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Rip (our story up)



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Gender: Female
Points: 5107
Reviews: 100
Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:14 am
NaRachel says...



Rip my soul
Rip my heart out
Hit the walls
Get the pain out
Like before
When i asked whats the worst that could happen
Like before
When i didn't see the dark i could be wrapped in

Rip my clothes
Sign all over
Need some luck
Four leaved clover
Now its over
Now its over
Now its over
Now its over
Now i'm left to myself
I can't help but want
Because want is what helps
Want destroyed me now its out
You destroyed me now your gone
Your gone
your gone
your gone
your gone
your gone

Show me one good reason
Not to make myself feel pain
When all thats left is empty boxes
Blank pages that remain
And the binding holds me there
I rip some pages out
But i'll keep the good ones
Please read me
your the only one who knows what this stories all about.

Rip my future
Rip my present
Our pasts so torn up
Can't stop the resent
But before
When you told be just be chill I believed it
When you hugged me, that was my haven and i didn't want to leave it

Ripped my mind
Turned me crazy
I was depressed
Lonely and lazy
Put my life
on "Hello please hold"
Nightmares
But the dreams never get old
Now its over
your gone, your gone, your gone


Show me one good reason
Not to make myself feel pain
When all thats left is empty boxes
Blank pages that remain
And the binding holds me there
I rip some pages out
But I'll keep the good ones
Please read me
your the only one who knows what this stories all about.
Because if theres nothing there to feel
I'll get lost in the hollowness
And if theres nothing left to write
I'll drag it out 'til its nothingness
Guess thats just because I don't want it to end
Pretend
Pretend, dream, remember
Pretend, dream, remember
Remember, dream, remember, pretend, dream, remember
Pretend, dream, remember, still remember
Dream, remember, pretend, remember,
Pretend, remember, dream, pretend
Pretend, dream, remember, remember, remember, remember.

Rip the story that i wrote
Because you'll never read it
I won't even see you, no
No-o
Rip this song
I won't need it
Shred it into
Tiny pieces
Rip it up
Please remember
Rip it up

Stick it back together.
Last edited by NaRachel on Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
"You grow, you grow like tornado
You grow from the inside
Destroy everything through
Destroy from the inside
Erupt like volcano
You flow from the inside
You kill everything through
You kill from the inside"
  





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28 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1389
Reviews: 28
Sat Nov 05, 2011 1:46 pm
xhellysmx says...



Wow. This is a very complex lyrics,in a good kind of way.
I think it's good to express our feeling through long lyrics like this cause those strong emotions just can't stop us from writing. heheh.
I have never write a lyric,so for me this is kinda great. :D

But this line,
your the only one who's knows what this stories all about.
,I Think it should be written "who knows" rather than "Who's knows".

But this is good. Keep writing. :)
  





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102 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1260
Reviews: 102
Tue Nov 08, 2011 10:15 am
LiesOnLies says...



I'm reading this and I'm thinking that this is written by someone very young. I say that because it has a lot of corrections that need to be made and it just seems to be rambling on and on. I understand what you're trying to do...unfortunately it's a bit of a mess. I liked some parts of this, but the rest seemed a bit everywhere. Below I made some corrections...I do this because if I don't do it someone else will. The corrections are in bold

Rip my soul
Rip my heart out
Hit the walls
Get the pain out
Like before
When I asked what's the worst that could happen
Like before
When I didn't see the dark I could be wrapped in

Rip my clothes
Sign all over
Need some luck
Four leaved clover
Now it's over
Now it's over
Now it's over
Now it's over
Now I'm left to myself
I can't help but want
Because want is what helps
Want destroyed me now it's out
You destroyed me now you're gone
You're gone
You're gone
You're gone
You're gone
You're gone

Show me one good reason
Not to make myself feel pain
When all that's left is empty boxes
Blank pages that remain
And the binding holds me there
I rip some pages out
But I'll keep the good ones
Please read me
you're the only one who knows what this stories all about.


When you told me just be chill I believed it
When you hugged me, that was my haven and i didn't want to leave it


on "Hello, please hold"
Nightmares
But the dreams never get old
Now it's over
you're gone, you're gone, you're gone


When all that's left is empty boxes
Blank pages that remain
And the binding holds me there
I rip some pages out
But I'll keep the good ones
Please read me
you're the only one who knows what this stories all about.
Because if there's nothing there to feel
I'll get lost in the hollowness
And if there's nothing left to write
I'll drag it out 'til it's nothingness
Guess that's just because I don't want it to end
Pretend
Pretend, dream, remember
Pretend, dream, remember
Remember, dream, remember, pretend, dream, remember
Pretend, dream, remember, still remember
Dream, remember, pretend, remember,
Pretend, remember, dream, pretend
Pretend, dream, remember, remember, remember, remember.


Rip the story that I wrote
Because you'll never read it
I won't even see you, no
No-o
Rip this song
I won't need it
Shred it into
Tiny pieces
Rip it up
Please remember
Rip it up

Stick it back together.


I get the feeling that you had a burst of inspiration and just had to get it down as quick as you can. That's all good and all, but when you want to post it with all the errors and such...well some people might get a bit annoyed by it. Trust me, I know from experience. I suggest that when you post something next time that you go through it and make sure there are no mistakes before you send it.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything
I'm just trying to save you from embarassment

You're 17, but this piece looks like it was written by a 12 year old
Sorry to say that, but it does
  








Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
— George Eliot