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Young Writers Society


Beginning to End



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Gender: Female
Points: 5107
Reviews: 100
Sat Oct 29, 2011 12:20 am
NaRachel says...



I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

When we started off
It was just me watching from the corner
You didn't take one chance of notice
I tried subtle and i tried the blatant obvious
You still didn't seem to notice
I showed my heart to you
You were so nice about it all
You let me down ever so gently
But that act of truth led to some
forceful connection
I was overcome with desperacy

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

We talked and walked now and then
It never seemed enough for me
It seems that I'll forever ask for more
I tried to tell you how i felt countless times again and again
And turned this mutuality into war
You got angry, I freaked out
I made it so much worse
I couldn't handle the hate in the air
I tried to take it all back
You forgave me all the time
But it was too late we were off that friendly track

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

Two days I tried to come to terms
With you as someone i used to know
But by this stage I'd become way too attached
Then rumours spread like tears do, forming such a mess
and you can't get them to retract


Then it got worse
It broke
I broke
I broke it forever
Three months of silence
was my punishment
Trying to see past
the stifling resentment

I said sorry, I said sorry
Mumbled out incoherent words
I bet you were expecting it, I guess you know me
You said Its okay three times over
How did you once again handle it so perfectly
I nearly actually believed
that it could be alright, forget the past
But it wasn't too long before
I longed for you again this time ever stronger and
I'd cry to love songs, lying on the floor

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

Seconds couldn't go past
where you were not on my mind
The pain only pulled me closer to you
I felt irreversibly in this heartbreak
I tried to impress you to give me something to do
It dwindled because I knew
Deep inside
You'd never want me back
But that didn't stop the pain i kept feeling
I wanted the old me back

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you


Our time together was closing
Things finally seemed relatively normal
But I kept remembering how terrible i'd been
You didn't seem around as much
I hated your absence
I got so confused
The past didn't seem to make sense

I miss
I miss
I miss
I miss you
you

Our last days together
I kept catching you right in the eyes
I'll never quite know why you looked at me
You smiled at me, I tried to smile back
But you were always the composed one effortlessly
We spent precious moments of peace together
Silence golden
You squeezed me into the most beautiful hug
I was saved then and there
But even your smiley face in permanent marker
Couldn't make me forget the hole I'd dug

I miss you
I miss you
There is every chance in the world
That i'll never see you again
So I'll miss you
I miss you
"You grow, you grow like tornado
You grow from the inside
Destroy everything through
Destroy from the inside
Erupt like volcano
You flow from the inside
You kill everything through
You kill from the inside"
  





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78 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 4257
Reviews: 78
Sat Oct 29, 2011 3:44 am
davantageous says...



I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

When we started off
It was just me watching from the corner
You didn't take one chance of notice
I tried subtle and i tried the blatant obvious
You still didn't seem to notice
I showed my heart to you
You were so nice about it all
You let me down ever so gently
But that act of truth led to some
forceful connection
I was overcome with desperation

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

We talked and walked now and then
It never seemed enough for me
It seems that I'll forever ask for more
I tried to tell you how i felt countless times again and again
And turned this mutuality into war
You got angry, I freaked out
I made it so much worse
I couldn't handle the hate in the air
I tried to take it all back
You forgave me all the time
But it was too late we were off that friendly track

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

Two days I tried to come to terms
With you as someone i used to know
But by this stage I'd become way too attached
Then
rumours
spread like tears do, forming such a mess
and you can't get them to retract


Then it got worse
It broke
I broke
I broke it forever
Three months of silence
was my punishment
Trying to see past
the stifling resentment

I said sorry, I said sorry
Mumbled out incoherent words
I bet you were expecting it, I guess you know me
You said Its okay three times over
How did you once again handle it so perfectly
I nearly actually believed
that it could be alright, forget the past
But it wasn't too long before
I longed for you again this time ever stronger and
I'd cry to love songs, lying on the floor

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

Seconds couldn't go past
where you were not on my mind
The pain only pulled me closer to you
I felt irreversibly in this heartbreak
I tried to impress you to give me something to do
It dwindled because I knew
Deep inside
You'd never want me back
But that didn't stop the pain i kept feeling
I wanted the old me back

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you


Our time together was closing
Things finally seemed relatively normal
But I kept remembering how terrible I'd been
You didn't seem around as much
I hated your absence
I got so confused
The past didn't seem to make sense

I miss
I miss
I miss
I miss you
you

Our last days together
I kept catching you right in the eyes
I'll never quite know why you looked at me
You smiled at me, I tried to smile back
But you were always the composed one effortlessly
We spent precious moments of peace together
Silence golden
You squeezed me into the most beautiful hug
I was saved then and there
But even your smiley face in permanent marker
Couldn't make me forget the hole I'd dug

I miss you
I miss you
There is every chance in the world
That i'll never see you again
So I'll miss you
I miss you



Code: Select all
Great length for a song. Love the title and the words. never again will i say that people cant write songs these days. Thanks for proving me wrong. Keep writing, and you spelled [b]rumors[/b]wrong.
Davantageous
  





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1464 Reviews

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Gender: Female
Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464
Mon Nov 07, 2011 1:15 am
JabberHut says...



Hi, Rachel! 8D

This was a very well-written song. The story certainly was told from beginning to end, so I found it pleasant to just read. I'm certain it'll feel the same when listening as well! And the tie between the song itself and the phrase "I miss you" went so well together. In the beginning of the song, it doesn't match the beginning, but by the end, the phrase makes perfect sense, and that's something I always particularly enjoy.

The structure/rhythm of the song wasn't really there. Of course, I can only say so much since I can't hear it. Just something to look out for, I suppose? xD

The only complaint I really had was, about halfway through, when things started going downhill for the speaker, I was starting to lose interest. I think this is because the speaker was getting a bit desperate, and I was tired of listening to their complaining? If that makes sense. Sort of whiny, I guess! A little bit of that is fine, but each stanza in the second half of the song seemed to have that sort of tone, and it interfered with the story at hand.

That could just be me though!

I don't really have anything else to add though. I'm pretty pleased with the story concept and how well it worked with "I miss you." I just wouldn't let it sound so desperate that the listener starts to get annoyed. Great job though!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!
I make my own policies.
  








People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right.
— Albus Dumbledore