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Young Writers Society


I'm gonna be alright



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152 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2634
Reviews: 152
Fri Sep 02, 2011 10:19 pm
Mikko says...



Oh my gosh, Mikko! What's it with you and song-writing these days? Oh well.
Shut up and let them enjoy the music, well the words...whatever. Yeah. Enjoy!

I’m gonna be alright

Verse 1
Two weeks,
That’s all it took
For you to start a new story,
A whole other book
Two weeks,
And without looking back
You turned the page.
What is it that I lack?

Bridge
As much as it breaks my heart
To watch you two together,
I’ve gotta realize that there’s nothing I can do
As much as it breaks my heart
To think that could’ve been me
I’ve gotta realize that there’s better than you

Chorus
So I turn my heels
and I walk away
Don’t hold me back,
I don’t wanna stay.
Just let me go
‘Cause I know
I’m gonna be alright.

Verse 2
Why the excuses?
You’re not sincere,
Let me get away,
Far away from here.
You’re only a player
And I hate this game
I wasn’t thinking
So it’s myself I blame

Chorusx2
So I turn my heels
and I walk away
Don’t hold me back,
I don’t wanna stay.
Just let me go
‘Cause I know
I’m gonna be alright.

Bridge
As much as it breaks my heart
To watch you two together,
I’ve gotta realize that there’s nothing I can do
As much as it breaks my heart
To think that could’ve been me
I’ve gotta realize that there’s better than you

Chorus
So I turn my heels
and I walk away
Don’t hold me back,
I don’t wanna stay.
Just let me go
‘Cause I know
I’m gonna be alright.


I’m not into vengeance,
I’ll just leave you there
Do what you want to,
It’s your life, baby,
‘Cause I know, I know
I’m gonna be… ALRIGHT!

~End~
Last edited by Mikko on Tue Sep 27, 2011 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams
  





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165 Reviews



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Reviews: 165
Sat Sep 03, 2011 2:36 am
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Sassykat says...



This was one of those songs where I could imagine the actual music because the words had that perfect rhythm and beat that flowed perfectly, just like...well, just like music. :D Excellent job!
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.
  





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Sun Sep 04, 2011 2:21 pm
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Arisu2533 says...



Wow I actually saw this playing in my mind!

i love this sentence

I'm gonna be.... ALRIGHT

it was....a sudden burst of cofidence!!

It was amazing!

No better......

Miraculous!!!!

yeah, well hope to see more from you!
" The little girl ran into the angel’s arms and into heaven, while I flew to hell."-by EvensLily
a spactacular YWS writer!
  





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Reviews: 117
Sun Sep 25, 2011 2:01 pm
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TwistedMuffins says...



Heya Mikko! Song-writing eh? Hm, not exactly my area, but I shall try and give my best.

Nitpick: Now, what I saw missing was the lack of fullstops when there should have been a few here and there. Red marks where they should be. ANd they rest in blue!
Mikko wrote:I’m gonna be alright

Verse 1
Two weeks,
That’s all it took
For you to start a new story,
A whole other book.
Two weeks,
And without looking back
You moved on.
What is it that I lack?

Bridge
As much as it breaks my heart
To watch you two together,
I’ve gotta realize that there’s nothing I can do.
As much as it breaks my heart
To think that could’ve been me,
I’ve gotta realize that there’s better than you.

Chorus
So I turn my heels
and I walk away.
Don’t hold me back,
I don’t wanna stay.
Just let me go
‘Cause I know
I’m gonna be alright.

^ Me lovvvee ^^

Verse 2
Why the excuses?
You’re not sincere,
Let me get away,
Far away from here.
You’re only a player
And I hate this game
I think a "Since" should be added here :3I wasn’t thinking
So it’s myself I blame

Chorusx2
So I turn my heels
and I walk away
Don’t hold me back,
I don’t wanna stay.
Just let me go
‘Cause I know
I’m gonna be alright.

Bridge
As much as it breaks my heart
To watch you two together,
I’ve gotta realize that there’s nothing I can do.
As much as it breaks my heart
To think that could’ve been me
I’ve gotta realize that there’s better than you.

Chorus
So I turn my heels
and I walk away.
Don’t hold me back,
I don’t wanna stay.
Just let me go
‘Cause I know
I’m gonna be alright.

I’m not into vengeance,
I’ll just leave you there.
Do what you want to,
It’s your life, baby,
‘Cause I know, I know
I’m gonna be… ALRIGHT!

~End~


Woohoo! This song was really good! I'm not sure what it is though, but the beginning was kind of a drag. But- later it became better and better, and then the ending rocked.

Also, I repeat this; This isn't my area of expertise. So, if I have made a complete idiot of myself, please tell me so. xD

-TMuffs.
If I were to have a super power, it would be to time-travel, so that I could turn back time, and erase your very existence.
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:31 pm
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JabberHut says...



Hi, Mikko! 8D I'm baaack! <3

Verse 1
Two weeks,
That’s all it took
For you to start a new story,
A whole other book
Two weeks,
And without looking back
You moved on.

What is it that I lack?


So this is something I don't usually do, but I have a suggestion for the bolded part. Because the verse started with an awesome book metaphor, I thought it would be neat for you to continue that with the verse by replacing the bolded part with something more... bookly. 8D Like "and without looking back, you turned the page" or "and without finishing it, you picked up another." Something booky. I think you could probably think of something better, but food for thought!

Chorus
So I turn my heels
and I walk away
Don’t hold me back,
I don’t wanna stay.
Just let me go
‘Cause I know
I’m gonna be alright.


Something about those last three lines haven't been rolling off my tongue just right. I'm not sure it flows well with the rest of the chorus. I do like the last line and how that completes the chorus. It's quite dramatic, and I love it. So I think it's the previous two that don't flow right either rhythmically or poetically. Something to look into.

I’m not into vengeance,
I’ll just leave you there
Do what you want to,
It’s your life, baby,
‘Cause I know, I know
I’m gonna be… ALRIGHT!


I feel like the last two lines, once again, don't end the song right. XD I think maybe it's this verse? Now, the idea behind it is amazing. Like... I love where it was going. Then the last two lines seemed to turn it off again. xD I do'nt know. Maybe some rephrasing or restructure? I don't think those last two flow right with the previous lines of the verse.

That's all I had though, and my thoughts are probably meaningless. This song was very well done! <3

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!
I make my own policies.
  





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Reviews: 102
Sat Oct 01, 2011 11:32 pm
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LiesOnLies says...



This was a pretty decent song. However, I didn't like the "Turn my heels" part in the chorus. It just sounds really odd for a guy to say. I actually thought you were a girl until I actually checked and realized you weren't. When I read "turn my heels" it just popped in my mind of someone wearing high heels. I'm pretty sure I am the only one who has a minor problem with it though...lol.

Keep up the good work.
  





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Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:00 pm
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PixieStix says...



i love your story, i know how you feel :) sam ething happening to me. My ex... and me!!!! Now i HATE him 4eva!!!!!:)
and he knows what i can dooo..... :wink:

//////....===

Im pretty popular myself and i deserve better, and i bet you do too! :) :wink:
All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie-dust!
  








It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
— Voltaire