Young Writers Society

Hello Everyone:

Since everyone had such fun with my first post, I decided to set another one ahead of schedule.

Episode #2

Rating- (L5) (D0.5) (M2) (P2.5) (H-n/a)

This is also a short one. She was a beautiful girl about 110 miles away from me, so that was kinda far.

She was very far, and had enough good looks to last her a long while, so I thought I would have fun.

Her profile words:

I am a gal who likes to be treated equal by my mate. I have had my share of games and deserve much better than what the cards have dealt me so far. I am a great "listener" and very easy going. I do not like guys who get jealous because I may have friends of the opposite sex. If you get jealous easily you may not need apply!
I have learned from the past that it takes two to make a great relationship as well as it takes two to create a disaster.
I realize that "life is a dance" sometimes we lead and sometimes we follow.... Which means we all make mistakes but what is important is to not be criticized for the mistake(s) we can all hope that we have learned from them.
I love to laugh and enjoy hearing my other half "laugh" as well. We all should be able to laugh at oneself. Although I may laugh there are times where I know I need to be on the more serious side as well.
Friendship is key and vital in a relationship. You build something on "frinedship" and see where it then develops.


My Email to her

Hey A****a,

You are very pretty and that alone has sparked my interest.

I read your profile and you seem very interesting. However, I do not think there is a guy alive that has not been burned by the 'Guy friend' in the past.

I do think male friends are totally acceptable, with a few ground rules:

1. No overnights.
2. No afterhours nights.
3. No off limits to me. (There should be no real excuse why your boyfriend cannot attend any event that you and your males friends attend.)
4. You cannot have his name tattooed on your buttocks, or any other body part. (even if it is pure coincidence)
5. He can be your old prom date, but not a recent ex-boyfriend or ex-husband.
6. He cannot be better looking than me. (I know this is near impossible anyway.)
7. He cannot buy you better gifts than I do.
8. He cannot have a full sized portrait of your beautiful face tattooed on his back.
9. When it comes to him: THE MORE GAY, THE BETTER!!!
10. He can never, EVER refer to me as "Mr. too dumb to realize I am doin it with his girlfreind"

Well, there you go. I suppose if you (and your males friends) can abide by these very simple rules, we can begin to build a very trusting and loving relationship together.

Check out my profile and let me know.

Jim


Results: She never replied.

oh my god.

Dude that list had to have been stated! But dude your only real problem is these chicks live pretty far from you and they never reply to your emails!

I'm not sure if I'm understanding this right...you ARE trying to get a date, right? And well, from this one and the last one it seems like you are just well, too sarcastic and WAAAAY over the top especially with someone you've never met or even talked with. Its kinda well, freaky. I wouldn't have replied either, if I were her.

Haha... you're such an asshole.

Don't trust her. Anyone that spells friendship wrong doesn't know the word, and must be considered suspect.

Really, I think you're approaching this in a very silly way. Putting out a list of RULES that RESTRICT what she can do? Saying that how pretty she looks is the only reason you're commenting at all?

Not in the 20th century you don't. More than likely, she dropped that e-mail like a bad habit.

Instead of telling her what she needs to become your girlfriend, you should point out how you are qualified to be her boyfriend.

A better response could be this.

Dear (insert name here),

I was browsing around when I saw your face. I clicked on your profile and read your statement. I thought you might be someone I should get to know a little better. So, tell me some more about yourself: what do you do for a living? What do you like to do for fun? What are your goals? What do you wish to achieve in life?

Respectfully,

Jim.

In this letter, we have a completely different mindset. Instead of trying to set up a relationship ASAP, we take a more cautious route. Most online daters are wary about relationships, so they will try to develop them online before moving offline. So, instead of sending a "let's make a date" request, we send a request for more information. This allows them to know that we are articulate and tells them a lot about ourselves.

As a rule, avoid commenting on certain parts of the female body. My compliments on her features were very vague by design.

I then asked for some more information. This is a less direct approach and signifies that you have been hurt in the past, (because you are being so cautious!) This makes the female curious about you.

To follow up this request for information, I added some quick questions. I didn't go for personal information (a big no-no when you first meet people online) I just went for some simple information.

"What do you do for fun," is really saying "What can we do together on a date?", "What do you do for a living," is saying "Are you able to support yourself?" and "What are your goals and dreams" says "Where are you going?"

The hook here is that we want her to reply. She'll probably reply simply because people like talking about themselves. I'm not saying this tactic will always work, only that it will work better than what you are doing now.

Grif, er, I think he's trying to have some fun.

You guys are awesome! Keep up the great comments.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds something intrinsically degrading by this, but please, allow me to be the first to say-

dude, you aproach quickly the borders of total d*uchedome.

The law of never kiss and tell does apply here, especially since your a 30 year old man browsing internet singles websites. Really.

I'm sure I'll take a lot of flack for this- as I usually do anytime I express an opinion on this website that someone doesn't agree with. So let me also say- you're a 30 something, on a website intended for teenagers. You'll find that almost no one here is over the age of 25. and if anyone is, I have yet to meet them.

The message I recieve from you reply to her is

"I'm a control freak! I don't know how to let go of the past!"

The last thing a girl wants is an obsessive jerk who is constantly suspicious. Your e-mail essentially acuses her of infidelity prior to any dating experience! That's crazy!

On a side note, I'm with lama on this one. I'm not sure internet dating is a topic entirely appropriate for the younger crowd. Just something to keep in mind.

Glad to meet you LamaLama.

Q: Have you begun to sketch your four year exit plan?

(If you read my works, you will notice that I truly am a YOUNG WRITER.)

I think in the internet world, many teens lie about thier age to access sites not intended for them. I do not believe a reverse lie here would do anyone good, especially myself.

About my dating posts, ummmmm. Why not just have fun with it. OR keep up the meaningful posts. They may help all who read it.

I think Lama's point about age is that what you find amusing or appropriate to talk about may not be necessarily appropriate for the younger kids here. Please don't censor yourself, just keep in mind that there is as much as 18 or 19 years between you and the youngest members.

Galatea wrote:I think Lama's point about age is that what you find amusing or appropriate to talk about may not be necessarily appropriate for the younger kids here. Please don't censor yourself, just keep in mind that there is as much as 18 or 19 years between you and the youngest members.

I do keep that in the front of my head, have placed a R on a couple of things. However, 13 is the age of discovery, and usefuyl advice goes a long way. Especially for those that have enough passion to use pen to relay their emotions, troubles, dreams, wants, and most importantly CONFUSIONS.

In reading a lot the posts, sometimes nothing but incoherent thoughts (*myself guilty too*) perhaps a reply is in order rather than a critique.

I would like all of you to remember the age group you are dealing with and understand that sometimes you cannot approach a piece of work as a writer.

I look forward to remaining on this site, a proud member of TYWS. Call me grandpa if you like. Call me freak if appropriate. But most importantly call me if you need help.

(Side note- Be sure to tell me immediately, or report anything I post that is over the line. Sometime I may be guilty of missing a word or phrase that will change the enitire scope of my post, especially since some of it is on the border.)

...sometimes you cannot approach a piece of work as a writer.

Excuse me? This is the Young Writer's Society. Pieces posted in the literary sections will receive critique, as it is assumed that is what the author wants. If they want a place to vent, there are plenty of places to do that. People don't improve if they're coddled, and allowed to simply emote on paper. Most of us (the older crowd) follow the PCP format when approaching a constructive critique. Praise, correct, praise. If kids want "This is great! Keep it up!" without any criticism at all, there are places they can get that. That's why we supply a blog here. I'm not entirely sure why you brought that up, anyhow.

Gal: This is randomness, not one of the literary forums .