Young Writers Society

Home » Forums » Special Events » NaPoWriMo » NaPoWriMo Archives

these characters can see you;

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Tue Mar 27, 2018 10:09 pm
View Likes
Audy says...

You're looking for answers, but you're not going to find them here.

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Tue Apr 03, 2018 5:19 pm
View Likes
Audy says...

you get on a train


Spoiler! :

mmmrhhh I have two versions of this. They're both super rough. The shape poem, I dun even ;-; making one change is a logistical nightmare. But this is NaPo, I'ma just drop it here and go.

We catch trains like colds.
Heads turned around
senses blocked by crowds and noise,
barreling through fog
Hello St. Louis. Let it pass.
Hello Belleville. Let it pass.
When you come to something, you stop
to let it pass. Shield your head,
Sparta. This here's a waiting game
Engines plack-a-plack and I know
there are routes enough falling out of pockets
bundled fears and heavy burdens
you end up frozen
in a thought that never ends and you wonder if
we are not more automatons than humans?

There are more neurons in our brains than stars
of the Milky Way- traveling the speed of light
and constantly in chatter as the wheels beat the steel
tracks again and again my grandmother's homeland
swirling the wind a hiss of cicadas like erratic waves
crashing towards the city of fields and numb hands we
rush, the same way trains rush the same way
I'm trained to the stops at the station hoping
for a payoff hoping

that at the end of the line, I can reach you.

This trip.

It's about knowing when it is now safe to cross
taking another moment to see what was already there
where secrets are nothing to stand in the way of vast landscapes
a beating resilience, warm as summer rain
the land embraces
and all of our sick
and our germs and all of us
running from colds,
from ourselves
all of us how we run

User avatar
10 Reviews

Gender: None specified
Points: 25
Reviews: 10
Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:04 pm
View Likes
hexglass says...

I can't even imagine what it took to make the shape poem work, but it is so good. Personally I prefer the shape version (only by a slight margin!) because I like the way you've captured the dizzying motion and blur of colour that is the train, and a journey (like this: "rush the same way trains rush the same way I rush [...] because I'm hoping that at the end of the line, I can reach you"). But honestly, your poetry is just beautiful.

I do think that in your first and second pieces some of the stanza breaks feel a bit jarring, and that jolts me out of the spell you've cast. Note that it might just be a visual and formatting thing, because I love what you've done with the momentum elsewhere -- such as the fragmentation at the end of #1 with "gasp / all the neighbours", where I can feel the moment down to my bones. There's a lot I want to quote at you, but I'll end this with

the wind a hiss of tea

since I noticed that in the second version, you have it as "the wind a hiss of cicadas" which is also lovely. I just like your poetry! Keep writing, and I can't wait to follow the rest.

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Wed Apr 04, 2018 4:48 pm
View Likes
Audy says...

The Keyhole to A Blacked Out Memory


Spoiler! :

I really don't like ripping out or drawing on my book pages, but at least I can justify this destruction if I used one of John Updike's pieces - I cannot stand him :D So I picked A&P, random page and I actually had a few directions this could have gone -

I had a couple of ideas for this page:
pineapple 49c cold as God made them
nubbled, heavy in my hand
but/ this isn't the beach
my voice kind of flat and numb
the way it / coats / on / water /
it's real
But this isn't the beach
all these years
makes no difference
We want you decent
We /are/ decent

What the others want is juvenile
All this while / shook/
not wanting to miss a thing

ultimately, I chose:

her hands
as God made them
nubbled pink
in my hand
for the first time
she was so close
we stand around
holding the color of water
her lower lip pushing
a place
in / me /
as gently as peeling a peach


I recommend if you are to undergo this kind of thing - scan quickly and very lightly circle ;3

Then sketch on a separate piece of paper what you want to do for the art :3 I was able to sort of sketch and then kind of guesstimate base on where the words were how it was all going to look like. Then I cut out the outline.

Then I traced it over the page.

The next step - the coloring part -


I realized I can't color inside lines. I'm joking. I am a good artist, I can TOTALLY color inside lines. It's not like I'm a CHILD or anything ffff! Soooo I messed up in a bunch of places and had to actually cut out a few words of the plan :P NOT MY FAULT.

I was just in a rush. Yes. My hands were shaking because of the coffee, not because I suck :3 (I recommend to not take coffee or sugar before starting on this) and DON'T ARTWORK AROUND CATS. I think my cat was too into the sharpie smell. I mean, not me. I totally was not into the sharpie smell.


So when you color GO SLOW and give your words breathing room. I realized that the sharpie ink kind of spreads out like water and EVEN COLORING INSIDE THE LINES AS BEST I COULD - THE SHARPIE STILL BLED EVERYWHERE.

SO YES my advice is to be very careful :)


What're you looking at ? SCRAM KITTY!


User avatar
481 Reviews

Gender: Female
Points: 4279
Reviews: 481
Wed Apr 04, 2018 6:33 pm
View Likes
Meshugenah says...

I don't know if I like you, your poem, your commentary, or your cat better. <3
***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)

Medieval Lit! Come here to find out who Chaucer plagiarized and translated - and why and how it worked in the late 1300s.

I <3 Rydia

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Thu Apr 05, 2018 3:19 pm
View Likes
Audy says...

Boy Universe

There's an astronomy
beneath my skin.
The suns of boy breathing
inside of monotony.

I caress him where
squeals erupt
a rhythm of porch swings.
Sweet child of mine
explores his outdoors.

Speckled fine rosettes of lime
skin hangs the length of his arm
sunburn and scars, aligned constellations.
He runs big-bellied in the wind,
crisped with weeds and wet his knees
under the grandeur of dry sky and thunder.

My home in slumber with the universe.

User avatar
955 Reviews

Gender: Female
Points: 123981
Reviews: 955
Thu Apr 05, 2018 6:48 pm
View Likes
alliyah says...

Audy, your poetry has so much diversity in it - from the formatting, moods, and word choice. I enjoy all the different aspects you are exploring. Loved the blacked-out poetry, I've tried before and ended up with 99% mess, 1% poetry. I think your's really worked though! And your process description was hilarious.

There are a lot of great little gems in these piece, here's a few that I loved:

"My lonely life will surround me like
a countryside, like a destination"


"There's an astronomy / beneath my skin."


"Our thoughts can travel the speed of light and with those we build worlds"

Great twists and turns and deep thoughts throughout your poetry, looking forward to reading more!
maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Sat Apr 07, 2018 5:57 am
View Likes
Audy says...

An Athiest Almost Admits

YWS version here if anyone wants to help me chisel it up!


TLDR; Almost a Poem Version

An atheist admits almost
the myths that hide inside
how little it matters what we're given
we lay lethargic
we shared sunsets
how much it matters
the stories we keep inside
how much an almost can be.

Spoiler! :
This is all badly cheeky and nonserious.

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Sun Apr 08, 2018 2:25 am
View Likes
Audy says...

Scrap Pile

There are some days where I can't complete anything. Today is one of those days.

I. A year, huh? since then
i took my own two legs out to wander
the lust smouldering in my gut
i think to restore something in me
i needed an away, fell in love with the moon
weeping about our lives, softening sky
like butter and i couldn't hold it in anymore
i took to the streets barren up to the horizon

as if I were a broken thing but i had
an apetite bigger than the equator
hungry for colors, I wanted to see steamy
skies, and spices jumping down cliffs like
calluses flowering on my heels
an ache in secret, I thought if I had closed my
eyes eternity would vanish and so the next day
I packed up kept moving, caught the smoke tied to my
finger and rode off through beloved Africa

II. once in a different season,
we waded naked in water
with the boats bobbing along
their orange engines

III. poplars and orchards
crumbler clay rocks
clumps of mushrooms
fields of ivy
and shooting stars

IV. Is that who I remember
playing the invisible
passing by as if forgetting
turning around hesitant to speak.
It's strange meeting you again
you made my life
going about our lives
incense burns
wind moves us in one direction,
you in another
sometimes nothing ripples
and all is stillness, unrest

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Mon Apr 09, 2018 2:28 am
View Likes
Audy says...


She puts down her book
and it's no longer moving mouths
rummaging charisma
out of rooms yellow in the distance.
So fast as the moods in melodies shifts
it becomes
an exuberance, leaning
into abysmal insignias
stamped upon pillows
winks in the sun
pass the daiquiri
and so the tales are spun.

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Tue Apr 10, 2018 2:16 am
View Likes
Audy says...

Something Unfinished

it never really dawned on us
how skinny we were yet our
bellies plumped with time
and it was a hot summer
licking stick to the bone
and our toes in the tide
thin hair swept to the tops of trees

I was watching
cause I thought the world a mystery
drinking pints of amber-spun beer
cheers to the city I've grown to claim

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Sun Apr 15, 2018 12:07 am
View Likes
Audy says...


Not gonna lie
self-conscious about my skin
because it is pebbled, a rhino's skin
dark and matte, because it is husk
because often it is thrown away.

My flesh hemmed in by the knife
wants me into slivers, into salads
into paste.

When I'm with you and we're alone
petals and pieces of my tongue curl up
swollen, sloshed
about my mouth
against the grit of your vibrato,

like a stone gone unturned, and I will
linger here for the rest of dinner
trying to uproot trouts outside of their rivers.

I feel as much as a seed
harvested for its oils; here's the chemical
formula to my fibula, the pentagram
seals for the soul's extracted
leaking out of almond mounds
my qualities; my attributes
stolen. I never knew them.

He holds me in his grasp
the valleys of my body
an alligator's pear, a megafauna
for monstrous appetites.

User avatar
695 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 5608
Reviews: 695
Sun Apr 15, 2018 12:08 am
View Likes
Audy says...


Feeling good today feels
how I'm good today happy
I am good today feels
and feeling happy

fold my arms up palms up frowns up
centering thoughts centering
anthem march happy dokey
feeling happy today k?

Morning practice today, k
morning practice today practice
practice mourning today, no
practice is practice.
Today's morning practice.

I call upon the clouds today
clouds in my calls today clouds
upon the clouds today dreaming
clouds in my pocket no clouds
cannot escape clouds, I'm breathing air
roll upon the wrong side
of the bed today bed No

I'm awake
today another dose
of happy and good
approach to meditation
today's medication

hokey confidence here's to happy confidence
I do not tire easily. I love challenges.
Challenges are not a problem for me.
Problems are not a problem for me.
not a problem for challenges but a problem
for me and problems for me not a problem
not a problem problems problems not in me
not in me those problems and challenges not for me.

I love to learn. I am outgoing. I will go out
I will go out now. I will now go out. And go.
Will I. Go. Out. Now.
I am feeling good today
Feeling good today. Today good. Feeling. Today.

— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi