Young Writers Society

I once knew a man
And he was so happy
So very happy
This is what he said

"I once knew a woman
And she made me happy.
So very happy.
And I was in love"

Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
He went straight down

So this man had found
His voice and his life
Made that woman his wife
And on their wedding day

Hand in hand they said
"Till death do us part
A new life we will start"
Together they'd be okay

And so
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
He went straight down

Beautiful she was
He was so happy
So full of joy and glee
He felt it was fate

Five months later on
Her womb carried life
What a proud and happy time
Nothing could separate
And so you think

But of course, one day came
While crossing the street
Flat on the ground, off her feet
The lights were mistaken
For green from red

In the hospital room
Was where he found her
Alive but the womb emptier
So much she's bled

Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
He went straight down..

They returned home
So sad she became
She wasn't the same
Silence filled her throat

But that man tried his best
To keep her happy
But she wasn't happy
Too sad and felt alone

Two days later on
He found her again
Lying under the train
Two lives gone now
And so you think

He ran straight home
Looked through his sock drawer
Pulled out a '44
And he went straight down

Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
He went straight down to the ground

I once knew a man
He is now happy
His soul is now happy
Not exactly as planned

Roses were dropped
Down the everlasting
Hole of his ending
Where the gray stones stand

Death did not
Part these two lovers
For now and forever
They're hand in hand

Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
Boom ba bang boom
Ba bang boom
They all went straight down

I really liked this! I couldn't find anything wrong with it! But i wasn't sure what the beat was so in my head i was guessing that it was somewhere between country and rock?

So sad!
These things happen realistically, so I really admire your writing for that.

I didn't quite get the 'Boom ba bang' beat thing, I would love to hear this played. It's so touching. It shows how easily love can enter someone'es life and take it down from there.
I love how you started saying 'he went straight down' from the beginning.. because it really was him falling in love that was his downfall. But his life wouldn't have the meaning it did if he hadn't fallen. Which makes me understand his suicide.

Your tone is a little playful, as if it is coaxing death. Or telling a happy love story. I love that your voice carried on that disconnected sort of happy tone until the end. Just saying it like it is!
Well done.

Hi, Lover!

The song's got quite a humorous/satirical feel to it, which is a very interesting take on it. (Basically, my mind says, "Oh, one of those songs." xD) The boom ba bang thing took me a while to understand until we hit the accident part. Then it pretty much fell into place. Basically, I love the allusions you put in for the ending. It tied the whole thing together so well!

If this really were a song for solely satire, perhaps consider some sound effects during the boom ba bang. 8D It reminded me of Transfusion by Nervous Norvus from, like. forever ago. Don't ask me how I know this song exists.

The only part I'm not too thrilled about is the beginning! It seems sort of out of place, seeing as the speaker themselves is referred to only once in this entire piece -- and it's in the first stanza. xD So it seemed weird, and I'd recommend just starting straight into the story.

But otherwise, this song was really well-written. There were a lot of parallels, you tied a lot of aspects together, and the song was just... well-built. xD It was awesome. Very nice! I wish I could hear it. 8D (And hopefully, I'm write on the satire bit. Otherwise, um. that might be something to look into! xD)

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

This song is supposed to be a story told by a friend or a close relative of the man, hence why I put, "This is what he said" as the fourth line in the first stanza. I thought I brought the narrator back into the story of the song by saying once again, "I once knew a man, and he is now happy, his soul is now happy, not exactly as planned".

You have this narrator telling his story of a man he once knew who seemed so happy. This man spent his life with a woman he loved. She was his world, his only meaning of life. She was the only person who meant so much to him. Now, they get married and start a life of their own with a child. But then, the woman gets into a car accident. The baby was lost and so the woman becomes depressed. Now, the man of course, with the strong sense of love that he has for this woman, becomes fearful, which in turn, makes him do whatever he can to keep her happy, knowing that her sadness would overwhelm her and lead to her suicide. But of course, his attempts have failed and he has then lost two people who meant a lot to him. Without this woman, he has lost his meaning for life. So he commits suicide in hope and faith that he will be with her and their unborn child in heaven or some form of afterlife to stay together for eternity.

The concept I was trying to get at with this song is that love is a sense of life. It is to help emphasize the matter that is taken so lightly. Love can be so powerful, that it is life threatening. Something that is normally taken as so little in our modern life can be the world to a person. I chose the story to lead to the death of all three people in the family because it was supposed to be a symbol of also how the important things in live are dying and must rise up from the ashes of its death. The death of the child was to put more force on the attempts of the man when trying to keep the woman happy. That connection of deaths, just the order of it was supposed to show how the lack of it love (happiness) can be a domino effect. That love can disappear from one person to another and continue on and on.

I don't think I was able to touch on it as well as I had hoped. Oh, and the boom-ba-bang-boom was to help the listeners of the song, or in this case - the readers, try and assume what will happen. Some will say that it is just a beat that was implanted to make the song sound good. But as you have said, it is connected to the suicide of the woman and the man. The "boom-ba-bang-boom"s were also to try and emphasize the steps it took to the death all of three of the people within the story.

I think I used too simplistic terms to try and explain a complex matter.