Young Writers Society

You have been warned. This is most certainly not my best work. These are all the first first FIRST drafts. Meaning they will be edited a lot next month, when NaPoWriMo is done and my muses are sleeping.

I missed the first 7 days, so I have a bit to catch up on if I can. I wrote 3 poems today, so it's a decent start. The last one ends abruptly...I might rewrite it later on, or mess with it. I love the last part of it though. My all time favorite lines of today are:

"As time wears on, the gold wears off"
...and...
"falsities and lies"

Falsities and lies will most likely become another poem later on this week.

Obviously, I'm bad with titles. The second one makes sense, but very vaguely, because I can't think of anything better right now.

April 8th

Lucky For You
Go ahead.
Apologize.
Again.
It's routine for you,
after all.
The words you speak
are empty.
Nothing but syllables
and sounds.
Yet they crush me.
Unbearably heavy
are the lies you tell.
And still, I do not leave.
Lucky for you,
...I am too caring...
...too generous...
...too forgiving and naive...
...to stay angry.
Lucky for you,
Lucky for you.
-----------------------------------------
A Gold Tongue Fades
You spin lovely
tales of gold,
embellished,
bold,
and bright.

As time wears on
the gold wears off.

As the gold flakes
And peels away,
you who claimed
eternal love,
leaves me with naught,
but rusted iron.
---------------------------------------
Another Lie
Please,
if your love is nothing
but just another lie,
then please just leave me be,
and please just let this die.
I no longer wish
to hear you voice
suger coated,
false.
Nor do I wish,
to meet your eyes,
so full of falsities,
and lies.

You have to write more! These are really, really good.
1- I loved the ending, and the metaphors, you may have written three today (which is hard for me to do) they're really good quality. I love them. No faults on this one

2-The ending is ok, but like you said, it sounds kinda unfinished. Other than that, I like it. Just work on the endin a little more.
3-The repitition of please gets a little annoying. I don't like this one as much as your other ones, but its still good.
Overall, they were great. Please post more so I can read them, 'cause they rock.
~MV

1. The flow of this poem is really nice and it has a very strong start but I actually felt that it got a little too repetetive towards the end. And the change in structure annoyed me a touch. The italicisation of 'again' works really well and the tone is great. Maybe try to strengthen your use of imagery though.

2. I love the structure of this one and that middle stanza -- or rather couplet I suppose -- is lovely. You have some pretty imagery, a nice theme and generally I liked it.

3.

to hear your voice

The irregular rhyme works well in this but the use of language is too simple and it's lacking in imagery. I think you need something to strengthen your words.