Young Writers Society

This NaPo thread is filled with powerful imagery and description that provokes memories and familiar images. The line "my skull is an echo chamber shrouded in black veils" alone is the epitome of how poetry communicates. My favorite poem so far is poem 3. It's thought-provoking and well-written, and a thought that will certainly stay with me over the next few days.

sabotage

i.

her sobbing sigh is no more than a breath of stale air
as she counts seventeen phantoms in the one
that hurts the most,
the ones who smiled with snakes for teeth
tongue slithering
wetly.

ii.

Look
Up!
the clouds are a bulbous blue
sifting like mother-of-pearl through fingers
stretched out longways
& lengthways
& everyways
collecting humans
like humans collect bullets in the essential organs
of their kin, and often
themselves.

iii.

she forgets to count Number Zero
the original asshole who spoonfed anxiety
on a fork.
like kerosene, she instigated the fire
and left bones plump
with soot & sadness.

iv.

Pro tip:
Don't shoot yourself in the foot;
the brain might be better.

@bluewaterlily @Tuckster @nollibee your encouragement is so appreciated. I've been struggling to write anything I'm proud of for NaPo since I'm feeling generally blah with everything going on in the outside world. Love you all <3

I'm in awe of some of these image pairings Lavvie - they're so unexpected and dramatic, that they really stick. There are themes of just kind of a real grit and violence to life, bodily vulnerability, but also mixed with a very ordinariness (especially coming up in the food themes).

This image I found particularly haunting,

"& I am a tourniquet squeezing
the bleached cloth in my hands
until the water runs red because I am pinching
at strings"

Gosh this really communicates the severity of a difficult choice.

These lines also really grabbed me:

collecting humans
like humans collect bullets in the essential organs
of their kin

So heart-aching, and again really unexpected progression.

And it looks like you're right on track! Keep it up, you've got this! <3 I'm sincerely looking forward to reading more.