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Young Writers Society


The House of Broken Dreams



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355 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2099
Reviews: 355
Sun Sep 04, 2011 5:54 pm
LadySpark says...



People have tried to help me edit, but I really love the way it is now. So, I KNOW that it is basically repeating the same thing over and over again. DON'T YOU DARE start going on about it. I'm asking for content. I am working on editing. I am.
_-_-_-
Verse 1:
Look around here,
This was a place of rest.
This was where we sat,
all those nights,
Counting stars.
We were high kings,
and the low maidens.
We knew,
Where we were going.

And now look around,
This place is destroyed,
all those childish dreams,
left at the door.

Chorus:
We don't need to look now.
We don't need to see now.
We don't need to see the broken dreams,
scattered around the floor.
We don't need to wonder,
what went wrong,
we don't need to dream,
Cause look at this place,
the house of broken dreams,
in shambles.
Waiting for another,
to save it from its demise.
We can't save it.
We don't have the light,
It's gone.
Just gone,
from our eyes.

Verse 2:
We sometimes go back,
We don't why,
We sometimes wonder,
why we left.
It's not hard, to figure out.
We grew up,
figured out what this world is all about.
The place where we sat,
all those sleepless nights,
finding solice in those pinpricks of light.

Chorus:
We don't need to look now.
We don't need to see now.
We don't need to see the broken dreams,
scattered around the floor.
We don't need to wonder,
what went wrong,
we don't need to dream,
Cause look at this place,
the house of broken dreams,
in shambles.
Waiting for another,
to save it from its demise.
We can't save it.
We don't have the light,
It's gone.
Just gone,
from our eyes.

Verse 3:
We try to see,
What we did, when our minds were so sweet.
We look around,
at this dark room.
Wandering where,
those fairy lights sparkled.
We can't seem, to remember,
Why we came back,
From before.
When the light shone so clearly.

Chorus:
We don't need to look now.
We don't need to see now.
We don't need to see the broken dreams,
scattered around the floor.
We don't need to wonder,
what went wrong,
we don't need to dream,
Cause look at this place,
the house of broken dreams,
in shambles.
Waiting for another,
to save it from its demise.
We can't save it.
We don't have the light,
It's gone.
Just gone,
from our eyes.

Bridge:
Take us back
Please take us back!
I need those lights,
to soothe these open wounds.
Please show us those stars,
The ones we saw,
on those sleepless nights,
when we had it all.

Chorus:
We don't need to look now.
We don't need to see now.
We don't need to see the broken dreams,
scattered around the floor.
We don't need to wonder,
what went wrong,
we don't need to dream,
Cause look at this place,
the house of broken dreams,
in shambles.
Waiting for another,
to save it from its demise.
We can't save it.
We don't have the light,
It's gone.
Just gone,
from our eyes.

Ending:
Just lead us, back.
So we can repair,
this house of broken dreams.
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  





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152 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2634
Reviews: 152
Sun Sep 04, 2011 6:33 pm
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Mikko says...



Spaaaaaaark! This is a beautiful song and it's touching because sometimes I wish I could go back to those times too. I especially love verse 3 and I can shamelessly say that I have those fairy lights hanging in my room just like when I was small.

Anyway,
People have tried to help me edit, but I really love the way it is now. So, I KNOW that it is basically repeating the same thing over and over again. DON'T YOU DARE start going on about it. I'm asking for content. I am working on editing. I am.
I actually found this brilliant. Song-writing doesn't always need critiques. And I believe that if the writer likes his/her work, no changes need to be made. It's just another form of freedom of expression.

I don't see any changes you have to make because even if it may seem a bit repetitive, remember that repetition makes things more powerful than if they were to be said only once. Does that make sense?

I would love to hear you singing this with the music and everything, Anna.

Keep up the good work,

Marco (I got it right this time hahaha!)
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams
  





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50 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1856
Reviews: 50
Mon Sep 05, 2011 8:43 am
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Chelsea4827 says...



Hello DramaLlama!
I really like this, I found myself trying to hum the words in my head but I kind of fail! Aha. It is very well written and it also flows well in most places :)
I’m not much of song writer, so I can’t really say anything to improve it. I don’t want to comment on it being a little bit repetitive because I don’t want you to eat me :? !

Anyways, sorry I didn’t help much!
Chelsea
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. -- Blaise Pascal
  





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102 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1260
Reviews: 102
Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:53 am
LiesOnLies says...



This sounds like a song about divorce and well it was an okay song. You had some good imagery in it and the overall theme was very well written. However, my review of it is lame..lol
  








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