Young Writers Society

So, I'm recording this and adding piano for a present for my Momma for Christmas.

Verse 1-
You used to sing to me,
hold me in your lap
and chase those nightmares away.

You used to tell me,
how pretty I was,
when I was wearing my tutu.

You always knew the right things to say,
and how to let me know,
you care.

Even when I’m down,
you’re holding me up with your smile,
and even as I’m writing this,
I know how much you love me.

You love me.

Chorus-
Oh,
it’ll never change,
be the same
as long as I live.
Oh,
it’ll stay the same,
cause I’m still that little girl
who you held in your arms
so many times.
I’ll never grow up in your eyes.

Verse 2-
You love the way,
I smile with my dimples
You used to say,
they were my daddy’s.

You always smile,
when I said something silly,
You always say “She is her mother’s child.”

And you don’t know,
how proud I am
to be able to say that now.
“I’m my Momma’s child.”

CHORUS


Bridge:
Oh,
don’t ever let go,
Don’t let me go
today.
Oh,
I’ll always be the same
little girl that danced around,
singing the wizard of oz.

I was determined to be Dorthy.
And I still am.
And always will be.

Verse 3-
I always loved
to watch the way
you took care my sister.

I always loved
the way you smiled at her.

I try to be the same way,
with everyone I meet.

I want to be like you
someday.

CHORUS

Verse 4-
Remember when I held your hand
and you said “You’re not to old?”
And I will say “Never. Will I be to old, to hold your hand.”
Cause I’m your little girl.

I still love those ruby slippers you bought me.
I still want to be the ballerina dancing with the prince.
I want to be everything you are.
I wish that I,
was as wonderful as you are.

CHORUS

Ending-
Oh, I’ll be your little girl.
Oh, I’ll never change
it’ll be the same,
always.
I’ll always love you.

I know your mom will love it! Do we get to hear it?

This is awesome i know your mom will love it

Hi, SparkleDoubt!

This is absolutely adorable, and I think your mom is going to love this entirely. Just... It's adorable. XD So adorable. I love it.

and even as I’m writing this,
I know how much you love me.

I thought these two lines were a bit weak and could use some other replacements. The first line is a bit cliche, in my mind, referring to the act of writing this song. (Plus, you'll actually be singing this, not writing!) And the second line seems a bit backwards. Perhaps refer to the love you have for her or how she doesn't seem to stop loving you? Maybe it's the *knowing* how much she loves you that throws me off. You don't really know for sure because mothers just do so much without us even knowing.

I’ll never grow up in your eyes.

I think later in the song, you refer to never being too old to hold her hand. There's a bit of a contradiction between here and there now because you admit yourself you'll never grow up, basically. So in this line, instead of saying she will never let you go, you can refer to just never growing up or how she'll always make you feel young or something. Find a way to tie those lines together, ja?

Overall, I lovelovelove the little references to your childhood memories. I especially love how the end refers to them again, tying it all up nicely. This is such an adorable song, and I seriously think your mom will be so proud of you. She'll get tear-eyed and want to hug you lots after hearing this. You're a beautiful young woman, SparkleDoubt. Such a gorgeous piece. <3

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

You always smile,when I said something silly

Tense of the words are slightly contradicting. "You always smile" is usually the present day time and "when I said something silly" is past tense. Other than that, I think it's great. Your mom will love it.

This is a very sweet song and I don't really like it because of how cutesy cutesy it is..I also don't hate it either. If this was a present for your mom..then like someone else said your mom will probably enjoy it.

There is one thing that I noticed and below in bold is what I'm talking about

Remember when I held your handand you said “You’re not too old?”And I will say “Never. Will I be too old, to hold your hand.”Cause I’m your little girl.

That was the only thing I saw that needed fixing.