Young Writers Society

12. The Wrong Boy

The boy was feeling bad,
for he went a wrong way,
but the officer carried him home
to be good.

The good officer went home
but the carried boy, he was wrong,
a bad way for him to be feeling.

The officer was home
but to be feeling bad.
The wrong boy he carried,
him went away,
for good

I vandalised a poem by @Meshugenah because I'm sleepy but I want to stay in the running for team tortoise but I'm also behind on NaPo...

13. Meshugenah Bites

So I have to write a review
(and how have you posted so little!)
but then I saw this haiku - or two -
and thought I'd give it a fiddle.

The first poem is alright
but maybe try something that's sharper than sealed -
I hope 15 (or indeed 25) year old you doesn't bite -
Maybe 'fixed' or 'dashed' or 'sated' or 'congealed'

though the second two would force you to lose a syllable elsewhere.
Okay, poem two, I think across should be through
and I think your last line is a bit short there
so maybe 'in fond remembrance' would do?