Young Writers Society

Today is a Holden Caulfield* kind of day
Everybody is fake, and so goddamn predictable
It's a shame how no one sees the fucked up way
In which I smile but flip my unseen bird
It's laughable

So fucking laughable
So fucking laughable

In sight I watch them all scurry to be seen
The old "How are you?" and " It is really good to see you's"
Makes me want to puke -Such a desparate scene
For they are the ones who talk shit once the damn day is through

It's fucking laughable
So fucking laughable

Lonliness is the only thing that seems to understand me
Everyone that I knew never even gave me my farewell
Being low down is the only way I know how to be me
Everyone that I know can all just go find their way to hell
Oh, fuck you
Oh, fuck them
Oh, fuck God
Oh, fuck me
Fuck me because I want to fuck you
Fuck me because I want to fuck them
Fuck me because I want to fuck God
Fuck me because I always fuck me

I always fuck me
I always fuck me
It's so laughable

So fucking laughable
I'm fucking laughable
It's fucking laughable
So fucking laughable
I'm fucking laughable

I'm fucking laughable
I'm fucking laughable

Quite laughable

* Holden Caulfield is a character from the American novel "The Catcher in the Rye"

This is very rude. Maybe a bit too rude? But I like it.

I feel this as very strong and edgy, I agree it is rude. But it's to the point where I really like it. Great job

If your aim was to make the f-bomb boring, you've succeeded.

The reason why the f-bomb, s-bomb, h-bomb (not to be confused with the H-bomb), and other word bombs usually elicit such a strong emotional response is because they are not used often. Use them too many times, and the effectiveness evaporates, leaving behind a yawn-inducing, overly-repetitive piece of word vomit that doesn't really articulate much of anything.

A more varied vocabulary almost always gets the point and emotion across more effectively than repetitive abuse of a single word, especially a crude one.

May be strong and edgy but it's not very well written. The imagery is flat, repetitious, and instantly forgettable. Maybe try something aside lyrics, as all these pieces just end up sounding like any other bad metal song. I think you could have taken if you brokenaway from this and tied some real writing. Maybe this genre just isn't your best?

The constant repetition of fuck loses both impact and depth, and it just comes off immature, like a crime drama where every characters Third word is fuck.

Some points are well done like the flipping of the unseen bird but that just makes their burial underneath this boring mess even more depressing.