Young Writers Society

Oh, my honey who beat my heart so black and blue
By the time you see me again, I will most likely be dead
And I hope the one you claim to love won't be true
And maybe this last effort will bring you back to me instead

Because I'm holding myself hostage
And I am well loaded and prepared for anything
Indeed, I'm holding myself hostage
My only demand is to be with you once again
But where are you?
So, where are you?

(come, rescue me)

Oh, my one and only, the sirens surround me
"Put the gun down, please put the gun down!"
Is what they are shouting
And I envision that you will come down to see
To say the love for me you've found again with no more doubting

To end me holding myself hostage
For I am well loaded and prepared for anything
I feel like holding myself hostage
To only demand that you'd be with me once again
But where are you?
So, where are you?

(Please, rescue me)

Because I'm holding myself hostage
And I am well loaded and prepared for anything
Indeed, I'm holding myself hostage
My only demand is to be with you once again
But where are you?
So, where are you?
where?

Everytime I think of him beautifying your face when he makes you smile
I press the gun much harder against my fucking temple and close my eyes
When I think of him carrying you to the bed it just drives me wild
I wish I could get closer and place this gun to his head and close his eyes
But I don't think that would bring you back
But I do hope, by this, you'll come back

Because I'm holding myself hostage
And I'm fucking loaded and prepared for anything
Indeed, I'm holding myself hostage
My only demand is to be with you once again
But where are you?
So, where are you?

(Just, rescue me)
(come rescue me)
(Please, rescue me)

Where are you?
They have surrounded me
So, where are you?
Don't anyone move
Where are you?
They are surrounding me
So, where are you
Don't fucking move

I will blow my fucking head off
So, don't anyone move
I will blow my fucking head off
So, don't fucking move
Where is she?
She's all I want

She's all I want, she's all I want
She's all I want, she's all I want

Where is she?
Where the fuck is she?
Where are you?
Where the fuck are you?
What do you mean she's not here?
She'll be here, maybe not now, but she will be here

Where is she?
Where is she?
Where?

(Please, rescue me)
(Just rescue me)
(come rescue me)

Oh fuck her then!

Hiya, Ally! I'm back!

Before I begin, I thought I'd mention that I went ahead and put in a rating (found in parentheses in your title). The F-bomb was dropped at least once (I know. xD), which gives it a 18+ rating. However, because our rating system isn't functional yet (and in fact, you probably weren't aware of the rating system because of it), I went ahead and put one in. Our younger members (and some older) might choose to not read the more mature works on the site! No worries if you weren't aware of anything!

So, on to the important part!

This was a pretty good song overall. The first half was well done, but the second half got repetitious and a bit... annoying, for lack of a better word. It's not because of the F-bomb, so don't worry. xD It's the fact that it's a lot of fluff and/or filler. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I'm totes into the meatier verses like in the first half, where the story is told -- where the entire message is explained in a more poetic fashion. Some filler is fine -- in fact, it can make the meaty song much more enjoyable! -- but it got a bit much here.

Oh, my honey who beat my heart so black and blue
By the time you see me again, I will most likely be dead
And I hope the one you claim to love won't be true
And maybe this last effort will bring you back to me instead

This verse felt a bit contradictory, though one could argue the nitpicks right back that it's not contradictory at all. XD The narrator says the person will most likely not see them again, but then the narrator goes on to say that the next time they see each other, things might turn out alright. So I guess I'm confused by the statistics being explained here. XD It's extremely nitpicky, but food for thought?

Because I'm holding myself hostage
And I am well loaded and prepared for anything
Indeed, I'm holding myself hostage
My only demand is to be with you once again
But where are you?
So, where are you?

I actually love your chorus! It works very well, and the imagery is astounding (which holds true for the majority of your song). The fourth line -- the demand -- definitely contradicts the "most likely won't see me again" line. It all implies that the person will come see the narrator to save their life.

But yeah! Also, I love how the line is repeated at the end. I'm unsure about changing "but" to "so", but it probably works with the music, so I won't go into that. The flow throughout the song is a bit wonky in spots, so keep an ear on that when it's sung!

So, overall, it's alright. If we took away the rambly second half, I'd say it was a pretty good piece! The needless repetition sort of ruined it for me. OF COURSE, maybe this song is dependent upon the music more than the lyrics...

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!