I'm awake, and won't forget?"

"I don't need to say it," she said slowly, looking up to meet his eyes. "I wrote it down the next morning, because I knew you'd eventually ask one day." She paused. "So... if... you want to read it..." The saddlebag was right next to her, and she effortlessly pulled out her journal, like she had this whole conversation planned and ready before she even sat down. Evaline took a few moments to flip towards the back of the journal, but then landed on a specific page. It spread out over the two pages, and it was titled "To James."

James stared down at the pages for a moment, and then looked up at Evaline, wordlessly asking with his eyes if he could take it. He offered his hands, and she wordlessly gave it to him.

"It's not a typical journal entry," she said sheepishly. "I tried to write down what I remembered saying that night. It's not exact, but it still helps me remember."

"I'm very thankful you wrote it down," James said queitly as he set the journal in his lap. "Do you mind if I read it now?"

"Please do," she said with a smile. "It's for you, after all."

James nodded, and he started reading.

I should be thanking you for everything. From day one, of showing me kindness even though I pelted you with rocks and dirt. And then on week one, for telling me that I could stay forever with you if I wanted, and then choosing to give your life over mine. And then on week two, for listening to me and accidentally making me happy without knowing it. And on week three, listening to the note's new demands even though I already wanted to stay in Nye. Month two, for letting me kiss you even though you were uncomfortable, and then telling me how I misread everything. And then we went to mage camp that same month.

I want to thank you for letting me have that experience, even though you didn't enjoy it. And for letting me dance with you, even though I again misread you. And I'm sorry I misread you -- but I began to understand. I began to understand when you held my hand without asking, when you watched the sunset with me, and when you threw together a surprise birthday party that I'm now certain wasn't just because of a birthday that happened a month prior. And I thought it would all crumble apart when we argued before the oasis. I was not mad at you. I was mad at myself. But I realize now: I realize what I want.

I think I'd want us to have more books. For our small library, bought with our money from your rancher job and my freelance art work.

By the time James finished reading, he found himself smiling. He looked over at Evaline as a warm feeling fluttered in his chest, and he met her eyes.

"You really do have a way with words," he said. It was no wonder he'd told her.

"Do I?" she asked, peering over the journal like she didn't believe him. "Not in the same way you do, though."

"I wouldn't want you to," he said, leaning in towards her head. With a smile, he pecked her on the cheek. "I like it when it's you."

Evaline smiled warmly, her face softening with rosy cheeks. "I like you when you're you, too," she said. "But I've also told you that the same night, as did you."

James hummed, staring at her with a small satisfied smile for a moment before pulling away slightly. "Sounds right," he said. "I'm glad my current and past self agree."

Evaline laughed. "You're not even going to doubt it, just a little? It happened a month ago."

"I trust your memory of it over mine," he said, still gazing at her adoringly. "And even if it was a little different, I don't disagree. I do like you as you."

She was still smiling, but she shyly looked down setting her hand over his on the journal and rubbing it with her thumb. "I'm still trying to figure out what it means to be me, but I think it gets a little easier everyday when I'm with you." She then chuckled and half-rolled her eyes. "Sorry. That was very cheesy. I think those romance books are getting to me."

"I don't mind cheesy as long as it's sincere," he said. "I think that's what matters more."

She paused in thought for a moment. "Well, I was sincere, so I guess you'll get a cheesy response from me every once in a while."

James couldn't help but smile wide. He laughed softly. "Perfect."

Evaline looked up to return the smile, looking pleased. She did gently take the journal back from him, flipping it towards the front and passing many of the drawings he had already seen. "It's odd how hardship can bring people together," she commented before closing the journal. "From mage camp, to what happened to the oasis, to last week. I don't know. Just a thought I had."

"It can bring people together," James said. "Or tear them apart. I've seen both... but I'm glad it brought us together."

"I am too." She set the journal back in the saddlebag and sat a little closer to him. "It took four months, but... I'm glad we're here." She paused for a moment but then laughed. "Do you remember the last time you didn't get a week's worth of sleep? And how I forced you to lay down in the ditch and rest? I was so angry and bossy."

James laughed. "You were very adamant, but I knew it wasn't soley because you were annoyed. Right?"

"Of course not," she said with a humored laugh. "I was more concerned than anything. I might have reasoned with you saying it was because you were slower, but I was also generally worried about you." She drew her brows together in thought, glancing at him. "You didn't sleep that week because of the nightmares, right?"

"That was..." he paused, thinking back, and he sighed. "Wow. Yes. That feels like so long ago, now. That was when Butch caught up to us."

"That happened our first week or two together," she mused out loud. "But I guess we can add that to the list of hardships that brought us closer together."

"Several instances of almost dying," James said maybe a little too matter-of-factly. "And being bullied by children. I think those are the top two."

Evaline laughed, the smile reaching her eyes. "I think you rather liked the children."

James grinned. "I didn't mind the bullying. It was funny, honestly. I'm surprised you entertained them though - the children at the oasis. I don't know what Lenora's problem is with hair."

"I know you said that I should treat kids like any other person," Evaline said defensively in a playful manner. "But it was funnier to give them all joke answers instead."

"Oh really," James said with a grin. "More monkey jokes?"

"To be fair, it was their idea," Evaline, grinning herself and then letting out a short laugh. "I just affirmed it."

James scoffed. "So you encouraged them."

She pursed her lips through the smile, turning to face him. "Sounds like I should've taken the parenting advice from Mikel."

James laughed, shaking his head. He brought his hand up to his face and sighed, resting his forehead in his palm.

"He really turned into a different person when he learned about who I was. He went from carefree to overprotective father really quick."

Evaline mulled this thought over, her smile fading. "Yeah. I guess people reveal their true selves when others threaten the people they love."

James looked over at her, his smile fading in turn. "I guess so."

He paused. "Though, I never did threaten them... not directly."

"They still saw you as a threat though," Evaline said sadly.

"I know," James said, looking down into his lap.

"I wish more people could see the true you."

James didn't respond right away, and instead looked up, scanning the area around them.

"Or at the very least," he said quietly. "It'd be nice if people didn't see me as a threat. But... that's not how things are."

He shrugged, and looked back at her again.

"I'm glad I have you."

Evaline met his eyes, smiling wistfully. "I am too. And that's enough for me."

Evaline and James continued to talk until the sun set, at which point James insisted that she get some rest. Although she wanted him to get more sleep, she didn't want to go against his wishes, so she took up his offer and slept first. She often slept longer than James, and he usually woke her up before she could wake up naturally, but he didn't do that this time.

"You said that your mind needed rest," James said with a small smile after scolded him for not waking her up earlier to take the next shift. Luckily she naturally woke up when she did so he could still get a decent amount of sleep.

But of course, James still woke up at the break of dawn, and he insisted that they kept moving. Weariness still clung to his eyes, but he seemed more awake and present than before. Evaline didn't blame him for being so eager to leave. She would be too in his shoes.

She had to keep reminding herself that it wasn't just her shoes, though. They both shared each other's problems. But she didn't mind it. She was glad to help and think things through together. It was strange to think about, but the mutual hardship and suffering really did strengthen their relationship. She just didn't think it needed any more strengthening now, though.

Several hours passed as the continued to walk by the river, but the river seemed different now as the water was white and moved very fast. It sounded like being next to a waterfall with the constant white noise, but it wasn't just localized to one spot. With each passing minute, the power and noise level of the river only seemed to get stronger.

Evaline thought about suggesting to rest and fill up water here, but then she heard something against the water. It was subtle, and James didn't seem to hear it as he trudged forward, but the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as it reminded her of a distance memory. It almost felt like deja vu, but she knew it wasn't, despite the memory coming from an erased timeline.

She thought she heard the howl of a dog. But not just any dog: Butch's dogs, with the same intensity and frequency.

Evaline knew James wanted to know these things, even if it was just a feeling or a suspicion based on nothing. She quickly caught up to him and tapped his shoulder to get his attention.

"I heard something," she said loudly over the river. "It sounded like a howl. A dog's howl, but I'm not sure."

Paranoia crept across his face, and he simply nodded and didn't ask for further explanation, hurriedly taking Elliot's reins and getting on the saddle. Evaline wordlessly followed suit, understanding instantly that they were going to ride as far away as possible from the possible looming threat of Butch.

Just as they started to ride, there was a sudden silhouette ahead of them, and Evaline could feel the terror hanging in the air as James slowed down Elliot and saw Reed grinning and riding on a horse towards them.

"Hold on!" James instructed with alarm in his voice, quickly guiding Elliot around to run in the opposite direction. A few strides in, and then they could see another bigger silhouette ahead of them.

Butch riding on his giant steed, smirking ahead of them. He looked even bigger than she remembered.

She could feel the panic in the air as James tensed and then quickly guided Elliot to the side, perpendicular to the river. And once again, they didn't get very far, because more shadowy figures emerged. They were the dogs, howling and growling as they closed in on them.

This didn't even feel real. Evaline was almost convinced that this was another nightmare she was having, but as Elliot began to back away, the sound of the raging river crashing against the pointed rocks told her otherwise.

This was real.

She knew that James was looking for an opening of escape, and she tried to mimic his thought process, looking around and scanning the area as Butch and Reed approached and got off their horses. They couldn't just jump in the river; the water would whisk them away, and its unpredictable turbulence could lead to crashing against the rocks. There was no way Elliot could survive that, either. Or at least, get seriously injured. It was possible they could try to pummel their way through the dogs, but again, they'd have to leave Elliot behind. That wasn't an option. And she wasn't sure there were any, besides the most obvious: she could undo this. But she knew she couldn't without a trigger, and she knew she was also still recovering.

Reed and Butch finally approached them before she could completely finish her thought process.

"So the sketch artist is the outlaw's bitch now, isn't she?" Reed taunted from one side, staring daggers at Evaline. "Hmph. I should've known."

"You've wasted enough of my time, Tiberius," Butch said from the other side. "We can do this the easy way, or we could do this the hard way. The easy way... we don't kill your companion."

Evaline could feel James tense up at those words, and she could only imagine how angry he must have looked right now. Reed was closing in towards them, and some dogs started to angrily nip at their feet as Elliot neighed nervously.

James wordlessly hopped down from the saddle, quickly transfering the reins to her hands as he grabbed the sword from the side sheath. They only met each other's eyes for a fraction of a second, but Evaline understood.

"So, the hard way," Butch said plainly, sounding tired. James gave him a pointed look, sword raised towards Butch after he swung it towards the dogs.

Suddenly, everything moved all at once.

Butch lunged towards James while Evaline tightly tugged on Elliot's reins to have him run off to the side where there was a small opening. One dog stayed by James's side, and two of them growled and followed Elliot. Reed also followed her, but not before running back to get on his horse first.

Since she had the head start, it wasn't hard to navigate away from them, but she was still plainly visible in the desert. She glanced back and saw James dodging Butch's attacks, and her head spun because she wasn't sure how she was going to get out of this. She wasn't sure she had it in her to repeat what happened with the lizards, but she knew in her heart that this was different. This wasn't about navigating her way through a million critters until she got it right. This was about saving James -- and herself, in a way -- from people who wanted to torture him.

Anxiety coursed through her veins as she blearily reached back to fish for the gun in the saddlebag while she was still ahead, but suddenly, an agonizing sharp pain hit her back, and she lost the air in her lungs as muscles spasmed and she fell off Elliot. Her head was empty. There was just a paralyzing pain, and on the ground she felt thick blood pooling out of her back and onto the ground near her chest and arms. A big weapon had sliced her back, but she couldn't think about what it was or how deep. There was only simply pain and a wish to undo it.

And that was exactly what happened. Evaline opened her eyes and heard a ringing in her ears as she rode on Elliot, knowing she was only a couple seconds away from whatever decided to come her way. In a panic, she fiercely tugged on the reins to get Elliot to dodge whatever was coming. As soon as he stepped to the side, she could see a giant axe flying past them that was thrown with such force that it continued to projectile forward until it landed in the river with a loud splash.

Evaline barely had time to think, her heart racing as she continued to weave Elliot around, knowing that she not only had to dodge the two dogs on her tail and Reed who was just now riding towards her on his horse, but also Butch's axe. With one hand on the reins, she reached back again to hurriedly find the gun, and she dared to steal a glance up at Butch and James again.

She didn't even have time to see what was happening with James, because she could see another axe flying towards her, and there was no time to react. She let out a pathetic cry as it punctured deep on her chest and caused her to fly of of Elliot while he was still running, and she knew that this time, it wasn't pain that was going to cause her to go back.

It was fear. Fear of death, because she knew in that small fraction of a second that this should kill her on impact.

The pain only lasted for a second or two before it faded away, and before she opened her eyes, she knew that she had messed up. Instead of a normal ten-minute rewind, she was at the same rewind starting spot before the first axe got thrown. This was how it worked. It didn't go back farther, even if it should have.

Evaline cursed under her breath, her heart racing against her chest. She dodged the first axe with ease and prepared to dodge the second one that she knew was coming, but one thought kept repeating in her mind: how was she going to get them out of this?

She had one try left before the effects would come in again, but Evaline didn't care. This was bigger than that.

By the time she had dodged the second axe, she knew Butch was out of axes, and he instead pulled out his daggers and instead focused on James, even though he was mostly dodging and running around, basically only giving him scrapes with his sword since Butch was built like a tree. She internally pleaded to herself that he would be okay, because she wouldn't know what to do if something were to happen to him.

Evaline had finally found the gun in the saddlebag and was focused on rounding them around the riverbend to buy time, but then the dogs came out from behind a passing boulder and spooked Elliot, causing him to neigh and get up on his hind legs, dropping Evaline in the process. She crashed on the ground and was about to get up, but was stopped when Reed approached her with his horse.

He didn't even get out of his horse. Reed instructed his horse to take two steps forward with one hoof on Evaline's chest.

"So this is why you weren't interested, huh?" Reed's voice hissed.

Evaline heard the bones in her ribcage snap before the pain came coursing through her again, and she couldn't breathe for air. She was slipping, slipping...

"Too busy making love to a fucking criminal. Gotta love a woman with low standards."

Black spots were scattering her vision as she didn't even have the right mindset to process those words, and when she took a deep breath, she was back at the starting point. Desperation started to kick in, but she knew she had to keep it together and at least try. She repeated dodging the axe throws, and she braced herself before the dogs showed up, hopping off of Elliot with the gun in her hand.

She only barely managed to run away from Reed running towards her, and there was nothing she could do but weave through the rocks as Reed laughed and continued to taunt her.

But then the desperation really hit after some moments running and she looked up to see how James was doing.

And he was doing nothing, because in the short time frame she had from when she glanced at James then and now, Butch had managed to disarm him and knock him unconscious. He was limply slung over Butch's shoulder and was on top of his giant horse, ready to go. Butch whistled loudly, and the dogs ears perked up as they obediently followed. Evaline looked over and was face-to-face with Reed now only a few strides away, but he glanced at James and gave her a smug look before riding away, clicking his tongue while shaking his head.

It all happened so fast, and Evaline watched as they all rode off with James in tow, leaving her and Elliot behind, who was too far away to find and not lose them.

But she wasn't going to give up on James. No. She would never do that to him, especially with everything they've been through.

Tears stung her eyes and down her cheeks as she knew she had to keep trying, even if it seemed futile. Even if she didn't like what she had to do next.

With a shaky hand, she cocked the gun and pointed it towards the side of her stomach where it would be easiest to aim, knowing that it would not be a lethal instant shot, but also knew it would cause enough pain to go back to the starting point.

She let out a short sob again and pulled the trigger, not focusing on the pain that electrified her torso, but instead on the determination she had to make this right. James stayed for her, and she would do the same for him.

Except, she knew that it was hopeless. Everything happened under a minute, and there was only so many dodges and so many variables to account for. Again and again, she kept going back, but it would either end in her demise or James's. No matter how many things she tried to change, no matter how much disorder she caused, it all led to the same timeline. Back to James being caught and dragged away. It was just like last time, and she knew this would happen. She knew this would eventually happen anyways. She knew this was inevitable, but she held on to the speck of hope that, maybe, things would be different. And now, James paid the price.

James had told her that the people in her head were liars. Elias, Alistair, and Mel. It wasn't really them, and she knew that. But they weren't liars. She couldn't let go, and she didn't heed their warning.

Evaline wasn't sure how many times she kept going back, but since she wasn't able to go back for more than 30 seconds at a time due to the limitations and because things happened so fast, she was sure it was much more than fourteen. But she didn't care.

She sat on the ground crying again, feeling like a failure as she sobbed and clutched the gun in her hand. There was a way out of this. There was one way out of this, but she didn't want to take it. If they were going to make it out of here alive, how could she even explain this to him? Why wasn't she more clear? Why did she just pretend like this would never happen again, when she knew deep down that it would?

Evaline muffled the cries at the back of her throat, about to just do it, but then it occured to her: maybe James would remember all this. And maybe he could remember this scene in this timeline, along with the others. And maybe she could send him a message this way.

"I'm sorry," she said with a shaky voice, quickly thinking of what to say as she looked up with empty eyes to see him riding away with Butch in the distance. "I've failed. I wish I could do better. I wish we could have that future together. The one I really wanted with you, that we want." Tears still rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head, trying to hurry with her thought process before she'd run out of time.

"I don't know how to be myself because this has happened before, and now I'm not just going to undo time. I'm going to undo me. And I'm sorry. I really did love you. I do love you. But I think it's because of that, that you're in this mess. And I'm sorry for the pain."

Another sob hitched in her throat as she cocked the gun again. Evaline closed her eyes, focusing on her breath, trying to find herself in the pit of calm in her mind despite the chaos around her.

"Thank you for not leaving me. Now it's my turn to be there for you."

Evaline took another deep breath as she shot herself again at the same spot, and she felt the familiar feeling of going back again, but this time, it was different.

She could hear a few faded voices from her mom, her dad, the psychiatrist telling her how she could get better and let things go. She just had to let all of it go.

And she sank deeper, deeper in the cavern of her mind, letting herself let all emotions go and embrace the blanket of darkness around her.

She had always been told that she was lucky that her powers were triggered by strong emotions, and those strong emotions were a general blanket term for being all emotions. But if her threshold for how strong she felt them was lowered, then she could have full control.

Full control to go back, back more times than she could handle, and back further to help James escape. As many times as it took.

Even if she lost herself in the process.