In geology, time is measured in millions of years. At first it is hard to wrap your head around - you have to understand that you are insignificant. Many fight this, convinced of their own self-importance.
Fact: Dinosaurs lived for 165 million years. Fact: Homo has existed for 2 million years. Fact: The Earth is 4.543 billion years old.
The second step seems counter-intuitive: Understand that every creature, no matter how small, was instrumental in reaching this moment. The world is nothing without you.
Fact: We are all insignificant. Fact: Evolution chose our ancestors. Fact: I have never met anyone unimportant.
You read faster than Usaine Bolt sprints xD - Deanie 2014
I wanted all to sparkle and dance in a glorious jubilee. - Cathy, Wuthering Heights
No-one teaches young souls of loss We want to protect them from the world We say they will not need it until later We forget Later is tomorrow Later is today.
The mechanisms of loss are known denial anger grief The mechanisms of recovery are vague.
- - -
no one tells you when you are born that other's emotions will be felt across the ocean that you will weep for their breaking heart
the pattern for a toy elephant is still pinned to my wall
You read faster than Usaine Bolt sprints xD - Deanie 2014
I wanted all to sparkle and dance in a glorious jubilee. - Cathy, Wuthering Heights
take my brain from its case set it on fire watch it burn it will be nothing new
unneeded unwanted lightning thoughts and veins and heart shortened breath and cardiac arrest pulse jolting with every misguided attempt at resuscitation
i say this is not a heart attack but ice creeping through my veins those are lies
we are hit by lightning feet not touching the soil ungrounded no release
You read faster than Usaine Bolt sprints xD - Deanie 2014
I wanted all to sparkle and dance in a glorious jubilee. - Cathy, Wuthering Heights
it’s raining in the valleys always is but we don’t mind there’s an outcrop and we stop take measurements the strike and dip of that fault you smile because you do not care but i do
if i took the measurements of my faults what would they be? 10/70°W – my second house? abconly three and already new 45/90°S – final year at high-school? abcdepression abcdeffailure abcdefghithat ideation 90/110°SE – my mother? abcruns the deepest abcdefthrough every layer abcdefghifold and uplift abcdefghijklice cracks and stress fractures and compression brittle deformation
my life now is an intrusion volcanic stronger still cooling it hurts – still does but it is not the weak sediment of before
the fractures still break through new and old 5/20°SW – grandpa’s death abcblack clothes abcdeftears 37/45°E – second second year abcheaviness abcdefthat ideation abcdefghifriends 90/110°SE – my mother abccome home abcdefi’ll come abcdefghino is not a refusal Breaths
Remember
Each step shakes the ground And earthquakes always break Something
--- first bit is under debate
You read faster than Usaine Bolt sprints xD - Deanie 2014
I wanted all to sparkle and dance in a glorious jubilee. - Cathy, Wuthering Heights
(first time doing spoken word and omg I sound so british @Lumi you were right)
transcript cause it doesn't work sometimes
Spoiler! :
A mother's love
I am seven, standing in the lounge late at night tying not to cry as I recite the 8 times table for the fifteenth time this hour every time I stumble I must start again she is angry because I am wasting her time and I am a bad daughter for this I should know my times tables. It is my fault for not knowing them.
I am ten and in a car moving through france I was asked if I wanted to move but it wasn't really a question because her choice is final but it doesn't matter anyway I was only the teacher's daughter I will not be missed
I am ten and I will not go to school I will not get out of the car I will not face another day of cruel words and I am the inconvenience that makes her take me home I am the inconvenience has to change schools after just a month it is a time of sighs and being small I am the inconvenience
Fourteen and we must move again, I cry when we look at houses two hours away from school and I am the embarassment even though in the end we choose one we can afford that is much closer but the glares are still seared into the back of my head into every cell I am the embarassment I am fourteen I should know better
Sixteen and every time she raises her voice I am scared every time she lifts her hand I am scared she broke my eardrum last year and we told the doctor it was my brother friends tell me it isn't normal but this is just how she shows love, this is just her doing her best how can I ask for more
Seventeen and I want to die and she knows this I ask her to go to the doctor and she says no and I ask why because she is the same and she has help and why can't I, I just want to die, why can't I have help it is because she said so I keep wanting to die
see, we say that a mother's love is unconditional but it just has far too many conditions to count I must be good, I must be feminine, I must achieve, I must conform I can do everything she does, because even though I am not the same person, I am, and it takes wanting to die to realise that this is a twisted kind of love that poisons me and this is not her doing her best there is a word for this but we do not speak it in this house we do not mention it we do not flinch when she is angry because she would never hit us She broke my eardrum when was 15
I am nineteen and seeing her makes me anxious she clings to every part of me that she can and is annoyed when I do not talk but she is a country away I notice the reflexes that come from her and watch them healing takes time, I know that and this poison was deep in my heart, in every cell but I know that this poison was not my fault, that it is deep in her too and I am not ready to forgive or forget, but now I know there are other forms of love and my family is the one I choose
And a mother's love is not the best she can do
You read faster than Usaine Bolt sprints xD - Deanie 2014
I wanted all to sparkle and dance in a glorious jubilee. - Cathy, Wuthering Heights
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