Young Writers Society

Crim's back, but not for long! Hope you like this, another one of my 'famous' 3am writings. I really need to stop doing this... it's definitely depriving me of my much needed Zzz!


Verse One -

Stare at the blank walls
Listen as the rain falls.
Down down down.
Drown drown drown.
Drowing all the life forms
Like all of the other storms
Raging outside.
Screaming through the closed doors
Louder than the god’s wars.
All hope cast aside.

Chorus -

And hear the thunder cloud, (thunder cloud)
Clap harsh and loud. (harsh and loud)
You never felt so low before. (low before)
Where’s the calm, after the storm? (after the storm)

Verse Two -

Hide under the covers,
Cry for your lovers.
Down down down.
Drown drown drown.
Drowing all the longing,
Losing all belongings,
You thought were yours.
Chase the storm, stab its heart,
To prove you want a fresher start.
To settle the scores.

Chorus -

And hear the thunder cloud, (thunder cloud)
Clap harsh and loud. (harsh and loud)
You never felt so low before. (low before)
Where’s the calm, after the storm? (after the storm)

Bridge –

Run with your soaking hair,
Through the storm and through despair.
Never look back to what’s been done
Though those were the days you saw the sun.

Chorus -

And hear the thunder cloud, (thunder cloud)
Clap harsh and loud. (harsh and loud)
You never felt so low before. (low before)
Where’s the calm, after the storm? (after the storm)
Where’s the calm, after the storm?
After the storm,
After the storm.

Crimsona! Hi! I'm not sure I ever read any of your work before, so this will be fun.

Well, actually. I'll be honest. I read this probably a bazillion times. xD I keep coming back to it, hoping that maybe something constructive will come to me. But nothing ever does. xD So this review is going to be pretty useless and gushy. I'm sorry. <3333

And hear the thunder cloud, (thunder cloud)
Clap harsh and loud. (harsh and loud)
You never felt so low before. (low before)
Where’s the calm, after the storm? (after the storm)

This is purely a suggestion. I like the repetition/parentheses in the first two lines. I wonder if the second two lines could benefit from something different. I'm not sure exactly what. Maybe the third line could skip any repetition, or maybe the parentheses themselves could repeat themselves -- OR WAIT. Maybe the parentheses could rhyme with themselves -- have their own rhyming scheme. I don't know. Something to shake it up a bit!

Down down down.
Drown drown drown.

I just love what you do with this. It's so effective.

Bridge –

Run with your soaking hair,
Through the storm and through despair.
Never look back to what’s been done
Though those were the days you saw the sun.

GORGEOUS.

I love this song. I just do. It's sort of depressing, yeah. xD But it's GORGEOUS. I love the imagery, and your play with words is extremely effective. It makes me all happy inside. I don't know how you do it -- especially at freaking 3am XD -- but I love this to bits. Where's my like button, Nate?!?!?

Great job, Crimsona! Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

I really like this song! what genre was it intended for?

'kay so, when I read it I was probably mentally singing it (and singing it outloud ) differently then you meant it so a couple parts of it was akward was 'where's the calm after the storm' I realize that's a key part of the song, not saying take it out, just suggesting that you lay it out differently or put it in another part of the choruse.

and then the last line of both the verses seemed really akward and misplaced and I don't think that they are neccesary.

I love it! And it's probably because I was singing in a different key/tempo/ect. then you had in mind, Good job!