Young Writers Society

This is more a REFLECTION on the book, not a review

And so she spent her life
By the window
Waiting
Hope
Under the streetlight
Somewhere
When will the star fall?
I know
What the trees teach
Keep
Keep
Keeping
The mice away
And
The fathers
The belt
The shoes
The ugly
But
I am strong
Big
invisible
Not a daughter
Not ready
Not Now
Again
By the window
Waiting
waitingwaitingwaiting
For the island
But the only thing here
Is papaya and coconut
All I see
Is
Dancing
and Skinnysecret Trees
All I see
Magazinesbookslies
Liar a hundredthousandmillion times
I don’t want to see
that
I want to be home
Not by the window

Beautiful! I don't have a single criticism. It was just beautiful!

It was very nicely written- but sometimes the phrase breaks were a bit confusing. I enjoyed reading it, but at times, the point of the piece was lost on me. It was well written, just read it aloud to yourself- maybe you'll see the places that the wording became confusing.

RA

It's been ages since I read A House On Mango Street, so I didn't remember much of it. After reading this though, it started coming back to me in bits and pieces!

I liked this! You've got a great grasp on pace, using the spacing to your advantage. There were minor inconsistencies that confued me or that I noticed, but I really could hardly change it in anyway. It's well-written and fun to read. I enjoy these kinds of things!

I'm not sure if there was a change in POV or maybe I just didn't pick up on that (in which case, ignore me!), but the first sentence mentioned a "she," which I assumed to be the narrator, but then it went into first person, who also sounded like the narrator.

There was also very little punctuation which was probably on purpose. It could also be the root of some confusion while reading. However, I'm not a poet, so I can't really give a firm opinion on that. XD I liked it anyhow, so it's probably fine!

Good work! (And good book, right?)

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!