Young Writers Society

I wrote this many years ago, and my song writing has improved since then. I realize there's a lot of spots that sound weird, and those were all courtesy of a younger me. This was the height of my song writing skills when I was younger and now it's not horrible but it's not good either. I figured I should post it since review day is coming up and I haven't posted anything in a while. Just please be nice:)

Here's the album art I made for it. I got the picture from Google and I edited it and added the words, so it's was only half made by me. The picture itself belongs Google. And I crossed out my name because I didn't want anyone to know it:)



And here's the song:

I remember the day we met
It had to be fate that we sat next to each other
Nothing special, but I'll always remember it
First sentence amazement
Greatness, skipping across the pavement
Not everything is love at first sight
But over time you just might, realize

Take me back to the time when we talked everyday
You always had your way
Of making me smile
My friends would tease
And you would just say, “Someday”
Take me back to the time I never wanted to leave
Being thrown by a hundred thousand bees
Would be better than losing you
Take me back to when everything was great
Easy as cake
Take me back, to when it was perfect

We became friends almost instantly
One of the fastest ever
Have you ever heard me say, “Please please?”
We would talk and talk all day
Never ending greatness
So I must say
There was another boy
But he would never compare to you
You always gave me the most joy
Talking, laughing, teasing, reading, joy
Oh I remember it all
Why did you have to make me fall?

Chorus

What happened between us is all just a memory
Fallen tears
No room for cheers
Let the river of my tears flow forever and ever
When you decided to hardly talk to me anymore
You were in love with this other girl
And I'll I did was get in the way
Oh, so to say
You broke my heart

Chorus

It's a while later and things are starting to change
I'm finding new ways
To numb the pain
New boys, a new life
I know I have more greatness
And I can easily leave you behind
Oh I shall find a new way
But sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just before I retire my head
I think to myself

Chorus

This is really good. I didn't find anything particularly wrong with it. Nice job =]

Helloo fellow greener stargazer!! *does the secret green handshake* XD
I will try to give you good review on this, but please forgive me if this is not helpful at all =)
I want to start off with saying that I like this song. It's always sad when people break up because they've found someone else and you have really captured those feelings in this song.
And here are the little nitpicks:

Have you ever heard me say, “Please please?”

The end of this sentence just doesn't really work for me. Maybe change it a little? =)

You always gave me the most joy
Talking, laughing, teasing, reading, joy

Maybe take one 'joy' out, because it sounds kind of too repetitive. But maybe that's just me

And I'll I did was get in the way

I think I'll should be all

But other than that this is a really nice song and I really enjoyed reading this! I hoped this helped a little
Owh btw: I really like the cover for it! Nice work!
Keep writing!
-qaralynn-

This was really something I'm gald I cane across it. Kepp it up this was a really nice piece.

Hi
Can I just say I know exactly how you feel reading back on old lyrics... haha sometimes I cringe at my own. But I think this is really good You said some parts were weird, well the only part I found weird was the bees part- it was so random!
I think, yeah, there's a certain immaturity to it all but the whole song overall is good and there's great parts which I'm sure you will have taken with you to your older self writing, almost by a process of natural selection. It has a really good feeling/emotion/theme/what ever you want to call it behind it and the chorus is also really good. Well done Oh and if I were you I would change the bees part and the cake part, but then again you might want to leave it in there as a bit of a memory. Good job, - Rachel

you're really good