Most of my classmates live on their own Yearning for freedom from their parents
They wouldn't revel my position Even those who used to be my friends Not for sickness, not for years of fear
Years of hairpins Expecting her to fall or not wake up And now, we write together, an epic Raise our souls to artistic Satisfaction. Five books up, double that in words to go.
I think the first stanza is super relatable, Aley! Or, I think a lot of people probably can relate to those classmates. When you're at the age of... I don't know, 17 - 25 you're probably reallyyyyy wanting your own space, where no one can boss you around. XP But when I read it, it kinda seemed like the person commenting on the classmates that did that, it almost made me think that the person talking wanted to do that, but couldn't for some reason. Or, that the person talking loved living with their parents and didn't understand why someone would want to move away so soon. It's interesting, in any case! c:
I didn't really feel like each stanza was connected in any way, which- maybe I just like a more obvious theme poetry- or maybe I just didn't connect the same things that you're connecting. I mean the first lines of each, do have a pretty good feeling of transition into the next- so there is that sort of connection. But then the meat of each stanza doesn't really seem to be talking about the same things? Maybe that's just me though!
I'm looking forward to reading more in any case! C:
Aley curious _____ private _____ messy _____ isolated Sister of ______ The Master of Her Domain, __ Hugo Wrangler, __ Hard Worker, __ Determinedly
Lover of ______ Shuichi and his hidden lives,__ the dragon,__ and her Ludicolo
Who feels nervous about ______ the future, __about dreams and life, supported through thin and thick blood,__ and mellow most of the time
Who fears ______ the sunlight is a demon dancing in her eyes,__ driving is a beast left untamed to the wilds,__ and failure of that last small leap before touching the ground at last
Who would like to see ______ how global warming changes life for real, and the best place to watch a crashing world, __ or maybe just some path to the end of her own
Wow! Aley I have to admit, I went into this poem thinking I wasn't going to be a fan of the sort of chaotic layout- but I really like it! At first it was hard to follow, because I'd lose my place. But I loved how the beginning was sort of talking about more generic words, and then went into these really interesting images and what-not! C: My favourite line by far is:
OHhh are you doing different structures for each day in alphabetical order? I'm excited for that, if that's the case.
I think you elevated the bio structure poem - a lot of people learn those in grade-school, so it's a bit hard to not make them sound kind of juvenile, or just braggadocious, but you managed to make the poem hit these different avenues of personality that were really interesting - I'm also a fan of the "demons dancing" line, as well as "and the best place to watch a crashing world" - the ending lines feel like they dig deeper into some of the adjectives from the beginning and force the reader to go back and see if there's some continuity or added explanation.
Looking forward to reading your NaPo poems Aley!
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
Thanks guys, yes @alliyah, you are right, I am doing structures alphabetically per day. To my ultimate horror though, Shadow Poetry seems to have lost all funding and been taken down TT_TT Now I have to rely on Poetry Soup Dx
I grouse among the high nosebleeds clawing closer, diving from trees the landing ease of a rock burying itself in a wake shattering outward and a flake, cold will break my graceful mock
Oh! I really like sorta how simple #3 is, but also how rich it is with cool images! I really like "the landing ease of a rock" for example- because I really like things that are like opposites? Like, you wouldn't expect a rock to be a nice place to land. But, it seems to be in here!
And #4 is quite interesting aswell. It has a lot more things being said in it that takes awhile for me to think about- like each line is a new idea/concept to wonder about and yeah c:
The trees whisper ____go home, go home __stranger among us as I walk along their midnight path flashlight wash along the stones they crackle as I step __go home, go home ____stranger, among us ___there is no promise but I ignore it to worship the sounds crickets and late night rustles bushes and twigs, a distant hum of life to whom I am familiar, ____go, home, go! home _____stranger among us ____there is no promise __that we will understand ___but you are welcome
"You never know what you have until it was" and I miss you, your encouragement the listening, the stories, trips up the twists dancing car lights through the tunnel off the biker's petals as they charged
Glade Park, and they knew us, recognized my father, his red cap, my tired smile the way we spoke so confidently despite our accents lingering like landmarks across the country, a three day trip two on the way home.
This is what I had, who I had, and now? No memorial, no funeral, a dispersion of earthly possessions money, chairs, tables, art but you are gone.
The tree one I find really sort of calming! Though I don't really understand why one minute the nature is telling the narrator to go home, and then at the very end it says that they're welcome? It's interesting but I wonder why the sudden change of heart?
And I think the next one is something that a lot of people can relate to. What it sounds like is some ones loved one passed away, and left their belongings to the narrator. But of course, at that point the narrator doesn't care about mere objects, and wishes for the thing that really matters to be back; the person!
to see sleeping puppies lie quiet, touch their nose with little paw-stretch curls and yawns floppy ears, leather nose, too-big claws on paws dirty from a day digging to China, searching for worms, and moles, and mice, my nommy monster,
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