Young Writers Society

Hello?

(Chorus)
I wish I was a little bit smarter
Wish I had a dollar
Wish I got a college education from Harvard
Wish I passed the SAT with more than 950 and became a National Scholar

I wish I was a little bit smarter
Wish I had a dollar
Wish I got a college education from Harvard
Wish I passed the SAT with more than 950 and became a National Scholar

I wish I was like a braniac, in her prime
So I could get into MIT because don't you know they get jobs without really trying
I see it all the time, whenever I ride the Red Line so
Even if I seem smart, I can't scheme my way to that state of mental sublime

'Cause I know the classes are the best down pat and the kids are smart
And they went to Vegas and got dollars
And how can an artist beat that
When it comes to being the smartest of all
I'm always lagging behind or not even there at all
So I sit behind my desk in editorial
Or on the bus going to pick up bananas on sale can't afford them unless the price falls

Waffles,
I've never stood up early in the bus
Before the vehicle stops and we can actually get our luggage
Without flailing like a numb gnat
I say stop, stand, struggle with duffel
Got hit with my goggles
Mad at all the obstacles

If I have to guess
It's me I should blame
When I'm slipping sidelong on the sidelines of life
And not trying harder to get in the game, game, game

(Chorus x2)

I wish I had a scholarship
Thus far, they gave me this grant
And everywhere I go, I find the tab's still Dad's
But when I'm in class I make the room laugh
I make the professor hate me, but friends that do last
And I have work too, a balancing act

And wanna know what's the real crap?
I'm not into what I'm studying, as a matter of fact
I heard that art school's tight so why do I feel dragged out
When I'm there I couldn't feel inspiration if it was Jell-O
Well so many people think it's cool to toke every Monday
I'm gonna have to pick up my supplies and go
On the way home I take the Green Line
Get off at Park Street and tell my homie goodbye

'Cause it's hard to make time
When you're paying off your loans and these cool kids are walking in buying
He looks like a rich guy
She looks nothing like I
I have to say, why why why

(Chorus x4)

I wish I was a little bit smarter, y'all
Wish I had a dollar

I wish I was a little bit smarter, y'all
Wish I had a dollar

(whispered)
I wish

I wish

I wish

I wish

I shall comment tomorrow cause I am sleepy.

Hi there!
Wow, I just listened to the original songs, and your parody fits PERFECTLY!
Congrats on doing that! My favorite line in the orig I Wish song was "She looks fly, she looks fly
Makes me say my, my, my" and I loved how you parodied that DDD
Maybe you can sing it or get someone to sing it for you and upload it somewhere, maybe YouTube! I'm sure I'd want to listen to it, you know.
Thanks for sharing this, keep on writing songs like that!
Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers,
Alpha

Rap, neat! We don't see that often here and I'm perhaps not the best person to review - I can't rap to save my life - but I can give you some comments on your rhythm and rhymes at least. And your context of course!

Specifics

1. Harvard is so out of the rhyme seriously! I'm not sure what else you could use though. Maybe 'I wish I got a college education like my father' would work?

2. Your last line of the chorus needs internal rhymes! That's the only thing that makes the original one work - it has to still hit the beats, despite being longer. Like he uses the 'rabbit; hat; bat' to keep it going. You need something like 'Wish I passed the Sat with a fat wad o' that but it take brains to wanna be a National scholar'

3. The first verse could do with some more solid rhymes so maybe take another look there.

4. Second verse works better, though your content isn't quite so strong. You need to try and strike a ballance I think.

5.

If I have to guess
It's me I should blame
When I'm slipping sidelong on the sidelines of life
And not trying harder to get in the game, game, game

One of my favourite parts. It's simple, smooth and everything that rap should be.

Overall

A good effort at a parody! It was fun to read and while I might have been nit-picky above, I enjoyed it to be honest. You should try writing one of your own next and see how that goes. I do think you need to work with rhythm and rhyme some more though. Sometimes you're trying to fit too many words into too few beats when it would be easier to just add on an extra set of beats. Like the way rap works is it's in sections and as long as you have a rhyme every so many even beats (or even out by a beat if you're real good) then it works.

On content, I think this was good but obviously over-done. You get that with parodies of course so I won't say much else except that if you try writing your own, look for something other than the whole money/ education issues that rappers always pick on.

Well drop me a pm if you've got any questions and hopefully I've helped out a little here,

Heather xxx