Young Writers Society

American Jesus Part 1:Descendence to the human world
Instrumental acoustic guitar riff

American Jesus Part 2:Walking on Ice

[Verse 1]
I feel the cold around me.

Patterns different
the snowflakes all feel the same.

Why does everybody,

ignore the 5000
does nobody feel any shame?

[Bridge 1]
No fishes no bread.
Lazarus is dead.
Messiah come and gone
blessings didn't last long.

[Chorus]
Demons press inside.
No hope of good morrow.
Darkness Succumbs to light.
Sheds only upon sorrow.

Water turned to wine.
Down the liver to kill within.
Void of gold that shines.
God's green earth hanging on the hinge.

[Verse 2]
The plague I walk into,

The people aren't dying
even the blind can see.

The epidemic of blue

and the bloodbath of green
a curse still hangs over thee.

[Bridge 2]
Tis' no charity,
tis' the sinner's greed.
Messiah come and gone
BLessings didn't last long.

[Chorus]
[Guitar/bass solo (haven't decided)]
[Chorus]
[Outro verse]
Here they can only wait for God's dice.
Roll their way out of the middle
Here they can only walk on ice,
a golden bull o'er?

__________________________________________________
Tell me what you think

Oooooh! That was awesome! I really loved it. I loved what it was about, the words it used, the progress through the song...It was all incredible!


[Chorus]
[Guitar/bass solo (haven't decided)]
[Chorus]
[Outro verse]
Here they can only wait for God's dice.
Roll their way out of the middle
Here they can only walk on ice,
a golden bull o'er?


Guitar or bass solo? Well I'm biased but guitar wins out

Nice work!

NightWriter x

*scratches head*
I'm not sure what to think of this. I know you honestly were trying to convey some sort of message but I don't completely understand what that message was. Although, I am a bit sleepy now..lol.

Some parts didn't really need to be in the song at all
The following parts do not need to be in the song at all:

American Jesus Part 1:Descendence to the human world
Instrumental acoustic guitar riff

[Guitar/bass solo (haven't decided)]

You also don't really need to put "Verse 1" and such as long as you indicate what the chorus is.

It would look better written like this:

I feel the cold around me.
Patterns different
the snowflakes all feel the same.
Why does everybody,
ignore the 5000
does nobody feel any shame?

[Bridge 1]
No fishes no bread.
Lazarus is dead.
Messiah come and gone
blessings didn't last long.

[Chorus]
Demons press inside.
No hope of good morrow.
Darkness Succumbs to light.
Sheds only upon sorrow.

Water turned to wine.
Down the liver to kill within.
Void of gold that shines.
God's green earth hanging on the hinge.

The plague I walk into,
The people aren't dying
even the blind can see.
The epidemic of blue
and the bloodbath of green
a curse still hangs over thee.

[Bridge 2]
Tis' no charity,
tis' the sinner's greed.
Messiah come and gone
BLessings didn't last long.

[Chorus x2]

Here they can only wait for God's dice.
Roll their way out of the middle
Here they can only walk on ice,
a golden bull o'er?