Young Writers Society

Electric blue motorbike

Verse 1
Let’s go for a couple of rounds
Exceed limits, out of bounds
Explore a place we’ve never been to
And I’ll be holding onto you

Verse 2
Let’s escape into the unknown
Find a land to call our own
And as the wind caresses our faces
I can but dream of such wonderful places

Chorus
Take take take me for a ride
Let’s run away, anywhere and hide
Take take take me wherever you like
On your electric blue motorbike
Show show show me what I’ve never seen
I’m excited as I’ve never been
Show show show me the town and world alike
On your electric blue motorbike

Verse 3
As we speed past the many trees
And ride through the summer breeze
I whisper warmly in your ear
How much I love you, my rider dear.

Verse 4
When we’ve left the town behind
And its noisy humankind
We know that we’re finally free
To love each other, you and me

Chorus x2

Verse 5
I turn my gaze away from you
As you scrub at that electric blue
Even that soapy water on the ground
Can flow away, escape with no sound

Verse 6
But I remain perched by my window
My eyes admiring you, below
Never will you notice that girl
In love and dreaming to see the world

Bridge/Chorus
So
Take take take a look at me
And
Show show show me what I’ll never see
If not
With you
Take take take me where you like
On your electric
Blue
Motorbike (x 3)
Your electric blue motorbike
Take me wherever you like
On your electric blue motorbike.

End

Wow, just wrote you a review. Stupid YWS just submitted it halfway through then deleted it and now I'm left with nothing. This is kind of good. The sort of lyrics I would expect from some of my favourite bands. Well done. I might come back and be a little more thorough, but I can't be bothered going through it all again right now I'm afraid. Well done anyway!

You are an absolutely amazing writer. This song flows so naturally, its words lingering on my tongue. Well, now I'm off to read the rest of your submissions! Great Job

Hi, Mikko!

I really enjoyed this! It was cute and certainly fun to read. I can only imagine how it would sound put to music! It's a cute little song that I enjoyed. The rhythm was off in some places, but overall, I liked this!

Verse 1

Let’s go for a couple of rounds
Exceed limits, out of bounds
Explore a place we’ve never been to
And I’ll be holding onto you

I thought verse 2 far out-shone verse 1 here. With verse 1, I think the fourth line ended the verse too abruptly lykwoah. Well... hm. The verse was discussing the idea of biking, but then you get the fourth line talking about the speaker. That threw me for a aw-man moment, a bit disappointed. I'd rather see that line tie in more with the third. Verse 2 was awesome though. 8D

Chorus
Take take take me for a ride
Let’s run away, anywhere and hide
Take take take me wherever you like
On your electric blue motorbike
Show show show me what I’ve never seen
I’m excited as I’ve never been
Show show show me the town and world alike
On your electric blue motorbike

I think the second half of this chorus felt a bit weak. It started it off so awesome, and that fourth (and eighth) line that tied in with the title? Goosebumps, man. Goosebumps. But the rhythm felt off in the second half and it didn't quite live up to the first half as I'd have liked it to. Something to look into anyway if I haven't confused you too much. xD

Verse 3
As we speed past the many trees
And ride through the summer breeze
I whisper warmly in your ear
How much I love you, my rider dear.

I don't think whispering can be heard when driving on a motorbike. xD But it's lovely imagery nonetheless.

Verse 5
I turn my gaze away from you
As you scrub at that electric blue
Even that soapy water on the ground
Can flow away, escape with no sound

Verse 6
But I remain perched by my window
My eyes admiring you, below
Never will you notice that girl
In love and dreaming to see the world

Now this threw me for a loop. I can't tell if we went, like, back in time? Why wouldn't the guy notice her on the windowsill besides the fact he's not a creeper. xD Anyone can notice a person on the windowsill, so this felt like one of those deals where the two haven't even met yet and she's just watching him. It also was a sharp turn from all the travelling and dreaming of travels that went on before. By itself though, these two verses are extremely cute. I just don't think they're tied in as well as they could be!

Besides those few moments though, I think this is fantastic and certainly going somewhere. Maybe a couple tweaks, and I think it would be perfect. 8D

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!