Young Writers Society

Okay so obviously a pretty cliche topic so hoped to make it a little different


You've got a heart
Beating in your chest
Keeping your blood circulating
Don't you ever let it rest
You've got your lungs
Breathing in air
Their innocence will never
know the world outside's unfair
And you've got your eyes
Glowing blue in the sun
They've seen the world every day since
your life first begun
And you've got your mind
Hidden like your ribs guard your heart
The part of you i've been in love with
From the very start


But what I miss
Is your arms
The way your hand stretches across my whole shoulder
The way it changed when we grew half a year older
The way it encapsulates when we graduated, congratulated that we're still able to
Join
Arms

You've got your mouth
Always that shade of red
No doubt good for something else
But i'd rather hear your words instead
You've got a humour
Filled my chest with overflowing bubbles
Every time you used it
My happiness would double
You've got your dream
The only thing to demonstrate to me
You can follow what you want, be anything you want to be
You've got that smile
Literally could knock me senseless
Breath disappears and I'm left
Once again completely defenceless

But what I miss
Is your arms
The way your hand stretched across my shoulder
The way it changed when we grew half a year older
The way it encapsulated when we graduated, congratulated us that after everything we could still
Join
In our arms

Trees drop their leaves
But they don't stop standing
And our arms are like branches
But soft like a pillow
melting into understanding
And you held me there that day
And it felt like the my life joined back together
Never in forever will i give up that memory
Never in my ever, never will i ever?

Feel you again
In my arms
Have you hand stretch across my shoulder
Feel it change as we both grow older
Don't you know, don't you know
I could hold you close I could hold you close

Don't you know
I've got a heart
Beating in my chest
Keeping my blood flowing
Sometimes you gave it cardiac arrest
And i've got a pair of lungs
That breathe in air
Their innocence don't realise
that this world of our's is unfair
Yeah i've got eyes
That glow blue in the sun
They've seen every day of my life
Since it first begun
I've got a mind
Though i let it flow out to you like flash flooding rain
And i've got it made up this time
Though i know it will cause me pain

Join
In my arms
Join me in my arms
Why don't you join
Me in your arms
In your arms

What I miss
Is your arms
The way your hand stretches across my whole shoulder
The way it changed when we grew half a year older
The way it encapsulates when we graduated, congratulated that we're still able to
Join
Arms

I thought this wasn't cliche-y at all. It was so full of emotion and that's never a cliche. A couple nitpicks:

1. You tend to forget to capitalize "I" in several place.
2. I loved your rhymes! The didn't feel forced at all in these lyrics. However, a couple lines didn't rhyme. This section didn't rhyme at all:

You've got your dream
The only thing to demonstrate to me
You can follow what you want, be anything you want to be
You've got that smile

3.

The way it encapsulated when we graduated, congratulated us that after everything we could still

This line was too "clunky", if that makes any sense. Through out the rest of the song, you are very poetic but this line just seemed blunt. I would try to rework it. Oh, and this line was clunky too:

Their innocence will never
know the world outside's unfair

Ok, that's it for the harshness. Now the parts that I loved:

You've got a heart
Beating in your chest
Keeping your blood circulating
Don't you ever let it rest That's such a poetic line!

You've got your mouth
Always that shade of red
No doubt good for something else
But I'd (capital) rather hear your words instead

This is very sneaky. The best parts in this song, you disguise your meaning.

You've got that smile
Literally could knock me senseless
Breath disappears and I'm left
Once again completely defenceless

Such great rhythm.

And I've (capital) got a pair of lungs
That breathe in air
Their innocence don't realise
that this world of our's is unfair --- this is way better than the clunky version I mentioned above.

I think that's it! Thanks so much for posting this. I'd love to hear it with music someday!