Young Writers Society

April 2: It's nice. I think the 'between the stars' was unoriginal and in general the language could have been stronger but for an 'I can't write' sort of poem, it was good.

April 3: The imagery is beautiful and for such a short poem, it's very deep. The dark touch to it is great and the flow is lovely.

April 4: I'm not sure what it is about this one but I couldn't really find any strong point to it. It flowed wonderfully but I think the content and imagery could have been better.

April 5: I like the style of this one and how it reflects the content. It's lovely. I think you could have implied an answer to the question but it's not necessarily and it's a well-thought out poem.

April 6: I think you should have expanded the idea further. It isn't very poetic but I'd love to read more so I could follow your line of thinking more easily.

Here's the deal, yo: I've lost some of the poems since last time (which I can't believe, given that they were written in bright blue hilighter XD), and others are complete gibberish either because (a) they were written at 2:00 am (b) they were written on the bus (c) it's NaPoWriMo. Sometimes all three And then I just didn't write for a "few" days. The following is what's left



10 April 2008

King's dominion
of place by place
inquiries

abated days of
banquets

serve only to
give into the
hopeless idea that
every time they
walk through the door,
they still don't use the
silverware.


11 April 2008

In Paris you can see the lights
gleaming from every rooftop
in every window wherever the gold
has passed through. He should know:
let yourself see them.


26 April 2008

If I had a book for
every time I attempted
community service, there
wouldn't be any bound volumes
left in the library
because each and every one
would reside in my house.

27 April 2008

Hairpins are useful little things
which stick in the ground every
which way, propping some
great gas of light that spirals
every which way within

their confines. Thank the little
hairpin that repels particle photons
one by one to spin them together
so that with one smooth scoop
it's a little darker here and
a little brighter the world over

because of all these hairpins
that collect specks of light
and whirl them together the
world over.


28 April 2008: The Swiss Alps (a riddle)

If you
were to step
squash squander
a sinkhole in the
middle of Indiana,
does that mean
that the Swiss Alps would
grow taller
even if just by a little?

And if I were to stand
atop
and shout "who am I?"
with my right mouth,
could I eat my own words
with the wrong one?

I'll leech the very marrow
of the mountain; yes, I, sir,
and I'll lease a slice to
everyone except that sinkhole
back in Indiana.




*goes hunting for the lost poems*