Young Writers Society

Verse 1:
I never thought I'd be materialistic
but all that's left of you is things.
How many times have I looked down at your picture,
needing the comfort that it brings?
I never thought I'd be attached to little pieces,
hold them in my hands and cry.
Tears run down my face as my numb lips form the words
echoing your last goodbye.

Chorus:
And how do you expect me to live in this world without you?
How do you expect me to go on with my life?
When you didn't respect yours enough to live it
cut away your sorrows with your dad's kitchen knife.

Verse 2:
I never thought that I'd get stuck in what had happened
but all I care about's the past.
When I wake I wish I'd dreamt a little longer-
wish the dreams of you could last.
I never thought that there could be no future
that I'd have nowhere left to go.
And now I stare at dusty photographs
and wish I didn't have to know.

Chorus:
And how do you expect me to live in this world without you?
How do you expect me to go on with my life?
When you didn't respect yours enough to live it
cut away your sorrows with your dad's kitchen knife.

Bridge:
I'm sick of doctors telling me to get away from memories,
sick of telling strangers every single thing I feel.
Sick of being told that I'm materialistic,
For trying to steal all of the memories that I can steal,

back,

Chorus:
And how do you expect me to live in this world without you?
How do you expect me to go on with my life?
When you didn't respect yours enough to live it
cut away your sorrows with your dad's kitchen knife.

Oh....I'd never thought I'd be materialistic...mmn......

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I never thought I'd be materialistic
but all that's left of you is things.
How many times have I looked down at your picture,
needing the comfort that it brings?
I never thought I'd be attached to little pieces,
hold them in my hands and cry.
Tears run down my face as my numb lips form the words
echoing your last goodbye.

A sad message, a sad feeling, like losing someone.. Its so real, really hard to get over it.. like a nightmare you've been wanting to end.

I could feel your thoughts and feelings through this stanza..

Wow I have to admit the lyrics are very good not only does it sound great if you tried to sing it because it rhymes, but also because it is touching and sad. However it is a little too depressing when you say:
"And how do you expect me to live in this world without you?
How do you expect me to go on with my life?
When you didn't respect yours enough to live it
cut away your sorrows with your dad's kitchen knife."
However in a way it is a tiny bit funny when saying that your materialistic buy trying to get happiness out of and object when that is in a literal way materialistic but in not literal ways it makes a lot of sense or something like that sorry if that came out wrong i'm horrible at explaining things without sounding like an idiot

Wow I have to admit the lyrics are very good not only does it sound great if you tried to sing it because it rhymes, but also because it is touching and sad. However it is a little too depressing when you say:
"And how do you expect me to live in this world without you?
How do you expect me to go on with my life?
When you didn't respect yours enough to live it
cut away your sorrows with your dad's kitchen knife."
However in a way it is a tiny bit funny when saying that your materialistic buy trying to get happiness out of and object when that is in a literal way materialistic but in not literal ways it makes a lot of sense or something like that sorry if that came out wrong i'm horrible at explaining things without sounding like an idiot

Hello again, Sare!

So I most certainly and indefinitely loved this piece. I thought it provided a very new concept. Seriously! I was eating my hamburger while reading this, and just the first stanza made me go, "Huh. That's interesting. Never thought of it like that!" This is a very good thing. Very, very good thing. xD Bravo!

Chorus:
And how do you expect me to live in this world without you?
How do you expect me to go on with my life?
When you didn't respect yours enough to live it
cut away your sorrows with your dad's kitchen knife.

The last two lines confused me grammatically, and the simplest fix is probably shoving an "and" before the last line, if the rhythm of the music allows it. If you just read it out loud though, it doesn't quite make sense. Give it a go! You'll probably see what I mean. This chorus is excellent anyhow and certainly provides an answer to the story of the song. Seriously, I didn't quite get it entirely until after the bridge, but that's a really good thing. I love it when I need to hear the whole song to understand it, when bits and pieces of the answer are found all over the song.

Bridge:
I'm sick of doctors telling me to get away from memories,
sick of telling strangers every single thing I feel.
Sick of being told that I'm materialistic,
For trying to steal all of the memories that I can steal,

This I didn't quite like so much. It sounded a little too whiny in comparison with the rest of the song. The speaker complains about the doctor, talking to more strangers, being reprimanded for feeling this way -- it made my brain go, "Yeah, I know this stuff. Get to the point already!" If there's an alternative idea for your bridge, like -- well, I didn't really study how you wrote the verses to help with that. xD I just know those verses were incredibly *awesome*, and I think you could find another bridge to replace this one here. Definitely mention the materialistic bit though. Ties in well with the title and first stanza.

So overall, I enjoyed this immensely! I didn't have much to pick at -- just the chorus and the bridge. I think this is better than the previous song I've read by you. Well, definitely better by far. I loved this. Great job!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!