Young Writers Society

women seized to exist

10. We don't have a penis.

stelagineva wrote:Top 10 reasons why Women are better than men Try not to oviously list in a Non-fiction piece as it automatically puts a flaw in the overall point getting across. You can avoid people consciously recognising it is a list simply by starting with an introduction and then going into your top ten reasons: perhaps reason to what sparked this rant? Perhaps quote some points and express your disgust? Otherwise you seem too single minded. Also, you've capitalised 'Women' for no apparent reason - or one that isn't obvious as this isn't a consistent grammatical edit - and to neaten up your title, you should either write it as: Top 10 Reasons why Women are Better than Men (Article style), TOP TEN REASONS WHY: Women are better than men (Mag/informal style: best suited to this) or simply Top 10 reasons why women are better than men

Rating: 18+ Point one: No need to be rude to be funny. A good piece of writing discussing the views of sexism can be family friendly and a funny, good piece of writing should be no higher than PG-13/12.

10. We don't have a penis. Good, engaging title. The inevitable shock in confident use of the word "penis" in a sub-heading is good.
- This means that we are capable of thinking with our brains. Why? (if you're arguing a point). If you're arguing to be funny, however, you need to step out of the box. You can't claim fact in an attempt to hope the ignorance will make a few ladies laugh at home, but you need to make ALL your readers laugh. You need to push the boundaries of ignorance, extend your sentences, blabber and give us that feeling of a rant. Otherwise it merely seems like an ill-researched pro-feminism declarative. Something which men only wish they can do, and therefore pretend they can, because a man will never admit to having a fault. Ever. This is better, but if you want it to be funny to someone, you need an example. It also needs to be something far-fetched, imaginative and untrue. You need to visually style the comedy or it just won't be present. When a man sees something in a skirt, he forgets all else. When a woman sees something in a skirt, she can still make informed decisions. I like this as a mid-line, but you shouldn't end your point on it. This is a general snatch at 'perverts' in a sense, which is fairly funny because men, as well as women, will laugh at this, but ending it here and not chucking in a bit of a far-fetched, "laugh out loud" (if you'd excuse the cliche) just feels like I'm waiting for you to elaborate. I'm stuck on a point that made me snigger but expect more, not a dead-end, you know?

9. We can be career women, mothers and lovers. If you want to go from the rant/funny/joke aspect, change the word "can" to "are". Look like your definitive and confident in your moan/ignorance or else it'll have too much of a serious tone.
- Apart from working a full day shift, we can also come home, make dinner, help the kids with all their homework tasks, appease everyone and at the end of the day make daddy happy. Men? No. Men are too busy pretending to be the man of the house, therefore being lazy you need to explain what 'be the man of the house' is to you in a familiar-ish context because the accusation of laziness based on something merely stated before doesn't allow the reader to agree with you, even if it is in a humourus way. When you're writing non-fiction it is vital you pull the reader closer to you and not batter them further away with general assumptions left un-elaborated or opinionised on (you don't need to research it! Ignorance is good, it provokes discussion if you do it right!) and doing nothing but sitting behind a desk all day. If you're going to use this generalisation, go further. Do they stuff their faces with doughnuts and prawn crackers between extensive word-documents and spreadsheets full to the brim with numeric crap? Do they flirt with their secretaries who they treat like dogs playing "fetch the coffee"? If you're going to use humour, use it.

8. Women secretly control the men in their life.
- This is true. Even those controlling men who want to dominate, they don't really. Behind every man's good decision, there's a woman who led him to take it. Examples, examples, examples. You could take the mickey out of the ladies too and create irony by using the Shakespeare plot of Lady MacBeth convincing MacBeth to kill the King or something wild/intelligent like that. What ever you do, use something, push the brim, don't make it too rude and double check it's relevant. Men can't make decisions on account of thinking with their penis and therefore being unable to decide anything but where to stick it up next. It is very sad. Short simple sentences are serious and in this context dull and depressing. It sounds like you're flying the moral high-ground in insulting all men as 'very sad'. You should've ended on the more comical "stick it up next".

7. Women can multi task.
- Can men do their nails, while studying for their math test tomorrow, listening to a song, watching a sitcom and also chatting on MSN, adding a light snack on the side to the equation? Eh? Can they? I think not. Not sure if my suggestion is grammatically correct as I have changed it as I read each thing you listed. However, like I said at the start: Don't obviously list in Non-fiction. It is dull and repetitive. You need to add some spice, so stick in long words or muck up the sentence a little more. Experiment with language and give us something that feels different and we can get our teeth into. Men are easily confused and dumbfounded by simple tasks due to their lack of intelligence. Women on the other hand, with their superior intellect can easily deal with all these and more, if they were to come.

. . . .

Conclusion: No women = You're fucked. You've concluded your argument blatantly and rudely. You could've ended this in various otherways. Think of all those comics out there who specialise in one liners or all those great Non-Fiction writers who have the power to make a reader go "Ohhh yes" at the end of a piece or "Oh no, no [ha ha]". However, all you've done here is sworn. It doesn't sound that clever, informal, youthful or hip. You should revise this thoroughly because it's one of the small things that made me angry when I read it. Not because you've used a swear word (I have no problem with that in certain contexts) but because you've ended it on a blatent statement that a whole sex is 'fucked'. It's just immature.

stelagineva wrote:Top 10 reasons why Women are better than men
Rating: 18+

10. We don't have a penis.
- This means that we are capable of thinking with our brains. Contrary to popular belief, men do not think with their penises. They think with their brains. I understand the metaphor though. Something which men only wish they can do, and therefore pretend they can, because a man will never admit to having a fault. Ever. Hai. I'm male and I'm a bit socially awkward. Alot of men have a thing called modesty. When a man sees something in a skirt, he forgets all else. No, they don't. Plenty of men work around women wearing skirts and they're fine. When a woman sees something in a skirt, she can still make informed decisions. But lets thrust a shirtless Robert Pattinson into this equasion and see how it progresses, huh?

9. We can be career women, mothers and lovers.
- Apart from working a full day shift, we can also come home, make dinner, help the kids with all their homework tasks, appease everyone and at the end of the day make daddy happy. Men? No. Men are too busy pretending to be the man of the house, therefore being lazy and doing nothing but sitting behind a desk all day. Men can do all of this as well. It's called being a father.

8. Women secretly control the men in their life.
- This is true. Even those controlling men who want to dominate, they don't really. Behind every man's good decision, there's a woman who led him to take it. Men can't make decisions on account of thinking with their penis and therefore being unable to decide anything but where to stick it up next. It is very sad. Lies. People of all genders make good decisions. Sometimes they are governed by a partner, often they are not.

7. Women can multi task.
- Can men do their nails, while studying for their math test tomorrow, listening to a song, watching a sitcom and also chatting on MSN, add a light snack on the side. I think not. Men are easily confused and dumbfounded by simple tasks due to their lack of intelligence. Um. If men are confused and dumbfounded by simple tasks, how come most of the world leaders today are men? How come a lot of famous scientists are men? Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, etc. Women on the other hand, with their superior intellect can easily deal with all these and more, if they were to come. *see above*

6. This is a man's world.

- And look where that's taken us. Wars, global warming, world hunger, droughts, terrorism, child abuse, high illiteracy levels... Ok, now lets take a look at a world without these things. It's IMPOSSIBLE to eliminate many of them, but without wars, we would not be very advanced. A lot of technology today and in the past came from wars. Well done, Men! For the past 2 thousand years you've dominated this world rich in resources to slowly starve it of its assets. This would happen anyway, unless we lived in caves. But no worries, us women are here to clean up after your mess. As always! It's our turn now, within a few decades we will be the dominating sex and you will be the 'weaker' sex. Nice little bit of totally unsupported futurology there. Even so, I can't help but point out that it would take way more than a couple of decades for women to 'dominate' men, and plenty of the world out there, both women and men, would be extremely unhappy to let that happen. The sexes are equal now.
Seriously though, budge over. Look at what a fail Henry the VII was, look at how his daughter Queen Elizabeth I had to clean after his mess and bring order to England. And she did so, successfully. Now it's time to do the same, but on a bigger scale. Woah! A woman did a great thing! Awesome, but just as many men have achieved great things.

5. Women are vastly talented. '
- On the other hand, unless you're Picasso, you're biggest pride is probably the level you've reached on COD. Well done. In the meantime, we're doing great job in school, we will soon do a great job in college, and get a great job out of college. While you shoot random virtual people. Well done, though, operating that joystick must be extremely difficult. I am a boy. I have achieved incredibly high standards at school and I don't play CoD. I am not Picasso. Your argument is invalid.


4.Women are capable of speech.
- Ever wondered why men are always on about how women can't shut their mouths? That is because they are jealous. They are jealous of the fact that women are capable of stringing two sentences together, saying them aloud and not sounding like a complete and utter moron who mumbled something under his breath in order to get out of having to explain why he's home at this hour of the night when he was meant to be home at like four. Interesting. I won't bother linking you to the speeches of Martin luther or Barack Obama then.

3. Women can genuinely feel.
- Men don't have emotions. Men have balls. Apart from their only thinking organ being their penis, it is also their only 'feeling' organ. Now all the twelve year olds in the room are going to go 'gross' and I'm going to say, well, that's why this has been rated. Men don't have emotions. They evidently do. Right now I'm feeling anger and indignation and it is certainly not coming from my penis but my head. Men can only feel things physically on account of emotions being very complicated things that require thought to understand. My bad. Men do have emotions. One emotion. Confusion. They are confused little sad things. Women on the other hand can feel with their whole being, be it hate, love or rage. Men are often jealous of this and therefore mock it.

2. Men need to be looked after .

- Women can look after themselves. They learn how to do housework, so when they leave home they can live on their own in a reasonably clean environment. Men, no. Men would end up living in a pigsty before picking up after themselves. If men didn't have women to look after them, men would probably die of contamination in their own homes one day. Or of being eating (I love how you say women are cleverer than men, but not only do you have many errors in this post, of which this is just one, but you also seem to overlook the fact that it is physically impossible to be eaten by cockroaches because cockroaches don't eat people. by cockroaches, which ever comes first.

1. Women: The whole reason for men to attempt to improve

- If women didn't exist, men wouldn't either. If men didn't exist, women would have either been hunted to extinction by animals in the cave age, thieir only aid being weapons they didn't know how to use, or simply died because women can't have babies without men. But, let's suppose that hypothetically speaking, women seized to exist and men went on existing. Men wouldn't have the drive to do better anymore. They wouldn't care about careers, money, fast cars because they do all this to match the stereotypical 'perfect' man. To impress women. Kind of like a peacock. If women didn't exist, men would be couch potatoes, who ate chips and played video games. No they wouldn't . Because there would be no one to produce chips and video games. Pot kettle black.

Conclusion: No women = You're fucked. No men = You're fucked.

* Don't take this too seriously, I know not all men are like that! I realize I've grossly generalized. A certain site I stumbled upon has angered me though, which is why I wrote this. That's not an excuse. Find another way to vent and try not to be so insulting.

RazHuni wrote: I looked at the site, and I'd just like to point out...Why are you offended by a man who calls himself Dick Masterson? xDD He's a joke!