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soldiers of eternity



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Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:11 pm
scfdx says...



Fire in the eyes
Blood of our hands
Once our gun is raised, it's a call for war

Soldiers of eternity
(This is what we are)
Fighting for the war of nonsense and trash
Guided by hatred, death is our friend
Our savage souls is not to be forgave

We all doomed
There is no way back
Leave the nice words cause you've got to fight back

Kill is what we've learned,
As children of war
We grew up back then with murder and scars

Soldiers of eternity
(This is what we are)
Fighting for the war of nonsense and trash
Guided by hatred, death is our friend
Our savage souls cannot be forgave

Fear in our eyes
We're waving our flag
Everything we've done is nothing but scum

Forget the enemies, there is no more
We just want some peace for our children to grow

But…

We're the soldiers of eternity
(Yeah, we really are)
Fighting for the war of nonsense and trash
Guided by hatred, we're Devil's best friends
Cut off this chain of revenge,
And let us stop
Let us stop
Let us stop
Let us….

Soldiers of eternity
(Let us stop)
Fighting for the war of nonsense and trash
(Let us stop), (let us stop), (let us stop)
Guided by hatred
(Let us stop)
We're Devil's best friend
(Let us stop)
Cut off this chain of revenge,
(Let us stop), (let us stop)
AND LET US STOP
Last edited by scfdx on Mon Oct 03, 2011 2:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.
  





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Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:54 pm
Boolovesyou says...



Hey SC,

First you aren't clear on what you are talking about. Two these are lyrics, and go in the lyric section, and three you have some mistakes.

Blood of our hands
The smoking gun of me will never set down

gun of me? Grammatically extremely weird.


There is no way back
Leave the nice words cuz you've got to fight back

Cause

Just you need more work on this.

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-Boo
Milestiba uzvar visu, Milestiba ir upuris.
  





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Sun Oct 02, 2011 11:14 pm
scfdx says...



thanks, i fixed the grammar miskates.
you know, I knew that I'm mistaken, but I wrote it like that because it just fit it quite good rhithemly. But I guess that "Grammatically extremely weird" is not much help, is it?
  





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Sun Oct 16, 2011 9:36 pm
Kale says...



Our savage souls is not to be forgave

This line doesn't make sense. The proper tense is "forgiven", but even correcting that, it's just weird-sounding. I'd suggest rewording entirely. "Our savage souls, no one forgave" flows nicely and makes much more sense.

We all doomed

Missing an "are" there.

Kill is what we've learned,

"Kill" is a verb, an action. "Killing" is the noun, or thing that can be done/learned.

There are more similar errors, but I'm not going to point them all out. I will say that, grammatical issues aside, you have a pretty solid rhythm here, and that really carries the words nicely. I just wish the words made more sense, really.
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There are no chickens in Hyrule.
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