Young Writers Society

1. A Rambling Introduction

I’m not a sentimental person. I squirm during romantic comedies of all sorts. They’re all just so stupid. Boy meets girl, girl falls hopelessly in love with boy (or vice versa), chaos ensues while he/she is trying to win the girl/boy, and eventually they end up together. Screw reason, screw other relationships, screw friendships and screw reality. This is love!

I guess I’m just cynical when it comes to these things. Maybe I take love for granted. Who knows? I certainly don’t. All I know is that, no matter how I try, I am a sap for a good love story. Good, mind you – not the corny stuff you find in theaters today.

Whenever I write, I always seem to have a central theme of love, or at least, the main character in a relationship. It drives me crazy. I want to write epics, like Tolkien or Lewis… what I end up writing is far more like Clare or Meyer than my idols. It’s not fair – and even when I try to write somewhere in the middle – like Rowling – I end up with a bi-polar mess, hopping from one emotion to the other with the change of a scene. It drives me crazy.

But how does this affect my life, you ask? Why does this conflicting view on love matter to the story? Nothing much. I merely wished to get my views in the open before I started to tell my tale. This way, you’ll understand things a little better. You see, this is a story of… I can’t believe I’m saying this… The first time I fell in love.

Hi. My name is Jacquelyn. At the start of my story, I was fifteen, and just beginning sophomore year.

Or… Was it sophomore year? Was it freshman? I can’t be sure. I never saw his face, the time I think I saw him, freshman year.

It was very dark as we exited the gym. My feet hurt – these heels were killing me, even though I took them off halfway through the dance. My two friends, Mary and Bianca, were walking out with me. I could smell the dusty air over the grass of the field; see the unlit high school building looming over the milling students.

My first Homecoming dance was over. I was tired, but happy. I had danced with the boy I liked. I was with my friends – I didn’t want to go home.

To stretch out the time we had before we had to leave, Bianca, Mary and I decided that we would go buy sodas. It sounds trivial, I know, but wait for it. We got our drinks, went to the counter, and… found that the man didn’t have any change. Our bills weren’t small enough. Can you imagine that? In this economy? But, out of nowhere steps a tall, mild-spoken young gentleman, who gallantly buys our drinks for us.

“Chivalry isn’t dead!” I proclaimed happily, after we had thanked him profusely and were walking away. “That was just so nice.”

I hope he heard me. I really do.

The best part? I have no idea who he was. I never saw his face; his hat cast a shadow. I wonder about that now. Who was this tall gentleman who so gallantly bought us drinks? No one in our grade was so thoughtful, and I didn’t know any of the upperclassmen.

But now, looking back, I can’t help but wonder if… Well, if that was the first time I saw him. Richard. Maybe it’s my imagination getting away with me, but… It would certainly be in character; he’s one of the most considerate people I know. Perhaps that’s why I, against my better judgment and my will, fell in love with him.

Ok. I'm going to give you honest feedback, and I hope it isn't to harsh to you.
First, it's a really good start for you romance novel.
Ok, now for the other things: If you were to publish the book, I would tell you not to have the "I hate romance in theaters" part. It's interesting, and kind of funny but that would not be a good start for your story.
Also, you're talking in first person, so I want to know what is going on inside your character's head. Tell me what you were thinking during every second.
Third, it would be nice if you made it a bit longer. I was just slipping into your character's mind-set when the story ended. I wasn't able to sink into the story and really enjoy being your main character.
Finally, You should explain what your character looks like. The pros and cons of her character. If you want, include your 'I hate the pathetic romance in theaters" speech in there. It would really give the reader an idea of who your character is.
Overall, great writing!
Audrey718

Thanks very much Audrey! I'm actually going to write more, in the form of a novel on YWS. You can keep track of it there. I'll take what you say into account, for sure!

I really like your story =) its got that just right touch in the beginning of the story that makes it a romance novel without making it totally cliché, but I don’t really like the name of it. It just seems, I don’t know, like a cheesy and kinda dull romance. I'm not trying to be mean, but it just kinda looks boring from the outside. Other then that i have nothing bad to say about it, and looking forward to the next chapter =)

i enjoyed it. i think its a good way to start the story. however, i think that you need to introduce the reader to the main character a little better. you talk about her enjoyment of a good love story, but that's it. what does she look like, is she popular, what are some of her dominant personality traits. when you describe the first time you "saw" him, i think you should add some more detail, to make the reader really feel the mood of the occasion. it just seemed a little rushed. but it's good, and i cant wait to read more!!!