Now then, this was actually a really good first chapter. Right from the beginning we have a mystery that needs solved: what's this naked kid doing here? I usually don't quote stuff, but I feel like it's needed for one thing.
Sureal wrote:If Leo had been the sort to take drugs, like a number of his friends did, he might have pointed his finger at them. Drugs, however, were not his thing. Perhaps alcohol was involved somewhere. He certainly drank, sometimes too much. Quite often too much, actually. If this is because of alcohol, Leo thought, I hope I had a damned good time last night. Deciding that as there was no one else around there was no need for modesty after all, Leo dropped his hands.
This paragraph has a bunch of unnecessary telling in it. I'd remove the lines "Drugs, however, were not his thing." and "He certainly drank, sometimes too much." Everything else in this paragraph works, and shows us the same things the deleted sentences do.
There were a few other small grammar errors, but I'm sure others have already pointed those out to you. Since you wanted to specifically know about the pacing and how I feel about Leo, I'll tell you. The pacing was really good, I wouldn't worry too much about it. As for Leo, being as it's just the first chapter and all, I can't really say he's a great character yet. After all, all I know about him at the moment is that he's seventeen, likes video games, drinks, and does not do drugs. All fine, but I'll have to decide on how I like him later. As far as just chapter one goes, I think he's good as well. Revealing too much about him early on kills the audience's desire to read on and learn more.
I'll read and review chapter two next. Got me interested.
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