Young Writers Society

It's not bad, and I won't really critique it as...I know the things I've written for this thing lol. It's very narrative & prose, though...more prose than poetry, if that makes sense?

I like where it's going though! A bit more would be favorable, like why is this person with the mint special? etc.

Good luck tomorrow!

April 6

John never stole a pie from a windowsill.
Not because he wouldn’t think to do it--
he had simply never seen such a pie.
And if the opportunity ever came,
and he’d smelled the sweetness of
the sugar, the tartness of the apple,
surely, he would have taken that pie,
and never,
never would he have been sorry.

Thanks Via. I tend to have prosy poems more often than not. I'm not a huge fan of making poems so complicated that they're not understandable. I used to do that and found out that a lot of people like the simple stuff better.

April 7

I have enough time
For one stanza only,
So thus may it look
To be a bit lonely.

It's cute and flows well (short and sweet, right?), but I'd tweak the third line so tit reads;
"So thus it may seem"
which I think sounds more natural.

Jas

April 3: I loved the ambiguity of whether the old man of the dock was who you was describing. It worked really well and I think you used some good imagery. The subject matter wasn't particularly strong but it flowed well and in general, it was good.

April 4: I like the vague touch to this one and the lack of identity for the carcass but I think your language could have been stronger and more dramatic.

April 5:

you’d collect it in [s]a[/s] your purse.

I wasn't as fond of this one. The flow is alright and the atmosphere is quite nice but it's a little too simple for me.

April 6: I like this one. I'd love there to be more description of the pie before you get to the relevation that it isn't there but it's good.

April 7: Haha. I can't really comment but it's cute.