Young Writers Society

Sometimes my mind doesn't
comprehend what your sayin'
when the day ends
And I just wanna go
to sleep

But you never seem
upset
or fusterated
with me .

Even though I work you
And I hurt you
when I just want to quit .

But you never
give up
and I owe all to you.

[Chorus ]

Cause you are the only
one who ever picks
me back up again.

Cause you are the only
reason
that I'm almost there.

[End Chorus]

Sometimes I just fall down
and don't want to get back up.

But you make me
I get angry.
But I thank you
in the end.

Chorus 1

And I love you
like a sister
and I miss you.
Please come home
soon.

i like it!

hey, good job! I liked this.

Okay, so, first's first. There are a lot of little teeny weeny errors, don't mean to be rude or anything. I'll just touch on them all so you can watch out.

comprend what your sayin'

By the way, "comprend" is not actually a word, though it sounds like one, I think you meant "comprehend."

or fusterated

I understand this was supposed to be frustrated, that's just a spelling mistake or maybe typo?

Choras

You say this several times; it is spelled Chorus.

Cause you are the only

This happens twice; I know we use "cause" all the time, but it's a little more proper to put 'cause with an apostrophe instead; I suppose this isn't exactly necessary but it makes it a little better.

Okay, now we're done with the nit-picky stuff; there was actually not much rhythm or flow error in the song; I liked it overall. Good job on this! There is one other thing, though. You say that the chorus comes back at various intervals, like a normal song, but you never actually tell us what is the chorus, so I'd really like to know that...Awesome!

Hope I helped!

Hi there dasiamari!

Well... your lyrics are neat! But I'm just writing this to give you a tiny, but HUGE advice... and that is, try to give your topics attractive titles. The probability that someone clicks a song called "You and Me" is really low. :\ And I think you deserve more than that as a writer. Other than that, I don't really have anything to say.

Keep it up!

~Solly<3

Sometimes my mind doesn't
comprehend what your sayin'
when the day ends
And I just wanna go
to sleep

This seems to be a common error these days... "Your" and "You're" are two very different things. "Your" is the possessive noun of "you". "You're" is the contraction of "you are". In this case, you should have used the "you are" "you're".

But you never seem
upset
or fusterated
with me .

Typo. * frustrated.

Even though I work you
And I hurt you
when I just want to quit .

The blue part doesn't seem to transition well with the pink part. I feel that the pink part is incomplete and is hanging in this stanza awkwardly.

But you never
give up
and I owe all to you.

This stanza felt cliche to me. I think I recall hearing a song where one of the verses was "and I owe it all to you".

Cause you are the only
one who ever picks
me back up again.

Cause you are the only
reason
that I'm almost there.

Cause and because are two very different things. I believe you mean because here. So you would add a apostrophe in front of "Cause" like this: 'Cause.

Overall, I thought the lyrics were okay. They seem to be at the same level as many of the songs in pop culture, but that's not saying much. I felt that some parts were cliche and others incomplete. I really like the first stanza though. It was quirky and original. I hope this was somewhat helpful. Happy writing!

-Crescent