please leave your message after the beep i'm not exactly sure what type of message i want to leave i want to tell you that everything is going alright but it's really not i'd like to be able to tell you that i will protect you always but that's not how it's going to happen, because i don't love you, not anymore anyways i don't know where i'm going with my life but you don't belong not here or there or anywhere within in my life so once more i'm gonna say it and this time you're gonna listen
i talk gossip and work in the kitchen you work out front saying prayers i'm shorter than most of you all by at least three small inches it's odd to be short once again but at least i'm back to being in charge
Queen Elizabeth's Edge of Darkness Color: White Picture: magnolia flowers Scent: freshly mowed grass
at dawn i see the golden sun rising, on the light blue-ish background it being danced all over by white clouds and i can hear the people starting to mow their lawns and i just want the next hour to come for the ladies in hot pink hats and little brown dogs to galavant their way around the garden and scream about how the workers aren't doing things right
at noon i eat lunch out on the porch (as usual) and i'm waiting for someone to come check i see all the magnolia flowers dropping on the ground the red seeds staining the green grass like blood smelling the fine shavings of grass particulates takes me back to a memory of someone in a white dress trying to get away from an anniversary a party where everyone is depressed (they don't hide it well)
then twilight hits and the colors of the rays strike in the sky (in very amazing ways) i can't decide to go with the black or the white never knowing what to wear, when it comes tonear night
they tell me the party begins at dusk (wonderful bats dotting the sky) and they complain about the lawn (the shavings still flying) and they want me to stand straight and tall (otherwise i might not catch a man at all) maybe i should just go ahead and stand against that wall (or any other thing dearest, anything at all)
the dark night hits and their party rages on i'm left sitting hopeless and all my dreams gone i just want to get away from this party but unfortunately, the whole thing is for me for you see
from tonight's jam Queen Lizz's Corner let this lighten the mood a bit cause i'm swapping it with another and i'm gonna start screaming this at the top of my lungs pretty soon https://youtu.be/blW9AWIP8ZU
not quite sure of the road we're on this time but love will soon come out to meet us in some strange field on the next side of the galaxy. i'd like a vulcan priest to be there at our matrimonial thing. i guess that's the right word to describe it, something long like the sort of word your family used while judg- ing me. maybe i was not the best choice but at that point we didn't have many things to choose from or do you not know of the last time we met
the last time we met the blood rushed through my cheeks and the emotions flowed over my head to the point where it flooded like tears through my eyes i didn't think that you were ever coming back again
each time you come back to me, from long treks across the universe, i find my way of life and opinions changing, to the point where my thoughts have become something that you or anyone else would call optimistic
this is something new to me, to be happy about a new day coming to thinking that someone i will love will definitely be coming back for me once before, and not leaving me alone on this battlefield, that used to be mine along and i never brought anyone else along. this is a different type of journey that i've dragged you to this time, not the usual dot across the world, where we just jump when- ever the time strikes us too. it's been two years and i'd like to explore the world around me, and that includes a special person named you.
come with me if you like on the trip of a lifetime or i'll just send you postcards as i meet the ghost of our once called idols of the people we said we wished we would meet in heaven (that is if any of them actually made it there) but i know that you want to see her the most i know it's been four years but i also know, that you never quite let go of that distant, distant memory where we were once happy and not bothered by the day to day depression and sickness and sadness bringing your family dreams down.
i am still in that state of thinking that i made the best choice i possibly could with the world starting to come down on me and all. i'm out on the road again trying to find some love in the darkness of my memories of you and me dancing somewhere in some backlit cafe. those are the days i dream of once again and make me think so optimistically about love, not something i ever got used to, even after years of being with you. it's still somehow different to me and even more now that you are gone forever and i never took the time to really get to know you
and as the red sun rose i saw your bloody nose it dripped onto the floor and there was a trail to the door now I've got to help you and hopefully you'll help me too
i let time slip by like particles sand, falling through my fingers i watch the world sail on by me and i just sit waiting, on this new shore, i just want a little more out of life
i don't quite want to go on my way but seeing you really just makes me want to stay even more than the feeling i had before. this may sound strange or a bit late, since you already left a long time ago, but you know i always mean what i really want to say. i wish you weren't gone from me, and that i could just fly across sea and take you back to the carolinas with me. that can't happen but we can still dream about what it would be like, if we were on the same side of the pacific sea.
I wish to have another day, like the one we had so long ago. Where we spoke purely in song lyrics, testing each other's knowledge of pop culture and such. I was truly happy on that and so many other days, in ways which you would no longer understand. I haven't seen the lyricist in your heart lately, the person who would write songs with me until dawn.
Where oh where has that person, that part of my heart, gone?
oh hey time for some teenage angst and the dropping of f-bombs every three feet. you may call it a yard but to me, it's just an inch, an inch away from my death and my demise. not that this growing up and going through hell would bother you, or even something recognizable to you. for what is a man without a soul? not a demon for they are just twisted humans. he is something that lived outside of the so cows and outside of his mind. dare not cross into my world man or in your heart, you shall find a stake.
Poem for 4/23 Couldn't get the page to load last night so putting it up now
One day the devil took me for a walk. He said to me, "You're god and I'm Satan and we'll be friends for all of eternity." This struck me oddly, for how could I trust the devil, even though he soon became my friend. The Devil and God, had found peace at last. Neither of us really believed in such things but my young mind fell prey to the evil. I slipped further and further away from my grace, and closer and closer to my grave, not wanting to admit the direction in which I was headed. So I finally left my two warring sides, kicked the angel off my left and the demon off my right. I fell from grace and my soul ripped in two and I plummeted towards the grave, till the devil came back and paid his respects and dues. I walk upon average ground, not above nor below. I thank the devil for his lessons but I doubt we'll ever be close again.
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