Young Writers Society

These are some lyrics I wrote a while ago... whilst one of my friends was having bad time with these kind of issues.

please comment with respect, x

first one (: (by the way, neither of these have titles yet, so if you have any suggestions?)

Where I go now nobody minds
My broken heart and bloodshot eyes
My laugh has shattered, my soul has gone
There is no cure now, it’s been too long

What’s the point? My life’s a mess
I look so scared in my tattered dress
My reflection in a dusty mirror
I close my eyes, come no nearer

Black shadows flicker on the wall
Rats run across the dirty floor
I shake in a corner, I’m going mad
When I think of the life I haven’t had

My hands shaking, I write the letter…
Hoping to make them all feel better…
The wooden stall and tight frayed rope….
Then death and I… slowly elope



And now the second one! (ooh, this is sung with a girl singing the main parts, and possible the stuff in brackets by a guy?


Cold dark places nowhere to go
You can’t chase me I’m all on my own
Running from you (running from love)
Running from me (running from blood

Can’t make me come back
But I need you to attack
One more night (one more fight)
One more fight (There is no light

Now I’m running. I’m running away
Can’t stop myself falling(please save me the pain)
I’m trying so hard, I try not to fade
Please save me(save me) from the pain


hmm..

Did you write these yourself? They're amazing. . .
The depth of feeling. . . wow. . . if the words are this beautiful then imagine if they were sung. Do you play an instrument? What I mean is; have you ever played music to this? It would be really good.
Keep up the awesome work.

These were really well written and had powerful emotions behind them that came through beautifully.

Just a point, if you broke them up with spaces it would make it easier to read instead of having a mass of writings. That's the only thing negative I have to say, otherwise these are absolutely amazing.

One last note the use of rhyme was very well done, not something that everyone can pull off.

thanks!

Yeah I play sax and a bit of guitar, but i'm not really good enough to back songs on guitar..

It does appear broken up on my computer? :/ not sure what that is, I'll see what I can do (:

thanks for feedback!

Ok so i think i edited the first one aaages ago by email so thats ok.

And i love the second as well

ANd also

CALL ME when you start writing lyrics. We dont want beth becomeing a song.

Ella

x

If that means what I think it means, then you're wrong
these weren't based on me lol,
and btw, try answering your hone once in a while
and go on msn!

I do answer my phone!

(sometimes )

X

Holy crap....................This was awesome!!!!
Though this is more like a poem. But as a song I am imagining, Corey Taylor, the singer from slipknot singing this. The rhyming was great and this lyric(Or poem) where in a great rythem. I would like to ask you if you can do this alot more. It was cool!
By the way name your song: Pain

pain is a bad name no offence :L

i would do it a lot more but writing depressing music makes me depressed! heehe thanks it wasn't awesome at all but :/ x

Scared of the facts wrote:pain is a bad name no offence :L

i would do it a lot more but writing depressing music makes me depressed! heehe thanks it wasn't awesome at all but :/ x

How about 'dirty mirror' or 'running away'

ooh i like dirty mirror!!!! thanks! x

Ooooh! This is amazing! Really really really good! Yes, it is quite depressing but that's okay! I like the first one the best. It really paints a picture, a depressing sad one, but a powerful picture no less. As for the name, I like Dirty Mirrors.

time8keeper

So apparently this is already a song...