Young Writers Society

I'm so in love with you
Yes, yes, yes, yes
And still in love with the past
Yes, yes, yes, yes
When it felt right and true
Yes, yes, yes, yes
But now it left us so fast
Yes, yes, yes, yes
Why, why, why, why?

She said:
I don't love you anymore
I can't stand you anymore
And the world to which everything felt right
Is the world that I am walking out of
Yes, your world to which everything feels right
Is the same world I am walking out of
I don't love you anymore
I can't stand you anymore
So please don't ever think of me again
I pray that you will stop thinking of me
But I know you can't

And don't you cry now
I'm innocent
I'm guiltless
This doesn't hurt
It's painless

~Chorus~
I know that you are weak
I know that this cuts deep
I see that you can't speak
Oh, how this stabs so deep
So grow up
Just grow up
Please, grow up
Just fucking grow up

I'm still in love with you
Yes, yes, yes, yes
And I still can see your face
Yes, yes, yes, yes
Each dream I have is cruel
Yes, yes, yes, yes
For I'm erased from your space
Yes, yes, yes, yes
Why, why, why, why?

I read:
I don't love you anymore
I can't stand you anymore
Your love and gentleness was all in vain
I don't need you, but I need to move on
Yes, the times we've embraced were all in vain
I'm with someone else and I will move on
I can't love you anymore
I can't stand you anymore
So just discard all of the photographs
I hope you'll destroy photographs of me
But I know you won't

Don't ever call me
I'm innocent
I'm guiltless
This doesn't hurt
It's painless

(chorus)

Are you kidding me, are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me, are you kidding me?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Are you fucking kidding me?

Innocent - Fuck no, for when you drove me insane
you said that it was because I changed
Guiltless - Fuck no, for when I became insane
you said I needed to make a change
Painless
Painless - Fuck you, for I hope that this will some day
begin to slowly torment you

...to slowly torment you
...to slowly torment you
...to slowly torment you
...to slowly torment you

She says:

(chorus)

I say:

I know that I am fucking weak
You were my everything and more
And now this fucking cuts so deep
I cannot find the words to speak
Everything I lost and more
And your words, fucking, stab so deep
Go to hell
Just go to hell
Please, go there
Just fucking go to hell

(Are you kidding me?)
(Are you kidding me?)

I really love this piece I would say maybe clean up the last verse (not language wise it just seems a little too in your face) but overall a piece I could connect with

Yes, we are liars, aren't we?

Hiya, Al here!

So your lyrics...they're great actually. Finely made. The strong language, although I don't believe in their purpose, still made an emotional impact on each verse. I'd love the concept of the pain people get when they are guilty and that you want someone to be guilty. Also, considering the continuous repetition of the word f*ck, I don't think you don't need to. Just pour them damn emotion on the words, man!

No technicalities here, just uncomfortable on the kidding parts because, again, of their repetition. This lyrics, I think can be put to both rock or rap, which clearly reflects your topic.

Rating:
Keep writing, you're coming there (where? Just guess),
Al

Aw
Wow every time you said something like "I can't stand you anymore" or used the f word or "go to hell". I felt like it was actually stabbing me. This song's interesting because it shows pain from both sides, i.e the anger and pain that they wish upon the other but also the pain they feel themselves. In fact its very multi-faceted But yeah, talk about emotion in a song. Emotion kept jumping out of the computer screen to get me haha... good job!