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Young Writers Society


Wonder Why 9/11



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65 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 248
Reviews: 65
Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:24 pm
dasiamari says...



Time has passed
but we just can't forget.

That horrid day
When the twins fell to there smoky graves.

And they said
"Terrorism
Against our nation
will not stand."
But the only thing that
fell was them.
Chorus
________________
And I wonder
about the little girl who lost
a father. About the wife
who lost a husband. About about
the mom who lost her son and
I wonder why?
_____________________
What did they do so wrong
In this life
To see there family off
to work
only to have to run away.

And I watched on the TV
And I thought
That could have been me.

I could have been in that
plane heading
off to somewhere.
I could have felt the fear
But instead I was here.

Chorus
________________
And I wonder
about the little girl who lost
a father. About the wife
who lost a husband. About about
the mom who lost her son and
I wonder why?
_____________________

They said that we were
strong but we came
down so hard.
No one was prepared for
this kind of shock.

And I wonder, Why?

Chorus
____________
I wonder about the little
girl who lost a father.
I wonder about the wife who
lost a husband. I wonder about
the mom who lost a son that day
And I wonder
Why?
_______________________

We never believed
We said "That won't happen to me"
But we fell so hard
And the twins won't rise back up.

At ten o' clock they heard the screamin'
then they saw the flames.
Terror people running.
People jumping, faster to their graves.

What have we come to today?

Chorus
____________
I wonder about the little
girl who lost a father.
I wonder about the wife who
lost a husband. I wonder about
the mom who lost a son that day
And I wonder
Why?
_______________________

And they said
terrorism
against our nation
Will. Not. Stand.
But the only thing that fell was them.

And I wonder, Why?
Know that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she'll think of me as a plain old Jain told a story 'bout a man who was to afraid to fly so he never did land. ~Train
  





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308 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25520
Reviews: 308
Sat Jan 21, 2012 11:30 pm
AlfredSymon says...



HI! Alfred here for a musical Kudos Revue!

I simply adore your lyric, dear! It has this great sense that isn't about loving your partner, but loving each other in this cruel world. I like how you presented all current happenings in this world about terrorism and warring and whatnot.

I would also like to say that it was noble of you to write a song about this topic. It was a rare piece to see, but it was ultimately true.

Just watch out your presentation, it seems a bit confusing. Also, try to add some poetic wordings to make it more serene (poems and lyrics are not far from each other after all) and try to hide some symbolism in it, it can add to the overall greatness of the piece!

Kudos: :D :D :D :) :?

Your Critique le Crayon,
Al
Need some feed? Then read some! Take a look at today's Squills at In the News.

The Tatterdemalion takes a tattle!

"Stories are like yarn; just hold on to the tip and let the ball roll away"
  








"Everything you can imagine is real."
— Pablo Picasso