Young Writers Society

April 1stWhat if...

What if you woke up one day
and found you've sprouted spectral wings?
And in your dreams the night before,
you'd seen what lay beyond that door--
and so, heaved a chance to go explore.

What if tomorrow you find your lover?
The one who makes your heart expand--
And in that second you'll feel so elated,
that you'd let today go past, evaded.

What if after one whole lifetime,
you stop before Death to have a chat,
and gain from Him sweet Wisdom's rum?

What if in the next half hour,
you encroach upon tremendous power?

What if you gain it all? What then?

This one needs a lot of work o_o I'm going to go back to fix it at some point.


April 2nd Snaps > Whistles

At a bar she was in, with a man several yards.
His scruffy face, his bright blue eyes--
concentrating on his deck of cards.
He handled them with scrupulous care,
this creation of his, a pile of size.
The house wobbled about in despair.

He met her view--and blue met blue.
Like magnets she's repelled by his gaze
and she blushed, as he stood, walking through.
He pulls an arm closer, stroking her hair,
his breath smells drunk, yet his face still amaze--
as the evening grows late, but she's unaware.

"James" he says, thus for he's renowned,
and suddenly he goes about quite a scene...
he dog whistles her, this sharp sudden sound
and she takes offense, yells in defense,
"You testosterone freak! How you whistle so keen!
"Dare you mock at my incompetence?"

He laughs--the freak--his face understanding,
but he pokes fun at her charades.
"You cannot whistle? That's quite outstanding!
"But me, I'm like a bird. Free as one too,
I sing and I whistle to woo all the maids,
but what can you even bare to do?"

She pouts, oh how this piggish man comes
telling her how to be? Drinks swallowed too soon--
her mind now in mush, as she tells him--that old, nasty scum,
"I'm more like a rubber band, let me explain...
When worthy ones come strike me, I hum a sweetly tune."
But he laughs, that freak and he whistles again.

She glares at him now, astounded.
And pursed her own lips
Then she blew,
and she blew,
and she blew his house to strips.

And his cards flew all over, as he cried in frustration...
Lesson learned, James the whistler...
Never poke fun at a rubber band's situation,
though they might never whistle,
They tend to snap in vindication.

Normally, I don't particularly like questions in poetry, but the ones in the first poem were nice because they built off each other, and sort of made the topic their own. It sets a wonderfully dreamy mood ^_^

In Snaps > Whistles, first of all, I love the title to absolute pieces. I like all the references to the Three Little Pigs story. Happy writing for tomorrow's poem!

April 3

Wow this is bad. I'll make up for it tomorrow. I'm just drained out today.

And thank you Leja for your encouragements and comments ^_^ I'm glad you picked up on the tone, that was what I was going for =D
----------------
Never say never,
ever again. For
whatever you say,
however way,
wherever you say
about whatsoever
whenever you say
whichever you say it
to whomever...

Never mind

What I'm trying to say,
in my own special way:
You're forever
My lover
Trevor

Wow this is bad. I'll make up for it tomorrow. I'm just so drained today. How pitiful xD It's only the third. I seriously am going to end up poetry-intolerant after this month.

And thanks Lega for your encouragements ^_^ I'm glad you liked them, it took me only half an hour to write each one ;P When this is all over, I'm going to edit them all.

April 3rd Never Ever Again...[s]will I write something so horrid[/s]

Never say never,
ever again. For
whatever you say,
however way,
wherever you say
about whatsoever
whenever you say
whichever you say it
to whomever...

Never mind

What I'm trying to say,
in my own special way:
I'll love you forever,
Trevor.

My muse has returned! ^_^

April 4thLove Made

See that statue over the bank, there?
Its chiseled face carved in much despair
as its marble eyes stare across the lake.

That man was once alive, years ago...
So contented was he with life, his skin aglow.
Always he and another. His second half, other soul.

She was his soon to be wife. His reason for life.
Until that harsh day she left, of a horrible strife.
Left him standing, waiting, right at the ledge.

And time passed grating by, still he stood, awaiting.
Patiently, always waiting. Never moved, never dating.
Just waited for her by the dock, until the day she returns.

Still how he stayed in that spot; a statue made.
See how he does not but nothing all decade!
Never flinches, never says, just stands and waits.

Never fears does he? To wait and not drop a single tear...
How strong he is! Granite hard. Rooted until she appears.
What love, what passion, to refuse even death.

It's sickening. It's blood curdling. So tragic, yet admiring.
Now wait until you hear, the grand funny thing...
Just over that bank?

There she is.

Waiting for him, though. A statue like him, also.
The two waited. Neither searching. Neither know.
Now made statues by love.

Why am I so fascinated with using rock motifs, as of lately? I have no idea.

April 5th Igneous Rock

Look at this rock that lays in the sand,
so cool and untouchable--
smooth.
See how it reflects off the sun
these speckled silver gems
refined.
He is like that too
uncaring and emotionless--
impassive.
Lonely and left alone in the world
like an igneous rock
inside.
But I still hug him.
I may get cuts and bruises--
scarred.
I may get pushed aside
But I still hug him
tight.

April 6th

A circle of friends surround me,
huddled close round Winter's dusk.
No words exchanged in eerie silence,
conversations told through practiced glance.



Like family they've accepted me,
loved me dearly--kind or brusque.

April 5th;
This is cute and interesting, and flows well. No quibbles.

Jas

Why am I so fascinated with using rock motifs, as of lately? I have no idea.

Because rocks are cool? ^_^ Anyway, I like the analogy, but it's a tad one-sided. Then again, I suppose that is the nature of a rock!

Thank you all ^__^

Now this one is just laziness. x_X

April 6th Inside the Individual

Inside the eye, our identities recline
and true emotions are revealed,
window to our soul so divine.

Inside the mind is a universe of thought,
where each individual star glows alight
and space dust collects from all of that taught.

Inside the tongue, language is found…
where mind is projected with glorious sound.
Each word tells our unique tale profound.

Inside the nose each breath is formed,
life exists and scents are mixed.
There lies our temperate spirit warmed.

Inside the heart, love is expressed,
a contagious sickness we all share,
where we as human beings are blessed.

Inside the body, where these all agree—
There is only me, and you, and him, and she…
And that is all, it needs to be.

No one believes me when I say that I still have my Christmas tree up...

April 7thNever Meant to Be

You and I –we can’t go on
We’re never meant to be as one
Remember last year’s incident?
There were termites everywhere.

And before that if you recall
My skin turned blotchy red and dry
And spots appeared all over me
I swear that I’m allergic.

Yet what can I say?
You bring me joy
All the nice gifts we’ve shared.
All the memories of time gone by.

I remember when we fell that day,
You crushed my spine –and my head
But you mean well, I know you do
You’ve tickled me and made me smile.

Your beauty is a sight to behold
Your gown so colorful and elegant
Your sight brings sparkles to my eyes
Your glow inspiring, if I may say so.

But you have to get out of here
I remembered when I had to haul you in…
Yet now you choose to stay put
Just let it go, live on with your life.

Christmas is over, get out of my sight.
Its April now, and you’re still here.
Don’t you see you stupid tree,
We were never meant to be!

April 1: I think there's some nice imagery here but some of the lines are a little rough and the rhyming soudns forced. Here's a few suggestions -

What if you woke up one day
and found you've sprouted spectral wings? [This would have to be 'you'd' or 'you had' otherwise you would be changing tenses and I'd suggest re-phrasing a little. Perhaps: 'to find you'd sprouted spectral wings?']
And in your dreams the night before,
you'd seen what lay beyond that door--
and so, heaved a chance to go explore. [I'd make these last lines more descriptive and meaningful. If need be, sacrifice the rhyme for it.]

What if after one whole lifetime, [This feels awkward. In fact, this stanza in general is a little out...]
you stop before Death to have a chat,
and gain from Him sweet Wisdom's rum?

_________________
I think this poem has too many questions and not enough answers. I think you at least need to hint that the power would not fulfill all of a person's desires and maybe even the uselessness of hoping for such things.

April 2: I think the structure of this is generally good and the title is awesome, as is the reiteration of the little pigs story but it's a little rough in places. My main suggestion is for you to read through and fix the tense changes - try to be consistent, either write in present or past but not both. You've got some good imagery, good symbology and a rather nice, playful tone.

April 3: Yeah... I really didn't like this one. There's a touch of wit but it's not my sort of thing.

April 4: This one's good. I particularly like the twist at the end though you don't have to be so obvious about pointing it out and in this one, the rhyme and rhythm are used effectively.

April 5: You have some nice imagery and description in this one and the theme is cute.

April 6: The theme is nice but I think you had to twist your words too much to fit the rhyme. I'd love to see you write something in free verse. It gives you more room to be both dramatic and poetic.

April 7: This one is cute and quite amusing. I particularly liked the second stanza and the relevation at the end that it was your christmas tree was nice (I did guess while reading it but only because of your previous comment which would be better moved to the end) and it was generally a pretty good poem.