Young Writers Society

Started four years ago.
When you asked if we could go
Out.

three years past
We get married
we were happy.

Or so it
seemed.

Now you're gone
and being a jerk.
Filing for
a divorce.

(Chorus)
And here I am crying
and there telling me to stay
But all want to do is go
Drown myself in the rain
Go drown myself in the rain.

My friends tell me
Maybe we jumped into
too fast.

You say you're tired
of responsibility
Your acting like an ass.

Here I am
Cursing your name
Your blackmailing me
with dis-grace.

(Chorus)
And here I am crying
and there telling me to stay
But all want to do is go
Drown myself in the rain
Go drown myself in the rain.

In the rain.
But I will be strong
I will get over
this mess.

Maybe in the future
We can even be friends
But right now I'm
Done with you.

No one should
hurt me the way you do.

There telling me to stay
And I'm cursing your name
Gonna shut the door.
Not going to drown in
rain.

You can't hurt me
anymore.
Don't dare walk
through that door.

I guess I am going to be the first to reply to this song.

Well the song isn't really that bad. There are some aspects of the piece that don't flow that well with me. And there were some minor corrections that need to be taken care of.

Below is what I'm talking about

Started four years ago.
When you asked if we could go
Out.

Three years past
We get married
Were happy.

I don't quite understand why the word "out" had to be by itself. Also, I'm not sure if you meant to put "we're happy" or if it is to be as it is now. If it's supposed to be as it is now, then it just feels incomplete. If you put "we were happy" then it would be a lot better.

Now your gone
and being a jerk.
Filing for
a divorce.

The "your" should be "you're"

And here I am crying
and there telling me to stay
But all want to do is go
Drown myself in the rain
Go drown myself in the rain.

"there" should be "they're"

My friends tell me
Maybe we jumped into
to fast.

"to fast" should be "too fast"

You say your tired
of responsiblity
Your acting like an ass.

"your" should be "you're" and you missed the "i" between b and l...that's most likely just a typo but it goes as such "responsibility"

Here I am
Cursing your name
Your blackmailing me
with dis-grace.

"Your" should be "you're" again. I'm not sure why you put "-" in between di and grace of disgrace. Unless you did that because you are also writing music for it as well.

That's as much as I can say now..lol

It wasn't that bad though
It bugs me when people get divorced over dumb things. The courts should have stricter rules when it comes to divorce.

Hi, Dasia!

Let me know if you're ever sick of seeing me! But I love seeing you post more songs. I really, really do! I enjoy reading them! Some need work, others are gorgeous, but your style is so simple. It's one of those easy, fun reads you can't help but enjoy! Plus, you're writing more! *celebrates*

ALL THE GOOD THINGS.

So. That aside.

Divorce makes me sad. And I think this song definitely portrayed that very, very well. xD The divorce rates have definitely increased significantly, but there's always a reason why the divorce happens (not that I approve or that I'm starting discussion in any way), and the story in your song is extremely effective in that sense.

I think theee weakest part would probably be how long it took. Maybe it more repeated the same idea -- or probably got a bit ranty, actually. Perhaps have the narrator exercise a bit more control over what she's saying and tell the story a bit better -- more imagery/details to show what's happening rather than calling him names every other stanza. That kind of thing! This way, the music can also have a chance in setting a similar tone too!

I don't have much else, though. A grammar check is always a good thing, but it's not too bad in this one. So yay!

OH. I didn't notice this 'til now 'cause I just read a song about rain. XD But the title didn't seem to tie in with the song itself at all, so I'd probably suggest renaming it!

That's all, though! Great job!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!